Need Help with 4 Year Behavior Problems

I don't know if this will help but I have a 2 year old who had severe ear infections when he was a baby that delayed his speech. To help him communicate with us with less frustration I had my 8 year old and 5 year old help me teach him sign language. We all learned together and now he has was to tell us what he needs and what he wants. It really helped everyone feel less frustrated. There are some very good websites that have products that will help. signbabies.com is a good one.
good luck
J.

It sounds like your son is having anxiety issues. There is a several books that might be able to help your son. Tapping The Healer Within, Is a book that helps any one with anxiety issues, fears, and phobias to tap certain areas on their body and think about the anxiety. Usually in a matter of minutes the fear is gone. Parents can tap the meridians of their children if they are too young to do it themselves. I know this works because it worked for me. Also use it for yourself. It seems like you might need the "Tap Therapy" to help you in your frustrations. It will help you to think more clearly in stressfull situations. I got my book on amazon. Good luck, I know that things will get better

Hi ,You say your child has a speech problem and that (we)meaning you and your child go to speech togetheer . I would suggest that you bring him but don't sit in on the speech class . Sometimes and I would say most of the time a child will be more apt to listen to other adults when parents aren't there . Just a thought . You are on the right track . Having a sppech delay can cause a child to become frustrated . If he has a list of words to work on perhaps together at home you or Dad could take turns and help him . Have him sit in front of a mirror and watch his mouth to make the sounds . It could be a family event also wwhere everyone gets to say the words . Just some ideas good luck .

Hi A.,

My 2 cents is...to find the nearest Love and Logic Class
and get enrolled...or order the cds and you and your husband make the time to watch them together and make a plan.

I think their website is loveandlogic.com

I would also recommend a book (teacher edition) by Paul E Dennison and Gail E Dennison called Brain Gym.

Hope that gives you a direction.
T. :0)

You got your hands full...I have 3 boys, can't imagine twins though..I had one of my boys checked out with Child Find in the Boulder area, and 2 of my boys are going to a psycotherapist at Mental Health in Boulder. We absolutely love our therapist and the kids love having that one-on-one time with her. It's really hard for me to spend one-on-one time with my boys though I imagine it would further my relationships with them. Sand tray therapy might really help your son to communicate his frustrations and help him help him self. Medicaid pays for my kids therapy....
I wish the best for you and your lively family...

I have a five year old who is the middle child, and has been having similar (behavior problems). They've started to clear up as I've tried to, at least once a day, sit in our big recliner and invite him to cuddle with me - any of the others (I also have five children) are welcome to pile on, but I make sure he is right next to me for that time. It's not much, but somehow it seems to be enough.

Sometimes when we are struggling with things and feel that no one else can understand them, that is the time that we lash out at other the most. He has a speech issue, therefore he finds it hard to communicate with others because they don't understand his words, so do they try to figure it out, or in our business as the parent just continue to do other things? One thing that might help is learn a little sign language to help him not get frustrated until his speech is better. Don't replace the speech just help him to communicate until his speech is not to hard to understand. We teach our nursery children sign language (even just the basics) of please, thank you, all done, help, where is dad, sister hurt me, because babies can't speak but they can sign. This helps relieve the pressure he has and it helps others to understand the first time, not the tenth time. I hope this helps. K

Have you looked into Autism? sometimes the causes can be very mild and hard to detect. My neighbor's so was diagnosed at about 4 when they went in to the doctor because they couldn't figure out why he couldn't potty train (aka, get into preschool) and had irrational mood changes. Just a thought.

I have a son who is almost 4 with a speech delay so I know right where you are at right now. I think that part of it is that he is testing the limits, which is normal 4 year old behavior and part if it probably is frustration at not being able to communicate his needs. You might be able to teach him some sign lanuguage, that way he can get his needs across while you continue to work on the speech. Keep going to the therapy, don't give up. Plus I agree with the post about consistent discipline. My son gets a time out when he misbehaves and he knows that I will put him in time out no matter where we are, the book store, post office etc. I give him a warning and if he continues with the behavior, then off to time out he goes. You have to make him understand that certains behaviors, like hitting, will not be tolerated. Good luck, if you need to talk more about it, just let me know, as I said, I am right where you are at so I understand.

Watch the tv show Super Nanny. She talks about scheduling out time for each child. She also talks about a daily routine. My guess would be with 5 children --- your house is chaotic. Make sure you take time to READ to your children. You can't read too much. Something has got to give. I would cut something out so you can spend quality time with each child. For example, I chose time with my children over housekeeping. My children's welfare is more important than a clean house. It's tough to have balance. Elicit your husband's help. I wouldn't worry about the speech. Continue with the specialists and it will work itself out. I would be concerned about the behavior and would want to get to the root of the problem.

My know almost 17 year old has a speech/comprehension disorder and like your son a lot of his anger came from his inability to communicate well with the rest of the family and although I had disciplined him it kept getting worse, looking back I think what took so long was the guilt I felt at how hard what is considered a natural milestone in his life was for him, it wasn't until just before his 5th b-day and he had burned his sister with a light bulb, still not sure how he sis that in a 2 minute span, all because she took his hot wheel that was the last straw for me, what I discovered is the same discipline that you give the younger children is the same that works on them but they key is consistency and immediate time-outs no matter where you are when it happens, even the grocery store. But also acknowledge that he may be frustrated/angry/hurt give his emotion a name but let him know that his actions are not acceptable. Good luck it is really hard when you know why they are acting out and are doing the best you can for them!

With 5 kids I am sure your hands are full! I love the book disipline with love and logic. (not sure if this is the title, send me a message and I will get you the full title if you are interested) Simply put, he is old enough to make some decisions. Have consiquenses and stick to them. You can start small and go bigger as needed. Look into this book. It may even help you with your other children as well. Sorry, I know another mom that is having trouble with her 4 year old. Another thing that she noticed makes a difference is structure. Making sure he is on the same schedule during the day helps with his attitude. Good Luck!

J. S

I think you fixed your own problem (because you are very smart; don't forget this). You mentioned that he doesn't get the time from you you think he needs. Find some way, five minutes at a time, and change that.