Need Help Getting Daughter to Sleep in Own Bed

I can't give advice because my daughter is almost 2 and still sleeps between me and my husband. I couldn't get my daughter to sleep in her own bed either, but I really love having her with us every night.

Since she's used to sleeping with you, I would transition her by buying a co-sleeper, they sell them at babiesrus.com, here is one http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2958433 Once she is used to that then move her to the pack and play then eventually to her room.

Hi S.!
I can completely understand your issue. My 2nd baby boy (now 3.5 yo) spend some time in our bed also, as he was a really bad sleeper and my hubby and I needed sleep!
A friend recommended the book : Good Night Sleep Tight, The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go To Sleep, Stay Asleep and Wake Up Happy by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. It is wonderful! I too could not do the cry method it just did not seem natural for me or what my son needed. I highly recommend this book! I think it will help you a lot!
Good Luck!

Our kids slept in our bed for years. We didn't mind, and, like you, thought it was great bonding time. It does get tricky when you want to make love, though! Start telling her that she's getting to be such a big girl that it's time to move out of mommy and daddy's bed. Set up a toddler bed for her near your own. Explain thoroughly what you're going to do and give her a few nights' warning. You can put the bed next to yours so you can hold hands until she falls asleep. Gradually increase the distance, and keep complimenting her on what a big girl she is! Our kids eventually worked their way out of our room, although as a special privilege they were allowed to "nest" (that is, sleep on some blankets on the floor) in our room Sat. night.

Try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. One idea is to start her off in your bed for the first few hours then move her to the pack n' play.

I agree! "Crying it out" is certainly not the only way.

I totally understand your/your husband's situation. My son, who is now 6, was only 2 when I went back to school full time. I would work 8-5, then go to school, not arriving home until after 10pm each night. Up until this point, my son had slept in his crib then baby bed. I would get home at night and he would be asleep with his dad in our bed. Well, I had missed him so much I couldn't bear moving him. Plus I was often so tired I just wanted to crash, not worry about waking a sleeping 2yo trying to move him.

Well, years have passed, we have gone through periods of him sleeping in his bed all night and periods of him only sleeping with us. I tried laying down with him for a while. This worked for him, but I would always fall asleep then wake in the middle of the night to go to my own bed. This was a miserable method and I was more tired than ever.

Now, he won't go to sleep in his own bed. But, he will sit with one of us in the living room, then we take him to his bed. However, 6 out of 7 nights of the week, he makes his way to our room in the middle of the night.

I know it's bad he won't sleep alone for long. But, I keep telling myself one of these days soon he won't even want to give me a hug, much less cuddle up to me to sleep, so I'd better enjoy it while I can.

Good luck. It's a battle that I am fighting at 6 years old.

First, don't feel guilty for letting her sleep with you. Co-sleeping is a beautiful bonding time between parent and child. And, when sleep is the goal, you do what you can to get it.

We don't let babies cry themselves to sleep in our house, either. Don't let people tell you it's the only way. I would check out Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

Have you tried starting her out in her crib, and them moving her into bed whenever you wake up? The goal would be for it to stretch out a little longer every night. Another option would be to just pat her and comfort her and soothe her, but not get her out of her bed. She still knows you are there and is receiving the comfort she needs, but just not in your bed.

Hi SAraha,, when people warned you not to start yet had a reason and now you have come to it ,,and other then letting her cry it out ,,you might try haveing hubby rock her becaude if your wanting another it will get in the way of rocking
good luck L.

My husband and I did the same thing with my now 9 yr. old son. Even to this day he ties to come to our bed, and often times my husband as to to to bed with him just so he will go to sleep at night. The sooner you break the habit the better. We also have a 6 yr. old who never wanted to sleep with us as a baby and goes to his own bed without any problems. What I did to get him out of my bed was to slowly do it. I would let him fall asleep in our bed then put him in his own. I counted down the days. I would tell him ok, now there is only 2 more days in our bed and so own. I let him pick out a sleeping buddy. Stuffed animal, blanket whatever he picked out. It also helped that I had a baby on the way and he wanted to be a big boy. We made it a big to do. On Friday's we would allow him in our bed for movie night. He would pick out a favorite movie and we would pop popcorn and watch his movie. So that way he could still spend time with us. Of course, he is older than your 6 month old. The only advice I could give is you will let her to have to cry it out. Like 5 mins. one night and 6 the next building it up. I know she's young but she already knows that you will come pick her up. She will eventually go to sleep on her own. It's better for her and you in the long run. It's ok to have her in your bed from time to time. I know how you feel. When my husband would be gone at work it was nice to have my baby with me all the time. But, he is not a baby anymore and still wants in our bed. Just be strong for her and it will work out. Everybody will be getting better sleep.

Hi S.,
I co slept with my baby from birth to about 3 months ago, he is now almost 16 months. Now he sleeps in his crib, here is what I did: We all ways rocked him to sleep, and started him out in a pack and play in our bedroom. When he would wake up I would pick him up, nurse him, whatever he needed to get back to sleep and lay him back down. When he woke up again I would usually bring him to bed with us. That way he started getting used to sleeping alone, but I could still get a decent nights sleep. Then I started laying him in his crib in his room the same way-when he would cry I would go to him, pick him up, etc...and bring him to bed if I was to tired. I agree with you about crying it out, babies cry for a reason and by being there for them now you are teaching them that you will allways be there!!! In the long run, this will make them more independent, and confident. My son has started sleeping longer and longer and now he sleeps all night in his crib. He still wakes up some, but I just hold him for a bit and put him back in the crib to sleep. Don't let others tell you, you are spoiling or ruining your baby, do what feels right to you. If it doesn't feel right to you it will only frustrate you and you daughter. Last week I tried to bring my son to bed with me when he woke up, because I wasn't feeling well and he wouldn't sleep in our bed! It actually made me sad because I realized how much I will miss that close time with the three of us. But now he is accustomed to sleeping alone and spread out without Mommy and Daddy, and we didn't have to make him upset to do it. It just takes a little time and patience.
I hope this helps you, feel free to contact me if I can help in any other way!
K. S

My now 8 month old slept in the bed with up since birth. I would put her to sleep in our bed at 8:00 and nurse her to sleep and then sneak away. But, then she'd always wake up and when she started to crawl, she fell out of the bed once when we were not in bed yet. So, I took the mattress from her crib and laid it on the floor by our bed, and started to nurse her to sleep there until she got use to the idea. Then I would lay down with her and let her side nurse until she had drank all the milk, then pull away and hold her and pat her back until she fell asleep. This was a little hard, she cried. But, when she cried I knew that I was right there hugging and comforting her so she wouldn't feel abandoned, like I feel the cry it out method does. Sometimes, though, she would get herself all worked up and then the crying turned into 'tummy upset' crying and I'd then pick her up and pat the burps out that she had made from crying. Then, put her down and nurse her again. This went on for about 5 nights in a row, until she got the picture. Now, she nurses on my lap until she is full, then I put her in her crib! and pat her back until she goes to sleep. She still wakes up at about 2:00 am, and I get her and put her in bed with us and she sleeps and nurses in bed until about 8:00am! It works for us. Just listen to her cues and you'll do the right thing. Good Luck!

S.,

Even when provided with sincere advice from experienced moms who HEARTILY recommend letting your baby/child adjust to its own room by leaving her or him alone (even when it cries), it is remarkable many new moms voice feelings similar to your sentiments -- "I just don't think I can go the "cry it out method." It seems so rough and I know I will be crying just as much as her."

There are so MANY authorities that speak to the VALUE of letting your baby/child cry (in a SAFE environment, like their crib/bed) - as it builds lung development, forms foundations of independence, creates autonomy, etc. I genuinely don't mean to be unkind, but when I read statements such as yours, I cannot help but interpret your feelings as as unintentional self-interest, rather than focus on what is good for your child. You are more concerned on the affect of your beautiful daughters tears and sobs upon YOU, rather than upon what is good for her.

I want to encourage you to "buck up" and let your baby express herself. I can assure you that the experience will NOT be prolonged. After she cries herself to sleep just a FEW times, it will not be a problem any longer. Remember that your baby takes her "cues" from your actions and behaviors -- so the more needy/clingy/teary you are, the more you will see it reflected. Give your daughter an early "gift" by providing an environment for her to develop the ability to control her own emotions.

Lovingly,
K.

i don't think the cry-it-out method would work with your daughter anyway b/c she is too young. your best bet will probably be to first just rock her to sleep and then put her in her own bed. when she gets used to sleeping on her own, she might be able to fall asleep if you just stand there rubbing her back.
if you really just want her to stay in your own bed, i know they have a kind-of attachment bed where it hooks on the side of your bed and the baby sleeps in there. so it's like they are in bed with you, but it's supposed to be safer
hope this helps!

I think the problem could be using the pack and play - it just is not comfortable like a mattress. Imagine going from your comfortable bed to a pack and play yourself. I think if you are going to do the switch, use her crib, which keep in mind is also not as comfortable as your adult mattress. I think that and the closeness is part of the reason babies sleep so much better in their parent's bed than their cribs - of course the ease of reaching over and just patting them every time they start to fuss is also a factor.

Now, I am not advocating letting her sleep with you or not - the reason the crib mattress is harder and less comfortable is for safety - to avoid SIDS. It will have to be your judgement but I also don't agree w/ cry it out -

Is there a way to put her crib in your room? Maybe you could first get her used to sleeping in the crib in your room, and than slowly roll it a little farther each night closer to her room. I know this sounds hilarious, but the things we do as parents are humorous - you will laugh at all this some day, I promise!

There are lots of techniques that don't involve purely crying it out - you can go in and pat her but not talk to her when she wakes up (get her to bed by rocking her first) but some kids are just better sleepers than others. It is partly parent's methods and partly their innate sleeping habits. I know, my older son slept in his crib through the night almost from birth, while my younger son NEVER would sleep in his crib - the only way I could get to sleep was to put him in bed with me - something I was dead set against doing with his brother due to the SIDS risk, but in the end, it was the ONLY thing that worked - crying it out did not work, he NEVER cried it "out" he just cried. So do what works for you as a family and find the method you are most comfortable with. You may try the cry it out method at least once if you haven't, your child may surprise you and fall asleep on her own, but I personally would not let my child cry more than 15 minutes or so, at that point, my child would always be hysterical and ready to throw himself over the rail (and that went on forever, way past that point). But he was an extreme case, so don't let me scare you :) .

Anyway, good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi S.!
We allowed our little one to sleep with us in our bed as well. Here's the bottom line: it won't last forever.

My little girl slept with us until she was about 20 months and then VERY EASILY transitioned into her own bed! No fights, no crying... nothing. (of course we hyped the fact that she now had her own bed!)

i had a hard time letting her sleep with us, mostly because of all the external 'noise' of people saying that it's the worst thing we could do. In hindsight, I'm so glad my husband told me to not worry about her sleeping with us, figuring that there will come a time when she won't want to be with us at all!

Take advantage of the special nest you all have to sleep in together... and who says you need to be intimate in BED? This is where the fun creativity begins...

Don't sweat it. some kids are able to sleep on their own out of the womb, and others just need a hand for a little longer. It's going to be OK.

If you want to move her, I would do it very gradually. I agree that "cry it out" is not for all babies and their temperements. My babies do not have the temperement for it.

Maybe at first let her fall asleep with you, then once asleep move her where you want her. This will probably take a while. If you want her in another room, you may eventually try lying down in there with her until she falls asleep.

Co-sleeping can be a wonderful thing, so don't worry about those warnings that people gave you! It is a wonderful bonding, and it allows the whole family to get the sleep they desperately need. You need to do what is right for YOUR family, so the naysayers just don't know.

A very good, gentle approach to getting sleeping results is The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She gives suggestions for many scenarios, including trying to get baby to sleep on her own. I love her gentle, NON-cry it out methods. They take time, and often analysis of what is going on to figure out how to change it, but if you follow her methods, you could very likely get the results you want without trauma.

The cry it out method is NOT for everyone. If you feel it is not right for y'all, don't let anyone tell you it is the "only" way. There are other ways! Elizabeth Pantley also has a website (just do a search for her!) where she gives tips. I have even emailed her and received responses back from her!!! She is a great support if you are looking for a gentle approach.

For the record, we do not co-sleep full time, but do allow our 3 year old to come into our room whenever he wants, and I sometimes bring my 1 year old into our bed (when SHE allows it!) so we can all get more sleep, and we have still managed to conceive the second (the 1 year old) despite our son, and are currently expecting our third. We have PLENTY of alone time, we just share our bed by about 3 in the morning!

I really think using a gentle approach will get her where you want her. Good luck, mama! And remember, cry it out is NOT the ONLY way! It works for many and is a perfectly acceptable solution for them, but not for all. :)

I would second the comment on the Co-Sleeper! It gave my husband and I back our bed but puts my daughter just an "arm's reach" away! I nurse her and then place her in her co-sleeper and I can "sneak" away or fall asleep if its been a long day!!

Hi S.:

Our kids, now 6 and 8 still love crawling in bed with us. And to this day, when we invite them in, they fall asleep in a matter of minutes. Like you, we allowed our infants in our bed for numerous reasons, including the precious bonding/nursing time, not to mention the fact that it was just SO much easier since I was a full-time working mom. However, this exhausting pattern continued until they were toddlers. When we finally decided it was time to separate, our pediatrician suggested putting the children (then 2 and 3) in their toddler beds and staying in their room for 30 minutes or so, until they fell asleep. As each day or week progressed, we slowly weaned them from the amount of time we stayed in their room. (This was not an easy process as my husband and/or I would often fall asleep on their floor). However, this in fact began the separation process and gave us all the opportunity to find our comfort zone. Our pediatrician said it would take only a few weeks. In our case, it was more like several months - but it DID work.

Good Luck!

S.--I have read the comments from other Moms and I really do not have a suggestion or solution, however I will tell you of my best friend. Their own baby after 11 years of trying lead to the the sleeping in the same bed--bonding--all the senieros of bottom line not being able to put her in her own room. When she was 9 months physical issues began to arise and my friend could not let her go. Each time my friend started to make a move her daughter would act out and she felt guilty and the cycle began again. Her daughter had the upper hand. All the time her husband was supportive, but would have like to have had time with his wife. One thing lead to another and more physical issues and then one day she was 9 years old and still in the bed. They tried moving her to the floor with not luck. After six month of therapy and the Dr. telling them to put her in her room, my friend could not stand the temper tantrums and would let her back in her room. Now 12 years old her husband 42 had a heart attack and her world fell apart. Her daughter is now 22 and when my friend discusses it with me her statement is always --"I wish I had done what I knew to be right instead of following my motherly feelings when she was young."

Praying for your decision and I can tell this pulls your heart strings. She is your God given child--you are her Mother and it is up to you to do what is good for her-even when it hurts.

God bless you.

We've had both our girls in bed with us and just transitioned the youngest (she's turning 2) into her own bed which she was very excited and ready for. They still often end up in our bed around 5 in the morning but at least my hubby and I get night cuddles. It's such a short time really when you think of a whole lifetime that I'm so glad we've had such cosy bonding times. Test the waters with her, we started by putting the bed right next to ours so that the oldest wouldn't feel banished when the next one came; and we moved her over during the pregnancy so she wouldn't associate the new one with kicking her out of bed. Now they're both happily sharing another room. I love that you're not a cry-it-out fan. It seems to me to simply show to the infant that the world is a scary place and the people that are in charge of them can't be relied on. Blessings and good luck!