Need Help with My 16Mo Old, Not Wanting to Sleep in Her Own Bed

Poor little duckie! So many huge changes in such a short time. Plus, she's probably feeling like she's been "dethroned" by her baby brother. And it sounds like you just can't let her sleep with you for a couple weeks, until she gets used to the changes. But if she can't sleep with you for a couple weeks, you'll just have to let her cry it out. There's really no alternative, although it is hard to do. Put her in her room, and tell her it's bedtime, goodnight, and put a baby gate in the doorway so she can't get out of her room, but so you can hear what's going on. DO NOT go in to "check" on her, and do not answer her when she's yelling for you. After a day or two-- or three at the most--- she will go to bed in her own room without making a big fuss. Meanwhile, you might want to get a bottle of those big orange disposable earplugs for your husband to use during the "cry it out" period.

When my son feels like he needs to come sleep with us I let him but tell him it will only be for a few minutes, then he needs to go back to his own room. A few minutes is 5- 15 minutes (unless I fall asleep). He can only come visit once a night and if he gives me any problems returning to his bed he may not join us the next night. This has worked pretty smoothly for us, but of course he hasn't experienced all the changes your daughter is going through.

Hey M. -

That is a lot of change, not only for your daughter but also for you. A couple of suggestions for you. First continue to reassure your daughter of how special and lovely she is. And when you put her down to bed, either you or your husband go through the room and physically look under everything and tell her "nothing under there", this creates a safety thing for her in her mind. The second thing I would try to do is to create time during the day where the 3 of you lay down together in your room. This may alleviate her need to be in there at night as she gets her special time during the day.

I hope that helps.
good luck.

M.,
I suggest you make some time for just your daughter right before bedtime so she feels like she is still very important to you. I went through a very similar thing, except for the moving, when my youngest was born. My oldest was only 13 months and started acting out. I spent about 20 minutes rocking her before putting her into bed. Make sure you tell her it is bedtime, you love her, and then leave the room. Go in and check on her after about 15 minutes and if she is standing up, just lay her back down. I know it is hard, but it will get easier.
Good luck and I hope you find something that works for your family!

You definitely do have a problem and I wish I could offer a better solution, but the only one that is apparent to me is to try to get some sleep whenever you can so that remedies occur to you(because you are rested enough to solve them). One way to make her bed more appealing to her is for you to nap in her room when she does and hope that this occurs during times when the new baby is also asleep. Good luck going through this horrible stage, but it too will pass...

N.

Hi my daughter did the same thing. She would also cry so hard she would throw up. I stopped bringing her into our room when she turned 1. A few times I had to change her sheets 3 times. What I did that worked was after we would lay her down I would sit in the chair by her bed for starting for 20 mins then less and less each day. I also made sure she had a good night light. I told her Mommy is going to sit her for a few minutes then she needed to sleep in her bed like a big girl. I only took about 4-5 days and she was back to normal. Not sure about your daughter but for me it seem like mine got scared all the sudden. It has been good since then and now she is 2 1/2. Good luck.

oh, i swear my husband is hearing impaired in the middle of the night. but, i digress... get your daughter to sleep in her bed, it is a "pay now or pay later" situation. it will never get easier or be a good time. clean her up, put her back to bed. or have your husband lay down with her and get her to sleep, it is easier than you doing it. all i know is it is much easier now than at 2 or 3 or 4 or god forbid 7!

Who if the PARENT?????? Forget the tricks and be firm! You know the rules. You know what you expect, as a mom of kids in their 20's, you and your partner need to be firm!!! I do understand how difficult times are, however you need to set limits and gently be firm with the rules. All will win! Stop! Listen to your instincts! If you need to, put one of your children in the living/dining room. You need to have firm limits so all survive, it does work,,, my youngest is 19 years and the oldest is 28 and they are great adults!

M. - My older child (2 year's difference) tends to act difficult when he feels like he is a "task." For example, in the mornings when we're getting ready for school, if I get him out of bed and go straight to changing him and leaving for school, he fusses the whole way and then doesn't let go at daycare. However, if I take the time to cuddle with him for a few minutes when he gets up, then make time for breakfast with him, he feels important and loved and has a much better day. Although this is not your direct problem, I suspect that "being a task" may be affecting your daughter at bedtime. As others have suggested, try carving out some time with just your daughter - whether it be your husband or yourself - before bedtime. You may find that her bedtime routine gets longer now that baby is hear, but a routine for her at this age is so very important. When all else is changing and hectic in your lives, routine and a reassurance of her mommy and daddy's love can work wonders. If you are able to offer her this time, I think you will see great improvements.

She may be too young to be able to communicate her feelings verbally to you; remember that she probably wants to tell you why she's frustrated but can't.. that can spark even more emotion in her, magnifying any issue even further. We had some success in sitting down with our son after the bulk a tantrum had passed, taking deep breaths with him, and trying to explain logically what was happening. We weren't angry with him, but he's a big boy and needs to sleep in his room. Mommy and Daddy's bed is small, and we want you to have room to sleep well in your big-boy bed.... When tantrums ensue, it's often a good bet to offer them a quiet hug of reassurance after it's all said and done. This is not to condone the tantrum, but rather to remind them that even though they and/or mommy and daddy were upset, mommy and daddy still love them.

Also, try to get sleep during the days. If friends/family are an option for you nearby, or if there is a mother's day out, send your daughter with them for a couple of hours (perhaps even one hour) and try to get some down time / nap time with your son. If this is not an option, or if you work full-time, perhaps you have an opportunity to cat nap with the baby in the early evening before bedtime, letting your husband spend some alone time with your daughter.

Best of luck. Although it may be of no consolation right now, this too shall pass.

Hi M.:
I have similar memories with my son and daughter who are now older. My situation was not exactly the same, but we moved a lot and I can remember lying awake and getting stressed out with sleepless babies in our bed.
My husband is 6'5" and takes up a lot of room in the bed, even though king size, and I was always worried about him rolling over when my infant son slept with us. So, on top of my son wanting to nurse constantly, I was always kept awake with anxiety.
The one thing I learned was that, without sleep, my ability to function was depleted during the day and then my emotional state would start to go downhill.
I know that all you want to do is give, but you need to protect your main resource and that is you.
What turned out to be a lifesaver for me, was that I bought a little bassinet that had a drop side that allowed me to attach it to the bed. So, I'd nurse my son until he feel asleep and then gently ease him into the bassinet. That gave me space to sleep and him a feeling of proximity.
It might help ease the stress on you if you could at least do that with one of them. If you search on the internet, you will probably find the type of bassinet I'm talking about. Also, try napping with them both in the bed during the day when your husband is at work.
Above all, remember, this too shall pass...
Warm wishes,
A. La Liberte
http://www.flowerpowermom.com