Need Help Getting 4 1/2 Year Old to Poop in the Toilet

I bribed my child so I'm probably not the best authority on this! I gave him three (sugar-free) jelly bellies every time he sat on the toilet to go poop. At one point, he was stopping half way through, showing me, wiping, then flushing and doing it again. I always gave him the candy. Then after 4 months, I reduced it down to 3 pieces. It has been over a year and he hasn't pooped since. However, this technique did not work for my friend's girl. What did work is even worse, but it worked. The little girl pooped her pants and didn't say anything to her mommy. The girl's friend she was playing with looked at her and told her she was too old to still poop her pants and that she didn't want to play with her anymore. It was sad, but it worked. My point is eventually he won't poop his pants anymore. Someone will say or do something that will trigger to him that it is better to go in the toilet. Oh, you could try the "Everybody Poops" book or the Mo Willhelms book "Time to Poop". I don't think they helped my son, but he loved the stories and I always kept an extra copy in the bathroom for him.

I went through this with my daughter and the only thing that I can say is "this too shall pass" (sorry for the little joke, I couldn't resist)

Anyhoo, what we did was this: I got her some pull ups and told her that whenever she needed to poop, go put on a pull-up and go in there. Then at least you won't have the poopy pants to clean, it will be in a pull-up. So one day, I guess she just got tired of doing that and decided to go on the potty. Maybe it was because I just backed off and let her do it on her own (that is the kind of kid she is - you can't convince her of anything, it HAS to be HER IDEA). But the solution that I gave her was one that we could both live with, and we did for about 5 months, before she decided to use the potty.

Thanks for the posting. My son just turned 4 and we are struggling with the same thing. I can't help but feel guilty, even though I know it's his issue. He's got the peeing/ potty training thing down. I put him in a diaper at night and when he naps. When he wakes up, that's when he decids to poop. He's already pooped in the toilet by himself a few times, but has no interest in doing it again. Just like Teri G wrote, I will be watching the other postings.

I might be able to help. My daughter was very stubborn when it came to using the toilet. So i went to the dollar store and baught a bunch of little toys and wrapped them and put them in a basket on the back of the toilet and told her everytime she went poo poo or pee pee she would get a prize. In your case you could do it for just the poo poo. I told her that she would not get a prize for just sitting there, she had to actually go to the bathroom. It worked wonders and was fully potty trained in 3 days and she forgot about the prizes very quickly, all she needed was praise.
Good luck.

Hello,
I have to say I am sorry you are dealing with this right now. When my son was 3 he wouldn't go # 2 on the toilet either. My husband and I would ask him if he needs to go to the potty, he said I am not ready yet. Well we wanted him to be potty trained since we had a 6 month old. I have to say we didn't push him due to having a new addition in the family. What we did was let him go with out his pull-ups or underware on throughout the day in the house. When he had to go he would say "I need my pull-up." I said no you have to go on the toilet. He would hold his butt on this one day I thought okay I am going to get him on the toilet. Well it was time and I just picked him up and put him on the toilet, but while doing this I talked to him calmly and just said you can do it, just let it just come out. Well he did it and ever since he has been going on the toilet. That was this year in March. There has been the public toilet fear, but that has passed. It took some encouraging words and praise. It will happen one day. I hope this helps in some way.

Pam,

Sometimes it's hard for toddlers to go poop in an adult toilet. While I had those color stepping ladders for my daugther, I think the toilet ring is too large for the kids. So I purchased a potty chair which was easier for her to sit into and the size was perfect. Before long, she was used to going poop in the toilet.

Perhaps you should stop trying to bribe and reward him. When he's feeling really comfortable (maybe when you're reading a book or watching a movie), tell him you know it's been a frustrating process to go poop on the toilet and tell him that when he's ready, you'll be there for him and you don't want him to do something he's not ready for. I know it's frustrating when other 3 year olds are already completely potty trained, but you have to remember that our "rules" for when a child should be potty trained change from culture to culture and our American standards don't always fit with every child. Every child is an individual! Of course it's inconvenient for you and don't want him to not be pooping on the toilet as he gets older, but trust me, he will go on the toilet soon. Don't make it such a huge event. Tell him you aren't going to pressure or offer to reward him anymore, that you understand it's something he'll want to do when he's ready. Believe it or not, him sitting on the toilet to read is a big step! It's a baby step for him! He associates that with going poop, so he's testing the waters. There's some reason he's resisting, maybe just to figure out how much control he has over his body (or you), but regardless, he's not going to do it for any reward until he's ready. Going poop on the toilet is a big deal and he probably wants it to be something he can say he did all by himself. Just let him know you're there when he's ready. Hang in there!

When my 2 year old didn't want to poop in the toilet, I put him on it at the times that it seemed like he needed to go, and read him the book "Everybody Poops" every day while he sat. It's a fun & funny book & he really liked hearing it. I also repeatedly told him that he is the boss of his poop & when he feels it in his tummy (he was 2, so I used simple words) he can push it out . It really helped him to understand that HE was in control of the situation & after a little while, he started going to the toilet to poop by himself.

C. : )

I know that this would only be an option when you guys are at home but what does he do if you let him go naked? If I put any kind of underwear at all on my son when we were first PT-ing he would poop in them... but with none on he didn't have much of a choice but to use the toilet. He was a "predictable" pooper so it was easy to be home and strip him down when it was potty time. Once he would go in the toilet for a couple weeks he never went in his undies again. My son was only 2 1/2 though so yours would be more aware of what you are doing and might put up a fight. Good luck!

Hello!

One thing I would do would be to visit with your pediatrician (without your son) to ask his or her advice specifically for your son.

I have a 5 1/2 year old (I am 52) and our pediatrician said that boys will take longer to be potty trained and even if he was 6 and not completely potty trained that wouldn't be unusual.

Remember that it is not about YOU (and that is the best and hardest lesson my husband and I have learned), it is about your son. Stop and consider him, what is life is like and how you can make it easier for him. If he isn't going to poop in the toilet, he should be wearing diapers, not underwear. Just remember that he will do it when he is ready...maybe put your attention on something else so that it isn't such a "hot" topic at your house.

Let him be and let him develop at his own pace. Just remember that he really should be wearing a diaper.

Happiest of holidays.....

I had the same problem with my middle child. What finally worked was to put him back in diapers/pull-ups and make him in charge of the whole mess. I told him that he was old enough to be in charge of his own body and his own poop. He was responsible for packing and carrying his diaper bag, he had to change his own pull-up, he had to wash his own dirty pants . . . He was trained in less than 3 days.

Peer pressure was extremely helpful here. We showed up at the park for a playdate. The other kids piled out of their vans carrying balls and bulldozers. My son had his diaper bag. The group exchanged looks, one boy made a comment about "diaper bag? next time bring your power rangers." That was pretty much all she wrote. When we got home, he changed into undies and never had a potty accident again.

I will say that I had to oversee all the clean-ups that he had to do: pull-up, self, bathroom floor, laundary, etc. But I would make him wait whenever possible, especially when he was in a hurry to return to something fun. Since he would interrrupt himself to pee in the toilet and then get to return to play immediatley, it didn't take too long for him to figure out that pooping in pull-ups, changing said pull-ups, cleaning up self, cleaning up bathroom, starting laundary, putting on clean clothes, etc took way too long!

I.

When my son was little he didn't want to poop in the toilet until I came up with a game. I told him that when he had to poop I would put a piece of toilet paper on the water and he could sink it. It worked. He loved to pretent he was sinking a submarine.

Here's a suggestion: Try calmly and cheerfully rinsing him off in the bathtub with cold water instead of wiping him, explaining that this is a new way you're going to work together to try to help him be a big boy. He probably (hopefully) won't like it, and it may seem extreme, but I think he's old enough to know better. Perhaps the unpleasant consequence will convince him that doing as mommy says is wiser than enduring a cold bath. Hang in there! Consistency wins the day.

P.,

Have you talked to your son's Dr. about this problem? It sounds like he has what is called Encopresis. This can be treated and easily resolved!

Sincerely,
S. M. Wolf, M.A., MFT

From what I understand a lot of kids feel scared about pooping on the toilet. Mine never did. I know for me personally, I hate it if water spashes on me when I go to the bathroom. I always put a piece of tissue or toilet into the toilet first so that there is no splash. It is a small suggestion but, what if it is an issue for him? You can talk to him about it and try it.

Good luck
J.

I had the exact same problem, only my kid was 5 1/5 and still didn't poop in the potty. The only way he could poop was in a pull-up. He got to the point where he would put on the pull-up himself and poop in it, so it wasn't an issue of him not knowing when he had to go.

It's a good sign your boy actually wants to sit on the toilet (our son wouldn't even do that) but it turned out he was staining so hard to poop, the only way he could do it was standing up and pushing really hard. (I know pull-ups may feel like you are taking a step backwards, but MUCH easier to deal with than messy underwear.) We put him on a stool softener and things tarted moving more smoothly and it wasn't hurting so much for him.

The bribe-reward thing didn't work for us, either. I think when your son is good and ready to go, he will do it on his own. His wanting to "talk about it later" might mean he is sick and tired of talking about it all together. Try this: let it go for a week or two and don't say anything about it. Just clean him up and ask him next time to please try the potty - no rewards, or incentives. It's what big boys do and he is a big boy now and that's it.

I know how upsetting and frustrating this can be. Hang in there!

P., I can't offer you any advice, but I am in the exact same situation. It helped me a lot just to know I wasn't the only one with this problem!!! Lots of luck, and I will be watching the responses!

Hi - My son was also over four when he finally started pooping in the toilet. A pediatrician friend said this is common in a certain percentage of boys - it's a control issue for them. I could always tell when he was about to poop because he'd do the "poo-poo walk," and so when I saw him doing that we'd put him into a pull-up. After a while he'd ask for a pull-up when he wanted to poop. What finally worked was when he was taking a bath and I saw him start to do the "poopoo walk" in the bath tub. At that point I picked him up and whipped him onto the toilet just as the poop was about to come out. He had no choice but to let it go into there. That was all it took. After he'd once seen that he could do it, he was okay. He still pooped in his pull-ups a few more times after that, but basically the issue was resolved. He needed to see that he could, and once he got how to do it it was okay. I would really advise against shaming or punishing him in anyway for this. My pediatrician says that if you do that it will really backfire and cause issues down the line. Best wishes.

MY SON WILL BE 5 IN FEB and we have the same problem. We have tried every trick & incentive we've been given. I've been told by countless moms each kid is different and the child will just suddenly decide it's time. It doesn't help me now while I'm living.." Aidan do you have to poop?" "No I don't have to poop!" and poop is coming out of his butt! I'm so sick of poopy underwear. I even had him wash his poopy undies and he refused to stop scrubbing a pair because alll the poop wasn't out yet! Ok kid u were suppose to say YUCK and poop on the toilet, but nope now he's a laundry man. I'm just trying to remind him to go poop and not get mad although I really feel SOOOO frustrated. Getting mad doesn't help either.Tired of POOP and out of ideas too. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Mom of 2 : girl 7 boy 4