My daughter is extremely smart and is an excellent communicator. However, this precious, 3-year-old package of confidence, intelligence and tornado-like energy is a challenge some days to say the least. We don't have a very good place for the typical "time-out" situation -- the open floorplan means every space is still pretty much right out there with everything else.
By default, she winds up sent to her room when she is in trouble. I don't like this for two reasons: 1) I believe a child's room should be a happy space designed for fun and play, and 2) Within a few moments of the punishment she is happily reading her books or playing dress up (not easy to control that once she's put in there).
More info: Our kitchen/dining/family room are together in one large space. The front sitting area that is a bit set apart is the kids' playroom... On the ground level that leaves only the bathroom and laundryroom. Perhaps we could put her downstairs in the office at the base of the stairs? There is nothing fun down there and the door from the main level would be open so we could see her on the landing below.
Any other creative suggestions on how/where to enforce time-outs? Thanks so much!
We've used stairs and the coffee table as options. No toys allowed, and no communication until time out is over. Both places the kids can leave, but we rarely have a problem.
she is three so hopefuly you know that the max time being in time out should only be three min. but the point of time out is that they have nothing to do or look at. my mom puts my daughter on the sofa for time out she hates it because even though the tv is there it isn't on and she can't move till time is up. then she ask her why she was in time out and explain why if she doesn't know. If they get up time starts over and you tell them again no your in time out for and what ever they are in time out for. and the hardest thing of all is to keep it up you are easy on them once and they take it for miles. good luck hopefuly it will get better.
S.
We have found that anywhere away from where they want to be is a punishment. Its not always a corner - sometimes its just against the wall or sitting with arms folded. Time out for our kids is taking them away, explaining what went wrong, and time to sit/stand quiet and think. When the time is up we assure them that they are a good kid and tell to be soft or nice or quiet (whatever reinforces good behavior opposite of what they did wrong).
Good luck.
I remember on Super Nanny that she used a carpet square once or twice for timeouts. I believe the family had a similar open floor plan and so that was a good compromise. They put the carpet square somewhere out of the way, but where the parents could still monitor the child. You could also use a guest bedroom for timeouts. That's not nearly as fun as their own bedroom.
We have a special chair that is only for time outs and when our dd who is going on 2 and a firecracker she is gets to sit in it alot. I will set the timer on the microwave and sit her in the chair for minutes( anytime she gets up I add 30 seconds to the time). Make sure there isn't any thing to keep her entertained (tv,toys,books). It seems to work great for most days.
Put a chair in a corner, FACING the corner. You can still keep an eye on her, but there's no doubt to her that she's being punished.
I wish I could help. Mine is 4 1/2 and I"m still dealing with this. The best for us since 'time outs' are for time out, not punishment, is that my son has to go to his room. He knows that when he is ready to be good he can come out. He calms down, plays a bit and then asks if he can come out.
K.
Hi K.,
I just wanted to say that for me I never used time-out in the traditional sense. If you think about it, making a child sit alone, away from all the action just teaches them that they are alone with no support. In my house we used Missing Out. My kids didn't have to sit in one place or leave the room they just missed out on opportunities. For example, if she threw a toy I would say "you are missing out on playing right now because throwing toys is not okay." But I would still let her sit next to me. And I would continue to play with the toys. That way she can see what she is missing and is able to watch a model of how to appropriately play with toys. Also if my girls were fighting with each other or couldn't share something I would have them Miss Out on each other. I would say "you can't talk to each other or you can't play together right now, you are missing out on that because you were not being friendly".
And if one child hurts the other always give all of the attention to the hurt child. A simple disapproving look and a stern "That was not okay" is all the other child gets. Then hold and cuddle the hurt child saying "I'm so sorry,, that hurts doesn't it" giving them lots of affection without discussing the issue further. Typically children hurt their siblings or friends to take attention away from them. If you do the opposite this will most likely help.
I agree with you on the room thing. We also have a open floor plan. We do time-outs on the stairs. I am not concerned that he can see other things going on only that he cannot touch them and play with them. Luckily we don't have an issue with him getting up once he is in time out and the stairs seem to work well. Since timeouts shouldn't be longer than the child's age I think it's more about just finding a small place for them to be where you can "ignore" them for those few minutes.
Good luck
L.
Some good responses here. Remember a time out is for your child to calm down. I think it is great if a kid Can see around the room. They learn to calm down right where they are - take a mental break. Sometimes we don't all have the opportunity to go take a walk when we are angry. The stairs is a great suggestion, or even just put your kid on the floor where they are. I'm kind of annoyed with this idea of having good and bad associations with different spots in the house. I want my kids to realize good and bad things can happen anywhere, and to use their head to make the good things happen. Make sense?
We use our bedroom. I know a friend who had her time out spot right behind the front door. The stairs is a good idea. I think you are right about the bedroom.
For a three year old a time out should only be 3 minutes. And she's young enough that a little supervision is normal. I read a book ("How to Behave So Your Children Will Too") that recommended a timer that you have the child hold or put near the child so he/she can see the time going and that has REALLY helped make our time outs more effective. I set their time out on a table nearby and they are required to bring it to me when it beeps. The book also recommended starting time out over if the child gets out of time out, plays with toys or screams at the parent. A couple of days of starting time outs over for getting out of time or screaming is all it took for my kids to catch on that it is more pleasant to do it the right way the first time.
