Neighbor Child with No Bounderies

talk to the mom and dad first maybe as couples set rules.If not dont let them play together at all no scratched or hitting can be tolarated

i read in a magazine to make a stop and go sign for your door, basically your son is available to play when it is turned to go. not sure this will help much but maybe if you drill it into her over and over.

I agree that the whole situation just needs to be spelled out better for everyone involved. The parents need to be told specifcally what the rules are for coming over to play. I think the stop/go signs are a great idea. Some parents are just kind of clueless, and if they haven't noticed that she is intrusive and it hasn't been spelled out for them, no one is going to keep her away. The parents should absolutely be more attentive, but that isn't your call and so it is up to you to make it more clear.

A little girl with no sense of boundaries is not a police matter. And I can never understand when people say, move away. Who can just pick up and move because of an obnoxious neighbor kid? And making yourself scarce isn't going to teach the child anything, she probably wouldn't have a clue that she is being dodged. All it will do is get you off the hook that day. She is too little to understand that. Besides you cant avoid her when it is dinner and bed time.

Being firm is the only way to approach it, and being very clear to the parents. And if she is over there unaccompanied, you are perfectly free to tell her what is and is not acceptable behavior at your house. Scratching your son is obviously not. Tell her (and her parents) exactly why play time is over, and when it can be resumed. Maybe the parents need to be told to call you first to ask if she can come over. They definitely need to be told that she doesn't leave when asked, you could try asking them if they have any ideas how to get her to listen to the request. Maybe they will start giving her more specific instructions on how to listen to your requests if they are told outright that she doesn't.

My first instinct is that clearly this child is lacking some attention at home. Letting her wander the neighborhood, even after being returned home, is just odd to me, and very sad. I would definitely take it up with the parents and make sure not to get visibly agitated with the child. She is a CHILD whose parents are in the wrong, not her. She probably has no structure at home, or no rules or boundaries. That is not her fault, it is theirs. I would set up a time to sit and talk with them about it as adults.

I feel sorry for the little girl....imagine your parents not really caring where you were during the day or night? Sad.
Lynsey

Sorry 4 your inconveniences, but being a parent means doing things that we don't wanna do sometimes, even if it means risking a friendship/relationship w/ new neighbors because they're afraid to discipline their child.

I'd keep bringing the kid back to her parents and tell them firmly but fairly to keep their daughter away from your son. Tell them that you're THROUGH with being polite, and the disrespect of their daughter AND them won't help your relationship w/ them.

When we become parents, there's NOTHING WRONG w/ being vigilant about principles, especially when it comes to other kids' behaviors around our OWN kids. Hands down, it's unacceptable to U and your family, then oh well, too bad!

Have U tried speaking to this girl's parents? Are they just THAT unavailable to not discipline her, let alone just parent her? It's one thing 2 give a 5-yr-old girl independence, but, c'mon, really? Seriously? If U notice that there's something wierd/unusual going on (after attempts to communicate w/ the parents, of course...document EVERYTHING!), just take a ride to your local police dept., ask to speak to someone about the situation, and just ask if they think it's worth it for the law to intervene? What else can U do? The worst case scenario is that your neighbors might hate U, but, oh well, U made the attempt to want to work things out, and THEY'RE in the wrong for ignoring it, and by documenting EVERYTHING, U have proof :)

I don't know what else 2 advise, but just take note of EVERY TIME this girl comes over unannounced, uninvited, etc., and if U have to, be away from home a lot so that your neighbors get a hint 2 get a CLUE!

Good luck :)

I hope when you ask her nicely, you are firm and clear about your needs and expectations. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Adults can take hints (well, SOME can, anyway) but kids generally don't have the social conditioning or the necessary empathy. So just tell her something like, "Hello, Bitsy, we are having dinner now and I need you to leave. Please don't come back until tomorrow afternoon. Timmy can play with your then."

As far as her letting your dog out or hurting your son, you can be even more clear: "Bitsy, I am not happy that you did X. If that happens again, you will not be welcome to come over here. I hope you understand that our rules/being kind are important if you want to play with Timmy. So please go home for today, and come back tomorrow afternoon if you are ready to follow the rules/play more gently."

Good luck. I doubt that this will offend her parents, unless she carries home some exaggerated story. You might just tell her mother ahead of time that this is what you plan to do, and be sure to welcome her to similarly correct your son if that ever becomes necessary. Careful communication makes good neighbors, too. I've had arrangements like this with neighbor moms when my daughter was little – it worked well.

A 5 year old is allowed to wander the neighborhood knocking on doors and standing in drive ways? Weird.

I like the idea of a stop/go sign from a previous poster. Sounds like it might not work w/Miss Bossy Britches. Is a fence an option? "Fences make good neighbors" ain't just a sayin'.

It doesn't solve your problem right now, but your neighbor will soon go to kindergarten and will hopefully have other kids and activities to focus her energy on.

For the summer, you might just have to bite the bullet, escort the girl back home and let your neighbors know you would like to establish a play schedule. Like, "Our yard is open for playdates on Tuesdays from 2:00-4:00 but we have really strict rules about playing nice. You know how little ones can be! That start out playing and end up fighting...So we'll be sure to send little Suzie home if that happens."

OK, I think that going to the police about this is a bit extreme. She's five! I think her dad is probably clueless when you say, "a break for a little while" he might have heard "time out" and sent her back after 5 minutes. This might just be a communication issue.

Have you told her parents very explicitly what the rules are? Maybe it's time to have a frank and open, friendly conversation. Just come up with some play rules together that both kids are expected to follow. If anyone breaks a rule, they go home for the rest of the day, or until they are invited over again. I bet that will solve behavior problems pretty quick.

It sounds like this girl needs some more attention. I like the idea of the stop and go sigh. Again, you have to tell the parents about this so it will be enforced. You can't expect a 5 yo to have control of herself and her behavior if her parents aren't paying attention. Get them involved and don't leave any room for guessing or hoping they get it. Tell them flat out what you expect, what you want, and how they are going to help make sure it is enforced.

Do it over a barbeque. This friendship might be valuable for your boy and for you some day. It might be very valuable to that little girl right now.

Bless you.

There are things called consequences.
When a child does not do as she is told, she goes home.
When the adult does not stand firm and say You need to leave now and then take her home again and again, then she will continue to push your buttons.
Take her home everytime. Explain to the parents how she behaves and let them know that she cannot be like that nor use that kind of language in your house and you will be bringing her home when it happens.

She is 5 - why are you expecting proper adult behavior from her? Talk to her parents, tell them what's going on, and ask them how you can work together to make sure she's being appropriate and also safe, as it seems like she's just running around. Her parents may be assuming you'll just "take care of her" since you're around - that's THEIR fault, not hers. Hopefully they won't be the "my child's perfect" parents and will help you enforce your guidelines. Good luck.

For your son's safety and both of your sanity I think you need to speak up. It sounds like her parents aren't even aware of where she is or what she is doing. This is a huge safety issue and unfortunately if something happens to her when no one is aware she is on your property I'm afraid the parents may blame you!! It sounds like they think you are her caretaker! I think you should address it and maybe point out that you are concerned about her and her safety and that you need to have a better/safer plan in place. Maybe a simple phone call ahead of time to see if it's ok with you for her to come over. I have so many scary thoghts going through my head about a wandering little child and something happening and you feeling guilty about it. What if someone backed out of the driveway and hit her???!!! AHHHH!!! I think you need a plan in place and hopefully the parents will appreciate and respect your concern (and frustration). You need to set boundaries for all of them. GOOD LUCK!!!

She is a little kid, and is acting like one. Clearly she hasn't been taught manners or required to listen at home. I would be clear with the parents. If she hurts your son, tell them she hurt him and is not welcome for the rest of the day and to please make sure she does not come back until the next day. I would put up a sign like someone suggested - and I would tell her parents about the sign and ask them to explain it to her and tell them that you expect she will NOT be ringing your doorbell when the sign says "STOP" or "NO". At 5, she wont' realize that 6:30 is your dinnertime, we had a neighborhood kid who would ring the doorbell every day at that time, even though every night when he'd come, I'd tell him my daughter couldn't play because its our dinnertime - and he was 9. Let the parents know if there are specific hours that you don't welcome kids to ring the bell, if 6-6:30 is dinnertime, or if once it's 7:30 your 4 year old is having a bath and going to bed, tell them that their daughter should not come over and ring the bell at that time. They should know where she is at all times.

It sounds like they are using you for the babysitter because they can't handle her. I have a diffucult time being ascertive. This is not type of child you want anywhere near your child. Her parents sound like brats to me. Where do they think their daughter is? They are responible for her not you. I would disconnect the doorbell. Try to make myself as unavailable
as possible. If you work it be easy not to be home but if you are a SAHM. Go on more outings with your child. Go to some parks, ice cream, art class join a playgroup. The best playgroup I ever joined was thru "meetup" see if you can find a local meetup in your area.
The tattle thing is different if your son did something wrong..if he hurt her then its ok if she tells you. But do really want her over to begin with?
You are NOT starting trouble ...they are by not controling their wild daughter that probably no one wants to spend time with.

i agree with margret b being a parent means that we have to give up our friendship/relationship(well,so much for self sacrafice lol) even if that means report it to the police or moved away if the situation is not resolved.

we have the same situation. you need to be more firm and seriously put your foot down. discipline her as if she was your own. and send her home!

C.,

Very likely you are going to have to repeat yourself. A lot.

Take her by the hand, and bring her to her house and just repeat whatever is happening right now, she needs to stay at her house. It really and truly might take a lot of repetition, even for just one single time.

It truly sounds like she might be 'stuck' at a point where she is either slow to learn or stopped, because her own parents don't give her this repetition.

Good luck!
M.

The first thing that struck me is it sounds like there is a little girl who is desperate for attention and who is reluctant to return home. There may be far more going on than meets the eye.

The stop/go sign are a great idea...or a little play flag on the porch.

I am sorry you are frustrated. I know in our neighborhood, all the children hung out at each others homes and we all respected the parents. They were different times though. I won't even let my 6 year old go over to his cousins next door without a phone call and a planned return time ;)

People have different definitions for acceptable behavior. Perhaps it is time to sit with the other family and come up with some common guidlines to work from...in a gentle, congenial manner of course.

Good luck to you.

I think her parents are clueless, and you need to be very specific with them.

The next time she comes over and refuses to leave when you ask her to, walk her home and tell the parents, "I'm sorry, little Suzi doesn't seem to understand that I've asked her nicely to leave now as we are having dinner, family time, etc" and it isn't a good time for Johnny to play. Please help her understand although Johnny enjoys playing with her sometimes, we cannot be available ALL the time. She needs to leave our yard for the rest of the day now. And emphasize "for the rest of the day" or whatever time frame you feel necessary.

After the scratching, I would bring her home. "I'm sorry, I just witnessed Suzi scratch Johnny out of frustration that he cannot play with her today. Please talk to her about this, and let her know Johnny isn't going to want to play with her much (and you won't allow him to either) if she acts this way. We do not want Suzi to come over for the rest of the day, weekend, etc. If she would like to start with an apology, she is welcome to ask Johnny to play again tomorrow, or next week.

You may have to bring her back several times. Hopefully, the parents will get a clue. But if it becomes a habit, you can express your regret that Suzi's overstaying her welcome is putting a damper on her friendship with your son, which is too bad, because it would be nice for Johnny to have her for a friend, but Suzi needs to find a few other things to do with her time, or unfortunately, her not listening to you regarding when it is not time to play will end up putting a stop to ALL the times the kids are available to play together.

Good luck!