Neverending Potty Training Nightmare!

We started trying to train my #2 child when I was pregnant with #3. He was two and seemed interested and we had some success. But then it became a power struggle. I tried again when he was three (baby was about 6 months). Still power struggle, and of course, he won. I kept trying for almost a year. I finally gave up and put him back in diapers even though he was four, and didn't say anything about it except when he wanted to do a big kid thing (especially the Nintendo). Then I'd say "that's a big kid thing. When you decide to be a big boy you can do that again."
Finally he decided to be a big boy and we put him in cloth trainig pants. He was, honestly, potty trained in less than a week, and accident free (except for the occaisional that every kid has).

So my advice is to put her back in diapers till she decides she's ready to be a "big kid"

Oh yeah, been there, done that! : ). Most likely this is a big power struggle for your attention-probably no accident that she is leaving her poopy leftovers in the "intruder's" room. Go ahead and give your daughter exactly what she thinks she wants for the next week or so. Put her back in regular diapers, when you change the baby, lay him on the floor, lay your daughter next to him and change them at the same time. Tell your daughter that you miss your "big girl" but you understand why she wants to be a baby again and it's ok with you. Then, let her "experience" baby life. Put her liquids back in a bottle or a sippy cup, feed her baby food instead of her big girl food, only baby shows on tv, put away big girl toys and only let her play with baby rattles etc, no playing on swingsets, slides, or anything else for big girls. When she starts throwing a fit (and she will!), tell her that any time she is ready to use the toilet like a big girl again by herself, then you might be ready to let her go back to being a big girl again. My son lasted 48 hours before he changed his mind about being a baby again : ). Good luck and don't give in, this is the beginning of many power struggles and you don't want to start giving in now.

Check with your pediatrician about a clinic at the Children's Hospital called the Bee (sp?) clinic. They will help kids that are 4yo (I know you said she was 3, but not sure how much longer until 4) that have regressed in their potty training. If you don't have a Children's Hospital near you ask your ped if they have another source. I recently came to terms that my 3yo DD has special needs and it has opened all these doors to so many resources out there I had no idea existed. The Bee clinic was one along with so many support groups for things like this.. Good luck to you.. BTW, I was laughing out loud at your comment, "where is the poopy pull-up this morning?"!!

Sounds like she's winning a power struggle with you. She's getting (negative) attention and pushing boundaries.

I would say leave it alone for a few months and revisit the subject - she'll probably forget the current problems and be ready to try again. Let her wear a diaper (Tell her that Pull Ups are for kids who want to try). Don't make a big deal out of diaper changes and don't comment on using the potty. In a few months, start reading books to her about kids going potty and point out other kids who are doing it. Essentially, start over like nothing happened.

Maybe she's envious of little brother getting attention right now and needs extra assurance. I do have to wonder why she is pooping in the middle of the night - I would think by her age, it would be in the daytime only.

Good luck! Another step to becoming a master parent!! :)

She is just going through normal regression when a new baby comes along. Her world has been turned upside down.
The best suggestion (my daughter did the same thing when her brother came along) is just let it go.
Tell her and explain if she is going to go in her pullup, go buy a nice fun trash can and tell her that is the ONLY place they are to go. Explain germs and why it is important she is clean. Then tell her two choices, you clean her or she cleans herself, period! Then it isn't an option as far as wiping but go buy some new pretty girlie underwear, lay it out and tell her "whenever you are ready to be the big girl these are waiting for you" and let it go!!! Seriously not another word other to remind her she has her own special trash can of where her dirty pullups go and consequences of she does not follow through on that one.

What worked for my daughter was her brother came end of July, she had regressed, come about November a outside person we lined up called and was Santa. Santa told her how proud he would be of her to go on the potty like a big girl and he had some cool big girl stuff for her that Christmas if she was doing that. She literally hung up the phone, put underwear on and it was done! Sounds crazy but it was that easy. That was big confirmation that this regression was totally in her power.

You cannot force her and the best thing to avoid the middle of the night surprises is just give her some one on one, put the baby to bed and have it be all about her. Have someone watch the baby and have a "girls day out". As far as her getting out of bed, give her extra snuggles but really put her back into her own bed every time she does this. She isn't getting restful sleep either with getting up and has programmed herself.

Hugs, best advice is to let it go, find what is important to her (with my daughter that call was all she needed) and then just relax. Be firm about the putting the dirty pullups in the new trash can, call it "her" trash can even but there can be time outs for that one as it is unsanitary and just gross all around. Same with wiping, get on her level look her in the face and give her the choice of her doing it, or you. Then proceed if she refuses both.
HUGS!!!!

We use the book "Toilet Traning in a Day" by Azrin and love it. There is a book that is similar for older kids having problems, that is recommended by Dr. Phil and others. It's called something like "Potty Training in a Day". I read a bit of it, and it seems like a good system, and really fun. At least the reading is funny. You might check it out. Our library had a ton of copies, so there was no wait on it. Good luck!

Does she like the baby? sounds like she's acting out of jealousy. Involve her more with the baby. Tell her only the baby is allowed to dirty his pants. Get her some pretty panties and convice her that she doesn't want to wear diapers anymore just pretty big girls panties. Let her pick them out.

Sounds like she is reacting to all the changes that came in such a short space of time. She may resent the baby and be trying to still be the center of attention.
I had my first two kids 15 1/2 month apart (because we all know you can't get pregnant when you are nursing, right?). My oldest was a little mother, and demanded to take care of her Sissie. Everything went well (each child got to take care of "her" baby when it was born) until I had my fifth child, my son. Katie wanted a sister, which I inconsiderately did not provide for her. She reverted back to an infant. I had two choices, to get angry or go with it. I explained that even though she was potty-trained, she could be my "other" baby for one week. I put her back into diapers (a small price to pay), got her a bottle, and put a bed-rail on the couch for her "crib". She would get fed a bottle (with instant breakfast in it) when I nursed Alan, I would change her when I changed him, and she could sit on the floor playing with toys when I played with him. Having her lay down when he did was a hoot. She couldn't use the toilet, she had to go in her diaper. She got sick of only having a bottle, hated to be in the diaper until I changed her, and she got mighty tired of having to stay in her "crib". I asked her if she wanted to be a big sister and help her brother instead of being the baby, too. She did, and her 2nd babyhood lasted 2 days.
Let your little one be a little one for a while longer, and then while she is, point out what she can do for herself, how lucky she is to be able to walk, go in the potty, run, eat at the table, etc... She probably just wants more attention.
Good luck!

sounds awful and stressful! and that's probably why she's doing this. Life has been tough on her too - new baby, living with grandparents, starting school. Very common for kids to regress with potty training.

First, I'd make sure she's OK medically - sounds like there might be some constipation if she's complaining of a sore bottom during the day and pooping at night - just take her for a checkup with the pediatrician.

then, I'd relax for a while. let her wear the pullups, she can obviously change them herself, and if she chooses to use the potty, then reward her. Also reward her if she puts the dirty pullup in the diaper pail. She doesn't get the reward if she leaves it around the house, though. Tell her that this will be the plan, and let her choose the reward - for example, my daughter liked Hershey's kisses and wanted to get them herself out of the fridge after washing her hands in the sink. It's just not a big deal if she's not fully potty trained yet = as my mom keeps saying, my own pediatriican kept saying = everyone is potty trained by the time they go to college!

right now the power struggle and the tension is making everything worse. Once you can all settle down and take the focus off the power struggle, maybe in a few months she'll ask to wear pretty big girl underwear. If not, you can start pointing it out in the store and offer to buy her some. Then she'll be ready to move to the next step.