Need Some Advice! - Houston,TX

V.,
All you can do is communicate with you're husband. See where he is at! Maybe he feels the same way. No matter what, you've got to decide together what to do. At least if you talk you'll know where one another are at with it. I think you should come clean about cheating also. If he can't stay with you through that then maybe it wasn't meant to be anyhow...

V.,
This is seriously immature behavior on both your part and your husbands part...Why go to this extreme when their are children involved? Why would you ever introduce your children to this "other man"? It sounds like you are disrespecting each other in a visious cycle that will only lead to hurt and more betrayal...not to mention that your children are old enough to know that something is not right. Children learn things by watching and this potentially telling them it's ok to cheat and hurt the people you love and care about. This is just my personal opinion and I hope that you can understand that...you asked for advice?????? Here it is: STOP this destructive behavior and consider what you are doing in the long run to yourself, your husband, and your children. I would also consider counceling for your husband and yourself...it works wonders to open the lines of communication and may also help for you to see why you had a child with this man in the first place...

Ok girlfriend, I think you need to slow it down a little. Jumping from one relationship to another is not a wise decision. You are already in a relationship and need to figure out what is going on there before you move on to anything else. This other guy may be great, but since you are having some hard times with your current man, you also may not even be able to see things clearly. My advice is to talk to your boyfriend about what is going on and what the future of your lives together is, marriage etc.. Leave the other guy alone and straighten things out no matter what the outcome between you two turns out to be. Ask God to help you make a good decision, and think about if this man you are with is the man you can spend the rest of your life with. Best wishes!!

Dear V.,
Wow, it sounds like you have a lot going on and no matter what anyone tells you, ultimately, you have to decide and make some difficult decisions and changes in your life. I believe it starts with the heart and what is going on inside. We often look at a situation that is making us feel bad and we think if only I can find something or somebody to make things better, but unfortunately, it is usually counterfeit ( It only last so long). Some of us like to shop when we feel empty, so we go and spend some money and feel better, but it only last for a very brief time. Some of us look for love in all the wrong places because we want to feel love, but it only last for a very brief time. Every one has a different way of trying to fill the voids that are missing in their hearts. It's tuff raising three kids, much less on your own, but if you need to be at a place where you need to be on your own, than you can do it. I am not going to tell you what you should do because as mention above, you have to decide. However, spend sometime searching your heart and think about what your goals are for you and your children. Think about your purpose because whatever your purpose is, it's important! Please try not to sit around waiting for the right man to fill your cup. I am not saying you will never find the right man, but even when you do, it will always take sacrifice on each of your part. If only it was that easy to allow a situation or a man to fulfill our happiness. I don't know your faith, but I do recommend a book for you. It's called, "I'll Have What She's Having." author: Bobbie Houston "The Ultimate Compliment For Any Woman Daring To Change Her World." It's friendly reading and I believe it will help you observe some changes in your life that may need to be made. There is help on the way, but you have got to want it bad enough. You may find a man to love you, but God will always love you more and He wants the very best for you!!!! P.S. I only preach what I practice and we will always be in training. That is the beauty about it all, we live and learn. Be encouraged and be blessed!

V.,

I hope you won't receive this as critical, but rather simply helping point out the obvious. Sometimes we all need another voice to help us see what is glaring us in the face because we are so emotionally bogged down. So here goes...

There is no possible way that you are SUCCESSFULLY raising your 3 boys to be respectful, because children learn by what they see... not what they hear. You are not respecting yourself, men in general or what a pure relationship with a man is. Therefore, your boys will grow up to think that "respectable and intelligent" means that a woman WANTS you and intelligent means your cunning enough to make them believe you need them, too... at least for a little while.

Just because you're being accused of cheating doesn't give you the freedom to cheat. What you have now done is brought a third adult into your relationship and the lives of your children (whether he actually interacts with them or not.)If this man is willing to cheat WITH you (knowing full well you are in a relationship and have a son with the other man) than he will cheat ON YOU. Let's not make an immoral act into a romantic fantasy. Just because a man SAYS all the right things (marriage, children, etc.) doesn't make him capable of fulfilling them. Actions speak louder than words.

"One of his other baby's mamas"... how many children does this man have out of wedlock/unmarried relationships?! That should have been a flashing warning sign from the start. I'm sure you realized going into this that there were other women he would be keeping in contact with due to his other children. If he didn't keep in touch with these children, that too would have been a warning sign of how loyal he really can/can't be. Unfortunately, it can't be both ways.

I know you feel torn and I will lift you up in prayer. First question I would ask myself, "Are these God honoring relationships that I am in?" "Am I walking the way God would want me to?" The answer to both is, "No." We all make poor choices, but when we seek Christ, He is there with His loving arms to embrace us and will guide us in paths that will bring joy to us... if we let Him. All other paths lead to the spiritual destruction you are now in. There is hope, though.

Pray. It will help more than anything else.
Blessings to you, V..
~M.~

I'm just going to say it. Grow up. Put your children first instead of yourself. Are you planning on bouncing from man to man, finding a new one everyone time the old one gets old to you? Furthermore, it's appalling that you cheated "because I was already getting accused."

Please for the sake of your children, grow up and act like a mother.

V.,
You have had some really rough responses here. I don't think half of these ladies really read what you wrote. I didn't comprehend it all either. I just read it a second time and now can see the situation better. You haven't cheated oh your boyfriend yet if I am understanding this right. I would make a clean break from your boyfriend. You guys have been together for 5 years, had a child together and are still not living together? There is something seriously wrong here. If he is texting other women especially another woman that he also has a kid with then he is not being faithful to you. He thinks he is living the good life having all the cake he wants and eating it too. Its time to end that reign for him. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You want to have your boys be respectful towards women and people in general so don't allow yourself to be disrespected and lead by example by not tolerating it. As for your friend at the office, keep it a friendship for now. Let him know that you do really like him but you need to take a litte break from men to figure out what you want from your life. This way he will not be a rebound! If he waits for you to get your thoughts and feelings situated then he just may be a keeper. You've already known each other for years so that is a bonus! But for yourself you need to keep that relationship non-sexual to keep a clear head for you and your children. If later you do decide to persue a relationship with your friend take it really slow. If he really cares about you and respects you then he will wait as long as he has to wait for sex. I tested this theory myself and it does work. That's how you know the feelings are real and not just lust! I hope all of this helps and good luck!

It doesn't get much better here. V., ignore the poster that said to follow your heart. Obviously your 'heart' has taken you into some very bad choices.

You are having problems with your SO. EVERYONE has problems with their SO. Does he still want to be with you? Why are you upset he's texting other women when you HAD SEX with another man? I would confess and ask forgiveness (if you really want forgiveness) and look into some counseling for you or both of you.

It is a really bad idea to have other men around your kids. They need a stable environment. Only introduce a man to your kids if he has asked you to marry him and you are considering it!! It should be that serious.

You are happy your male friend at work wants to marry 'some day.' Are you disappointed that your SO does not want to marry? Tell him that you want the stability of a marriage and if he can't commit to that it means he can't commit to YOU and you should definitely leave him if you aren't going to get couples counseling.

THEN- take care of yourself and your boys. LEarn who you are and become a great mom/woman on your own. learn that you don't NEED a man to be a whole woman. Then when you find someone who you think might be a good stable person to marry, take it slow! Don't sleep with him! Get to know him and build a relationship and wait AT LEAST UNTIL You ARE THOUGHTFULLY ENGAGED before having sex. That protects you emotionally and otherwise AND protects your kids.

You have to think about your children first and foremost right now. Don't fool around with relationships like you're a teenager. Grow up and raise your family. If someone WONDERFUL and NICE and NOT A CHEATER LIKE THE GUY AT WORK comes along then that's great! But it's not necessary. what's necessary is that your children have a loving and stable environment.

IMHO,
S., mom to 1 in Heaven, 4 on Earth, 1 in the womb, married 6 years!

Not to be rude, just blunt... Grow UP! You have children that are old enough to understand everything it is that they are seeing their mother do. You have 3 boys & you are not putting them in an environment that is healthy. They are going to think that it's ok to treat a woman the way you're allowing men to treat you. You shouldn't introduce them to different men. You need to figure out what it is that you want on your OWN. You do not NEED a man to be happy. Figure out who you are & what you want out of life & out of a relationship. Be a strong independent woman, then start thinking about a relationship & only if you think it is serious & has potential, should you introduce them to your children. Your kids do not need to be exposed to different men. Once you become a mother it is your responsibility to do what is healthy both physically & mentally for your children. They should be your main priority.

You obviously need time for you. To have 3 children and not be in a Monogamous relationship really says a lot.

I strongly urge you to go to counseling so you can develop the skills and mindset you need for your daily life. You'll have an impartial person helping you set goals and move forward in a direction YOU feel good about.

Get away from men right now. You are too needy and it sounds like you're looking for someone to just love you and tell you how good you are as a person. You need to do that for yourself. You need to find that happiness in yourself first.

Be on your own and make yourself strong for your boys. Or they will grow up thinking making babies with women and cheating is how they SHOULD treat a women. Which is WRONG on every level.

GET OUT ON YOUR OWN. Be strong/make yourself strong. Go to counseling. Be celibate for yourself and your children. If you really wanted the advice, do these things.

Good luck

I agree w/pp. You need to set some goals for your life. Where we are today is a result of what we have been doing. If you keep on the way you are going, your 3 boys will mirror your behavior in the future. If you want things to be different, it begins w/you. You can't keep on doing the same thing and expect different results!

Any relationship worth having takes HARD work. Love isn't a feeling, it's a choice. Feelings come and go, but commitments should be lasting, whether your feeling it or not. Teach your boys to have values and to stand up for them. You don't want them to become cheaters who don't take responsibility and just leave when the going gets tough, do you? That's what will happen if you don't make some changes beginning w/you.

Stop playing w/fire. Let go of the guy at work. If he's cheating w/you, he will cheat ON you too! Anyone appears nice for a few hours, but what about when the masks are off? You can change things around. Your boys are counting on you!

Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids, 1 sweet daughter,9, and 4 boys, 8,6,4,1 1/2
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

Oh V......There are so many wrongs here. You may not think your kids see anything but they see more than you think. You really need to perhaps take some time off from all of these men and re-evaluate the situation and determine what you really want from a companion as well as a relationship and then don't settle for any less. Your kids will follow your lead and if they see that mommy has different relationships on & off, then they will more than likely have the same thing in the future. I'm definately not trying to beat you up but it sounds like you really don't know what want.

Sounds like you already made up your mind. Just be careful with getting your other children so attached . I would have a sit down talk with them and let them know what will be happening. Be sure to listen to their concerns and answer their questions.

You gave your baby's daddy an excuse to cheat on you and/or prove himself right. Why?

V., when you start a new relationship everything is great. Don't ignore the fact that you are commited to someone and he is the father of your child. What messege are you sending your children? It's not okay to cheat. How are you teaching your children to be respectful young men when you are not being respectful. I'm sorry if I am too hard on you but you need to evaluate your situation. Cheating is never the right thing to do. If you don't love him simply leave him. Have respect for yourself and especially your children.

Elisa

I know from experienced that relationships are very hard. In my opinion being happy is the most important thing. If you are not Happy that will effect all three of your children. I am no doctor or expert. My opinion ussually counts for about nothing. Although I say don't stay where you are not happy. Weigh your gains and losses. If what your giving up can be lived without,then go for it. Life is to short not to be happy. If he is looking elsewhere for his womanly attentions then apparently he isn't happy either. It's always best to let go before holding on makes you hate each other.
I sincerly hope everything works out.
Respect and support, B.

Cheating is wrong, no matter how you try to justify it. I believe if you're going to cheat then you should give your current partner the courtesy of being honest and let them know/go before you do it. Regardless of the quality of your relationship with your son's dad, you are acting like you are "with him" which is confusing to your children, so you either need to be with him or be honest and leave him.

As for the guy at work, you shouldn't be bringing your kids around him, or any other men in your current situation. It is confusing to them to see mom going about with this guy and that when she is living with dad...... what kind of example does that set for them?

V.,
It sounds like you are very overwhelmed with life right now. If there is as much turmoil in hour house as your request sounds, I think the last thing you need is another man in your life. This other guy might truly be amazing but you have 3 kids and a boyfriend right now and that is where you need to focus your attention. I have boys too and they take up all of my time! If things arent working out with your youngest son's father and you, you should deal with that first. Then learn how to be by yourself for a while. You dont need to jump right to another man, you should be focusing on those 3 boys! Spend time with them, get to know THEM before you start thinking about another relationship. If you dont fix whatever is wrong with your current relationship (even if that means to end it) you should not be starting another one. You need to be the MOM those kids need and stop focusing on other men...you are creating who those boys will be when they grow up and if you want them to be good men you should be a good example of how to be strong FOR not only yourself but for them as well
good luck

V., is this a pattern for you? I'm not being critical, but this is a good time to look at your life and figure out what you want and do not want for it and for your children. Evaluate your judgment in men and make sure that you are making wise decisions that can be good LONG TERM.

It sounds like you're not married to your youngest son's father, but you owe it to yourself and your children and any future romantic/sexual relationship to clean this mess up before moving on. I agree that it sounds like you enjoy the attention that you get from this man at work. You have now brought your personal confusion to the workplace, and that's an unwise move. Anyone who is attracted to you now (in this situation) will likely not respect you as a wife. There are exceptions, but I'm telling you the rule.

You wanna know what I think you should do to fix it? Stop this relationship with the guy from work. Figure out what you want and what you're gonna do with the guy at home (father to your son). (If you choose to make it work, get counseling, and be open and honest with each other.) Get some counseling for yourself, so you can understand who you are and what motivates you. Every adult should have a handle on that information. Then, you will be equipped to move forward, in whatever direction you choose. If you want to be married, you must act like a wife. When someone who can respect that comes along, then he might be your husband.

I'm telling you what I tell young women all the time, so please don't feel unfairly judged or criticized. There's some growing up that needs to be done on your end, and because you have three boys to raise into good men, you don't have the luxury of putting it off.

sounds to me like there is a lot of distrust and unfaithfulness. You aren't even married to this guy are you? I think you need to figure out what you want and decide to focus your life on one thing, your kids, and what is best for them. I can just imagine what those poor boys must be thinking and how they are seeing what a mommy and daddy's relationship consist of.

I would stop seeing the guy at work, let him know that you dont want any contact with him and your going to make your marriage work. After time husbands get boring and you fall out of love with them thats when its time to fall back in love with him. Go on dates with your hubby. I realize that if I were to get involved with another man because I was board with my husband that eventually the other man would become boring to me too. So find new ways to fall for you husband. Nothing is more romantic as being in love with your own husband. As far as his texting it depends on what the conversation is if its hey baby i wanna love you then thats completly disrespectful. Best of luck.

sounds like you really need to keep kids out of your adult relationship, you should of never cheated on him first of all you cant go through life well if he did it then i can you will never get very far, if you are that unhappy leave before you cheat and if he has cheated on you first then you should of left when that happened. it sounds like you are just drifting apart and kids really dont need to be in the middle of your fling with worker while you are still with husband you r showing to your kids that that sitution is ok and its not NO ONE deserves to be cheated on the only right thing to do is to leave the other person first i feel for you, your husband, and kids hope this helps

Whether or not you are married to the man you are living with is really NOT an issue. You are in a relationship that you SHOULD BE committed to and honest in. You are not setting a good example for your children. Fix your life and give your children a fighting chance to grow up to be good adults and not cheating loosers. I am not judging you but you need to clean up this mess and get YOUR life on track before you mess up your kids. Flitting from man to man will not teach your children any values at all. I wish you good luck and good judgement in the future. Drop the guy at work, work things out one way or the other with the man you are with. Teach your children to honor their committments and their relationships, fix your own life before moving on to another man.

Hi V..
THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.
I do know what you are going through with your son's dad.
OKAY. So I did not cheat, but was very tempted to do so.
I had to step back and figure out what I really wanted. My ex and I tried counseling, but our relationship did not improve.
We did end up getting divorced. I do not regret my decision any. It was the best thing for me and my son. but my son has gone through alot. My ex and I have a decent relationship (Thank God) not everyone is so lucky... as a matter of fact MOST are not so lucky --- but my son had a really hard time. Divorce is hardest on the children. If you think it's emotionally trying on us --- imagine on them. It broke my heart to see what he went through.
So I was single and dating for a few years. but above all - I was a MOM first. I dated alot and I learned that though at first guys may like my child (they were always introduced as friends only & my children never saw me being affectionate with them)... it would turn into a sort of jealousy.
With that said -- please be picky in who you want as a father figure in your children's lives. My son was 2 when his father and I split. When he was 7 yrs old I started dating my current husband. There are men out there who will genuinely love your children, you just have to be able to not allow your emotions to get carried away and get you caught up with someone who is not. My husband and I now have 2 children of our own... and I have to tell you that it has been a hard road. We love each other and are dedicated to our family - but hardly ever see eye to eye on my eldest son.
Bottom line is that you should try to work things out with your son's dad .... but you do deserve to be happy. There is nothing for a child like having both parents together... HOWEVER IT DOES HAVE TO BE A HEALTHY LIFE. You do deserve to be happy. And he needs to provide you with that happiness.
You both need to put work into your relationship for it to be successfull... If either of you half asses it, then it's doomed from the beginning. So have a heart to heart, find out how he feels where he stands, what he wants... and go from there. Try your best and if it does not work then it does not work. But at least you know you gave it your all. That is what got me through my divorce. You should also cut out your other relationship. It can cloud your judgement and cause you to make rash decisions. It is also never a good idea to go from one relationship to the next. If you have to -- make a clean cut and move on. but give yourself some time for you.
Main thing is to make sure you don't have to regret your decisions because sometimes there is no going back. I have friends who have done just that and wish there was somehow a way to go back and change things. Pray Pray Pray. There is no one to guide you like God can. GOOD LUCK

Amanda P. hit the nail on the head!!!! Wow, you're pathetic....

Do not admit that you had an affair with your co-worker. I would go with someone who treats me nice and accepts my children. Do take your time on getting married. Take things slow, and get to know him better before you make a commitment.

Good Luck

Rosie

Hi V. i can understand where you are coming from. MY husband whom i have been together for 6 going on to seven years but got married last year. well I know what it is like to be with someone who you love and they don't give any attention to you at all. But the sad part of all this is that people at work can tell how little attention he gives me worst part he never helps with the kids. How many of my co workers tell me that they have never seen him even smile at me or hug me or even give me a kiss on the cheek. we work together. I have made it work for so long because i wanted to keep the family together. And I have learned from my mother's example as well. But as time goes by you feel straved for attention and you don't get any. Thats how he is. It is killing me. So i began to flirt with other guys. And one of them is a good friend of mine. MY husband has pick up on it now. I would hope that then he would give me attention still non.
But I wanted to tell you i guess that I understand how you feel and i will not acuse you of anything. Because we deserve to be happy too. Not just them. i have been a good woman to him stood by his side in good times and in bad. But it feels like i have stretched like a rubber band that is going to break. And well i have cheated on my husband too. for the same reasons you did i got attention and then it turned physical. And now i have another relationship going. But one thing i will tell you since I got kids too. 6 and 3. Just take everything really slow. that is what I am doing cause i don't want to get hurt by this other guy. You could say that i am a desparte house wife lol. But seriuosly, take everything one step at a time. I have not told my husband what i have done nor do i plan on too. I just hope that he wakes up before it is to late.
So i do not point the finger to any woman who is in this kind of situation. Everyone thinks its ok if the man cheats but when a woman does it we are called whores. Why we did it cause the one we wanted to spend out rest of our lives with are negleting us in so many ways.
Cuase my husband and i don't have much of a any real concersations all he talks about is his bussniess and money. I try to tell him something and he walks of or changes the subject. I have tried to share my music with him since i play in an orchstra. He would even listen when i talk about that. But the other guys listens even if he wants to get laid he listens that is all i ask.

So for any of you women out there who want to point the finger, well you need to look at how she feels. why she like myself has done what she did.
So V. i stand with you. I am on your side. But try to keep the kids out of it. I do.
But remember i am on your side, i know what you feel.

sincerley,
A.

I would strongly advise marriage councelling. Why drag your kids through uncertainty. You owe them more than that. You seem very confused yourself. I would advise you getting help before you make a decision. Walk away from this affair until you know what you want for yourself and children.

L.

You are loving the attention the work guy is giving you. Maybe your son's Dad was right accusing you of having an affair. It was an emotional affair then you made it physical. You are asking what other Moms think you should do. Concentrate on raising your boys.

I understand that you do not want people to critize you but YOU put yourself there. You did not say where the other two boys came from but I would assume they are not who you talking abouts children. PATTERN HERE. A man is not where you get happiness, nor will SEX, nor will anything else it sounds like. When you cheated you told your heart that you are not being serious with anyone. Being with one person for the rest of your life will be hard--cause you want the feel good feeling forever. It does not work that way. Choose ONE man and go for it. To be real honest it should not be any of the guys in your life right now--you have cheated them ALL. High school crushes are just that CRUSHES and that feeling goes away. Yes later in life you acted on it--feels good does it not? It always feels good to have someone pay that kind of attention to you--but you must stop it when it goes past being BIBLICAL. Ask GOD to help you, go to church, get your kids into church and start living life with God. It is never to late to start living RIGHT-for you and your children. God knows what is going on and hiding it from others is just lieing to youself. If you had to have an affair then it aint there and if he had to help you cheat then it aint there either. Find a godly man and you become a godly woman for all involved.

You need to end the relationship w/ your son's father before moving on to the next man. Don't be to fast to think your relationship with the other man is going to work out you never know.

V.,
You know that the only person you can change in this world is yourself? You need to get something going for you. Are you looking for "Mr. Right'? Most women think that if they just have the right man all their problems will be solved. It is not that simple. Stop focusing on men and start focusing on you and the kids and what is right for them. Your babies father is cheating on you - that was why he accused you of cheating. You may have something nice with your high school friend from work but unless you stop hopping from man to man you will not fully appreciate him. If he is 'Right for you" take your time - don't jump into bed with him just yet. Tell him what you need from him and see how he responds. If he is actually "Mr. Right" you will know it soon enough. I know you need help with the kids, but don't rush this and don't play games. You need to start acting smart and protecting your self and your children.

Are you married to your son's dad? It was unclear, but didn't sound as though you were. And as for him texting other women...that is very disrespectful and the reasoning behind him accusing you of cheating...because his whole heart is not centered on you...and that is MY OPINION!
I would definitely follow my gut instinct on this one...if you are happier with your co-worker and he seems to be more of a family man that would respect you and your children, then I would say pray really hard about it and seek God's direction...He (God) doesn't intend for us to live unhappily or in a disrespectful relationship...if your son's dad is giving other women attention now and your not married...it will only get worse after marriage unless God intervenes and straightens him out...only you know the direction to take. Search your heart! No one can tell you how to live your life. But, by experience, I can tell you...if it's already happening...it'll continue. Good luck. God Bless you.
M.

V.,
You have 3 children. Only 1 by your current husband. You are now involved with a different man you work with? What are you thinking? If you are unhappy with your marriage then first you need to seek advice from a professional who can help you decide why you are unhappy. You can get help from a church pastor or councelor and if this does not help you then try to work on yourself, either by getting a job you enjoy or reading some great self help books. Your children should be your main priority not searching for happiness with another person while you are still in a relationship with your husband. You are only adding complications into your life and by bringing your children into the game, you are confusing them about having safe relationships in their lives. Children know more than you think and they could tell on you to your husband. The man from your office is not the solution, he is part of the problem. Think before you do anything else and seek some professional advice.

You are threading on very dangerous waters. If you do not love your husband and divorce, be prepared to support 3 young children. Stop the affair at the office until you are divorced. Or you can try and rekindle the romance with your husband, but never tell him about the affair it will trully never be the same even if he forgives you. Everything I have read about these things do not end up very good.

Well, this is definitely a decision that you will have to make on your own. But, my advice to you is to go with what your heart is telling you. You'll be much happier that way.

Hi V.,
noone can tell you what to do that is your dession to make but if your running around on b/f and he's doing the same it seems the answer is stareing you in the face duhso do as you and what will make your sons happy because you have to answer to them also at i point in time

good luck L.

If you're going to take yourself out of the relationship with your child's father, do it before you get involved with somebody else. Give yourself time to be your own person without leaping from man to man. You need time to know what you AND YOUR KIDS need.

Girl Life is too short. Go for what you know and enjoy. His loss your gain.

First, it will be a mistake to cheat on your boyfriend/husband just because he accused you of doing so. Also, how can you teach your three beautiful boys to be respectful, intelligent young men? They will copy the behavior they are seeing. Do not let your children spend any more time with your new man because it will send confusing/conflicting messages to them. You need to decide what you what is best for you and your children. Some suggestions that may help you: start a journal and write down your feelings. See a family therapist at your church. If your children are not involved in a church, now is a good time to start. Your decisions will affect them much more than you realize. Pray for clarity. Talk to your children's father and honestly tell him what you are feeling. Is there anyway to reconcile your current relationship?

If your son's dad does not make you happy, then you need to move on, but it is not wise to leave him for another man, becuase things with that guy might not work out later on either. You need to have only one relationship. If that "one" is not right for you, then end it. Don't blame your son's dad for your affair. You make your own decisions and you need to own up to that. Perhaps you all can go to counseling and figure out what it is that both of you want from each other and make a decision on your based on what you learn in therapy. Good luck.

Take a look at these websites, www.allaboutlove.org/love-addiction.html and www.slaafws.org.

Then if you think you might need some healing and want to make some changes, check out www.celebraterecovery.com and go and be blessed beyond your wildest dreams!!!

May you have God's very best for you and your children!

V.,

My husband and i have been together for 13 years and about 3years ago my husband became "Friends" with our neighbor and was constantly on the phone with her and meeting her before work and such inappropropriate behavior for being married so I told him that we were either going to counceling and going to work things out and he would NEVER speak with her again or he was out the door forever and I was taking custody of our child and he could be the visitng parent which killed him he loves our son dearly, so he chose to go to counceling which really helped, you have to really dig deep to find out if your still in love and really want to be with your baby's daddy, if so then you will need to switch jobs and break off ALL communication with this co-worker. Good luck its hard but if you really love him then do what you need to do to make it work.

Work it out with your husband and stay together!