Need Suggestions About Kids Keeping Room Clean

1. No Food or Drink in the room, EVER.
2. If they have TV, phone or computer in their room, not anymore.
3. Laundry, in hampers at all times.
4. If there is ANYTHING sticking out of drawers or left on the floor, it is taken away immediaely.
5. Go up there EVERY NIGHT before bed and do a spot check.

I think you are doing the right thing and need to stay VERY firm on the issue. When they have no priviliges and only one outfit to wear to school, which they have to was everyday, I bet things will change. Let them live with it.

Remember you are the parent and you pay for their house, their belongings and their clothing and if they can't respect it, then they can't have it. BUT if you don't stick to the punishment, it will never work. They will know you are a weak link and that they can get away with it.

Good luck!!

I agree totally with Dana. =) As a mother of OY! 8 kids, both biological and step, I can tell you that we have had up to 3 girls sharing a room. You think you have it bad? Try having a neat kid share a room with a slob and listen to the fights! Anyway, the only way to obtain order is by strict rules and holding your temper. Consider thinning down EVERYTHING. Keep enough clothes for each child for ONE week, the rest goes to Goodwill. If it's not clean TOUGH, take better care of it and make sure it get's in the wash kid. As far as toys go, get them each a large rubbermaid, fit as many toys as you can into it and give the rest away. Rubbermaids are a mom's best friend! Get a bunch of small ones for barbie clothes, hair doobers, etc and it is their responsibility to make sure they get put away. And punishments? calm...kids don't seem to understand calm, lol! calmly walk in, pick a piece of clothing up of the floor and leave with it. When they see things disappearing (after you have sorted and pitched already!) then they will get the hint. Believe me, at 8 they don't want to be caught dead in the same clothes, they will get the hint!
I know you probably don't want to see your money flushed by getting rid of things but it IS an important life lesson (ooh my kids HATE that phrase hehe).
This too shall pass. Just remember how fast the last few years have wizzed by, take a deep breath and know that in a blink of an eye they will be gone. The lessons you teach them now will stick with them for a lifetime. Be firm and consistant. The more you change the rules the more they will buck them. POST the rules on their door on the inside, when you want things picked up, who is to do what, HOW to do it. They will have no excuse. =) Good luck!

Dear S. B.
Boy, your fustration sounds very familiar. I have a 9yr old boy. Up until about a year ago I had this same daily struggle. I tried everything from spending the entire day getting his room perfect, reminding him everyday to clean it and thinking that would work. It never did. It would only be a matter of time and his room would be trashed. My biggest pet peeve was finding wrappers between the wall and the furniture; like he was too lazy to throw something away in the trash so he would hide it. Anyway, I finally solved the problem after years of exausting every other option I could think of.
I set aside one weeks worth of clothing (7 pants, 7 shirts, etc) I let him keep his books, but EVERYTHING else went away. I kept it all packed away. This way the child is not overwhelmed with stuff. By the sounds of it you children have a lot of stuff. It is stimulation overload.
By limiting the amount of stuff they have, they will learn how to manage what they have easier. As time passes and they maintain their room you can reward them with a toy or other object of their choice (from your stockpile). This motivates them to keep what they have in order.
This may seem like a harsh thing to do to kids, but in my experience it was the best thing I could have done for my son. He stopped getting constintatly yelled at, and his room was easy for him to maintain, plus since he had no toys, he read more. Gradually he 'earned' back his favorite toys and he learned the value of those things.
Children do not need a ton of toys to be happy. Simplify their lives and they will appreciate the little things more.
Hope this helps you.
Good Luck

My mom used to make us pay for everything of ours that she had to pick up. 10 cents a piece. We learned fast not to leave stuff around.

Also, check out the Love and Logic Institute - they have an audio CD on teaching kids responsibility around chores and other household duties. https://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/search.aspx?SearchTerm=...

I feel like the more you do to clean their room, the less they are going to do.

Good luck!

Wow, I can understand your frustrations! I haven't personally dealt with that yet because my kids are too young but I have a couple of questions for you. Before this, how strict were you with them about keeping their room clean? Also, have you told them exactly what needs to be done instead of just saying 'clean your room'? I agree with taking things away when they don't properly care for them, but I also think that they need to be repeatedly instructed on exactly what needs to be done. I would make a list to help them. For example, every day, clothes get picked up and put away, and beds get made. Every other day toys get put away where they belong (perhaps get shelves and label them with what toy goes where). List out exactly what you want them to do when. Then have "training" sessions. Go up there everyday for a period of time, walk them through doing it (don't do it yourself, but make them do it telling them how and what needs done), get them to notice how little time it really takes if you stay on top of it, then cut them loose to do it unsupervised. It's like training a person for a new job.

I asked about prior strictness, because if you weren't as on top of them before and now you are really extreme about it, it will appear unfair to them. When I was really young my mom instituted no discipline then all of a sudden when I was 13 she decided to step up and discipline me and I hated her for it at the time. So consistency is key. I would suggest making a reward chart with them, and setup a reward system for them to earn perks for keeping their rooms clean. Kids respond a lot better to positive praise and rewards than negative punishment. However, let them know that if certain things are not taken care of properly that they will be removed from their possession. Watch SuperNanny for fun reward charts and systems. Hope it helps, good luck!

Oh boy. I am DEFINITELY not giving advice. I'll symapthize with you, though. I have a 16-year-old daughter whose room is totally out of control. I can honestly say that things CAN get worse! Let's see. She was a cheerleader for a few years, very bubbly and "beautiful" as some have said (I think so because she's my kid...that's a given), and wears Hollister and Abercrombie clothes. Around 2 years ago, my mom and I decided to clean up her room and give it a mini-makeover (window treatments, new comforter, organizing). What a waste of money and time! If I could email you a picture of my daughter's room, I would. But I'll spare myself the embarassment. Here's a glimpse...imagine simply changing your clothes in your room and just letting them fall where you're changing...tossing bookbags, papers, magazines, photos, books, coats, shoes, etc. into the room as you're walking by...leaving the closet door and dresser drawers wide open...not EVER making your bed... There's no place to end this list. There's no floor to see in her room. We've given up the fight. Her father and I are college graduates...both majoring in Accounting. We grew up with rules and expectations and try our best to raise our family with morals and Christian values. We're not "clean freaks" or "neat freaks." We're simply clean and neat for the most part. Her two brothers, who are 7 and 13 and share a room, know how to pick up toys, video games, clothes, etc. and put them where they go...and do it when it needs to be done. They are complete opposites of her. One of our first "real" and major punishments for her regarding her room situation was taking the door off the hinges when she refused to clean her room. Have you tried this? Well, it irritated her for a few months...and now it ONLY irritates me because the door is in the basement and totally in MY way. She can care less if the door is gone - it's been in the basement for about 3 years now. I've stuffed things into trash bags and made them "disappear." I've yelled. I've discussed. I've rationalized. I've helped. I've punished. Every so often I would go into her room and do a major cleaning because it really "grossed me out." The last time I did that was about 6 months ago. You would think that, since she's the ONLY one in the house with a room to herself, she would take a little pride in it. At 16, it hasn't sunk in yet. And it's frustrating for us as parents, because we realize it isn't fair to the "cleaner" kids in the house. I explain to her that the boys share a room and know how to clean after themselves, but she argues back and says that I help them. I DO put the boys' clothes away, and I did hers, too until she started leaving the dirty ones in the floor (and on the ceiling fan...ummm, yeah). She says that they are lucky to be sharing a room, and that she'd gladly trade one of them places to be cleaned up after. The only problem with that is that one of the boys would suffer with her teenage selfish ways, and the other would have to move into her destroyed room. So, S., I have no help for you. I will send you prayers, though...because that's all I can offer you. :) Good luck, though!

Well being a mom of 4 my suggestion is to make sure their room is clean before they go to bed at night otherwise give them a consequence. like no tv for that day or something like that. Having one big room to clean up is very overwhelming for children. So if they just need to tidy up every night it is not so bad and this way the room stays clean....

Good Luck!

Wow.

My son is five and I am very strict with him. If he doesnt clean things up and I have to pick it up -- the first time it gets taken away for a day or two. The second time it gets taken away for 5-7 days, and the third time I have to clean up after him, it goes in the garbage.

My mom had the same problem with us as kids (we were 16, 10, and 8 at the time). She realized that we had too much STUFF and that we were not properly organized. We ended up with only 7-10 changes of clothes (including our "nice" outfit for special occasions, 7 pairs of socks, 7 pairs of underwear, etc), and she cleared out the toys that the 10 & 8 yr old had -- only kept things they played with (leaving toys out all over the floor isnt the same as playing with). I was 16 and with my stuff, she only kept things she knew held a lot of sentimental value (I had things given to me by my dad who died a few days after I turned 16).

Hooks and whatnot are a great idea! Make sure everything has a defined place where it belongs so they dont feel overwhelmed. And when they end up with nothing.... thye might appreciate the things that they had before. I know we did!

Maybe you could try behavior modification instead of punishing them? Email me at ____@____.com if you are interested in hearing what worked for my parents... I need to get to work and don't have time to explain it right now)

Hi S.!
Have you heard of FLYLADY? She has a website devoted to housecleaning and home organization. The home page (www.flylady.com) is pretty large to navigate through, but it is a great system. You can read everything on her website, and/or sign up to receive daily emails giving daily missions, testimonials, reminders, and encourgement. Best of all- its free!

Here is a link from the homepage in the "Back to School" section with testimonials on how to deal with kids / teens's cleaning habits:

http://www.flylady.com/pages/FlyBaby_Teenagers.asp

I hope you like it - I had MANY people recommend it to me and I love it. Its done wonders for my house!

One comment though I should mention: some people say they get overwhelmed with the number of daily emails sent. I have mine sent to a different yahoo address than for what I use for other things so it doesn't get clogged up.

S.,
I don't know if this will help much, but when I was a kid I also had a messy room and struggled with it. My mom finally got me a book called 'What to do when your Mom or Dad says "Clean your room!"' (Survival series for kids). I loved this book. It goes through step by step how to organize and clean stuff and has great pictures. I didn't always follow it, but it certainly gave me a good start. Amazon has listings for it from other sellers with prices ranging from $1.50 to $9.00. Also you might check and see if the library has it. The whole series is good (search for "Survival series for kids" to see them all).

Once your girls get the place really clean THEMSELVES they'll probably feel the sense of accomplishment that you want them to feel and that will maybe motivate them to do it a little more often. But by doing it for them, they'll never feel that, I don't think.

Hi S.,

I don't have any input for you about the room issue. Although...I did share a room with my sister (we are 2 years apart too). But when we were told to clean our rooms, we did it. We didn't get allowances or rewards....we just did it because our parents said so. I now have a 19 month old...and he better do as I say!! Yea right...hahaha....

I did have a few questions for you about your job as a labor doula. I'm interested in this career, but would like to know about it from someone who does it (not just read info on the internet). I went to your website, but didn't know if I filled out a 'contact form' if you would be the one to get it. So, if you want to or have time, could you please email me at ____@____.com. Thanks so much!!

Good luck with the girls!
A.

Hi S.,

My suggestion is to set up a routine for them so that it's a daily event to clean up the room. With my kids, they put their jammies on, pick up their rooms & then brush their teeth. Just like when they wake up, they get dressed and make their beds. Eventually, this becomes part of the habit as long as you make sure they do it EVERY day. Like another person said, you can't let it get out of control otherwise it'll be a big fight every time it's time to pick it up. You're going to have to stay on top of them for a while.

Yes, I expect my kids to keep their rooms clean, too. One thing I have done is we keep 90% of their "stuff" downstairs in the toy room. If you do not have a toy room to spare, maybe you could designate a closet or another area of the house (besides their shared room) too keep their "stuff". I totally agree with you taking away stuff that is not put away. They are old enough to know better. One thing I would add is that it will be tough for awhile to get your girls to understand that their room must be kept clean - they have been allowed to keep it messy for a long time and this will be a big change for them. But change is good! I wish you lots of luck!

My son never liked to clean his room....but he loves to watch tv. So everyday when we get home, he cant do anything he enjoys doing until his room is cleaned. In the beginning it took him hours messing around and he found that he never got a chance to watch the tv anymore.....It took awhile, but he learned...Now, he comes home and automatically cleans. However, you must be consistant!

I agree with the others. Growing up I was a neat freak sharing a room with a slob I understand your pain. Unfortunately my mother passed away when we were very young and my father was very hands off. The raising of the other 3 kids fell to me and my older sister.

Basically we did what the others suggested with my brother and sister who were slobs. We scaled everything down and took it away until they got the hint and then slowly gave things back as they earned it. The biggest thing is staying on top of it and checking every day or at least every other day. DO NOT LET IT GO longer than a week or it will be a lost battle. It is almost like a habit that needs to be broken.

Trust me when you take things away and they want it back they will do it eventually.

Hi S. - My little one is too young for me to give you advice on this topic from a mommy standpoint, but from a professional standpoint (I am a child psychologist) I would say a parenting program that I love is Love and Logic by Jim Faye. You might find some really good ideas in there that help you formalize your approach to consequences. In short I would say your consequences need to be "natural" in that they need to apply directly to the situation. So an earlier bedtime or removal of things they enjoy are a punishment, not a consequence like not having the clothes they want to wear because they did not make it in the hamper, or losing computer time, TV etc. time because they need to spend the time cleaning up their room. I agree with a previous post about making sure you check it every day so it doesn't get to be such a nightmare. They if they don't have it one before their favorite TV show starts, then they spend the 30 minutes cleaning their room instead of watching TV. It is best to make they have to have it clean prior to a desired activity (so they don't spend FOREVER cleaning it). Like, "OK guys, you have an hour before American Idol is on. I hope you can get your room cleaned in time, otherwise you will have to be cleaning it during the TV show." So I would think about what privledges they can earn for appropriate behaviors like keeping their room clean, instead of getting them for not doing anything and then you having to then take them away. These are all behavior management ideas that are a part of that Love and Logic parenting program. I have heard so many parents say what a help it has been, and the philosophy just fit why person and professional theories when I heard Jim Faye talk about the parenting techiniques that are in his books.

Good luck! Hopefully there are some useful ideas in here to help you through, even if you don't look into Love and Logic.
S.

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