Neighborhood Kid Just Won't Leave Us Alone...

I totally understand where you're coming from. Maybe you can go inside then come back out after he's gone???? ;)

YIKES!! sounds like he is a child that is left alone A LOT!!! A latch key kid even on the weekends!!! How truly sad!!

You can handle this two ways - you can include him and show him what a REAL family is...not so much about "babysitting" him - but showing him care and concern - which he is NOT getting at home...set rules and boundaries for him - make a WONDERFUL difference in his life...

OR

you can tell him that you'd like to spend time with JUST YOUR FAMILY and shoo him off...

Personally? I would include him....yeah, he's a little older...but I'd rather show love and concern and what family is all about rather than booting him out like his parents do...

He's lonely and reaching out for company. You already know instinctively that his family maynot be paying much attention to him, right? Isn't that much more sad than it is annoying?

You don't have to babysit him or let him come play in the yard; but what does it hurt to talk to him civilly when you encounter him outside? You can teach him a few boundaries by saying "Hey, it's nice to talk with you, but the baby needs to go inside now. You have a great day!" and then go in when you need to. You have a chance here to model good manners and, more important, acceptance and kindness, in front of your older son. Someday your son will be in school and will have to choose how to deal with the school outcast, the kid who talks too much because no one at home listens, or the kid who follows him around because no one else will respond. How would you want your son to react: "Go away" or "Sure, I'll talk to you"?

I'm wondering why you consider it babysitting? If he wants to play and your son is having a good time doesn't that actually give you a bit of a break? It's not like you have to entertain him or feed him, and you can always tell him to go at any time.
When I was a kid we ran all over the neighborhood. Different ages frequently played together. We didn't usually go into each other's homes (though sometimes we did.) I WISH my kids lived in a community like that! I love my home and neighborhood, it is safe and beautiful, but there are very few families here, and it always made me a little sad sending my kids out to play, they were pretty much stuck with each other in the yard. They were fine and played well together but I would have loved a yard full of kids.
Try thinking about it that way :)

All I can say is that we should all be walking in love. I can't figure out a loving way to say get lost other than to be "not outside in public view". How about packing up to go to the park? If you aren't there, he'll move on.

Hi J. - I agree, when you have a lot on your plate like caring for a preschooler and a newborn, you can get pretty tired with anything else that falls on your plate. However. . . . there is no reason at all to be rude to a child, ever. Even one whose family you dont know. Even one who shows up to play uninvited. You're an adult, just tell him that "my kids cant play today" If your kids are playing outside and you dont have a good excuse, you have to be outside anyway - what's the big deal if other kids play along??? If he is playing any games you dont approve of . . . speak up. Kids will talk your head off and ask for food and ask to come inside to play. I understand. They're kids. They have to learn boundaries. You dont have any obligation to babysit or feed them. It never is a bad thing to show hospitality by offering them a cold drink of water when it's your kid's snack time.

As far as age is concerned. I have a feeling that this young guy is probably lonely and he likes you even more than your kids. 8-9 yr olds boys vary a lot in maturity levels etc. If he could find an age-similar friend he liked, then he would be playing with him. There's lots of them in my little neighborhood and my son plays with only a few of them. We have lots of kids in our cul-de-sac. My 9yo gets along best with a mature 6yr old although I dont expect it to last much longer. My 5yr old plays along and so does the neighbor's little 3yo girl. They often ask for a snack or say they are hungry around lunchtime. I just send them home and tell them they can play later. We have some other kids on the street who have borrowed bikes and scooters out of the garage w/o asking or knocked on the door for snacks. I just had to politely tell them that I would prefer if they asked before using any toys. I also just tell them that I have a food budget and sorry they need to head home for a snack.

Since the little guy is so talkative, why not just ask him where he lives, who is parents are? Tell him you would like to meet his family one day. Pull out the stroller and offer to walk him home. You never know - he may be reaching out due to a problem at home. You'll never know if you just tell him to bugger off and close your garage door. Sorry if this sounds harsh but it's time to look beyond your own fatigue and your own front door.

You're probably right....that little boy probably doesn't get attention at home and he's just looking for any acceptance. I would ask him where he lives and who his parents are. Also it's ok to tell him he's too old to play with your boys. You can try saying it like, "My boys are too little to play with you. You'll need to find friends your age so that you can play games that you like".

I hope everything is alright at home for that little boy.

I really liked Cheryl O. 's answer. She has a good idea there. :-D You can include him but create rules and boundaries and show him how he can help you teach your young ones to play together. :-D

I dread when school starts back up because my 9 yr old keeps my 4 yr old very busy. He plays with all of his younger cousins. Having him play outside with your son (you supervising of course) could be very beneficial for you. I wouldn't think of it as babysitting I'd think of it as a free mothers helper someone to keep your older son busy you can catch your breath or do some yard work.

I have lived in the country with very few kids around. Having two kids of my own, it just seemed natural I guess for other kids to think, "Yay! Other children!" My own daughter is 10 years older than my son so I never thought anything strange about age differences. If my daughter wasn't home, kids would come to see my son. He loved having the company. If the weather was nice, sometimes I'd make a little picnic snack for them.
We lived in one area for a few years where the only other kid was a special needs child who was quite a bit older than my son, but they got along great. They rode bikes together, played catch. His parents were really nice and we visited each other as well. We were glad our kids had each other to keep them entertained.
My kids were both always paired with the new kids, the shy kids, the special needs kids at school because their hearts were open and accepting. They learned that by my example. When I was a Brownie leader, we always had a house full of girls. As my son got older, I always had a house full of boys.
I liked it.
Yes, there are times when you're doing a family thing and it's not really time for company, but I think that can be explained as opposed to telling a kid to get lost.
I always talked to the kids. Especially if I didn't know their parents.
"Where do you live? What grade are you in? Who is your teacher? Do you like school? Where do your parents work?"
We had one neighbor boy who was being raised by his grandparents. He was very polite. Loved being at my house. I often invited him for dinner and we took him to the fair with us. His grandparents gave me money to make sure he could eat and go on rides or whatever else he wanted. We had fun. He was a nice boy.
In my generation, kids played outside with all the other kids in the neighborhood. Especially during the summertime. It seemed odd to me that my kids lived where there were so few children. Totally opposite from my childhood. My sister and I spent summers with our Grandfather after our Grandmother passed away and we had a whole social circle in a completely different city. Year after year, the kids were all waiting for us to get there.
It sounds to me like the boy you're talking about has a social personality and likes conversing with people. Chat him up. He may not have any siblings. My son is the baby of the family. He was 7 when his sister graduated from high school. I don't think it's weird for older kids to really like younger kids. My son is 16, a junior in high school and a highly prized babysitter. He has been babysitting the same boy over the summers for years. He's responsible and the little kids adore him. They think it's sooooo cool to be hanging out with a teenager. He takes them to the school to play basketball, takes them to the park, prepares their meals for them. Follows ALL the parents rules. Little kids having older kids around isn't always such a bad thing.
Just my opinion.
It's easy to say your children would never be lonely or unsupervised, but you don't really know the little boy's story.
Maybe you don't care in which case you can just discourage him from coming by. Unless a kid was a real problem of some kind, I let them have a little visit and and then said I'd see them later. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. Otherwise, we had kids at the house all the time and as long as they played together nicely, I never saw it as a problem.
Again, that's just me.
You have an infant, so I can see not wanting to juggle another kid, but your 4 year old might enjoy the company. I don't believe it's true that age differences in kids ALWAYS sends a red flag.
If you're irritated and don't feel like being social with a child, you still can put it in a way that won't make the child feel less wanted if he's got problems at home.

I'll be interested to see your other responses.

I think you have a responsibility to go seek out his parents. You need to make sure that he is being reasonably taken care of, and if not, then contact the authorities. If his parents are responsive, I would make my request to them, not to the kid.

Frankly, I would hire this kid, occasionally, as a Mother's Helper. You'll have a fantastic babysitter in a couple years. :-)

I had a problem like this last summer. It started with the 4 year old neighbor boy coming to play in our yard all the time. He didn't speak, something wrong with him though the mother never said exactly what it was. she was not out much and only mentioned he didn't speak and had some sort of problem, though she left him unsupervised outside. After a few weeks of this, his older 9 year old sister started coming over too. I suspect they were very lonely. I hated it, it felt like an intrusion to me, my kids were 2 and 4 when it started, and though the 4 yo was the same age as my daughter he didn't speak, and the 9 yo was so much older. finally I just put up with it even when the 9 yo invited herself on walks to the park or store. Despite my dislike of the situation, my 4 yo daughter loved the other kids, and I think my 2 yo did too. I still hated it and there were times I would take my kids in just to get away. They moved away last fall, so I have not had to deal with it this summer at all, and though it is a relief, I know I did the right thing by allowing them time with my family. Now I knew where the kids lived and had a few brief talks with their Mom, very brief, but I knew where they lived, etc. I would find out where this boy lives, see if you can talk to his mom, just to say hi, and your son stops by a lot. And just do your best to deal/cope with it. Though it doesn't feel good to you, it is probably good for all the kids involved, yours included. But put some limitations on when you need to, like going inside, or even saying we need to have some family time today. But don't it every day, maybe once a week or so. Let him know in a nice way that this is family day. It sounds like it is really tough on you, and I really understand it, like I said I hated it last summer, truly hated it. I am a single Mom and so I have to do everything myself and that was my time with my kids when I wasn't busy and I ended up sharing it. Since I have to do everything around the house, my kids often have to occupy themselves and I don't get as much time to play with them as I would like. It was frustrating, but I don't regret it.

While I applaud the other moms' inclination to kindness to the child, I don't blame you for your caution whatsoever.

We don't let our kids play (or now "hang out") with any kids where we don't know their parents.

Your children are much younger than this boy, and I'd be cautious about letting them get too "comfortable" with him hanging around.

This is not the same world we grew up in, sadly. And when you don't know his background you have no idea what to watch for.

If he doesn't take hints I'd get blunt - "I'm sorry but this is our family time and we can't have visitors right now."

Good luck.

He sounds very social and friendly and like he is looking for other kids to play with. If you are happy to let him play at times with your kids then let him, but set some rules w him if needed. If you don't want him to come over that day be blunt and tell him. 8 year olds are not the best at social cues...you just have to tell them plain and simple. Say, why don't you go find some kids closer to your age to play with. Today is not a good day and you cannot stay. We will see you later. Bye! We have some older neighborhood kids that occasionally will come over to play with our 7 yr old son and he LOVES it. It is rare though so when it does happen I let them in (if it's a good time). It's nice bc I have gotten to know them all very well. Kids just love playing with other kids....funny how sometimes age differences do not matter to them.

Just very nicely tell him that today is time for your family to spend together and that as sweet as it is that he wanted to play, today is not that day. I would also ask him (very nicely) if his parents know where he is and what he is doing. If you don't get any information out of him, it might be worth asking some neighbors if they know anything. God forbid something would happen to this little boy while at your house (or even near your house) and you don't know who mom and dad are. Good luck...those are such tricky situations!

I'm the biggest hermit homebody I know, My kids are little, my husband is almost NEVER home, I hear what you're saying about feeling constantly invaded. We have an annoying chatty adult neighbor that pops up WHENEVER we go into the back yard. I get it, it's ANNOYING. But in the bigger picture, we feel it's nice to be liked by the neighbor, and to be nice. I did have to lay down the law and tell him to quit ringing the doorbell in the afternoon for trivial matters when he would always wake up my baby's nap, but otherwise, we just chat with him a lot when we go outside.

But I have to say, if a neglected child this age was "bothering us" whenever we were "outside", I would not ever tell him to get lost. Unless his behavior was bad.

You don't have to let your kids play with him all the time-they are too young. Your 2 month old never plays with him. Your 4 year old probably loves a little supervised time with him if you can just schedule it into your day to sit in the yard a few minutes with the baby and let the boys hang out for a few minutes. This kid could be an important teenage guardian of your son one day rather than a teen who hates your snobby family for rejecting him when he was young.

You can keep a firm but nice authority when it's time to go in and say things like, OK, Jimmy needs a nap, he's only 4, and stuff, so it makes sense he can't play "long" and sometimes you can happily say "hi", and "Hey how are you today, sorry we can't play right now." Ask him a few questions about his day, give him eye contact, smile, make him feel liked, put up with the incessant chatter and cut him off when you need to. It's a good example for your son how to treat people.

I would also meet the parents just to see what kind of people they are. Ask the kid where they live. He's lonely.

We went out for family dinner (me, the hubs and 3 under 5) the other night to a drive thru with picnic tables. We've been really stressed, we almost never go out, and it was a beautiful night. We don't have a place to eat outdoors at home. My husband is leaving next week for 3 months so we're trying to squeeze in rare family time among some rough tasks going on. When we got there, an older lady was moving away from a table to give it to us because it was the only table and she knew she couldn't take it as just one person. When I realized she hadn't eaten yet, I asked her to join us. She said no, it was a family thing, she didn't want to intrude, but I insisted it would be fun for us and she was grateful (Kicking myself since I just wanted to have a family dinner). The tables are small and rickety, I was practically half off my bench. It's not easy to entertain a 2 and 3 and 5 year old while focusing on a guest's conversation (a very talkative one at that), but half way through dinner, she divulged she had gotten out of the house to her favorite spot because she had recently received news her only daughter has cancer throughout her body. Her husband was severely depressed and she just needed to get away for a few minutes. If I had just let her get in her car and go back home because the restaurant was crowded with families, she wouldn't have had that break. It was a good reminder that EVERYONE has problems and it's important to reach out rather than stay in your own family bubble all the time.

This kid doesn't have a good family. I realize you can't adopt him and babysit him every day, or have him in the house if it will snowball, but I wouldn't find a way to permanently tell him to get lost. It's not nice. It's bad karma. He's old enough not to really need much from you when he's over, other than a little interest and then keeping an ear open to make sure he's not inappropriately influencing your 4 year old. Soon enough he'll have an older friend and quit coming around. You may never see him next summer.

In my opinion you should try to be a friend to him. He likes you, and rejecting him is really hurtful. Sounds like lots of people reject him already.

.

I completely understand. While I feel sorry for that boy, you have every right to your privacy and rest with your small kids.
So here's what I would do:
not sit out front of your house
sit out back if you can
put a "do not disturb" sign on your front door or a "Quiet...baby sleeping sign"
If he shows up alone or with another child, just nicely but firmly say "Sorry we can't play today. We have a lot to do." and go inside!!!!
You're not being mean, you're just trying to get your privacy.
Do whatever it takes but nicely because you need your rest. :)

Ask the boy his name, where he lives, his mother's name and phone number. Give her a call and tell her you would prefer he not drop by your house or play with your children because "you feel", your children are too young to play with a boy his age.

If he isn't getting any attention at home, he may be afraid to give you any information and will not stop by again. If he does and you can't get in touch with a parent, then you must tell the child that he needs to find boys his own age to play with. There is a polite way to say things to lonely children. It still may hurt his feelings, but given the way you feel, you need to be straight forward.

Blessings......