Need Help Regarding Fiance Best Man?

My husbands sister made him cut his beard for her wedding and he resents it to this day my sugestion is to have him braid it or contain it with hair ties, but keep in mind a beard is a very personal thing to some guys and it may have meaning for him, I would say as long as he is willing to make it look nice it is part of who he is.

Whoa....lol Bridezilla?

Sorry K. just going for a laugh. All I will say is that all of the stuff that seems SOOO important now really doesn't matter in the end. The day is ALL about the love and commitment that you have.

Let it go and trust me you WILL laugh it off later.

First of all, let me say I totally understand how you feel and I'd feel the exact same way if I was in your shoes. That being said,I think you should let it go. It's the same as someone who thinks being overweight is "icky" asking bridesmaids to drop a few before allowing them in your wedding. I don't think it's right to ask people to be something they aren't. He won't be in every picture and looking back at your photos years from now, you might all get a good laugh at it. I HATED the dress my mother-in-law chose but it was soooo her. The pictures wouldn't have captured her quirks and personality had we made her choose something she didn't like. I've been married 17 years and we get a good giggle over my sister's mile-high hair and my gown that looked so beautiful then but so dated now. You want to eliminate any tension you can so your day will be a good memory - trust me on that. Good luck and best wishes for a HAPPY wedding day and long, successful marraige.

Try and keep in mind that this is one single day out of the rest of your lives. If it is important to your husband that his high school friend be his best man, you should respect that. How would you feel if you husband told you that your bridesmaids all had to have blond hair, or short hair? I understand that you don't want to look at your wedding pictures in 20 years and think, "Ugh... the best man looks so ridiculous." But hopefully you'll still be together in 20 years and perhaps can laugh at your pictures. I have a few pictures of "perfect" weddings of my friends in a drawer because they are no longer married. So much effort is put into a wedding, and believe me, the day after... its over. No one noticed or cared if the bridesmaids' shoes matched or the groomsmen had beards. What they will remember is how happy the bride and groom were. And that's what you should focus on too.

This is your husband's Best Friend, and your Best Man...now be a big girl and accept him for who he is -- facial hair and all. If the wedding is all about looks and pictures, you are getting married for the wrong reasons. Sorry to be so harsh, but you should hear what your question sounds like...

I understand your concern because they are YOUR wedding pictures and YOU have to look at them the rest of your life :o) Do you think he would be willing to braid it and then you could fold it back a couple of times and rubber band it there? Kind of like you would do with a woman's braid if you didn't want it hanging down long.
Best Wishes,
J.

I agree with the others, its his beard and you can't ask him to shave it off just for your wedding.

I think that if you're going to ask someone to be in your wedding (even if it's one of your friends or not) you have to ask them as they are. They're are nice things people do with beards. Some people tie them off like a ponytail with pretty beads, etc...and in come cases, the pony tail is not even seen because the ponytail ends up being so small. Perhaps you should embrase his beard and look for ways he can style it on that day, vs. cutting it off. One thing I know about men...is that they are very proud of their facial hair.

I know you don't want any more advice, but I just thought I'd share this with you. My husband saw your predicament and suggested you play with it. He thought it would be funny to get fake beards for the entire wedding party and wear them in a photo. It certainly would give you a great story to tell the grandkids.

I have to agree with Amy and Patina. Though it would be hard to look at the photos with that beard, you can't really make him change it. One thing to keep in mind is a lot can happen in a year. Who knows, he may choose to shave it off by then (if it's down to his belly button he obviously is fond of it so probably not :-) ). My cousin's husband had a groomsman w/ a pretty scraggy looking beard and honestly, you don't pay attention to it in the pictures--you are looking at the bride and groom. Good luck.

I'm with the other girls on this one. If I was asked to be in my best friends wedding and she told me her husband wanted me to cut my hair for the wedding, I'd for starters have some thoughts for her hubby-to-be. I grew up in a family of bikers w/beards, they are not just facial fluff to them, they mean just as much as our hair. As a wedding photographer, I can say that the focus is on you a vast majority of the time. He can groom it nicely.

I'm going to respond to this, because not only does it look like some people are ganging up on the bride, but because I can totally understand.

Raise your hand if any of you have imagined your wedding day since you were a little girl. Now imagine someone standing in your photos that looks like they have very unclean habits. (I can only imagine how lovely a foot-long beard will look in those pictures.)

Instead of saying she shouldn't take away someone else's bodily freedom, she's just asking what we think. She's not asking him to chop it off for her wedding.

I'm going to say the following, without a disclaimer- because I totally and completely believe this.
It does matter how you present yourself to the world, and it's selfish to not think of others when you make life decisions.
That being said- it's a beard. It's not a tattooed face, or piercings all over. But when she stands next to her husband who is standing next to her man- it's completely acknowlegeable that she may be uncomfortable that everyone is looking at a foot-long beard. (I think we can all understand that.)
I'm very much in love and getting married to someone who has a plethora of friends like these. (I come from a family that would drop dead at a beard like that.) It's been an experience to say the least.

Does she have a right to be nervous at what others think? OF COURSE she does.
Does she have a right to suggest he get his beard professionally brushed/braided, (what the heck do you do with a beard like that?) before the wedding, just like she expects her bridesmaids to get their hair done? Of course.
Does she have a right to ask him to cut it, or ask her fiance to kick him out for his looks? NO. She was never really suggesting that in the main question.

We live in a very looks oriented society. It's normal to think someone might judge her because of her best man. It's a class issue- it really is. (Although? The boss at a former employer was a hardcore biker and a businessman.) -He was awesome.

Lay off- people. She just wants her day, without judgement. (Do you think she'd want her fiance to be unhappy that he can't have his friend there?) No. She just wants what she imagined. And although this is reality and not fairytale, she should feel comfortable on her wedding day.

K.,
I hear your concern, however, I really believe that you can't change a person unless they want to change. Asking this man to change his appearance for your wedding- honestly, I don't feel that it is your place. His hair is his and his to cut. Your fiance obviously feels close to him enough to ask him to stand in the wedding... and doesn't base his relationship on his hair. I understand that the hair may not be what you want in your pictures... but the important part is that he is there for your fiance. Sorry if this is not what you want to hear... just that I would be quite offended if someone asked me to physically change a part of me.. I would rather them want me in the wedding for me.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Your husband chose his best man because he likes the guy. Are you getting married or planning a photo shoot? A little color adds to the reality of it all. Your big day, I hope, is really more about enjoying everyone's personalities, rather than basking in appearances.

I am thinking this friend must feel offended already and may have his own thoughts on you for saying this...

You can't change the way someone looks just for YOUR photo's.

It would be like someone asking me to lose weight because I'm not attractive enough for their wedding photo's.

I look at it like before he was chosen as the best man you should have taken that into consideration.

Now I'm not trying to sound like a jerk and I personally wouldn't want a bearded man like that in my wedding pictures but it's like you should of thought about that before you asked him to be the best man.

The wedding is one day, it would take him forever to grow his beard back out. Now once again I'm not fond of bearded men like that but I'm sure his beard means as much to him as your hair on your head means to you.

Let me respond with another question. If your best friend happened to be cross-eyed, would you not invite her to be in your wedding? If your father had been a burn victim and had a horribly disfigured face, would you not want him to walk you down the aisle? If your fiance's brother had crooked teeth, would you not allow him in the wedding? If your grandfather's eyebrows were too bushy, would you rather he stay home? What if your college roommate had a tatoo that showed? What if your reader had a lisp?

I'm not trying to be mean here, but people are who they are for a reason. The friend with the beard has an image just like you do. Yours may be a little more clean cut image, but you each have your own individual styles. Thank heavens your fiance has not called you shallow.

It's your special day and you want it to be perfect, but all in all, even though not everything will go your way, you'll be married and all will be well. It's not the wedding you should be concerned about, but the marriage.

Take heart in the fact that your groomsmen won't be in every shot. Try to get a couple extra ones of you and your husband together. Then you can hang that on the wall.

HOnestly? I don't really see what the big deal is. let me first say that I would hate it , too. It sounds so gross. Having said that though, he is a friend to your fiance and you should accept him the way he is. You don't want to start your marriage with tension over something as small as trimming thr beard. No one will judge you for the way he looks, so I wouldn't worry about it. All you are doing is causing friction between the two of you (you and the friend)at a time when you should be joinging friends as husband and wife. Obviosuly your fiance values his friendship or he wouldn't ask him to be the best man. I think you should resepct that he is who he is (regardless of how nasty it may look) and try to be a warm caring person who can see past the outside of people and look at the inside. Try to find what it is that your fiance likes so much about him and go with that. you can jokinly talk about how gross it is, but try not to offend him b/c you don't want to start your marriage looking like you want to change everything to be your way. i hope i don't come across rude-I am just being honest. I don't think its a big deal-but that's just me. I am on your side as far it looking bad in pictures, but at the same time...so what. you wouldn't want your fiance to choose who can be in your wedding, would you? looks aren't what are important. it's your wedding day-you will be so happy you won't think twice about how he looks. Good luck with everything!