Need Help with Toddler Eating Habits

With my boys it's always been the same rule: They eat what I eat. If they don't like it, I'm not making anything special for them. They can wait until the next meal to eat. I never give in, and if they don't eat what I've made, there are no snacks in between meals.

That said, I wouldn't ever make an entire plate of foods that they don't like for every meal.

I try not to make food a battle. My DD gets something she'll eat, something she might eat, and something I'm not sure about at many meals. She doesn't like a lot of veggies, but we keep offering them in different forms. I've realized that she doesn't like most sauce, so we give her plan or butter-only noodles. She'll fuss about broccoli, but then slyly take a bite if we leave it on her plate. We tell her she doesn't have to eat it but she should try it and see if she likes it. If she doesn't eat her dinner, she doesn't get a treat later. She knows that rule. If we make tacos, she eats a deconstructed taco with shredded cheese on the side, meat formed into a small burger, and a shell. Over time she's started to emulate the rest of us by building tacos and trying lettuce. I don't care if she eats them separately or as a real taco. It's still food.

I would make the french toast with whole grain bread. Or I would make scrambled egg. My DD isn't too keen on boiled eggs, though she likes the idea. I take what she mangles and make egg salad but now and then I keep offering.

If she's truly not going to eat what we made, then she can sit and converse and if she asks to be excused, we'll likely allow it. I don't think DD is a terrific eater, but her pediatrician says she does a pretty good job.

We continue to work with her (as we did the older kids) to say "no thank you" or to take a bite and say, "I don't want any more" vs "EW! YUCK! " and spitting it back out.

We also get DD involved. We are trying to get her to eat potatoes but she's not making the connection between what goes in the oven and what you get at McDonald's. But she is very happy to help Daddy wash potatoes and inspect them and try to jab them full of holes for cooking prep. So one day....

I also find that she knows what we want and if we ignore it (my aunt says her grandbabies do this, too) she'll eat it.

My daughter has been this way since right before she turned one. Before one she would eat anything. When she turned 4 last June I told her she was a big girl now and she needed to start trying new foods. I really don't think this would have worked before she turned 4. We now have a 3 bite rule. 1 bite to get use to the initial taste, 2nd bite to get use to the texture and the last bite to give it a good chance. Occasionally she will spit it out after the first bite because she can't stand it, but most of the time she will give it a fare try. I really didn't find with my daughter pushing the issue works. She has very little control over anything in her life, food and what she puts in her body is pretty much the only thing she can control, so I let her have that.
Best of luck!

You're describing an extremely common problem. My grandson, and a neighbor boy I sometimes babysat, went through the same phase. Neither were required to eat when they weren't hungry, which meant some days they ate almost nothing at all. Toddler appetites can be extremely tiny and variable.

And while my grandson would eat a few favorite vegetables, the neighbor child would not. His parents decided after months of struggle that they wouldn't force him. He ate some fruit but not a scrap of veggies for about 1.5 years, and then spontaneously started eating just about anything willingly. Soon after, he was ordering salads in restaurants as his main dish.

Both kids came through this period, which in many kids can run anywhere between 18 months and 4-5 years, in good health. Neither lost weight, even when they had no appetite for several days running. Research suggests that this low-appetite, fussy period is natural, and probably nature's way of helping small children avoid poisoning – in hunter-gatherer societies, they'd be less likely to ingest something toxic or spoiled.

And anxious parents tend to overestimate how much food their kids "should" be eating. A multivitamin can probably cover a multitude of missed meals. New foods should be introduced only gradually, so a major overhaul of his diet now will probably just frustrate you both.

So, generalizing from a sample of two, plus stories from many other parents, I'd suggest that you not turn mealtimes into a battle. That is known to cause difficult eating issues later in some children. And the more you can resist giving in a feeding food that is high in salt, fat, sugar, refined starches, and artificial colors and flavors, the better you son's eating habits will probably remain. Once they acquire a taste for "junk," it's much harder to shift to healthier foods later.

I have one picky eater and one normal eater. Honestly, I think there is not much we can do to make our picky eater like things. Also, he is very stubborn and would rather starve than eat foods he does not like. I always serve just normal foods that I would make anyway, but I make sure there is at least one thing I know he will eat. He is 7 now and is slightly better than he used to be...he likes more foods now bc he eventually tried something he was served for the last x years and liked it. I try not to make meal times a battle and I try to always keep it positive. I don't have any unique advice for you...it's very frustrating. His sister on the other hand is so different...and we have done absolutely nothing different with her. She just likes food like a normal person. Our son used to gag and spit out many foods as a baby...he never since 1 year old would eat grapes or cheese or cherry tomatoes or avocados or banana. All those normal good toddler snacks were gross to him. He still will not eat any of those things. Our daughter chows them down. That's just one example. Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry you have a picky eater bc for me it is very annoying and tiresome.

Geez! You went from totally giving in to his tastes to totally forcing him to eat what you know he doesn't like. I sympathize with both of you. I suggest that you find a middle ground.

I suggest you fix meals for everyone and give your son what everyone is eating. Include at least one thing that you know he likes. Have him take 1 bite of everything else. Don't push him. Just offer the food to him and if he doesn't taste it on his own tell him to eat just one bite. Tie a reward such as dessert into the eating one bite. He gets dessert if he tries everything. Otherwise no dessert.

But be careful to be very casual and matter of fact about this. Fighting over food can easily turn into food issues as he ages.

To be effective the adults also have to follow the same rule.

I wonder what you'd feel like and do if someone served you a meal consisting only of foods you don't like?

BTW Lentils are a rather sophisticated food. I suggest his palate is not mature enough to enjoy the flavor.

Remember that his ability to appreciate tastes has to be developed and will change as his taste buds and digestive system matures. Since you've been hiding these foods you'll need to gradually add them to his diet so that he can get used to, not only the flavor, but the texture of the food.

Our appetite is influenced by many things. Food has flavor, texture, temperature. He may not like boiled eggs with it's rubbery texture and cold temperature but he may learn to like scrambled eggs or maybe boiled eggs that are warm, for example.

I was able to get a friend's child to eat broccoli by calling it little trees. My mother was able to get me to eat green beans by feeding them to me one at a time using her fingers. Then she showed me how to eat them with my fingers and I've liked them ever since. Make eating dinner a playful time.

Even as an adult I sometimes have difficulty doing something when it's presented to me as "you have to do this." I respond much better when I'm asked to do it with a please. Make meal time a cooperative adventure.

I think maybe your all-or-nothing approach is a little too much for a 3 year old to take. Maybe if you try incorporating slowly it will go smoother for you. I never went through this with my kids, but then again I refused to play the "let's hide to nutricious foods so you'll eat them" game, also. You started out playing the game & now all of a sudden you want to change the rules & he's not going for it. Can't say that I blame him, honestly.

Maybe you can try introducing 1 new veggie every few days & insist that he at the very least try 3 bites. That sounds more than fair to me and you'll likely get better results than starving him (which I am totally NOT slamming you for, I 100% understand the frustration & how you got to the point where you are).

As a picky eater myself, let me tell you what I think my Mom did wrong. She quit trying. Simple as that. Up until I was 35 I had never eaten anything green except for peas and skittles. No veggies, no fruit... nothing.

Before I had my daughter I though about what I would do if my daugher was picky like me. (Thankfully... she isn't) I thought that I would hide what I could until she got to the age when I could reason with her. At that point I thought that I would sit with her a few times a week and have tasting parties. I would put things out that she had not tried, or didn't like and make her taste them. Maybe prepared in different ways hoping to find something that would work.

Jerry Seinfeld's wife wrote a book about her picky eater kids. Look at that. She tells how she shreads up different things and adds it to cookie batter and things like that. I know you don't want to disguise it as junk... but do what you must until you can get him eat them.

Good luck.

Try giving him a light dressing to dip his veggies and other types of food in. It may work. My grandson does even though he will eat lots of things without too.

Give it a try it may work!

Updated

Try giving him a light dressing to dip his veggies and other types of food in. It may work. My grandson does even though he will eat lots of things without too.

Give it a try it may work!

Hi there,

I think the thing you need to be careful of is not complicating the nutrition/food likes-dislikes issues with a power struggle. When my fiesty little 4-year old was younger, if she sensed that I wanted her to eat something she wouldn't even try it. I always just offer her a balanced meal, serve it on her plate, and hope for the best. If I notice she isn't eating many veggies over a few days then I'll make a special effort to sneak some in or make the one veggie I know she'll eat. But I would never get into rewarding her for eating certain foods or forcing her. You are in control by offering him healthy foods to choose from. But he is in control from there. You have to let go. He will eventually eat something healthy. Try to accommodate his favorite foods, but don't offer him food you don't want him to eat. And if he gets some good veggies and fruits in once in a while, he'll be fine. :)

I'm not even going to check out other people's answers on this so if it's a big repeat, please forgive.
One thing that I noticed immediately is that you mention "veggies in their true form" then immediately condition that as "(either steamed or stir fried)". What you don't mention is whether he will eat raw veggies. If he will, then by all means be content to give him his veggies that way!
As far as your statement about "not giving in" ... Don't! But also don't make this a big issue. You know what he doesn't like and refuses to eat, so simply continue to incorporate as many veggies as possible into your menu in the ways he will eat them and quit fighting him over them. By making this a battle, you will most likely just increase the problem. If you simply, quietly incorporate the veggies in other foods and let him eat what he will eat, he will either grow into liking veggies more, or will continue getting his veggies throughout his life in ways that please him and either way, it's OK mom.

My 5-year-old daughter is exactly like this. She used to gag on baby foods she didn't like. And now she'll absolutely break down in real tears if we try to make her eat something she really doesn't like. Her pediatrician actually said to me, "How would you like it if someone tried to force you to eat something you really don't like?" And she pointed out that some kids have a very sensitive sense of taste which makes them have strong dislikes, which is OK. It's funny, I was a very picky eater, too, and her comments made me remember the sheer panic/terror of being forced to eat something that I thought was disgusting. I SO didn't want to gag/throw up that I was really scared. I'd rather be hungry than gagging. At age 6 I attempted to run away from a very happy home over a few lima beans. Seriously.

So what we do is this: I make meals in general that we all like (the meat/main item) and then put a few pieces of whatever vegetable we're all having on her plate. I read somewhere that just getting kids to let the veggie be on their plates is a step toward eventually trying it. I don't push on the "disliked" item -- I just remind her nicely that she should try X veggie because it came out so nice & buttery tonight :) But usually that doesn't work (although we have had success with steamed broccoli with some soy sauce). So if she doesn't have a few bites, then she does have to eat a serving of a veggie/fruit she does like (which seriously is only Gerber 3rd foods apples, Gerber 3rd foods sweet potatoes, frozen corn (yes, she only eats it still frozen) or frozen peas (yes, not cooked at all -- got that one from a friend). I figure a veggie repeated often is better than no veggie at all -- and none of our "go-to" options require any prep, so it's not a big burden to give her something just for her.

I'm told by more experienced mommies that it might take years, but eventually her repertoire of veggies will grow. And it was true with me -- it wasn't until college that I began eating lots more things. And now I eat like a normal human being -- well, OK, I'm still a little picky (almost starved on a trip to Japan :) but I'll TRY almost anything.

I hope this helps -- I know it's stressful (trust me!) but try not to worry. Picky eaters can thrive on a limited repertoire, too!