NEED HELP... I Wanna Be There for Her but I Dont Want to Make My Sister Mad!!!!!

Well, I think that you should be there for your neice if that's what she wants. BUT... SHE needs to communicate her wishes in no uncertain terms with her mother and the hospital. She is an adult (or about to become one very quickly) and it is not your job to tell her mother or work it out for her.

In terms of her mother, if she attacks you on this topic, I wouldn't take sides. Just say that if there is a problem between her and her daughter, you aren't getting involved. But you will be a support in the delivery room since she asked. And you hope they work it out.

I would also suggest you urge your neice to find some role for her mom. Say, "Mom, you and I get on each other's nerves, so I think I want Aunt K. to be my main coach. But Mom, I want to make sure you are first to hold the baby. Or I want you to come to the hospital and into the room when I start pushing. Or can you pick out the going home outfit." Or what ever works. The truth is labor is flexible and long and has stages. And having someone else there even intermittently is not a bad idea.

This is HER birth and she should totally be in charge of her labor and delivery experience. However, as she becomes a mother, she needs to recognize that her mother loves her, and she should want to encourage a loving grandmother. Yes, set boundaries, but be mature enough to include her mom in a productive way. I know there are some awful relationships in the world, some that are simply too unhealthy to continue. But if she is in contact with her mom at all, surely she can assign her a meaningful role to include her in the birth of her grandchild (and keep some peace).

K.,
Obviously this is a touchy situation. Your niece is the one that is in charge of her birth. I agree with others that said sit down with your niece and LISTEN to what she wants for her birth. If she doesn't know then certainly throw out some options. A great option is hiring a doula. She can be the neutral party, and should be able to help provide the support that she needs in her birth.
L. M.

Be there for her. I'm sure sister already knows that she has not been a supportive mom and is probably not surprised that she hasn't been ask to be at the delivery. You and your neice have a good relationship. Support that! Good luck!

I would definitely be there for your niece, and if your sister broaches the subject you have a couple of options.

1. Say to your sister, "I know that you care about repairing your relationship with your daughter, but of course you understand that while she undergoing the pain of childbirth would not be the time to tackle that task. Of course you would want her to have whatever comfort she can find, and for now that is me. It is my faith in you as a mother convinced me you wouldn't begrudge her anything at this time. There's plenty of time after the baby is born to work on your relationship with your daughter."

Or 2. If she opts to be less-than-pleasant, "It is exactly this attitude and selfishness that makes you the worst candidate to be there to support her during childbirth."

Kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure book, isn't it? Either way, you don't want this to be a pock mark on your relationship with your niece. Enjoy this wonderful opportunity.

This about your nice and the new baby, not your sister.If she hasn't really been there for her, she has no right to get mad. Do what your heart tells you to do. Continue to be the great aunt that you are.

A. B :)

Hi - It must really stink to be put in such a difficult decision but it sounds clear that your niece loves/needs you. I suggest that you talk to your sister before confirming with your niece. This way your niece doesn't spill the beans before you get to talk to your sister. Let your sister know that since her daughter has made this request, you want to do help and make this as positive an experience as it can be (with as little stress as possible). But that you don't want in anyway to upset your sister in the process. Ask your for her opinion and this way she will see that you value her input and love her child enough to have this very difficult talk. Good Luck & God Bless!

KISS, keep it simple, sweetie. yes, you should be there for her if she wants you. we all know how incredibly profound the birth experience is, if your niece wants you and you want to be there, do it. don't get involved in a big recrimination cycle with your sis, whose disappointment will be completely understandable. if she nails you, be sympathetic but disengage. mother and daughter need to work that out for themselves and you should not get involved. hopefully your niece will find some role for her mom, but your only job and focus should be to coach her through her wonderful ordeal. just be loving and understanding toward your sister, not working on fixing a relationship you shouldn't be in the middle of.
khairete
S.

I think you should be there for her. You already have been up until now - Has your sister reacted negatively as a result? If so, then just talk to her about it and be open and honest that your niece asked for some support and you are there giving it to her. If she has not reacted negatively then she might be uncomfortable in this situation to help her daughter...

Good luck to you and your niece.

Hi

I know you don't want to cause problems with your sister but your niece needs to have someone she wants and trusts in the delivery room & that happens to be you. Labor & giving birth is a scary thing especially first time round , imagine how she must feel when thinking she may have to do it alone. I would agree to be in the room with her and deal with any conflicts after the event.

I hope it all goes well

K.

This is what I call "no good options". If you ARE in the delivery room, your sister will be mad. If you are NOT in the delivery room, your niece will not have the support she needs. When I have "no good options", I choose the bad option that does the most good. Will it do the most good to not make your sister mad OR will it do the most good to give your niece support in her time of need?

I think helping someone in their time of need is better than nursing the anger of someone that hasn't been there to help much. If your sister gets mad, just tell her you did it so that she wouldn't have to go through the stress and hard work of helping herself. If she thinks you were doing it for HER and your niece, her anger might be abated a little.

talk to the niece, let her know how you feel to start with. then leave it up to her to tell her mum, that way you dont look like the one stepping in.

also do your best to be there, you can be out side the room just in case. who knows maybe the mum will get a flat on the way to the hospital or maybe some one will forget to call her intime.

you guys can always get to the hospital and then call her. there will be plenty of bonding and fighting ahead. but ultimatly it is up to the pt and how they feel at that moment in time.

just bee there and talk to the niece.

keep the line of com open.

good luck.

Provide your niece the support she wants.

Because you yourself are only 27, I'm wondering whether the niece is perhaps a teenager? Is that why her mom hasn't "been there" for her? Or have there been other ongoing issues?

Ask your sister how she feels. My mom wanted nothing to do with being part of either of my deliveries. she just knew that she wasn't comfortable with it and would not have been a help. Your sister may be relieved to be let off the hook. Your niece may want to check with the hospital because each one has different limits on the number of people allowed in. some will allow as many as can fit, and others limit it to 2 people. So maybe both of you could be in there and if necessary one of you could leave just prior to the delivery.