Need Bedtime Routine Advice from the Non-Cry-It-Out Crowd

Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child and it will give you a lot of options besides the CIO method to use. Lots of other info too on sleep issues.

There is as much advice out there as there are people to dispense it. Whatever works for you - go for it!
I could and would not do the cry it out method. Believe me I tried and we both cried.
My Grandma was big on "routine"
When I quit working full time to be a part time SAHM my routine was built around my 1st born's needs. The world would stop for his naps, I'd drive around the lake or nurse him to sleep or whatever it took...he never learned to self sooth until he self weaned at one year. I was not ready but he was done and not a binkie boy.
We used music, rocking, lovies...he'd accept a bottle from Dad of expressed milk, but not from me. He learned to go to sleep and self soothe only after I started putting him down drowsy but not nursing him to sleep. It was not easy, but he taught me how to do it. Plenty of nights sitting by the crib crying and patting his back and singing and praying...
We did the family bed, not ideal (hubby said, I was so tired I liked sleeping and nursing and not getting up all night long), but it worked for us.
When our second was coming I had cervical cancer and pressure to abort and was on bed rest with a 2 year old...
I think both of our son's easily accepted different "routines" from Mom and Dad. My DHS was big on music Leon Russell's greatest hits are forever engraved in all our brains, and letting them sleep on his chest while he nodded off on the couch, I think skin and Daddy's heartbeat was the soother.
My thoughts are go with the flow. Do what works for you and your family, do not worry about what others say or judge, trust your Momma Bear instincts.
What works changes constantly in my experience, as they change and grow.
Good for you for taking time for yourself and exercise.
I put all self care behind me, gave up all to be the care taker and just ended up in ER Monday...relearning to do the self care now.
Blessings on you and your sweet and precious family.
L.

Listen to your gut and do what works best for your family. In our house, we co-sleep and I nurse my daughter to sleep. When I cannot be there, my husband simply holds her. She will usually drift off now, but the first several times, she did cry because she wasn't getting her way, but it was more a defiant cry than a real I need mommy cry. Sometimes if she is not feeling well or hasn't had much time with me during the day, she will be insistant on needing to be with me and I always try to be there for her on those days, but sometimes I can't. My husband just comforts her until she gives up and goes to sleep next to him or in his arms.

Good Luck!

I always nursed my daughter to sleep but as we looked to weaning we had to think of a new method. We put a sippy cup of water in her crib in case she is thirsty. Then until she got adjusted daddy was the last one to hold her at night. I hugged her, said goodnight and left the room. We keep the same routine when he is home, but the evenings one or the other of us is out it works just as well. She goes to sleep without fussing.
If you are worried about her having a full stomach to sleep try a bedtime snack instead.

Watch her teeth! If you are giving her milk (even breast milk) just as she's going to sleep, that will sit on her teeth all night and cause "baby bottle mouth". Speaking as a former Dental Assistant, you don't want your baby to have to get crowns or have root canals because her teeth have rotted.
As far as getting her to sleep, I can only wish you the best of luck. I gave up on the not crying thing and just let them cry it out. I was getting way too sleep deprived!

K.,

I don't think that would mess her routine up too much. One thing to remember is that your little one can smell you from about 20 feet away, so if you want to experiment with the sippy cup you should probably be at the other end of the house.

Another thing too is maybe just cuddle with her in bed since you co-sleep. That might work too. I've always been too afraid of squishing my sleeping little one to be comfortable co sleeping.

I do use a modified cry it out method, and just want to say that sometimes a little fussing is a good thing.

Anyway,
hope this helps,
Melissa

I'm all for easing them to sleep rather than crying it out. Since you and your husband are two different people it's OK if you do bedtime routine different. My husband and I do things differently, but we keep the bulk of bedtime routines the same. I'd say completely skip the sippy cup at bedtime, for one thing she doesn't need it & another it's not good for her teeth. If you are brushing her teeth afterward, it's fine... but that defeats the purpose (right?). I know you'll talk to parents that did it and their kids were fine, but I've seen many cases where the kids had to have fillings/crowns/teeth pulled due to baby bottle tooth decay - yes sippy cups apply. Believe me it's WAY easier to figure out something rather than milk for bedtime than watch your two year old get their once perfect teeth worked on! You could try a cup of water, but I'm betting potty training is right around the corner too... so I'd for-go liquids right at bedtime, since that's just another hurdle you'll create for yourself (wetting the bed).

She might really appreciate some extra cuddle time with mom or dad. What would be easiest in the long run is put her in her bed & read a few stories (this is a great tradition to start now & ease up to chapter books - i know it will be a while still, it will help her a lot in the long run to gain a love for books) to her or sing to her, then sit quietly and read a book to himself or yourself. My daughter likes to play with my hair, so I sit by her at that point and read something, and let her drift off with my right next to her. That way she gets extra mom time & I get to read something more my speed. Every one is happy and NO crying. On the nights that we can't be in her room, we read a book & then turn on quiet music. She does really well with this also.

I realize each kid is different, so you'll want to tweak it to suit you and her the best. It's taken me three kids to find a routine that works for all involved. It's important that you ALL get your sleep at night and if anyone is waking up for more comfort they're not getting all the sleep they need... so in the long run it's much better and healthier to get them to be able to sleep without vices. My first would still love it if we could rock her to sleep every night (well, atleast cuddle her) and she's 9! So I'd REALLY recommend something that's easier to transition. I've also noticed when my kids go to sleep cuddling with me in some way (which I absolutly LOVE!)they're more to wake up in the middle of the night & want to still cuddle. Holding hands, or playing with hair or something seems to be enough comfort but not too much. It's important that you ALL get your sleep at night and if anyone is waking up for more comfort they're not getting all the sleep they need... so in the long run it's much better and healthier to get them to be able to sleep without vices (& the earlier you to this the EASIER it will be on her and you!).

Sorry it's long, but I hope this helps!
A.
sahm to a 9 year old girl, 6 year old boy & 2 year old girl.

We did not co-sleep, but we are not a cry it out family. I think it is good to have both parents take turns putting the child to sleep. I wish it could be that way in our house, but my husband works late. Anyhow, I think that your daughter will come to expect a different routine from each parent, which is a great thing. If you can at all forgo the sippy cup at night (or just do water) when daddy puts her down, it will make your weaning job easier. Our daughter is hooked on the cup and I am struggling to get it away as I know she doesn't need it but it is embedded into our routine. A good idea instead of the sippycup is a stuffed animal to cuddle. I use to have to rock my daughter to sleep but I have been putting her down a little earlier every night and for the most part, it is working. At first I waited until she just closed her eyes, waited 3 mins and kissed her and put her in bed. She would slightly wake up and then go right to sleep. Now I can put her down just before she shuts her eyes. I ask her if she wants bed and she says bed then I put her in the bed and she cuddles her bears and plays her music and then falls asleep. I have done this in a slow, gentle process and it is working. I have a feeling before long, she will just say bed and I can put her in.
I think there are times that your child just needs you and when those times happen, stay with her, give her the extra attention and enjoy those times because before you know it, she is going to be grown up and no longer need these special times.
Good luck with everything and good for you for taking the time and getting out to do things for your self.
A

My husband & I have a full tummy teeth brushing taking a bath & watching a movie/daddy play world of warcraft routine. Our daughter loves all the crazy fairy tale creatures & sof music that play as he explores the virtual worlds!

Maybe you have something like that a movie or cd one of those planetarium things for the bedroom to give your little one something to look at & listen to & relax. I always sleep better after a full belly & a bath. Then I have to relax my mind...a book movie or something & it works for me & my baby!

Good luck!

Hi K.,

We cosleep too, and I know that it took a while for my son to make an adjustment to Dad feeding him and putting him down.

Here are a few things we've learned:

Kids are pretty resilient when it comes to the bedtime routine. You child may most likely go back to the breast when it is offered, and begin to associate the cup with dad.

Sometimes changing the routine a little bit helps. While I read books, sing songs and nurse our son to sleep, his dad just does the books, then snuggles our son and walk/rocks him until he's tired, then they lay down together. Our boy is 15 months and has come to be comfortable with both ways.

When you are ready (someday) to end your nighttime nursing, change your bedtime/naptime routine and start a new one. This will help your son make some new associations with bedtime in relations to nursing. (new stories, new songs, new way to get to sleep). My sister did this with her three that she nursed until 2 y.o. or so, and said this was key in her helping them make the switch from nursing to sleep to being soothed to sleep.

Hope this helps, and enjoy your nights out! (And you can always nurse when you get home, if your little one is still up!)

One thing to try: wearing her down
My husband wears our 16-month-old to sleep if I need a break from nursing her to sleep. He needs to walk the dogs anyway, so he'll pop her on his back in the Ergo, and she'll fall asleep that way. When she was younger we would wear her to sleep much more often, even for naps (so I could get housework done). When she does fall asleep in the carrier, I am there to transition her into the bed (with the nummies at the ready in case she stirs during the transition).

We cosleep as well, but just recently have placed a mattress next to ours on the floor. When we all go to bed together, I nurse her to sleep in her bed, and then move into my husband's bed after she falls asleep. She sleeps through the night (she night-weaned only b/c I'm pregnant and I have less, if any milk right now) but when she wakes in the morning, she crawls into my bed and nurses back to sleep for about an hour more.

I do anticipate her needing to sleep near me when she teethes again, or if she ever gets sick, developmental changes, or whatever, so I don't know how long her sleeping in her own bed will last, or if/when we'll ever transition the bed to her own room.

I am always proud to hear of other parents responding to their children's needs in such a gentle and caring way, so kudos!

I am willing to bet that she will have a harder time going to sleep with a sippy cup because it doesn't give her that comfort and closeness to you that she is used to. That being said, you could always try it on a night where you will be close by (i.e. on the back porch or somewhere out of eye/ear shot, but close enough for your hubby to reach you if it doesn't work). You never know. You might be surprised. If you have been thinking of weening her (not telling you to do so by any means) it may end up being a very good substitute.

We co-sleep too. My son is 6 and on a mat on the floor next to our bed and our daughter is 2 and sleeping with us. The sippy cup thing really didn't work for us, my husband just sort of had to find his own way.(I briefly went back to work in the evening) He walked her and bounced her and laid down with her while patting her, I think. I myself nightweaned both of them around a year and a half. There was some squawking, but after a couple of nights of explaining that "we would have nursies for a few more minutes and then it is time to go to sleep and we will see nursies again in the morning" they both started to go to sleep easier and stay asleep longer. I am still nursing my 2 year old, just not at night.
That being said, it all depends on your daughter whether that would work out. I do know that John always has better luck getting my daughter to sleep, both for naps and bedtime if I'm not here. Just my presence in the house makes her almost impossible for her to settle.
You will find your own rhythm with time.

I agree with most of the comments here--most kids will roll with the "different routine with each parent" thing. So I wouldn't bother with the sippy cup if you don't absolutely need to.

We have a schedule that doesn't allow dad to put her to bed, but I have started to divorce nursing from bedtime by putting it at the front end of the routine. (With night weaning, then full weaning, in mind.) No more nursing to sleep in bed! Sometimes she'll ask to nurse once we've gotten in bed, but I say no, we've already done that part, we'll nurse again when you wake up.

Hi,

Just a quick question...Have you tried putting her down when she is awake, but sleepy, or are you assuming she will cry? My daughter wasn't always asleep when we put her down, but she would sing to herself or talk to herself until she fell asleep. Not crying it out doesn't mean they have to be put to sleep before going to bed. I think it is still all about the expectations and routine. "We will do ... and then I will put you in bed for sleeping.."