I have been somewhat documenting what is going on in my life as far as my mother-in-law. I am extremely close with her. She was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. It is on both lungs, throughout her chest, on her esophagus and also she has tumors on her brain. She had 3 weeks of brain radiation which got done the Friday before Christmas. She met with her doctor today to see when she can start chemo.
It seems like all she is doing is sleeping. She does not want to eat. She has lost about 10 pounds which is exactly what the doctor does not want to happen. She complains that she's not hungry or that food doesn't taste good. We have tried everything to get her to eat. As soon as she says she is hungry, we run and get exactly what she wants to only come back and her take one bite and says she is full or that it's not good. We've been trying to get her to drink Ensure and she doesn't want to do that.
I need to know what to do. I am at a complete loss. Thankfully, this is the the first time I have to go through something like this. Does anyone have any type of suggesions? We can not lose her. She is a VERY important part of my life as well as my husband's life and our kids' lives. Please...we are willing to try anything. Thank you!
It has to be their decision... But the decision gets made to
"Eat when its TIME to eat, and not because I'm hungry."
That's just what most cancer patients have to do, but she has to decide to do it. Because, if she's like most people... She won't be hungry for over a year.
Use the Ensure to make milkshakes.
Have you talked to her doctor about the possibility of depression? Has she fallen into depression or is she tired because she is sick.
I am normally against pot but see if she can get a RX for pot, it will make her hungry.
Hugs to you and your much loved MIL. Cancer is truly terrible. This brought me to tears, my best friend went through treatment all last spring and I lost her at the end of June. If I could do it over, I'd have persuaded her to receive the intubation feeding machine a month earlier than she did. We just didn't realize how bad it was and she passed of malnutrician secondary to the cancer and treatments.
Insist that she sip on the Ensure Plus, hold it to her lips every so often whether she wants it or not. You have to have nutrician to fight and withstand the treatments.
Prayers for you all.
ETA: If you need help empathizing, think back to when you were pregnant. It's definitely not the same, but it was likely a time in your life when your body felt like it was not your own, in a way that was not simple or easy to explain or even comprehend. Being able to relate to that part might help you not to be annoyed with her, which can easily happen as a caregiver.
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That is so tricky. I work at a cancer hospital, and I have assisted in the care of quite a few loved ones dealing with this.
Right now my uncle has stomach cancer and had/has physical therapy to help to keep him moving.
One thing that I've found helpful is to have things around that aren't full of flavor on their own and can be dressed up to preference. Jicama is just cool and crisp with no big flavor. It feels good going in. It can go with anything or be eaten alone. It's good to have on standby for grazing. (I ate a lot of it when I was pregnant, when I wanted to graze but didn't have a taste for anything.) Potatoes are good to keep around. They are filling and stick to the ribs and are bland enough for a weak stomach or palate but can be flavored to suit any craving. For some of "my" patients, I have bagged and frozen one-serving portions of potato soup just for them to keep on hand, especially after treatment. You can slice or cube a potato and keep it in a closed container of water in the refrigerator. Cook some on the stove (quick boil) and flavor to her immediate liking. If she does not have the energy to chew, mash them for her, and just continue to emphasize the importance of getting in just a little at a time.
No dairy. (This will promote mucus formation, and that's a bad idea when her lungs aren't healthy and she's lying down a lot and not necessarily strong enough to cough if she needs to.)
A juicer is a good idea, as well. Drinking her nutrition will get it through her body more quickly, to where it needs to go without using up her body's energy on processing the food (breaking it down for use).
Look into the resources at the place where she's receiving her treatment. They should be able to steer you toward nutritionists and therapists who have seen this before. A support group for you might not be a bad idea. If you don't find what you need in your area, you might be able to find something here: http://www.mdanderson.org/.
My mother-in-law died from cancer. While she was going through chemo, she also lost weight and got a prescription for a drug called megace, which increases appetite. Your mil might ask her doctor about that.
Contact your local hospital or cance treatment center to get the pamphlets about diets for radiation and chemo. The books speel out what to eat for each type of treatment.
I had radiation treatments for breast cancer and used the book. This is not the time to diet so the real butter, cream, nuts and things worked well.
Also during radation treatment your taste buds get messed up. This will go away but she may have a metallic taste to her food.
Her body is trying to heal and that is why she is so tired and wants to sleep. I know that I slept a lot as well.
She may go through another round of taste changes during her chemo. My husband stated that there are foods he did not like prior to treatment that he can't get enough of after. Also she may want to eat spicy food later when her appetite comes back.
Just be there for her. It is not up to you to save her it is up to her. Remember the good things that you all did. Take lots of pictures and make up a family albumn.
My thoughts will be with you.
The other S.
I took care of my aunt last year when she was undergoing chemo for luekemia. She reached a point where she lost all interest in food, including the ensure, milkshakes, broth and every other option the doctor suggested. Even if we had the food in the house, she would often say "I'm hungry" so we'd have it for her right away and she would barely take a bite, she wouldn't even swallow. She slept all. the. time.
I know how painful this is for you. My aunt was like my second mother.
It's simply impossible to force feed a very ill person. The only thing you can do is to keep offering and keep praying.
I hope she comes around and starts eating again soon.
Prayer. It's my only suggestion. When God deems it time, he will take her. There is nothing you can do about that. Just try to enjoy what time you have left with her.
Please remember that death is only hard on the ones left behind. Your MIL will be at peace and she will live forever in your heart.
My dad passed 4 years ago. I am STILL close to him and his mother, my beloved Nanan. I see them in heaven together, watching over me and I feel comforted by that.
My prayers are with you and your family.
My thoughts go out to your family and your precious mother-in-law.
I adored my mother-in-law, so I can totally understand what she means to you.
The poor thing doesn't feel well. Her body is really fighting right now and I'm not surprised that she feels so tired. She's had radiation that could be affecting the portion of her brain that controls appetite and ability to taste things. Something may sound really good to her, but then she tastes it and it's like....blechhhhh. I would use the Ensure as a base for smoothies with berries and fruit. Orange juice and bananas actually taste really great together. You can add a little powdered sugar and blend until a bit frothy.
If you live near a kosher deli, get her some matzoh ball soup, or you can make some yourself. It's very soothing, good for you, and easy to digest. She might like some rice or bread pudding.
I understand your concerns about her weight because there is no way to know how chemo will affect her. Chemo made my dad tired and he didn't feel well at all for a couple of days after the treatment, but then he would get a craving for bbq ribs and corn bread and eat like a fiend. His appetite was up and down.
Keep trying different things and don't be upset if she thinks she feels like having a pastrami sandwich and then can't eat it. Just try getting calories and nutrients in her as much as possible.
I'll keep you all in my thoughts.
Prayers and best wishes.
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. My FIL passed about 1.5 years ago from lung cancer. My husband went and stayed with him for the last month or so to help take care of him. My husband told me that his Dad had similar issues, was hungry but then could not eat. My FIL never in his life smoked pot, but someone in the family had a friend who had a friend who had a friend... so they got some, and he tried it, and it did help him with his appetite for a while, and also helped him to feel relaxed. Personal decision and not for everyone, but sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures, so I thought I would throw it out there. Wishing you all the best.
My Mom drank milkshakes everyday to add on extra weight. I think within a few months she had gained 10lbs.
Good Luck!
I had breast cancer a few years ago I had chemotherapy treatments every 3 weeks for 6 months and also daily radiation treatments (in 6 places on my body) for 8 weeks. I can tell you that I was tired all the time. The chemo made me sick to my stomach but the radiation made me tired. I slept all the time. I thought the ensure tasted like spoiled milk. I couldn't drink that at all. I did like jello and pudding. but couldn't do ice cream. i loved grapes. the colder the better. and soup. but she will eat what she can. you get sores in your mouth and throat from the chemo so anything scratchy is really hard to eat. so chips, pizza with crunchy crust, tacos etc are really hard. spag is easier but the tomato sauce can hurt. good luck. will say some prayers for her.
