Needs Help with a 9 Mo Old Whos Hurting Me

To each her own, but I would definitely never swat a baby, and I know you said you wouldn't either.. especially since a little baby like that doesn't know she's causing any pain.

With that said, it happens to me all the time with my ten-month-old, and she's been doing this for months. Yes, it's irritating. But after a while of her smiling through my "no's" and thinking it's a game, I had to try something new. I literally just look up(like at the ceiling), and when she can't reach she eventually gives up. Babies become disinterested easily.

It may not work for you, but maybe it will and you'll find a temporary relief from baby's "exploring".
Good luck!

My 9 month old is doing the same thing, I just laugh. Kids love repetition and she thinks it is a game. My daughter likes to put her index finger in my mouth and up my nose. I think it is funny and give her a toy to hold. If you keep pushing her hand away it is equivalent to a baby dropping a toy and you picking it up and she drops it again and you pick it up. It will pass as she gets older. In the meantime, redirect her attention with a toy or let her hold something while she falls asleep. Giving her a swat will do nothing and no it is not the only way, especially when she gets to the hitting phase and you swat her and tell her not to hit. Doesn't make sense. Anyways, hang in there, it will pass and redirect her attention.

Remember, whatever behavior you think is "cute" the first time, may not be "cute" the 100th. You can be loving and firm at the same time to stop the behavior. Take her hand away and say "no, that hurts Mommy" or "no, Mommy doesn't like that". Be consistent and do not give in.

Maybe try setting her on the floor and walking away for a minute. She should learn soon enough that if she is not "playing nicely" noone wants to play with her. Whatever you do, keep your voice and actions as neutral as possible. She is just starting to do things to see what kind of a reaction she gets so don't make it interesting.

My 9 mo old also does this - only with me it's biting my nipples while breastfeeding! OUCH!!! While my daughter may not understand "No", she certainly understands the tone in my voice (per "the experts"), so I firmly tell her "NO!" and remove my nipple from her mouth. She usually cries for 15 seconds or so while I sooth her and explain that that hurts Mommy and she can't do that. She's gotten the message but goes through stages of trial and error from time to time. I keep my responses consistent.

I must admit, though, it's VERY hard not to respond with wanting to inflict pain on someone who's inflicting pain on me! Sad, but true. But, I know that's not the route I want to go and not what I want her to learn so I control that reflex. Sad, though, to learn that that's my natural reflex. It's how I was raised, I'm sure, but I don't want my daughter to have the same experience. (I don't remember being swatted when I was younger, but I'm sure that I was.)

Another habit she has that’s painful to me is digging her nails into or pinching my breast/chest/stomach while she’s nursing. For this, I’ve taken the advice of giving her something else to dig her claws into and pinch – like a lovey or stuffed animal. This is also serving the dual purpose of learning to have a transitional object for naps, etc. She usually still tries to redirect her hand to my skin but I’m persistent in putting the lovey or stuffed animal over my skin and holding it there so she has no other choice but to claw/pinch into that. This one has been easier for me to handle since I know she doesn’t realize she’s hurting me (with the biting the nipple, she’s looking directly at me, (and even smiling sometimes!), and it’s harder to remember she doesn’t realize she’s hurting me - she's obviously looking for my reaction, though - exploring, etc.) It takes persistence but it’s working!

If you do the put her down thing, I wouldn’t suggest leaving the room because she’s also experiencing separation anxiety at this age and that’s just too much. I think putting her down is enough – she doesn’t also need to fear you’re abandoning her, too.

Hope this helps!
Cassie

You are the mom...set the limits from the beginning. A mom who doesn't will hate life when that child is 2 and kicking you or 13 and verbally abusing you when she doesn't get her way.

A firm strong (not yelling, not angry, but not cooing sweet either) "no" with a slap on her wrist is not hurting her. She will probably look at you with surprise and decide if she wants to test you again. Teaching her to mind you early on will save you plenty of battles in the next 17 years of raising her. 9-month olds are smart and learn really quickly what no means when it is accompanied by a correction, which also can mean helping her do the right thing by getting her finger out of your nose or whatever bad habit she is doing. Putting her down and leaving her alone though sends a negative rejection signal which could seriously harm your relationship with her, make her feel unloved when she does unloving things, or cause her to do those things expressedly to you when she does want to be left alone. That is a confusing way to discipline and I don't recommend it. Also, distracting her with something else when she does this teaches her to do this bad habit to you when she is bored and wants you to distract her so that doesn't teach her either. Staying with her, correcting her behavior immediately, and helping her to do the right thing with her hands is mothering in a loving way and tells your daughter that you care enough to teach her how to behave properly in her family and in society. Hope that helps.

I don't see her trying to hurt you on purpose. I see her doing this to see what happens next. She probably thinks your response is funny. Next time I would say no and then set her down immediately. If you do this every time, she won't like your response or think it's funny. After a few times she'll figure it out. A 9 month old is way too young to be testing you. She's still trying to figure out how the world works around her - including your mouth !(and everything is all about her at this moment)
If you can't set her down, simply hold her hand and say "No" each time and she'll get it.

Although you should definitely tell her "no", she is too young to know to stop doing it. I have an 11 month old and he is still too young to "listen" or "behave". I would recommend just gently saying no and making sure you keep your face turned away or hold her hand down so she can't do it. Our 11 month old sleeps in our bed with us and he thinks it is fun to slap us h*** o* the face when he wakes up and is playing. We simply cover our faces to protect ourselves or turn our face in another direction while we continue to sleep so we don't get hurt. Eventually, he moves on to other things on the bed. Since you know that she is going to do this, make sure you watch out for the behavior and prepare to defend yourself BEFORE she gets there! Just hold her hand gently and make sure she doesn't have a chance to do it. At this age, the important thing is to distract them or remove them from whatever thing they should not be doing. Not trying to force them to behave or listen. That will come as she gets a little bit older. She does understand no, but she is still pretty young to discipline or expect that she will stop just because you say not to do something.

No, means no.

She will quickly learn that no means no if you are consistent and put her down.

Every time she does this behavior tell her no. If she does it again, put her down, and leave the room. When you go back, ask her if she is ready to ..... (what ever it is you her to do, and resume. If she does it again, repeat.

My daughter is 6 and understands no means no. When she was older we were able to talk about body space and why my space is mine and hers is hers. I modeled what I wanted, asking... "May I touch your nose?" She said no and I respected that.

Cahnces are she continues to do this cuz she likes the reaction she gets from you. You're right, swatting her hand will do no good except to teach her to hit. My suggestions is to ignore it, for the most part....when she puts her finger in either of the 2 places, calmly take them out, saying nothing & distract her w/another activity or small toy to put in her hands. Once she's not getting the reaction she wants from you, she'll stop. Best of luck!

Hi M.,
My little girl is extremely big and strong, and I am little, and from early on she scratched, dug in with her nails, poked-eyes, ears, nose, etc, and even would put her fingers into my throat and cut off my air. i was frustrated too. But discipline is just not appropriate for little babies. They don't understand the lesson at that point. All you can do is keep stopping them, GENTLY. At about 10 or 11 months, I started to tell her, "no", firmly, and hold her hand away. I do not believe in any hitting or swatting of any kind-if you read the studies you'll see that in the end it really is counterproductive. At 9 months she really wanted to explore my mouth and nose. Now my daughter is 13 months, and she is only starting to understand "no", and will often stop if I tell her no. She still tries to poke my eyes, and put her hand in my mouth, but slowly, she is learning. I will let her do it if she does it gently, and she does this less and less. Babies do not understand about pain until they are much older, maybe 2 at the earliest. So just bear the pain as best as you can, and keep telling her no firmly, but I hope you decide against swatting. She will just learn to fear you, and also that hitting is acceptable.
Just holding her hand firmly and saying no will eventually work. Just give her time. Good luck.
J

Try distraction. When she starts, move her hand and shake your head, say, I don't like that. Then immediately start pointing things out around the room or hand her something that she is allowed to play with. Whatever you do, don't turn it (the behavior you don't like) into a game. Do give her things she is allowed to do.

At this age, I don't think she is testing boundaries, rather just exploring her surroundings and indicating that she wants to play. It is annoying behavior, but don't turn it into a contest of wills. If she is temperamentally persistent, you will just exhaust yourself.

Once she really does start testing you, the trick to keeping yourself sane is choosing your battles. Sometimes that means figuring out that you are better off not fighting. If it is unsafe by all means stop her, but otherwise you might just be encouraging the behavior you don't like.

I got caught up in this once when I decided that there would be no feet on the table. My little one, then 14 mos, quickly figured out that it was fun to put his feet on the table to get a rise out of mommy. First one foot, then a big grin, then the second one, then he leaned back grinning. Once I figured out that he was enjoying it, I gave up (signaled this by joining him at the table, both feet on the table--it was funny so I called daddy to come see, little guy quickly removed his feet and left me alone with my feet on the table--selling mommy out). After this I just ignored it and he totally stopped doing it within a day.

Hi M.,

Congrats un a beautiful little girl.
I understand what you mean by how putting their little finger up your nose hurts, especially when the nails are not trimmed. We went through the same thing. Just remember, babies do not realize they are hurting you. They are only curious and exploring. Just move her hand, tell her no, tell her that hurts and give her something to hold. Does she have a favorite blankie or stuffed animal?
If she hold something in her hands then her hands are occupied and she will not be able to use those little fingers around your face. These are phases they go through and they will pass before you know it. Most of all, don't get upset about this. She is able to sense your feelings.

hi M.! my daughter used to pinch my breast when she was nursing and it was cute when she was really little but hurt when she got stronger: i finally redirected her hand to her belly button, told her to play with/pinch that, and now her belly button is her "comfort zone" and she likes to find it and softly pinch it's skin before sleep!
so, redirection! hope this helps :)
XXXOOO
S.

My son also had a period of time where he probed our mouthes and noses with his little fingers. Even now, he loves to put his fingers into holes, but he has stopped with our facial holes. I would suggest trying to not make a big deal of it, b/c then it becomes even more enticing. I think swatting her may make it a game or a power struggle. My suggestion would be to calmly say no and then to carry her facing away from you. Kids need to know when they're doing the right thing too, so when you're carrying her and she's not doing anything, let her know that she's doing great at keeping her hands to herself.

M.,

Your child has a habit that YOU let her get into. Now YOU have to teach her to STOP it. Don't let her do either thing, restrain her hands/fingers and put her down (away from you) if she doesn't stop when you tell her NO.

Blessings.....

PS...Doesn't sound like you are completely passed the past, you may need some family and personal counselling

My daughter is 9 months and does the exact same trick with the finger up the nose. I either hold her hand lovingly or turn my face out of reach- she gets bored and moves on. I think they just like the reaction- in addition to the fact that at this age thier lil brain starts developing and they like finding ways to "fit things into other things". I think they feel accomplished when they see that there finger fits perfectly in your nose. Dont hit her hand for doing what she is supposed to do and exploring. I sometimes says gently and calmly, No hurt mommy and move her hand away- reactionless. When I saw OUCH! She cracks up and wants to do it more...just be kind patient, and offer alternatives- like a lil hand massage for her when she wont stop

Well, if she doesn't understand 'no' yet you certainly don't want to show her how to hit.

You could shout 'ouch' when she hurts you and put her down if she persists. She might not get it for a while, but at least she wouldn't be learning to repeat mistakes.

That is a difficult situation. It sounds like she is not making the distinction between you and her. I wish I had done things different with my son who is about to be 6, who did a lot of similar things, and now he at 6 he does things to invade my body/space that is not ok - liking jumping on, bumping, etc. My suggestion is, along with telling her that you are not for fingers in the mouth or nose, or simply that it hurts you, that you put her down for a set period of time. Of course, she is going to protest and attempt to get you to change your mind and show that you love her. You have to be secure in knowing that you love her, and what you are teaching her is the beginning of relationship. It sounds like you don't want to not hold her, for fear of something. My son did similar things, and because I love him so much I didn't firmly and consistently do things to get him to understand we are separate beings. So, that is what she really needs to get is that there is a distinction between you and her, and that you won't be accepting fingers in the nose or mouth. As she starts to see the distinction between you and her, she will also see that Mom is a person in authority and when I do this... she does this... and I don't like that outcome.

Hope that is helpful. Good luck.

I know exactly what you are going thru. My son (13 mo) does the same thing, and now he is kicking (not deliberately) and wrestling around when he is winding down to sleep.
I am reading a good book that has helped me, Positive Discipline for 0-3yo. they explain that youngsters urge of curiosity is stronger than any resistance they get from us. No, means very little to them, and Actions speak louder than words. Swattting probably won't work because it is a negative reaction and it will only make you feel bad. But if you remove her from you and say no, she will get the picture. When nursing I unlatch my son if he starts to get to rough.
Also, babies don't know instictively how to touch others and they need to be taught, so maybe if you show her how you would like to be touched and how she can explore your face nicely you both will enjoy her discovery time.

Hi M., bless you for all you have been through. Congratulations on your beautiful little baby girl. Just kiss her little hand/finger when she does this, smile at her, coo/talk to her, and if she persists then turn her around or resettle her into another holding position so she doesn't have access to your mouth or nose. She's just exploring. Take away your negative energy reaction and accept her need to explore. In his book THE MAGICAL CHILD, Joseph Chilton Pierce says, "Intelligence is the ability to interact with one's environment." So you are right, you DON'T want to slap her hand, that only teaches her that her explorations are not ok. You want to build her trust in her own instincts, so just kiss and talk to her, love her, and move her slightly when she does this. Also, give her a lovely blanket or stuffed animal that she can focus on, see what that does. You have a beautiful family. Take it easy and love and enjoy every moment. Life is precious.

Say no and take her hand out. No big deal. In a few weeks she'll be trying out some other new trick she discovered.

My little one does the same thing- it seems to sooth her... I will give her my finger to hold or I will hold her hand in mine so she can't grab on- Other times if I offer her a little blanket or washcloth- she'll hold onto that instead- either way at least my lip is not being pulled off.

I have an 18 month old son who went through a phase similar to that around her same age. I would grab his hand that hit or poked etc and say "No, No!" and then if he kept persisting I would put him down for a minute to try to have him redirect his focus. It's a phase that passes pretty naturally as long as you don't "let" them do it. I wouldn' t ignore the behavior but discpline outside of a "no, no" and redirection is not really effective until about 15mo- 18mo. They don;t hit to hurt you it's a reactionary thing like "hey, what happens when I do this?"

hi. I have 19 month old boy. He's been putting his fingers in my nose before he sleeps for a long time now. every time I tried him to stop doing this he started crying and wouldn't sleep. I felt sorry for him and let him do it and he still does but it's getting very difficult for me. I have headaches and pain, it also stresses me out. what can i do? anyone could give me an advice?