Need Help Letting Go.

I don't think this is so much the issue of letting go as it is you learning that it takes a village to raise a child. I would give anything to have had my parents near when I had my children. I had two who were 8 and 4 when I gave birth to premature twins. We all 3 were very ill and spent the next 31 days in the hospital. I came home to a house with other kids and a husband who needed me and I had nothing to give. There is nothing and no one that can sever the bond you have with your child. By allowing your parents to help you with her you will help yourself get better sooner and that's the main goal isn't it? They aren't taking anything away from you-they are giving you and your sweet little one the care and nurturing you need at this time. Enjoy this time with your parents to take care of yourself and get stronger. Believe me, when she's a teenager there will be times when you will wish you had your parents there to help you. You are also helping all of you to create great memories that you will all look back on fondly. Good luck. Never lose faith in yourself. Mom of 4 girls

You need to rest and let your parents help out with your baby until you get better. I don't think they are doing something wrong. They are only trying to help you out. Grandparents often want to get close bond with their grandchildren. That is normal. You will take care of your baby when you are healed from the surgery. Everything will be fine. You are very lucky to have your parents around, so they can help out with your daughter sometimes when you need them. I live about 4 hours away from my parents. I wish that I live real close to them, so my boys can see them often.

Take the help while you have it. IF she is sort of butting in tell her you would like to do certain things for the baby. I have 2 kids and would LOVE to help like you lol.... LOVE my kids but I do not get as much rest as you say you do... If you are in bed due to surgery ask them to bring her to you so you can bond with her that way. I take it you do not nurse?

Hi M.,
I will say, focus on the positive, every time you see you parents doing something for you and your daughter, be grateful to have the love and support of your parents (imagine if they weren’t able to help you now).
Think on how wonderful it is that your daughter has grandparents to care for her and love her when mommy is indisposed, and see it as an opportunity for her to get closer to grandma and grandpa (baby-grandparent bonding).
And think that in order for you to be well for your daughter and be able to be there 100% for her, you need to recuperate from this procedure, so it’s just a temporary situation.
Good luck and get well!

You're not going to need their help forever, so enjoy it while you can. Soon you will be the one getting up and taking care of her every night.
I am a fairly new grandmother and it is the most wonderful thing to hold a grandchild! Because getting older is hard and depressing, and then grandkids come along and you have a new reason to live, a refresher on how great it is to have a little baby. Let your parents enjoy her. Take her whenever you are feeling up to it.

My dear girl, I remember having gall bladder surgery. I had a zero pound weight restriction for 2 weeks, couldn't go up and down stairs, no bending, no lifting, etc. Two days after surgery we found out my daughter had to move to TN in a week. My husband worked, my parents were both deceased, both of my children were in high school and I was alone all day with two dogs and three cats. I couldn't do laundry, cook, vacuum, etc. Do you have any idea how much a coffee pot weighs? Thank the Creator you have these marvelous people to help you!!! Remember you are their little girl and they are trying to make sure both you and their grandchild are getting the best care possible. No one is saying you can't hold your child in your lap, no one is telling you you can't feed her a bottle or change her little diaper. Tell them you want to hold her after they have gotten her up. Explain you want to feed her. I am sure these are not unreasonable people. You are still hormonal from the birth and now have the surgery issue as well which throws off your body chemistry as well. Try praying. Keep thanking the Creator you have these marvelous blessings and all of this help and stop being jealous, because frankly I think that is all it is. I am sure your recovery will be fairly quick. Try knitting or crocheting some little toys and outfits for your darling daughter or hand sewing some items for her instead of worrying. Be glad she will be bonding not just with you but with your parents as well and will be secure knowing she has several people she can depend on for the rest of their lives.

Relax. Enjoy the break! When you are ready to get back into the "swing" of things, grandma's and pa's will back out. I think this is awesome that they are willing to help you. Tell your mom how you are feeling. She's wise and can relate to when you were that age and how she felt. You are doing what comes natural. The bond between you and grandma may grow from this.

Know that by taking care of yourself, you are providing your baby with the best care possible. She still hears you, sees you, knows you and loves you. But she also has the opportunity to know her grandparents and that is a special blessing for Grace and for your parents. Embrace this bonding, and even when you have resumed full-time care of your baby, welcome the grandparents often! It is truly beautiful to watch the relationship blossom!

oh M....I am truly sorry. I do know how that feels. Except..I slept almost all the time. My girls were 2 yrs. and the other was 4months. When I had to have my gallbladder removed. We didn't have a whole lot of help..and I couldn't stay awake half the time. By the time I was able to stay awake and take care of my kids, it seemed like a year. I know it really wasn't that long, but I felt like a horrible mother. I ended up with depression really bad because I thought I neglected my kids, and on top it didn't help when I was a breast feeding mother and had to stop her from breast feeding right before my surgery...so it was like a really horrible thing. I really felt sick to my stomach after that...but now I try to make up for everything..except the nursing part...lol. Just tell them while your there in bed, if they can let you hold your baby. ~HUGS~ to you and good luck.

M....I don't know how to get over this really. I could not sit by and watch someone else take care of my baby. It must be killing you. I have a 6 month old, and I had to have a c-section. For four hours after the c-section they would not let me hold her. We were all in the recovery room together, and I had to lay there and watch all the nurses hold her, my husband hold her, even my father in law got to hold her, but they would not let me touch her. It killed me! I know that is not the same as what you are going through, but it is the closest I can come to relating. I am the type of mother that doesn't like anyone holding my baby but me (typical first time mom lol). So I know that this must be so hard on you. All you can do is tell yourself that this is temporary. As soon as you heal it will be you holding her and getting up in the night with her. She is not going to forget you, don't worry about that. You are her mommy and she knows that. Just rest, heal and know that you will be back in the drivers seat soon enough. I hope you get better soon and congrats on the baby!

I had my gallbladder removed when my youngest was 3 months old. I did not have any pain meds afterward because I was nursing. When I came home, I was able to hold and care for my baby just fine. I had to move slowly, and lift slowly, but I had no problems after the first day or so. I would suggest asking them to help with the houshold stuff (laundry, dishes, floors) and leave the baby care to you. Let them know that if you need help with her, you will ask for it. She is still little enough that you can nap with her and not worry about anything else. Hang in there, you'll be back to normal (or better) in no time.

u need to get better for her. if u are not in good health u can't help her. so, just relax and heal trust me, u have alot of those holding her and getting up in the middle of the night days ahead. it never ends i have three a 16yr old an 11yr old and a 10yr old, i still get up at night not has much but i still do. let your parents help u, remember to them u are their little girl. hope this helps put u at ease.

It sounds like you are feeling this way for possibly two reasons. First, your own need and longing for being held, taken care of and nurtured. Second, your guilt that you are not the one doing it for your dd right now. Allow yourself to surrender to the care that your parents are willing to give you and your dd. You are both so lucky to have someone to lean on and rely on during challenging times. And, being a single mom is a tough job. Count your blessings, surrender to it and take it in as a true gift of love that so many others don't have. Your dd is very blessed to have so many people around her that love her. And, remember this is shortlived. You'll be healed and back in full swing in no time!

Hang in there!

Appreciate it! There are so many people who would not have anyone there to do this kind of thing for them. I know it is hard, I also had a C-section, but remember the more you relax and recupterate now, the healtheir and stronger you will be soon. You will get your chance.

You should definitely tell your mom how you feel, but try to remember what they are doing for you and your daughter.

You need to ready the book THE LITTLE BOOK OF LETTING GO by Hugh Prather!

Secondly, think about the alternative. If you couldn't take care of her and your parents weren't around, able to take care of her or even want to.......where would you be? You need to realize that this is time for THEM to bond. You'll have plenty of time for that. If you don't take the time now.....you may end up not being able to take care of her for a much longer time due to complications, etc.

There are PLENTY of ways to spend time w/ her w/out holding her. Lying next to her looking at a board book, sitting w/ her & watching some educational or fun stuff, sitting next to her and just playing. There are WAYS to have quality time without holding her. GET CREATIVE. IT's not that hard. Be grateful that your parents are not the kind to kick you out and tell you that you're on your own! Better than having someone else take care of her right now. At least you know WHO she's with, WHERE she is and WHAT KIND of care she's getting. It could be MUCH MUCH worse!~

M.,

I can totally relate to your feelings. I felt the same way for several months. It is completely normal for you to feel this way. Actually, that desire is incredibly healthy. I don't think you should "let go". Recognize your love and strong connection to your baby and embrace it! Acknowledge that you want to console her and be there to meet all of her needs. Then recognize that you have some GREAT parents that obviously love you and your daughter. It is really healthy for her to know that there are many loving people out there for her. And please don't worry about her not loving or connecting with you as much. She had you all to herself during your pregnancy, so she knows you intimately. She knows your sounds and movements and rhythms. There is nobody quite like you for her.

God bless you and your family. May you have a quick and complete recovery.

Julia