Need Help with Three Year Old and Her Tantrums

Take a shower before she wakes up. Shut the door to her room or a time out for shower crying. She is aamarty knowing exactly what she is doing!!! So teaching her now tht this is not the behavior we want. I think the approperiate time out is warning to stop behavior or time out continued behavior or repeated behaviro. Needs imediate time out 3 min or 1 min per yr of age. Breakfast time gets a time out too for fits, even if she misses breakfast and is in time out. She gets another breakfast. If she really wants to spend breakffast with you she will learn to behaive or tiem out! Give her a hug or kiss for every bite she takes on her own. Eventually after completly finishing the plate she gets attacked with kisses. She knows that these fits she gets her way. Its time you be conisistant and give time outs. I think its wonderful you have allowed time for cuddles and love. Way to go mom! Best of luck and let us know which method worked for you.

Read "Have a New Kid By Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman - it is my new best friend and it will work on your little one.

Remember you are the parents and you are in charge - not her.

Hi M.B.
I am a 70 yr.old grandma that raised 8 children. I am now helping my single son raise his son, he is 7 yrs old. I am just going to give you a little advice (from voice of experience.) first of all children have different personalities and are going to react different to certain situations. They change and she will get over this in a little while it's just a stage she is going through.

I would suggest taking your shower (for a couple months) at night during the school and work week and then on week-ends maybe try to take them in the morning and see if she has changed and accepted the routine.
As far as breakfast you might want to ask her to help in some little way to prepare breakfast with you like sit the table or put on the silverware at the place settings and etc. I think she wants that closeness to you and even though she likes pre-school and etc. she is still very young and needs that time to grow. (The day is a long day for her to be away from you and it sounds like she needs more time with you to fill the void.) Then after she helps you get things ready for breakfast sit down with her and eat with her and I think gradually she will feel like a big girl and eat by herself. There is nothing wrong with you helping her eat she will grow out of that. I think if you just not make a big issue out of it she will get over it. One of these days she will say I can eat by myself Mommy I am a big girl.
They grow up so fast, you can be very lucky she accepts so well going off to pre-school without crying and screaming every morning, I know many mothers that are at their wits end trying to walk away from their child feeling guilty everyday when they have to go to work and having to hear them screaming no Mommy please don't leave me. So just embrace this time with her and in 6 months you will see a difference in her, just be patient.

You might want to try new things at mealtime on week-ends and introduce her to them so that she will want to eat by herself. I would teach my children to cut up their own food with a little plastic knife and it made them feel grown up.
I hope I have helped in someway.

Please remember she is an only child and they get lonely so she is reaching out to you. In pre-school she has other children to play with all day and misses the interaction with others.
N.C.

start making her feed herself at everymeal, if she does not eat tell her teacher so that she makes sure she eats there. She is old enough to understand your explanation that you love her but have to get ready. With the kids at work and my own( although he is just 17 months) I tell them you can cry all you want but no one wants to hear it so you can go to a different room and come out when you are finished. It might be hard for a few days but hopefully it gets better. Mornings are so important for how your mood is the rest of the day. Maybe you can have a special mommy daughter day on Saturdays or Sundays where you can go get your nails painted or something like that, that way she gets your attention she wants from you and you can use that as bribery throughout the week. Good luck

I have always said terrible two's are NOTHING compared to terrible three's! The problem? Three year olds are smarter! You need to understand something right now! Your child is playing you like a fine tuned elmo guitar! She is controlling you through fear! Repeat this mantra: I will not negotiate with terrorists! I will not negotiate with terrorists! what you say to her is "mommy can't hear you when you scream"

She is not really sad. She is manipulating you. And what you have to do is show her that this weapon in her arsenal does not work any longer. You will have to master(as I am sure she has) the broken record routine. You will have to become a wall of non emotion. In the morning you will say, "Mommy is going to get ready. I expect you to play with Daddy until I get out." If she screams, you ignore her until you get out when you very calmly say, "Mommy can't hear you when you scream" and you say nothing else!
If she doesn't scream you come out and give her complements. Mommy is so proud of how you handled it while she was in the bathroom, Good job" You see? Attention for good behavior, ignore the bad.

Now for meals. Do you know why she eats by herself in school? Cause thats the only option! Her teacher doesn't have time to feed 20 kids. Lunch would take 4 hours. I bet she didn't eat all that great for the first couple of days. But after a while she got hungry, and she figured it out. You have to be consistent. For every time you give in, your child will test you 20 times to see if you will again! Be a rock! If she throws a fit, remove her from the table. Say, "mommy can't hear you when you scream" It will be tough, but she will get it. Remember you are doing this for her. It is your job to teach her how to be independent. Your not being mean, your being a parent! Good Luck!

HI M B
,,,sorry to hear of your promlems,,you might consider taking her to DR or Cousler as soon as you can
blessed L.

There's only one way to solve this..and I think you already know the answer! Stop feeding her! Offer her some food and if doesn't take it put it up for after school or the next day. If she's hungry by the time she gets to preschool SHE WILL eat. Whenever she cries when you're in the shower, don't show that you're angry. That just fuels it. Ignore her until she's doing a good behavior. The key is that if this consistently goes on she won't WANT to behave in this way. Make it to where if she is good during the week you will feed her yourself on Friday and a reward. But stick BY IT!

You say that everyone leaves home with a happy face when you feed her..but I think you and your husband aren't..Your daughter is. Put your foot down girl!

Good luck!

She's playing you. And you're giving her mixed signals. You need to figure out what you and your husband want and can agree on and then stick with it. Stick her in her room and close the door if she's going to cry while you bathe. If you want and your husband agrees to feed her at breakfast but not at dinner, then explain that to her. Breakfast is OK, our special time, but dinner time is time for you to show you're a big girl (or something) and stick with it. No exceptions. What you decide to do, in this circumstance, isn't necesarily wrong or right - but how you're doing it is causing grief. Anytime she throws a fit to get her way, even if it is something you want to give her, you CAN'T give it to her then. You just can't or you're teaching her that a fit is the answer for everything. Discuss this with your husband, then with your daughter. Then, be firm and consistent.

I just wanted to let you know that I agree wholeheartedly with Nancy C., the 70-year-old grandma. Now, that is the voice of experience--we should all heed her advice! Your little girl is struggling with being away from you for so long every day. It sounds like you have done a fantastic job of choosing an excellent preschool for her where she is happy and thriving. She just needs a little extra patience and gentle, respectful discipline from you at home. Is there any reason she can't sit in the bathroom and look at books or play with her dolls while you shower? If you let her do this a few times, I think you will find that she eventually gets bored and wanders out to see what Dad is up to. She wants to feel that she has some power and control in her relationship with you, so she has turned this into a battle. If you don't allow it to be a battle then it will eventually pass. I have learned that we parents need to pick our battles, and only fight about the things that are truly important, such as health and safety. As far as mealtimes, how about taking her to choose her own special plate, bowl and silverware that only she can use? Just let her know that once you purchase it and bring it home, they are her 'big girl dishes,' and she can only use them when she is ready to feed herself. She is actually going through a type of separation anxiety...she is old enough to realize that she can be more independent, but she is anxious about becoming independent because it means increasing the time she spends NOT interacting directly with you. She still needs you as her 'security blanket,' so she is hanging on for dear life. Try to be calm and gentle with her, and don't allow her to see that her tantrums upset you. Don't raise your voice...if anything, as she gets louder, you get softer, so that she has to be quiet to hear you. I know it is tough but you are the adult and I know you can do it. Once she sees that she is not getting a 'rise' out of you, and that you remain consistent and calm in your approach to her, she won't be getting the type of attention she is seeking with the tantrums and you will see them begin to fade away. Good luck!

Ok my son just turned 3 and we have reason to believe that he may be autistic. So I take that into consideration with his behavior and that of his 18 month old sister. My son is very needy, in my husband's opinon he should of been a girl, so I completely understand about the guilt trips the little ones can put you though. My daughter is only 18 months and has me, dad, and brother all wrapped around her little finger. Anyway on to your problem. What works for us because my kids have the same desire to be in the bathroom if they had their way they would be in the tub with me when its time for me to bathe. What I do for my own sanity is have them interested in their toys or something and then I slip into the tub and clean up and get dressed before they know I have even gone. So I agree with alot of the people that have already responded and say just let her be in her room if she cant behave while you are bathing. I like to bathe in the morning personally but I prefer to bathe the kids at night after dinner because it helps them calm down. Maybe her fixation with the whole losing it while you are in the shower is that she wants to keep playing in the shower? She knows her behaviour is inapproiate because she asks you about it. So maybe a little schedule change would help some. As far as the food situation, my son tries to not eat unless I feed him too, or he wants to eat from my plate. Solution for me is the kids eat cereal for breakfast every morning so I give them their bowls of cheerios and cups of milk then I go straighten up their room for the day. I dont really eat breakfast and neither does hubby. So if the kids dont see me then I am not an option for them being fed. If they throw food on floor then I clean their hands and faces and put them to bed for time out. I do not tolerate them throwing fits at the table or anywhere else. We have a small apartment so when my son misbehaves he has to stay on his bed still he can behave, if it is my daughter she goes in her crib still she is being cival. Alone time in their room is very good for kids I think. They need to be independent but learn society has rules and if they cant learn to follow the rules at home then what do you think will happen when they get older? Anyway like almost everyone else said you and hubby decide what will work for you and then be consistent with it. Trust me a few times of not eating consistently for misbehaviour will work wonders. Also just a thought if daycare does breakfast why not send her early to give you and hubby a little bit of quiet adult time every morning? She would still have breakfast with both of you on weekends and maybe if she thought of that as "special" time she wouldn't be as inclined to spoil it with her fits. Just a few thoughts for you but ultimately you will have to figure out what works for your family best. Best of luck to you.

N. H.

I have a few pieces of advice having dealt with a few tantrums from my daughter! Do not tolerate tantrums, period. As far as the mornings go, maybe your husband can get your daughter to help him with whatever he's doing or change your schedule a little bit so she can be a helper while you're getting ready. I don't know about your daughter, but mine LOVES being a big helper and it makes her feel very important.
Another idea is if you are at home, put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she can calm down and act like a big girl. Hold the door shut if you have to. My daughter is 2 and still in a crib, so it's easier to put her in there and let her scream it out. Usually though just putting her in her room works and she will not come out til she's done throwing her fit.
Address it immediately when she starts to throw a tantrum. If she is at the table to eat and won't, then tell her 'We eat at the table and if you're not going to eat, then you can get down'. I do the same thing if my daughter is playing with her food. Get her down from the table and have her go do something else while you finish your meal. Not that she won't interrupt you for a while, but she'll learn she can't boss you around. You are the parent!
When my daughter has had tantrums in public, I have either left the store/restaurant and told her we are leaving because we don't behave that way, or turned around and gone home before even getting to our destination if she's misbehaving, or I will tell her she needs to behave or we won't do the next fun thing we were planning to do, like play with her friend.
The keys for us have been to respond immediately, be clear with our expectations of her to behave, be consistent by responding the same way every time, and follow through with any punishments. If you tell them you're going to put them in time out if they throw a tantrum again, and then they do and you don't put them in time out, that is a huge advantage for them because they realize they can push you over essentially. Good luck!

I definitely agree with Lynnette and Nancy. While I also agree with everyone else about setting firm lines with your children, not giving in to them and letting them know you're in charge (and not letting yourself be manipulated), in this case it seems to me that she's trying to communicate that she needs a little more attention/time from you. As the two ladies I mentioned above stated in their advice, that extra attention/time doesn't mean you completely cater to her and turn your schedule around. Just modify what you've been doing so that she can feel more connected to you. My daughter loved to stay in the bathroom with me while I took my shower; I would always have some toys for her and she would be happy. I'd talk to her some and sing some songs sometimes. Now, at 2 1/2, she still likes to be in the room regularly. And I agree with Lynnette and Nancy's advice about breakfast, too. Don't necessarily give in to her about feeding her, but modify it so she still feels like she's getting your attention, but she's also feeding herself. I have noticed that my daughter is sometimes inexplicably cranky, and it's almost always on a day when she hasn't had a whole lot of time with me. Sometimes just spending a few minutes to read her a book or two, or play dollhouse with her, makes all the difference. Again, it's not about giving in to all her demands, but to remember that she's only three and maybe she just misses her mommy. God be with you!

I have a 2 y.o. who will be three next month. Just know that everyone struggles in the morning. I'm a single mom and I do it by myself everyday and it can be done. The best thing might be to change your routine so you are bathing before she gets up. It is impossible to get ready after they are up. The other thing I'm going to tell you is that consistency is the most important thing. Short term sacrifice, long term gain. My daughter likes me to feed her too. They won't starve. If she misses a meal, she'll make up for it at the next one and she'll remember the next time that she better eat when she has the chance. I have in the past babied her quite a bit, given in or not put my foot down, but she was having focus and listening issues at her montessori school. This last week I cracked down on her, didn't give in and she had the best week at school ever since she started there 2 months ago. Our big issue?...putting socks on. She doesn't want to put her socks on...it is hard for her because she has long legs, hard to reach and she isn't very coordinated, but she can do it. It took 20 minutes twice this week to get her socks on. In the past I would give up and just do it for her...to save time, ect., but that wasn't benefitting her in the long run. I used time out when she wouldn't do it and finally, she did it and we moved on. The battle is far from over, but I'm not giving in, I'm staying consistent, I don't ask for something twice. If she doesn't do it the first time...time out and time out until she apologizes and does what I ask her. She is strong willed, as most three year olds are, and i've noticed a great improvement. You almost have to be tough with them...not quite mean, though I feel mean sometimes, but just really tough, because they will push and push and get away with what they can. However, they are just looking for boundaries, and as moms, we have to give them that. I hope this helps. Feel free to call me if you'd like to chat. ###-###-####. S.

I say ignore the behavior. She continues to throw fits in the morning because it gets a reaction out of you. If you ignore it, she will stop doing it on both counts. If she doesn't eat, then she doesn't eat. You said they serve breakfast at her school- could she just eat there on those mornings? I know one of the schools we had my son in charged extra for breakfast, so we had to choose. The one he's in now it's included in the tuition. Sounds like she's figured out the right buttons to push in telling you she's hungry but refusing to eat.

Place her food in front of her and sit down with yours and eat. Smile and converse (yes with a 3 year old) and ignore the fact that you're eating. At the end of breakfast time pick up both of your plates. Smile and say, "Breakfast's over." Then go about your day. She'll get some food at preschool and she won't starve until lunch. She is definitely wielding power over you.
That said my three year old is the most controlling of our six and has been since an infant. We are still dealing with this. If he starts to scream and cry during dinner. I immediately turn his chair to the corner and when he's finished turn him back to the table.
He likes to interrupt the reading time I have with the older children in the morning, so I read one story before we do the other time, and then move on to the rest of our routine. If he starts a fit its off to his room. He is obviously too tired to continue with the day.
As soon as you start offering things to pacify you've strengthened the bad habit. Better to head it all off to begin with, than trying to appease later. Make life fun as much as possible using smiles and humor but be firm in your role as her mother with your expectations being more important than what she feels like doing at the moment. Good luck with this, she will appreciate you more in the long run for not letting her run all over you, those fits will pass (won't they? I sure hope so!)

First of all you and your husband may want to start this on Saturday.
She needs to be told she is a big girl and big girls do not behave this way. She needs to feed herself. If she will not feed herself, she has a choice, she may leave the table and go to her room, or she can sit quietly while you and your husband finish your meals. Do not make a big deal out of this. She will not starve. Do not offer any solutions to this.

She should be dressing herself. If she cannot do this, she should at least be attempting to do this on her own before you or your husband begin to help her.

Once she realizes that you and your husband are serious, she will stop this behavior. YOU and your HUSBAND are the PARENTS. She is a child and needs and WANTS to be parented.

She sounds like she is not a good listener right now, so no explanations are necessary at this time for her.
Each time she whines or throws a tantrum, tell her to use her "regular" voice.
The other response is "I do not hear whining voices". The secret is to not back down. Each time she whines or throws a fit (no matter how long), just ignore her. If it goes on long enough that you want to pull out your hair, ask her to go to her room till she can calm herself and find "her regular voice". If she ever does this in public, pick her up put her in the car and take her home. NO EXCEPTIONS.

When our daughter was young we had 12 girls in our neighborhood. All of us (parents) said the whining was the most annoying behavior and we all agreed on this response to all of the girls.
It worked great.

Give her a hug and thank her when she uses her regular voice, especially when she normally would be whining or throwing a tantrum. It sounds like you have working mommy guilt. There is no need to feel guilty. You are doing a good job. You just need to remember, children need rules. They need to know that parents love them enough to teach them proper behavior.

My overall advice: If something is not working in your routine, then adjust the routine. Much easier to adjust the routine than to adjust the toddler!

My daughter Jillian is also almost 3yo (and fortunately doesn't do many tantrums), so I don't have much advice on how to stop that habit (sorry!)... However, I wanted to mention that I've noticed a certain 'romanticism' that she has for being "Baby Jillian". Now, it doesn't come out at the table (like wanting to bed fed)... However she does insist that she's a baby (or refers to herself as Baby Jillian) on our way home from school, after bath and before bed. She'll even go so far as to insist that she is not a big girl (and will get quite worked up about it!) if such a comment is made during her Baby Jillian mindset.

So, I really think your daughter's 'baby behavior' is a phase... Just part of the normal independence phase, then clingy, then independence, etc., as well as testing limits and seeing what she can achieve through her behavior. The problem is, the more you refuse her some 'baby time', the more anxiety it produces in her.

A few months ago, my daughter was clingy (although I wouldn't call it tantrums) and preferred me over my husband in the mornings.. So, I had to wake up earlier and be totally ready before she woke up. For whatever reason, she needed more 1-on-1 mama-time (sitting next to her watching Handy Manny!) in the mornings before daycare. It was a 6 week phase.

I would stop feeding her yourself. If she doesn't want to use a fork or spoon, then just let her eat breakfast with fingers. Also, my daughter drinks a big yogurt smoothie (which she is excited to drink with a colored straw she picks out) as soon as she wakes up (when she's too groggy to argue), so if she doesn't eat much of her actual breakfast meal before school, at least she's got 1 to 1.5 cups of yogurt in her belly...

My other suggestion... Does she have a favorite baby doll? As in one that she can baby? My daughter has a couple plastic babies, however she really wanted one that would cry for her. So I traded her Halloween candy for a new baby doll which cries and wiggles (not the full-blown Baby Alive though). I must say, that it has helped funnel some of that "take care of Baby Jillian" mindset towards "taking care of her baby". The babydoll was $14 at Target and goes by the brand Mommy & me (and has an on-off switch!). She may respond to the idea of feed her baby at the table while she feeds herself... Just and idea.

First question, why in the world are you letting your THREE year old dictate the routine. Are you put on this earth to serve her? NO. The problems you are having stem directly from you giving in. She is manipulating you and your husband. Little girls are experts, you should know you once were one. Stop giving in. Let her cry while you are in the shower. Ignore it, I know it is hard. You should open the door after you are finished bathing with a smile on your face. If she asks you if you are upset about her drama, then tell her it is not acceptable behavior and if she continues to act that way she will have to spend time in her room while you bath. Eating should be the same, don't feed her. If she says she is hungry she will eat, if not oh well. They will feed her at school. You may have a few mornings of hell but she will get it eventually. Be strong, she is three and ya'll are the parents. If you can't make her follow the rules now, what are you going to do when she is fifteen? CB

you need to be consistent with her about the dinner DON'T feed her she sill be hungry but won't starve. I have a 2 y o and refuse to feed her.
as for her crying when you are in the shower, you need to smile at her and say see Daddy told you I would be out shortly. it might be seperation thing cuz they do go thru more than one seperation anxiety spells. there me be something going on at day care she may not be able to express to y'all. is there any way you can come home?

My daughter is 4. When she fusses at the table or throws tantrums, we give her a choice. For example, you can choose to fuss in your room, or sit and eat your breakfast at the table. If she continues to fuss, you say in a calm voice, "I see you are choosing to fuss, that's not allowed at the table. Please go to your room and fuss." Then escort her to her room for a time out. Don't allow that kind of behavior at the table. It's very manipulative. Finish your breakfast, leave the house. Then next meal, remind her there is no fussing at the table. If she chooses to fuss again, she goes to her room until she can stop fussing. This method has worked really well for us. Usually you only have to do it once or twice, and be consistent. She is definitely old enough to feed herself. You know she is capable to feeding herself. She is manipulating you, that is why you feel angry. It really won't hurt her to miss one meal. Whatever you try, you need to try for several days in a row in order for it to work. If you keep changing your response, it just confuses the child. Remember also to praise and encourage her when she does choose to eat at the table without fussing. As for the crying while you are bathing: let her fuss and tantrum in her room. Tell your husband to ignore this behavior. Again, calmly let her know she can either choose to fuss in her room or she can choose to play quietly with her toys or have daddy read a book. When you give kids choices, it lets them feel they have control over the situation. Good luck!

Been there....I know this seems like an easy fix but just change up you schedule. Give her a bath the night before, you get up and have your shower, fix breakfast then get her up. Maybe you just try to cram to much into such a short time. Maybe she is just not going to be a morning person. Maybe don't feed her breakfast. By cutting out bath & breakfast she could just sleep a bit longer or have some downtime in the morning. Nows the time for her to start understanding that "food" should not be such a big deal.

Read the letter you wrote and really evaluate who is having the problem.

good luck,
D

I know this is hard to hear, but your daughter has become a master manipulator! It's not going to hurt her to miss a few meals. Once she does, she'll decide to go ahead and eat.

All of this behavior is attention-seeking. She is SO successful at making you do what SHE wants you to do, why should she stop with all the explaining in the world?

My suggestion would be: 1) LET HER CRY. TOTALLY IGNORE IT. (I know this is really hard, but you MUST do it for your peace of mind. Besides, as someone once taught me: "Any reaction to a misbehavior is reinforcing of that behavior." Even if you spanked her, she would still be getting a reaction out of you, and that's obviously what she wants. Otherwise, she wouldn't be asking you how you feel about her after she misbehaves. Second suggestion: Tell her that if she wants to eat, she'll have to feed herself. (I've never heard of a three-year-old that is still being fed by her mother! Face it, you have totally spoiled her, and now you have to face the consequences.)

This will be hard for you to do, but who is the adult here? Once she sees that you are not going to give in to her little games, she'll cave. Believe me, I've put into practice what I'm telling you. I have an autistic son who was an expert at manipulating, and I had to get pretty tough with him. He's fine now--especially since he knows when I say, "No", that's just what I mean.

Sorry if this is a bit harsh, but you need a wake-up call. I pray the you take a stand now for both your sakes.

Question @1...does she still wet her pants at night? If she is totally potty trained, why can't she get her bath before going to bed?
Question #2...the same applies to you. Why can't you bathe at night and avoid all the am fuss?
Question #3...if she insists on begin fed explain to her that she's is old enough to do it herself and if she is not completed with her meal when it's time to go, let her go to school hungry? Believe me, even tho it sounds cruel, it isn't. She's not going to starve. They usually eat early lunches at preschool, plus they have snack time.
Lastly, I'm an old fashioned mother who has raised four very successful adults, and if one of mine had acted that way, there would have been a real "butt busting". God provided a nice soft padded place for that sort of thing and contrairy to what some think, it is not cruel. It does not cause children to become mass murderers It does not cause them to thing you don't love them. All the other things you do provide that assurance. She is just a little girl who has learned early in life how to handle you andshe seems to be doing it very well. Now is the time to put a stop to it.
Good luck.

I am going thru the same thing right now with my three year old. Everything goes well in the morning until about 20 minutes before we have to walk out the door or I ask her to put on her socks and shoes. She has a full blown screaming, yelling throwing herself on the floor tantrum. We tell her she needs to go to sit in her room until she is done and then come join the family again. I also thinks she is trying to control me sometimes. I just go about my business and ignore her behavior while she is screaming. We have the breakfast problem too sometimes. All 3 kids sit at the kitchen breakfast table to have breakfast sometimes she joins them, sometimes not. Once the older two are done and moved on with the routine I need to move on also to get them ready to catch the bus. She knows she can still sit up there and eat but most times she gets down and likes to brush teeth and fix her air with her big sister. I will give her a bag of dry cereal, bread and peanut butter or a Nutra Grain bar to eat in the car. I do not feed her!!! Like Dr. Phil says "they will eat when they are hungry. sometimes, I just have to pick my battles." Hang in there. It seems as if I am having terrible 3s instead of terrible 2s. I am sure it will all pass.

B.

You are the parent. You should be in charge. Shake up the routine a bit to throw her off- shower before she gets up or something- BUT do NOT cave in to her. Why are you feeding a three year old? She is definitely manipulating you and your husband BIG TIME and until you guys get spines she will continue to do so. Be calm, be repetitive, be firm. Keep telling yourself "I am the parent, I am in charge." Then act like it.

I'm sure I'm not the only one to tell you this, but you MUST be consistant. Do NOT give up and feed her "just this once" or acknowledge her crying at your shower time. This lovely little lady is running the show, which she really doesn't want to do. I know this is very hard, but every single time you give in and feed her ruins weeks of training. Don't respond to crying or refusing to eat, just present the food at mealtime and give her time to eat it, then end the meal when everyone else is done EVERY SINGLE TIME. With patience it will work.