New 5 Year Old That Doesn't like to Draw or Write

My daughter is in kindergarten, they have an ot tthere to help the kids in fine motor skills, which my daughter partakes in as well. You want these caught early so they do not become an issue later on.

He's in PRESCHOOL. He shouldn't really even know how to write. Writing is taught in primary school, and all too often, well-meaning parents teach children to write incorrectly, causing frustration for their children down the road when they have to be retaught using the correct method.

He should be able to recognize all his letters. Spell his name. Know his numbers, shapes and colors. But not write.

I wouldn't worry about this at all. I swear, it seems that anymore parents flip out if their kid doesn't emerge from the womb speaking perfectly, walking and writing in script.

He may be just fine or he could use some extra help. That is the purpose of an evaluation. Asking for an evaluation doesn't mean he has a serious learning disability. The purpose is to see if he would benefit from extra help. Could be he's immature and having one on one time to help with writing and drawing so he can catch up. Perhaps his hands muscles haven't developed and physical therapy will help with that.

Relax. An evaluation is a good thing. It may tell that he doesn't have a learning disability but if it indicates he could benefit from a bit of extra help wouldn't you want to know now so that he does get the help he needs?

I feel like you've described both of my boys, in a way. My oldest is now 8 and in second grade. He has a summer birthday, so we made him do an extra year before starting kindergarten. He had no interest in writing or drawing while in preschool and only started showing an interest during that extra year (our school has a special program). So, when I first read your post I thought, "No big deal. He'll probably like them better later."

Then again, our youngest has had various issues that didn't sound like much of anything on their own. And if I listed them here, they probably still wouldn't sound like anything. We (Mom & Dad) knew something was up, but we had trouble communicating that. We asked our ped for a referral to a psychologist. Best thing we ever did!!! After making our list and talking to him and having our son talk to him he told us exactly what was up with our son. And that diagnosis fit him to a T!!!. I almost cried just sitting there, as this was the first time I felt anyone understood our son.

My (very long-winded) point is this - maybe it's nothing. It could be nothing, and he could be on par with his peers in no time! It could also be something, and that is definitely better to find out now than later. If there is something you can do to help him along, wouldn't you want to know!?

ETA - I noticed a couple of people suggested that since he's only in preschool you shouldn't go along with the evaluation. I have to say I think that would be a mistake. Several people told us that. We had concerns about our son, and I can't tell you how many people poo pooed us and told us we were being ridiculous, that he was only in preschool, that he'll grow out of it, etc. We insisted on having him evaluated.

Our son now goes to speech and social skills and possibly occupational therapy, and all of them have told us that bringing him as soon as we did was the best thing we could have done for him. The sooner we help him, the easier school and his social life will be.

Our son knows he doesn't quite fit in. He's only in kindergarten, and he's beginning to realize it. Another boy has autism, and our son said that boy doesn't have any friends and was very sad because he was afraid he wouldn't have any friends.

Whatever the concerns are, having an evaluation will give you a much more accurate picture. Like I said, it could be nothing. But it's so much better to know.

My firstborn has/had some fine motor skills issues that were first apparent in kindergarten but were not formally diagnosed by an occupational therapist until halfway 1st grade.

The more you know and the earlier you know it, the better you can help him. It could be there is nothing out of the ordinary but you won't know unless you check it out.

A not-the-mom/dad person can often see things in kids that parents could not, because they are not desensitized to a child's routine behavior or personality quirks. It's a good thing, but sometimes hard to hear.

The teacher from last year knew him when he was a year younger. What seems like a potential issue Today may not have been then, so you have to go by his current teachers' observations

Jill K has very good advice: A professional who sees many children all day can often see things we parents cannot. Say yes to all attempts to observe him and be open-minded about what he might need.

Better to get started on some observation now than to wait and have to have more interventions later. I am impressed that your preschool has a resource specialist to observe him, and that the teachers are so proactive about telling you what they're seeing. Take some time to appreciate that fact. You're fortunate that the preschool is this good -- some preschools would not have teachers this well trained and willing to suggest options.

my dear, you are doing what almost all moms do when they hear 'we're concerned about.........' which is to feel guilty and defensive. it's hard NOT to.
but try to take the focus off yourself and the 'omg am i a bad mom?' and refocus it on your child, and the professionals who are giving you an experienced and impartial view to consider.
i too 'did everything' for my firstborn. i was taken aback when the kindercare teachers gently requested that i start letting him feed himself. at 2 he was sitting at the table waiting for the spoon, because i had been such a solicitous mom.
you're feeling as if you want to only consider the opinion of the 'nice' teacher who didn't make you feel as if you were being criticized, or that your child is being pejoratively judged. it may well be that she's got him nailed and that the concerns of the other preschool teachers is off-base.
but what if he COULD use some extra help? that's not a strike against you and your parenting, nor does it mean your boy is anything other than likable, lovable, and with great gross motor skills. it may just mean that he needs to have writing presented to him in a different fashion. or that this his own timeline.
i understand why schools, which deal in mass herds, have to have age-level expectations and to keep the herds on approximately the same schedules. it's a pity that kids don't and never have felt it necessary to mature according to charts. little buggers just keep insisting on their own timelines.
and that may well be all it is.
being observed by a resource specialist isn't a negative. don't let yourself hear doom and gloom tolling bells. it's just a trained set of eyes and a professional opinion for you to consider. you're still the expert on your own kid, and you still have the last and most important say.
the thing is to take your own ego out of it (hard for any mom to do) and yeah, to start letting your little fellow do more for himself.
all will be well, mama.
khairete
S.

My son hated to draw and write at that age. He just was not interested. He knew how to write his name and would do it if forced. He never wanted to sit down and draw...ever. When a teacher would tell him to, he would sit and do it as fast as possible and say he was done...basically a quick scribble. He was obsessed however with riding his bike or his razor scooter. He was obsessed with making ramps and riding his bike/scooter over them (about 1-2 inches high!). His first real drawing at age 6 was a tiny stick figure on a scooter with a whole series of ramps and loops. His handwriting was atrocious - and stayed bad for a long time bc he is a lefty. Anyway, I wanted to let you know he is in the gifted program at school, his writing has improved and is great this year finally (5th grade), he reads at a young adult level, and he is suddenly really into drawing, cartooning, and art. If they test your son and want to give him some extra help don't let that worry you...just think of it was practice for him. In 4th grade my son saw the OT specialist for help with how to make his handwriting better and she gave him a lot of tips on how to relax his hand, not grip so hard, etc. I was happy he had that help and I think it did make him think about it more.

Put him in kindergarten for fall and see how he does. There is absolutely NO REASON to repeat pre-school. He will be bored completely with the curriculum. He'll be doing shapes and colors and the same stuff again.

Kids go through stages where...it's like windows in a house. Sometimes this window is open fully and the one next to it is only open half way and the one across the room is shut. Then someone goes around and completely changes those around to where the one that was open wide is shut now and others are allowing things to flow like a river into a certain area.

Kids have this sort of stuff going on in their brain all the time. They are absorbing something and it makes sense and they are spouting off about it like crazy with the excitement of knowing something new then it's gone. It's still there but that window closed and another window opened. Maybe the one that's open is the one that is all about coordination and running and kicking at the same time. They still have the new stuff they had the day/week before but now they are on to something new.

It's hard for the "wiring" in the brain to make connections with new stuff until it's used a lot. If he's learning something else right now, something needed for the rest of his life, he may just not have the wiring finished to some of the skills the teacher is wanting him to produce....he may just not have access to that skill at the moment. Next week he might take off and be doing more than they've ever expected out of him.

I think kids, at this age, are learning so much, being flooded with information, and sometimes the brain just takes a while to figure out how to wire the skills together. Sometimes they hit a roadblock and it takes longer than other times.

Kids in most states don't even get tested for disabilities until 3rd grade, which I think is way way too late nowadays. They've already had most of the building block materials and are way way behind in such a way they might never catch up.

Please just let this go unless you're seeing areas at home or behaviors you think require attention. If he has a disability they aren't the only ones seeing it. He needs to move up with his friends and to have a new teacher that will use different methods to teach him. Each teacher is an individual and has different skills. Some pre-school teachers don't even have teaching degrees since it's not a required grade in public school. Kindergarten will be where you'll see if he's going to need special ed assistance. It won't hurt to evaluate him if it's not costly and covered by insurance but the school should pay for programs he needs once he's in actual school.

Give him a chance to go through these needed stages and don't hold him back.

When he finally gets to his latency period in 1st or 2nd grade if he's behind he's going to be completely bored and can start having even more issues.

Yes, my son (now 10) didn't like to write or draw at that age either. His handwriting is still awful to this day, so he still dislikes writing because his handwriting gets poor feedback (although he is an excellent creative writer). I often wonder whether he is ambidextrous, like his father, which makes hand strength and selection more difficult. He is learning to play the piano and type, both of which require manual dexterity and eye hand coordination. But although he still hates to write, he loves to draw and he's very good at it. He's also really good at writing interesting fonts within the contexts of his drawings, if he's putting in labels or speech bubbles, fonts that he has developed and are remarkably consistent and neat. But his actual handwriting stinks. He is identified as gifted in all four academic areas and in creative thinking and performs above grade level in all subjects. I will say, as a newly minted five year old with a summer birthday, he was way too immature to sit still and follow directions, and his preschool teachers recommended waiting a year to send him to school. It was the best decision we have ever made for him. In that year, he went to a young fives pre K program and matured greatly, and because he was in a maturity appropriate setting with teachers who got him, he gained a lot of confidence, so much so that when he was a year older, he was well behaved in kindergarten and didn't get in trouble at all (unlike if he had gone the previous year). He was able to focus instead on his learning. His disdain for writing and drawing just wasn't that important in the end.

The preschool teachers expressed concern. They didn't give your son a death sentence. They know that the demands of kindergarten are ridiculously high nowadays, and they want him to be successful - unsuccessful kindergarteners learn to hate school and lose confidence, which can affect their performance for years to come. You should not be "alarmed." You should be proactive. Let them observe him. Listen to what they have to say. He will not graduate high school still unable to write - he'll get there. But if they can intervene now, before he starts kindergarten, do it. And be grateful for the help - it's awesome they're helping now rather than when he starts having trouble at school. They will have lots of fun ways of helping him. And a lot can change between now and September.

I wouldn't worry too much. I know, hard - when you hear these things out of the blue. I heard the same thing about my youngest recently. I heard the complete opposite from her last year's teachers. She's very similar to her eldest brother who is an A student in middle school. He wasn't interested in cutting, printing, or drawing either. He now gets A's in art class.

Children differ widely at this point. I had a teacher tell me my child needed speech therapy and when we actually got to speech therapist, they asked why we'd come. Teachers don't always know. But it is part of their job to raise concerns. Seeing the resource specialist could alleviate your concerns, and also - if there is a real issue - they can help.

My mom was a Kindergarten teacher for 30 years and says that teachers these days are held accountable if they don't raise concerns. So some are very quick to point out things that could very well be typical (for your child). Just keep that in mind. Good luck :)

I think he sounds typical, but I'd also get the eval done since the teachers recommended it.

My younger is so busy running, jumping, moving, etc, that he's not very interested in writing or drawing either. He will write his letters when they are doing that during preschool, but it's not something he's interested in so it tends to be messy. Plus, my LO hasn't decided if he's a lefty or righty. Since he keeps switching hands, each hand only gets half as much practice. I'm not worried at all about his lack of writing skills. Even so, if his teacher recommended an eval, I'd do it, just for peace of mind for everyone.

I think since he is your first born you are more nervous.

I am pointing out somethings you said that are meant to help and not make you feel bad (I noticed because I had/have been in your shoes).

-You said "I have done everything for him." It is amazing how much more my second child can do because I can not do everything for both kids. When my first was 3, I recall helping him pick out clothes and then helping get him dressed and my second child did it all by herself at that age.

-A great preK teacher (any teacher) gives helpful critics so you have something to improve on. At first I would get worried, but it is so much better in the long to hear their observations.

-I always had/have my kids on team and individual sports. I never hear that he was out of range in his motor skills. Even the P.E. teacher said he was normal. We'll because nobody was skilled enough to flag him as uncoordinated I did not get him to OT until the middle of 1st grade. I am not using the school for services (I think the reason the PE teacher said he was normal was fear that I might want school resources).

-It is really not a big deal if he gets extra help for something. Even with the extra help it took awhile for my child to have 'normal' handwriting. Now his writing seem to match his peers.

I would not worry too much about it. My son (now 5 years 6 months old) did not know more than 5 letters when he started Kindergarten at the beginning of this year. We opted to have him start early versus waiting another year because he was physically ready in all other aspects. We tried to teach him but he did not care to learn (no matter what we tried!!) Here we are six months later and he can write all but 3-4 of his letters, prints his name fairly legibily, does his homework (mostly verbal) but still doesn't enjoy drawing or coloring. He does like doing mazes but that requires no fine motor skills (such as stringing beads, coloring in small spaces, cutting, etc). His teacher is not concerned about him so I'm not. Sounds like he's on target for his age!

Kids learn things in a different order from other kids. Some walk early, others talk early. Some potty train at 2.5, others aren't reliably dry until they are 5. Some have terrific gross motor skills (as yours does), while others are first to develop good fine motor skills. So while you really don't need to panic or feel devastated, you do want to listen to all the teachers and not just those who reassure you more because they think everything is fine. A child has different benchmarks at 5 than at 4, so there may be more expectations right now.

If you have always "done everything for him", he maybe had no need to work on certain things - that's not to say you "caused" anything, but that kids can give in to their weaker areas when someone's there to help. I find it's better if we are patient with our kids and less demanding of things being perfect. And you might consider that your child has been on 2 teams before the age of 5, which is extremely young. You may have helped instill in him a competitive spirit and desire for athletics that has taken time away from fine motor activities. He's good at the gross motor stuff, so he's going to gravitate toward those activities. Being on teams takes up time too, so you might want to re-think the wisdom of putting a 5 year old in a structured activity like that.

Information is power. There are tons of services available for kids through the school system, so some OT might be what he needs to help him work on things like his grip. My son had a very odd grip on his crayons and pencils, and it got in the way of his writing. Just work with the staff without panicking, and give him time. He's only 5 and a lot can change. Do be willing to look at adjustments you should be making at home - but that doesn't mean forcing him to do endless amounts of drawing. There are many things that can be done - so work with the experts.

Hi M.!

Don't freak out.

We did Young 5s to add an extra year to my son's belt before starting Kindergarten. He is super smart and like your son, had not a drop of interest in writing or sitting still in preschool. :)

His preschool teacher freaked me out. FREAKED ME OUT. For our annual parent teacher conference, she showed me his drawings next to the detailed drawings of some of his little female classmates (theirs were very detailed, his were stick figures) and referenced a few times where he was daydreaming in class and would bring up something totally off topic (example, they would be learning the ABCs, and he would bring up a new toy he liked.) He didn't like to sing. She made me question everything about how I had prepared our firstborn for school! (Up until then, I was so confident in his skills, even though I knew cutting and writing were hard for him.) I wish I would have ignored her. Instead, I obsessed about it and felt like he was so behind. (By the way, her specific concerns were writing, maturity and attention.) :)

Fast forward to Kindergarten one year after that conference. He can write. He can draw. He can read. He is a wonderful student and does great in class. He is academically right where he should be. I am so, so thankful we held him -- he was NOT ready for Kindergarten last year, but his motor skills made so much progress in a year, that by the next year, he was incredibly ready for Kindergarten.

After I took a deep breath, I realized the preschool teacher WAS right about one thing. He did have some weak fine motor skills, so I did find a lovely retired teacher who spent an hour a week with him during the summer. She played fun games with him and he didn't realize he was working on learning to hold a pencil better and write letters. I kept that up this year, once a week with the tutor. He did a full year with her. We just stopped a few weeks ago. Both the tutor and his Kindergarten teacher say it is just not necessary. He is doing great.

When I mentioned the specific things our preschool teacher had said, the Kindergarten teacher laughed and told me to chill out. She says some kids just do things on their own time. She is right! She has been wonderful. A few weeks into the school year, she asked me to stay after school. She pulled out things he had cut and written and drawn. She wanted me to see that he was right on track. They had an OT specialist at school, and she said if I wanted further validation, she could have him evaluated. I said go for it. They evaluated him, and the OT could not find a reason to work with him. His fine motor skills were... well, fine. Ha! I decided to finally just chill out. :)

I think a few things are at play. First, boys are just different than girls. They just are. My daughter has been drawing and coloring since she could hold a crayon. My son would rather wrestle or play outside.

Second, teachers are all so different. His Kindergarten teacher is so kind and tender and patient. She knows the strengths and weaknesses of her students and helps them with both. Our preschool teacher (I have had her twice) is much less patient when kids are "behind" in an area. I didn't realize this until we had another preschool teacher who is much more patient. I don't mind her, and we still have one child who will go through her class -- but she's just not as tender as some other teachers.

My advice would include two things. First, try to find a grain of truth in what the preschool teacher said. My son really did benefit from a little extra help with writing. The woman we found is AMAZING. I could not imagine he could handle an hour-long tutoring session and he loves her and made such progress in holding a pencil, writing letters, and even following directions. She is patient and kind and so amazing. I still think she was off base on maturity and attention for my son... I volunteered a lot in the classroom, and all I will say is that with the boys -- there is a BIG spectrum. They are all crazy little monkeys. I did notice when volunteering that there does seem to be a noticeable difference between firstborn boys and younger sibling boys. (Mine is a firstborn.) The boys in the class that had big brothers or sisters just were a little different. A little more capable maybe? I don't know why this suprises me. My third born does so much more at her age than my other two did, and that is partly out of necessity on my end. I had the time to give so much individual attention to my oldest, and I did. That had its benefits and drawbacks. :)

Second, talk to your pediatrician. To me, if he can ride a bike, hit a ball, play with friends, cut with scissors and draw a very rough person that you can recognize as a drawing of a person, he is doing GREAT for five.

Personally, I am a big advocate for adding that extra year of school if a child needs it. I think my son would have been very frustrated in kindergarten if we had done it last year. Instead, we waited one year, and he loves school. We had a snow day today and he was disappointed. Many of the kids in his class were in his class last year, so age wise, he is right in the mix (meaning he is not the oldest kid in the class.)

You're doing great. Take a deep breath and know you are a great mom. Your son will be fine.

Just wanted to give you some encouragement. It is so easy to forget how much they grow in a year! My guess is one year from now you will look back and wish you had not worried so much.

:)

It is hard to hear concerns from your child's teacher... I totally understand that.

One thing to think, however..... boys typically don't want to sit down and do fine motor stuff... they would rather be doing physical things....

He may have some fine motor issues, but mostly, I have a feeling it is a matter of maturity.....

my grandson never was interested in drawing and such... he is 7, and still struggles with writing. My granddaughter (2 1/2 - same family), however, loves to color! She will grab her crayons and a coloring book and do her "homework" ...... she loves all of that! Just a totally different personality....