New Boyfriend....

Hey there. Here is my take on it, but it is just my opinion. In the end, you have to do what you feel is best for your kids. If this may be a serious relationship, then you should introduce them. Not like this is mom's new man, but as a friend. Let him be around the kids and the kids be around him. If things seem to click there, then you can start introducing the idea of a relationship slowly to them. They are younger, and probably a lot more resilient than you think. If this is not a serious relationship or you are still deciding if it is, you should probably just keep him to yourself. That way the kids are not hurt again if it doesn't work out. Like I said, just my opinion. I am proud of the fact that my kids have only seen me with their dad and my husband. Now that I find myself single again, I still do not want to bring a bunch of guys around until I find the right guy.

Wait! I don't know how long it's been since your relationship with your children's father ended, but chances are any relationship you are in may not be "Mr Right". You need to take the time to fully realize why your last relationship failed and "do the work" to make sure your next one will suceed! Introducing your girls to someone (even if they are ok with it) is setting them up for more trauma in their young lives if this turns out to be a temporary thing. Children this young bond so freely and completely and in the absence of their father you will find that they readily tranfer their affections to the "new guy". This is unfair to them because this soon in the relationship you can definitely not be sure if he is father material! THe longer you wait, the better you will KNOW that he is (or is not) someone you and your girls will want to have around forever. Protect them as long as you can! With little girls especially, you MUST be careful about the men you bring into their lives. I learned the hard way....

A. this one is hard and this is the reason I have found. We always want the best for our children and everyone has a different relationship with the opposite sex. Sometimes you know it is for real right away and sometimes it may take awhile. I was seperated for a year before I starting dating again, however, he had a girlfriend before we split. I will try and give you a view going each way. He introduced his girlfriend to the kids within 2 months of the split. At the time my girl was 3 and the boy was only 4 months. Obviously my son was to young to know any better, but my daughter understood. She really liked his girlfriend and as hard as it was for me I had to be an adult and realize that it is one more person to lover her and I knew in my gut that the girlfriend was good to them both. Long story short she adjusted well. Fast forward to my dating a guy. His ex isnt so friendly to the situation and we have been seeing each other now for almost 2 years. I am just now starting to be around her at all due to the wishes of the mother. This is the hard part. It has made me feel as if I am not good enough to be around his daughter. It also has made me resentful of the whole situation. It is hard to tred water when you are trying to do what is best for the children and still wanting to keep the boyfriend feeling as if he is important. We all make mistakes and I certainly hope that fear of them doesnt hold you back. Go with your gut. If your ex already has a girlfriend and they know it then maybe they would accept your boyfriend much easier. Just dont force him down their throat and take the first few outing in short time spands so they get to know him before they are forced to spend elongated times with him. Good luck hope all goes well.

I say you need to wait, this relationship can not be serious yet. What I mean by that is you don't know him yet and he doesn't know you. I would stick to this rule. When you feel you know him fully and he knows you and you two are committed to each other then introduce him to your children. Start out slow let them get to know him before you say this is my boyfriend. Once they are around him more and start to have a relationship with him then you can tell them that this is mommies boyfriend. It is hard for children to see there parents with someone other then there mommy or daddy. It is a big step for them that you can not rush and there could be set backs you just need to take it one step at a time and deal with the change day by day. Also when you do bring him around the kids listen to them they may be young but they can sense things we don't want to or can't and if after a while if they don't start to get close to whom ever you are in a relationship with then I would take a step back and see why. You always need to remember that yes you have a RIGHT to move on and be happy again but you have the responsibility to your children to make sure they are happy and secure as well. I know I have been through this my boyfriend of two years has 3 and I have 2 mine are young and they took right to him and they truely love him. But at first his youngest who was 4 was really drawn back and acted as though I was replacing his mom. He is now 5 and is more comfortable with me, I explained to him that I would never replace him mother but that I was a friend if he needed me and I would be there when ever he was ready. He is a lot better but it took a long time. Good luck and be patient.

After having gone through that when my 14 year old was little, I will give my opinion based on the mistakes I made. You could introduce him as a friend but don't let him hang out at your house all the time, don't push your children to be nice if they aren't ready (they shouldn't be rude) and don't try to bring him into "family" functions until it moves beyond casual dating. With kids 3 months should still be casual dating...otherwise you send out the message that you're lookin for a new daddy. Good luck

Bravo to you for putting your children before your relationship!!!!! You are to be commended to consider their feelings ahead of yours. What a mature decision to make!

I echo the sentiments many others have posted here - make sure this is a 'serious' relationship before potentially 'disrupting' your childrens' lives. Not that you would intentionally 'disrupt' anything, that's just how it could possibly feel to young kids. Children need stability and reliability in order to build trust, so take things slowly!

Hi, You should wait until you have dated awhile and are very serious. You should also bring this up to your ex. It is not good for children to see men or women come and go out of the parents life. I know this is hard but just think of how it looks to the children plus you do not want them to get attached unless your are thinking of marrying again.

A.,
I know how u feel when it comes to introducing your new boyfriend to the kids. I have 3 boys and they get very attached because they don't have their father in their lives. It is just me and them. Your girls are small and it is hard for them to understand why mommy and daddy are not together. I would let them meet him one time and see how it goes. Take it one day at a time. You can't keep them away from him or what kind of relationship can u have with him. If he cares for u he will take his time and ease his way into their life. Let them take timea nd get to know him and see how it goes. You never know. Does he have any kids of his own??? If so maybe you can bring them all together and it will be easier for them. Hope it turns out for you!!!

A., my rule of thumb when I started dating after having my daughter was that I had to be in a relationship. I didn't want to put my girl through possibly getting close to a new boyfriend only to have her heart broken when/if we broke up. I also introduced him as mommy's friend. She was 2 when I started dating. We never did anything romantic (even kissing) in front of her until we were positive that we were serious about each other. I would strongly suggest making the transition slowly. It might also help if you make the initial meeting about the children and not focused on meeting your bf.

Keep us updated!

That would depend on your seriousness w/this new guy. Have you asked him how he feels about this. I know when my daughter first met my bf now when she was 3 - she is now 6 1/2- she was not too happy, more so confused. This is very emotional for the kids. I remembered when my daughter was in preschool and they had read a book about families, her teacher told me that she started crying and was real upset because her mommy and daddy were not together, and note at this time too I was pregnant w/my second child with my bf now. So I honestly would wait at least another 3-6 months. Relationships are always great in the beginning and only being together for 3 months is really not that long. You don't want to introduce them to him and in 4 months no longer be with him, and what about when you meet someone new?

I think it's wonderful that you've taken the time to wait instead of introducing a man immediately. Waiting is always best. I suggest first talking to your children, just feel out the waters and see if they may be ready to have a new person introduced in their lives. If you have the slightest hint that they're not ready you can always wait a little longer. Your children need to know that your relationship with them is stable and important. Introducing a new person is always hard for children, esp young ones, but it seems to be the most complicated when it just "happens." When you do start to introduce a new man I'd do it gradually, introducing him as Mommy's friend and keeping his visits brief and infrequent, once they slowly get used to him you can introduce him more and more often. Never introduce your children to someone unless you feel in your heart that it's a relationship you feel you'll be staying in. Let your children be your guide and listen to their feelings through out your relationship(s). Try your best to not judge their feelings when it's not what you may want to hear. Let your children build a slow and trusting relationship and everything will be ok. I've been a single mom for the last 7 years, it's not always easy. It'll be ok though, it sounds like you're doing the right thing with them with your current relationship. Take your time and it'll all work out in the end.

I'm with you on this wholeheartedly. I'm divorced and have a failed post-divorce relationship under my belt. I allowed my children to get too close to the guy before I was sure it was real. I'll go with everyone else on this and tell you to make sure this is long-term before you allow your kids to get close. An introduction as "mommy's friend" would be harmless I think, but I would really hold back on letting them spend time with your boyfriend until you know 100% that he's in this with you for the long haul. Take it from someone who's been there, if you aren't sure, you're setting your kids up for heartache. I think it's super that you're looking out for your kids' best interest. I hope this relationship turns out to be the best thing that has happened to you and your children, and good luck!!