Need Some Help with Hair Pulling 20 Month Old

My middle daughter was a biter. It started when my 3rd child was born and escalated intensely when the new baby started to require more than holding/sleeping. It's my opinion that it gets even worse when the new baby becomes mobile (needs mom to look at her/him & mom can no longer be watching big sister/brother all of the time).

Anyway, it continued until it was done (a phase). The one thing that helped the most and was something different than the other stuff I'd heard was that the behavior was telling me that she needed me. She was exceptionally good at talking early, so this seemed unlikely to me. I thought she should be able to tell me, but truthfully, she was unable to verbalize her needs.

What my friend did with her son was pick him up and hold him and say "Your behavior is telling me that you need mama. If you need me, I need you to tell me (or make up a signal). Biting is NOT okay."

I also tried not to stay @ playgroups "too long". There were some subtle signs in the way she moved and interacted w/the other kids. She'd start to move away from the group a little or seem to be just a little "faster" in her movements.

Sometimes, I would offer to hold her or to play with her for a few special minutes when we'd been somewhere for a while. It seemed like she could go back to playing with the group for a bit after that, but really, it was usually time to go. I also found that she is a person who needs time alone to be by herself and that she enjoys spending more time at home (my oldest & I are "on the go" people).

Good luck! It really is such a short time that they need us so much.

I did the exact same thing as the previous poster, but my son was younger. I just gave a little tug at his hair and said, pulling hair hurts. You don't want to hurt others and he stopped. Worked for my son, might not work with all.

I know this will make some people mad, but have you pulled his hair? Not hard, but right after he pulls someones hair just give a slight tugged. I believe that some kids just don't know that it hurts. You don't have to pull it to the point that he cries, just a little tugs as say something like "see that hurts".
Both of my girls tried to pull hair, but once or twice of getting a little tug and they realized it hurts and they stopped.

Hi, are you aware of his triggers? (when he pulls) Is it at certain times or does it come out of nowhere? I do holistic work in the counseling field(www.jillsylvester.com) but not for children that small. I would look into OCD practitioners in the area- you can go onto SSCIT.org for practitioners who may see kids at that age. The more proactive you are, the better you and your son will feel in the near future. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me. I am versed on the subject of OCD and hair pulling. I would work to identify any triggers as your first course of action. Lastly, I think Jennifer's advice below is beautifully written. I agree, children are trying to tell us something when they behave in this way.
Thanks.

J.

I agree with Liz and Nicole. My daughter was never a hair puller , but the first time she bit me I bit her back and that was that.