Need Help with My 2 Year Old

Hi K.,
Try reading the book on child development called "The Magic Years". It gives some great insight on the developmental stages.
Sincerely,
L.

I think Candee has a good point. Some kids just don't respond to "time out" in a place where they can still watch what's going on, and "time out" becomes pointless if it goes on too long. Kids love to be in the middle of what's happening (one of the reasons getting them to bed is such a struggle, sometimes) and when they are suddenly removed from the action, they straighten up pretty well.

I think at two years old, though, the best way to deal with him is by "distracting:" for example, if he's in the middle of saying "no, I don't want to take a nap now," you grab him in a big hug, and swoop him up into the air, saying "Little Mr. No No No, you are so funny," and swing him around and plop him playfully into his bed, talking into his ear the whole time about how we have to have nap or we get so grumpy and bumpy and dumpy, then tickle him a little, or whatever you need to do to make him laugh. It really works.

I think time outs are a joke. My son got so smart at 2.5 that he would go in time out laughing. Then do and say waht he was suppose to and tell me sorry over and over and go right back to do what he wasnt' suppose to. The second i went to give him time out again, he would say im sorry then laugh at me. His teacher thinks times out is useless too. Intead of time outs, he goes in his room with the door closed at home. He has to stay in tehre til he is going to be a big boy and not repeat what it was he was doing or crying. Works like a charm. When we are out at the park, school or classes and he acts out. We tell him if he doesn't listen he has to go home. Talk about shock value to him. Works great. When I tell him he can't do x, or we have to go home he gets it. I have been out at bday parties and he will act out. I say, we are going home. Hold his hand and drag him out. By the time we get to the car. He has figured it out. The next time he acts up again we acutally leave. 98% of the time we don't get to the second time. I also tell him before we do or go somewhere. I say. Ryan, you are goign to be a good boy, right? Yes mom. and if your not, WHat happens? Ryan. sad, we have to go home. I started this a little at 2.5years old. Good luck. Not every method I beleive works for ALL children. Maybe time out will work with my second chlid. He loved time out and thought it was fun. At one point he would just get up when he knew he did something bad and walk over to the naught corner laughing. Then get up and say sorry without me doing or saying anything. That was working great. NOT!!!!

2 adorable witty fun loving boys. 3.5yr old and 10 months.

I find Page's advice humorous (the serial killer part)! My daughter will be three next month and also does not respond to time outs. A lot of what we have to do is re-direct before something gets out of hand; I see her getting frustrated with her brother (who is 5) and I make a joke or do a tickle attack, or try to get her to play with me before she loses it! She gets time out for hitting, biting, or yelling (all of which have died down a bit as she has aged, but maybe not from the Time Outs). She also screams at us, and as Page suggests, we move her to her room. I usually say; Yelling at Mommy is not allowed as I carry her to her room. Then I walk away. Sometimes I have to put her back in her room a couple of times, and at those times I say: stay in your room until you are calm. She throws a huge fit, sometimes throws things in her room, but after 5-10 minutes, she will come out and say sorry she yelled at me, then we go in her room and I help her pick up her stuff. It is ALWAYS worse when she is tired... So some of it may be Terrible Twos... good luck! I am looking forward to reading others' advice for you.

I would highly recommend the books "Dare to Discipline" and "The Strong Willed Child" by James Dobson. It is imperative that you establish your authority as a parent now so that you can have a respectful, enjoyable relationship with your son as he grows older. Each child is so different. I personally do believe in spanking, but my 2 year old doesn't really mind getting spanked. He is super social, so to him, being in timeout alone in his room is the worst thing in the world. Just the threat of a timeout immediately turns his attitude around. You need o find a consequence that is unpleasant for your child for it to be effective, then you have to be very consistent. I don't believe in giving lots of chances, couting to three, etc. That just teaches them how far they can push the limits.

There is not enough info. in your post to really respond properly. Coming from the vantage point of having all my kids almost grown and realizing that most of that stuff we agonize about when the kids are little is trivial -- I say, don't worry too much about it.

However, I would nip screaming back at you in the B. - that's just obnoxious. If he screams at you just quietly and firmly tell him No and pick him up and put him in his room, away from you. The rest of it, well, he probably won't turn out to be a serial killer.

Hi K.,

You might want to check out "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" by Laura Davis & Janis Kayser.

I am of the opinion that time outs rarely really work. We use a "Not Ready" chair - and my son must go sit in it until he's "ready" to behave how ever I need him to behave. For example, "Finn, I can see you aren't ready to use a nice voice with the family. Go sit in the chair until you are ready." Then, be done. Walk away and move on with your life and let him decide when he's ready. If he gets up and his behavior is still inappropriate, send him back to the chair with a simple, "it seems you aren't quite ready yet...". If he is really melting down we sit down together, I make eye contact and I ask him what is wrong (this can take a few minutes). Often he just needs a hug. It's like everything has spun out of control and he just needs someone to ground him and assure him that his feeling are being considered and that I'm not mad at him (it's just that type of behavior or that voice or whatever are unacceptable).

Try not to force him to say sorry because that is just a word to him right now and nothing is worse than an empty "sorry". If Finn hits or pushes someone we stay with that person. We help them up, we sit there while they cry, kiss boo-boos and we ask them if they are okay. This time consuming process teaches that it sucks to hurt someone. They are upset and you have to wait around until they are better. Plus, realizing you've made someone cry tends to make you actually FEEL sorry.

I'm reminded of something my mother said to me when I asked why she never yelled at us. She said, "because then you would be mad at me. I wanted to keep the focus on what was done that was inappropriate. Me screaming at you would allow you to go in your room and just be angry with me - forgetting about what you'd done wrong and why you had to go to your room in the first place." I think that's pretty smart...

Okay, I'm stepping off my soap box. Best of luck to you! And yes, part of it is that he's 2 - test, test, test and just for good measure, test again.

xoxo,
T.

Greetings K.: Being the mother of 5 and the Grandmother of several wonderful children, and having run a day care I understand your frustration.
Try whispering in his ear how much you love and appreciate him. Talk softly and not for long. I have several 2 years olds and I really do not believe it is the old wives tale of terrible two's. In fact for my Granddaughter's 2nd birthday I gave her a t shirt that said " Terrible 2's???? I am having a GREAT TIME I RUN THE SHOW". Children just want boundries and limits and not their parent to be the buddy.
I am so proud of my daughter in law because she is stronger than I at this stage of life and will take her children out of the room or store or where ever and refuse to let them be in charge. They are reminded they are loved and that there is a standard set. They have been doing this since the children were tiny. I have seen that the ones that do get a swat on the hand or bottom have only had it done on rare conditions and it has not hurt them as much as it tore up the parent.
Reasoning with a 2 year old is kinda like taking a drivers test for the first time without study- it won't be resonable. They have only a few minuets of attention span and they will remember everything that Elmo says but not mommy why? because Elmo means it moms can just be stressed out. Good luck in the great adventure of parenthood, Nana G
I have just been reminded by my 22 year old son, that I use music to calm the troubled waters. We hve certain music mostly instrumental for bed time, the Disney movies themes for play time and for eatting and so on. This way they relate to what is to happen when they hear a certain type of music. We have everything from Kenny Loggins to Yanni and Disney theme songs and they can pick out the music. This might help. Good Luck Nana G

Read Have a Different Child by Friday be Kevin Leman.
Turned my life around.

I haven't seen anyone mention the book/DVD "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp (a follow-up to the Happies Baby on the Block). I just started reading the book (and watched the DVD) and have used some of the techniques and have been pretty impressed with the positive results. He says that time-outs can work with older kids but that toddlers are in a unique phase actually comparing them to cavemen (in terms of communication and ability to understand and rationalize). He emphasizes that it is not what you say to your toddler but how you say it. Check out the website and see what you think. There is an entertaining video on the homepage.

http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

I bet he is jealous of your 7 month old even though he doesn't seem to be. I would set aside time for just you and your son where you can just play together. I know it sounds too simple, but I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and my 3 year old acted out really bad. (this was when my daughter was born) I kept discipling him until I figured out he just wanted attention and time. It was that simple. Now any free moment I have I grab him and hug him, chase him, play etc and he is a different person. I also include him in helping with his sister. Try it, it is that simple.

Hi K.,

Most all children are jealous of their newborn sibling at some point. A 2 yr old is no exception :O)

There is really not enough info to completely understand your situation, but here is my opinion:

Because he is in the developemental stages of being guided through right vs wrong, it sounds like he needs more of a "warning" before he gets his timeouts.

Maybe try to say "remember, if you throw something, then you get a timeout", then for his last warning, "OOPs! You threw something again, if you do it again what will happen to you?" ....Let him tell you a "timeout"

But also, these types of acting out can also be from the jealousy of his sister, as a way to get you to attend to him BEFORE you attend to her. So, make sure that you are not saying "wait, I just have to do one more thing for your sister" on a regular basis. This message continues to tell his young heart, that mommy loves sister more than him. And, of course, you don't want him to feell that.

OK...good luck!

~N. :O)

It is necessary to be calm and consistent. A two year old will constantly test the limits. You have to respond each time with your rules and consequences. Also make sure that you praise and reward. It may not seem to be working but it will pay off in the long run. A two year old will respond to positive attention. The more attention he gets, the more he will repeat the behavior.

I loved the Supernanny when my daughter was litle. I started doing her naughty corner technique when ELla was 16 months old. There is more to it than just a time out. I'd get her book and follow it. My daughter sometimes had to stay in the naughty corner for 20 minutes, all because she'd refuse to calm down or refuse to say sorry. If they're not in a good mood at the end of the 2 minutes, i make her stay another 2 minutes. I highly reccommend all the supernanny stuff.

Some kids do naturally have a more rebellious or strong willed nature than others. Even more so that you should work on it now. That strong willed tendency will just want to get stronger and more pronounced as he grows. The older they get the harder they are to control. Set standards of behavior NOW, with a no-disobedience policy in place.

Time outs don't work. Especially not with boys. Our entire society has been brainwashed by "progressive" children's book authors and speakers who took people away from two thousand year old solid Biblical principles that worked, and convinced them they could get obedience and compliance by... sitting a child in a chair. Absurd. If we did the same "training" with adults it would be laughable. The same progressive movement swept through academia (at the same time, the 60's), and changed the curriculium in the public schools. Now the schools are failing. High school Kids by the thousands, millions, can't read or write past a third grade level. It's easy to see that your child's/family's best interest IS NOT what the progressive movement have in mind. The amazing thing, is that the results clearly show that the progressive ideas don't work. Yet the progressives still herald it and convince people to march to it.

"Shepherding A Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp is a book I highly reccommend. I have three fine children, not perfect, but very well behaved and obedient. When I take them out, I get nice complements from others on thier behavior. I say that to show that the princliples in the book work. One of my children seemed to have a very rebellious nature, but early training helped to control that.

jUST BE CONSISTANT WITH THE TIME OUTS EVEN IF IT IS ALLDAY. HE WILL EVENTUALLY GET IT AND TIRE OF IT CHANGING THE THINGS HE DOES TO GET THERE. TELL HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG AT THE END OF HIS TIME OUT AND MAKE HIM APOLOGIZE THAT WAY HE HAS TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT GOT HIM SENT THERE.

This is a hard age. I have a daughter the same age and we don't think that time out works for this age group at all. If you think he needs to calm down, then do a time out with him, which means help him learn to relax his body and change the energy level. Redirection and appreciation that children this age are explorers and they do not yet have the impulse control, not because they are misbehaving, but because their brains can't do that yet. The book Positive Discipline has some good and realistic ideas for this age group. Their brains are not developed to respond the way an older child's does. The book offers some about child development and temperament, and practical ideas for daily use. Good luck.

I have a 31 month old son and 16 month old daughter. We use the marble jar for my son and it seems to work well. When it is full we go to Chuck E. Cheese...when he is a stinker he looses marbles. Helps out, setting the table, cleaning up or what ever you want and he gets marbles. Try it.