Need Support Doing the Right Thing

This is a tough one.. I sympathize with you, I too am divorced after being married to him for 10+ yrs, and I have 4 children with him. I'd suggest counseling to get you thru it. I'd say you should stay until your daughter is out of the house. Then she'll see how you are making a sacrifice for her & it won't be forgotten. Also, you can get over him, and actually wish him well with his new marriage. It takes a lot of strength, but to be calm and show that you can do it shows character and the ability to move past him. Get involved with some other moms or singles groups. Go have some fun! Your daughter will thank you for it.

Well I'm not divorced, but my parent did get divorced when I was your daughters age. The only thing that comes to mind is where can you offer both you and your daughter the best quality of life?

I wanted to wish you luck. My parents divorced when I was starting my teens. It was hard moving place to place, but like everything it depends on the individual.
Counseling can be helpful.
Its a blessing you are thinking of your child too.
Being selfish is not always a positive thing.
I wish you lots of strength, patience and love between you and your child.

C., this is a tough one! First, it is very obvious that you are concerned about you daughters happiness, that shows that you are a good mom. But hunny, think about YOUR feelings too! You need to live in a place that can make you feel happy so you can start putting the pieces back together. Have you tried talking to your daughter about this? Yes, she is 15 and that is a tough age, but kids are resilient, she can make new friends. How far away are you thinking about moving? Do you want to move because he is in the same town or do you want to move to be closer to supporting family or friends. First thing is first, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Your daughter may understand this, explain to her how you feel, you never know she may understand or even feel the same way. I would also think about both you and your daughter going to counseling, individual and together, divorce will effect both of you. But first, you need to feel like you are on your feet again so you can be strong and start feeling in control again. Take care! I know you will make the right decision!

After reading through the responses, I would encourage you to take a lot of stock in what Janice A has said. It's exactly what I would suggest.

I just want to add....it sounds like your happiness is linked to having your husband in your life romantically. Without him it's just not the same. He moved on and now it's time for you to do the same thing emotionally.

Get into counseling and focus on what you have instead of what you don't have.

You are special,valuable,and worthy of being loved. Just because he chose to leave does not mean he took these things away.

Enjoy your daughter,love yourself, occupy your time with something fun and healthy.

The rest will happen naturally. Best wishes.

(((C.)))
I too am a divorced mom, and my ex got remarried not even a year after we split and we were together for almost 10 years and have 3 children together. It wasn't hard for me to get over him, because I too found someone, however, I wasn't looking but was willing.
I would suggest to you that you don't leave/move away until your daughter is out of school and can move out on her own, that was she has the option of staying there, where she is settled and has friends, or she has the option to move with you.
I think if you don't get counceling to deal with the dimise of your marriage, you will always have difficulty with it all, whether you moved away or stayed there. Part of it is that you really need to let go, it is hard I know, but you know it is time, when he is getting married again, it means you and he will never happen again.
I wish you all the luck and want to give you big hugs!!!

Hello there C..

Have you spoken to your daughter about everything that has been going on with you? Nevertheless, she sees how much pain you are in and I think she'd understand. She's only 15 and can make new friends elsewhere. Life is too short to limit yourself. You need to be happy and to start over. Be honest with your daughter and yourself. Or if you do decide to stay here, then find things to do. Make new friends and go out. You are only 48 and can still party.
Good Luck.

C. -

First - take care of yourself by finding a counselor to talk to and help work through your feelings about the divorce and your ex moving on. Counseling does not have to be expensive. Many health care plans have networks that will find a sliding scale therapist. Importantly, make sure that you can really work with the therapist. Be honest with the therapist and yourself. Also, get out of the house. Join a book club, a movie club, or some other special interest group. Socialize with other women, bond, it is very healing.

Second - 15 is a really hard age, without moving and having to make new friends. If there is any way that you can deal with the situation without having to move your daughter, that would really be the best. Even for a couple years, until she is off to college, or out on her own. It would really make a world of a difference for her.

At least make a really big effort here, and if it's just not working, then be honest with her about the issues. Maybe you can grown stronger together through the shared experience.

Best of luck!