New Year's Eve with Kids and Alcohol

I'm with you...I love to have a glass of wine (or 3) at a gathering and my kids have seen my husband and his family toss back a celebratory Tequila shot more than once but college-style drinking games? Not OK.

I like to have fun in an adult environment, but what you are describing is not an adult environment. I'd find something else to do on New Year's Eve. .

I'm far from uptight about light to moderate social drinking in the presence of my kids, but I wouldn't have them in that environment... I'd be making alternate plans.

I think my reply may be unpopular. First: I am not a drinker, alcohol is not my thing, and I have never enjoyed drinking to get drunk-I prefer to be in control of my faculties. To me, pong is just a game. One of my kids' favorite NYE activities is the the playing of...SODA PONG! They think it's great fun, and a special treat since they are not normally allowed soda. Usually after the first round, we switch to water because their tummies aren't used to the soda. How is throwing a ball into a cup in any way different from many of the games you would encounter at a Fair? For us, it's about the game, not the drinking, and it's fun.

We have had times where one of our guests might put beer in some of the cups on their side, but it is seen more as them putting what they're drinking in their half of cups, the kids on that team would obviously only drink if the ball landed in their soda/water cup. It actually IS a pretty fun game without any alcohol at all.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think the most important aspect is how it is presented to the kids; is the purpose to play a game or get drunk? For us, it's just a game. I'm sure someday in the not-too-distant future, my kids will learn that pong is technically a drinking game, and people play it with the intention of getting drunk...but that's not how WE play.

I do think drinking games with kids around is strange, heck I think drinking games once you are out of college is Weird.

I can see cards, dominoes, maybe even limbo would make more sense.
It sounds like you have out grown these people.

i'm with you. it's fine for adults to drink socially, and for kids to see what that looks like. drinking games encourage over-indulgence and aren't appropriate for a gathering where children are present.
khairete
S.

OK, so who and/or how many in the group of friends are having a mid-life crisis? Seriously, drinking games at 40? People drink at New Year's Parties, but drinking games?

Something to think about, though, is that just because the host bought the game, doesn't mean everyone else isn't going to think exactly the way you do. Might turn out to be one of those "funny when I saw it, but not when it came to the actual party" situations.

Who "buys" drinking games?
I think if you've gotta BUY beer pong, especially in your 40's? You're in pretty rough shape.

Agree. Would not play drinking games around kids or past the age of 22--but that's me. 😜

They sound too immature to have kids.

You can purchase drinking games? People must be incredibly non-creative today. Adults drink. College students play drinking games. High school students may play drinking games (illegally) but certainly not with either actual adults or children present. Children do not drink alcohol. College students should (generally) not be parents. The ones that are SHOULD grow up. Ergo - no drinking games at your party as none of you are college students or presumably high school students drinking secretly.

I have no problem with alcohol being served at parties attended by children. But why would you want your kids to learn the goal of drinking is to get drunk?

No, you're not crazy. I'm with you.
40 year olds doing this? That's crazy.
It's time to grow up.
I haven't heard of people doing that game since I was 21.
I'd skip the party if you're going to feel uncomfortable having your kids
around that (which I don't blame you) & make a new tradition with YOUR
family at home.

It sounds like this NYE party really isn't your thing. You're not obligated to attend, so why not make alternate plans for your evening? Just because you've done it "every year" does not mean you have to keep doing it. Time for a new tradition that brings you happiness.

Yeah, I don't hang out with idiots. I thought drinking games were stupid in college, but I'd occasionally do it because that's what the parties were. But honestly, to be doing them in your 40s? You need better, more interesting friends. This has nothing to do with the children - this has entirely to do with the adults. I wouldn't have an interest in drinking games at this age because alcohol is not some novel, taboo thing that needs to have a game to make it legitimate. If I like a wine or cocktail, I drink it. If I don't like it, I don't. This woman actually went out and BOUGHT "beer pong." That's so lame! It's just red cups and ping pong balls. Since when do you "buy" it? Oh my, I'm embarrassed for her. No, I'm with you. I'm 45 and I don't know anyone who does this. I would be looking for more interesting people to hang out with.

I'm going to wait for the "don't be so uptight, it's a game" replies that someone's going to post....

I agree with those below: This is totally inappropriate for an event with kids around. If it were me, I would not attend a party with adults who think it's fine and dandy to slam back shot after shot or beer after beer where kids are present. I would bet that these hosts say, "Oh, just stick the kids in front of a video in the other room and they won't really care what we're doing, and it's safe! No one's driving drunk!" but believe me -- at ages 10 and 8 the boys know and understand MUCH more than you realize (and much more than you'd like them to understand) about what the adults are doing. They will pick up on the fact that the purpose of these games is to get stupidly drunk as quickly as possible, not to play a fun game.

You are going to be profoundly uncomfortable while there, maybe even seethingly angry at your hosts but not wanting to show it. Does that sound like a pleasant New Year's Eve for YOU to have? Nope. I'd stay home with the kids and frankly would expect my husband to do the same. (Nope, no husband, or wife, should be attending a "sleepover" solo where there's this level of drinking.)

You don't mention what your husband thinks of the drinking games in the presence of kids, or if he buys the ridiculous "They won't care if they're off elsewhere in the house" thing. You say you'd be the only adult not participating -- so you anticipate he would participate? Seriously? Is he that much afraid of what his buddies might think?

If he is OK with this, I'd need to do some serious talking with him about why you're on such vastly different pages. If he too is not OK with it but just doing it because the friends expect him to, I'd talk to him about both of you having the courage of your convictions (also known as backbone) to say to these immature "friends" that you now can't make it this year. It's middle school stuff to cave in and go along to get along. You're adults. These other friends aren't.

If your husband waffles on this, it's time to do some hard talks about how you and he plan to handle not just this annual event but your eventual approach to alcohol when your own kids are older. Like I said -- they know more than you think they do already. If dad goes along with those outnumbering mom on this game, that sends your sons a VERY mixed and confusing signal about the difference between social drinking and drinking hard and fast to get drunk because your peers are doing it. Soon some of your boys' peers will be doing just that....

Playing games is fun. Playing games with the intent of getting drunk is not fun anymore (especially around kids, especially over the age of 25). I'm with you on this one. Enjoying an alcoholic beverage around kids is fine. Showing them that the purpose of drinking is to get drunk is not.

Your friends sound a bit immature, quite frankly. I'd probably try to find a way to get out of the party. And, BTW, how does one "buy" a beer pong game? Doesn't it just involve a ping pong ball, a bunch of red solo cups and beer? Strange...

I agree with you. I can't imagine why grown adults think this is "fun" to do in front of the kids. Are they reliving some college years they miss desperately? I'm no prude and I do enjoy drinking, but having gone through the teen and college years when kids get in trouble, I see no point in teaching them this at 8 and 10.

If somebody wants to play ping pong hitting a ball into cups of water, fine. If adults drink cocktails separately while this is happening, fine.

I think you and your husband need to get on the same page. I would stay home and keep the kids home too. Or I'd find some alcohol-free, family friendly events such as First Night celebrations.

There's an expression about standing up for what's right, even if you are standing alone.

Sounds more like a college party than a family friendly party. I would make other plans.

There is a time and place for these types of games. This is not the time nor the place.

If you don't think you'll enjoy yourself, then don't go. For me personally, I think it's unrealistic to portray myself as a nun to my kids (as in: no, kids, of course I never drink, swear, or have sex!) Do I have drinks in front of them on New Year's? You bet I do! Would I play beer pong in front of them? Well, considering I was the hands-down champion of my sorority at beer pong, yep, I'd probably do that, too. I'd even let them play. (With soda!) I wouldn't get falling-down drunk in front of my kids, mostly because I don't enjoy being falling-down drunk ever, whether they're there or not. At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with cutting loose every now and then, as long as you're responsible about it (not driving, not becoming so drunk that you can't carry on a conversation, remain cognizant about safety, keep track of your kids, and so on).

But to each their own. If you'd rather have a quiet evening in, there's certainly nothing wrong with that, either.

Drinking games are for college students...NOT '40 somethings' IMO.

I would be inclined to stay home with kiddos, play a nice game (while sipping some wine) with a nice fire! I would invite hubby to stay home as well. If he insisted on going, well... I would give him a ping pong ball and wish him a happy happy new year!

Ditto what one perfect one said. Nuts.

That is a game my sons and friends played in our backyard at his twenty first birthday. In my opinion and believe me I love a beer or two, that is very inappropriate for any occasion where children are involved. Even if kiddoes are watching some video elsewhere they know what's going on and explaining mommy or daddy's head over the toilet later is no fun. I think someone should get sick at home that night and you don't go. Or you talk it out with the whole family. Seriously.

I think it's very important to show our kids how we make responsible choices if we expect that they are going to make responsible choices. I agree with you and I would not choose to attend a NYE party with the kids where there is drinking games and inappropriate drunkeness.

Perhaps ya'll could hire grandparents or some other responsible adults to keep all the kids overnight at a different location while y'all enjoy and cut loose?

I think your moral compass is working just fine. This would never happen in my family so I cannot even picture what I'd do if it did. But I'd try to put the kibosh on it or not go. Just be honest. Tell them this is not the example you want for your children.

Just get "sick" and don't go. I'd never do that in front of the kids. Good LORD! Teaching the kids how to play alcohol games? They'll play and get alcohol poisoning and perhaps die. A kid in one of the apartment complexes I managed many years ago played alcohol games and was in a coma for 3 weeks. Came out and had brain damage. Never went to college on that football scholarship, never got married and had grand kids for his parents, he was a child the rest of his life.

I'm just not a drinker, it makes me sick. DH likes a glass or maybe two of wine. Neither one of us is fond of being anywhere where adults are just drinking to get drunk and act stupid. No way would I be bringing my kids to this kind of party. If your husband doesn't understand or agree with why you don't want your kids around this, then I'd leave the kids with grandma or a sitter. Better yet, I'd just skip the party and either stay home or do something else. Just not my kind of fun.

I wouldn't even go. So they'll see you abstaining and everyone else acting a fool? I am fine with my kids seeing me drinking responsibly but not drinking and acting like that. With Kids more is caught then taught!

If the kids were sitting right there WATCHING us, I'd feel weird about things like Beer Pong. But if they were off in the basement, playroom, watching a movie, etc it wouldn't bother me. Table games (card for example) are no biggie in my mind because it's not like we're slamming beers. Overall I'm okay with my kids seeing my husband and I drink and if the conversation goes in the wrong direction, I have the kids go to a 'kid safe room' like theirs, the basement, etc or steer the conversation in the right direction!

Well, my husband comes from an Irish/Italian/Catholic family so alcohol was just always part of family celebrations. However, I don't believe that there were ever any drinking games. I am fine with alcohol being at a party. However, if the party is going to be like a frat party, then perhaps not someplace that I want to be....

You definitely would be setting a great example for your children by not attending a drinking games party with the children so near.

Some things are taught and some things are caught.

Besides do you really want to be THAT parent. The don't do as I do but do what I say?

Get your husband's take on things too. I would let the host know you are not comfortable with the drinking games at this party and what message that tells the children and because of that you will be making alternate plans to ring in the New Year. If enough friends feel the same way perhaps the host will change the nature of the party to NOT include drinking games.

I'm a sponsor (adult volunteer there to help supervise & connect with the kids) of our church youth group and when we commit to the "job" (volunteer) we're asked to commit for the year and to agree to abstain from alcohol for that time too. The reason is that teens will learn by example - and then take it to the limit. If they see you have one beer they will feel they have the licence to have 10. (not really but you get the idea) Whatever teens witness by adults in leadership (parents, parents' friends, etc) they take as licence to do themselves.

I agree that a casual drink at a social gathering is fine. In fact you having one drink or glass of wine is a good example for you kids of how to drink responsibly. However, drinking to get drunk, which is the intent of beer pong, is a terrible, horrible, very bad idea. What's your husband's opinion of this? Any chance you can suddenly be struck down, on new Year's Eve day by a virus that's swept through everyone in your family?

Your friends' party is the last place I'd want to be for New Year's Eve. If it's too late to back out now I'd prepare your husband for next year to start a new tradition of doing something else with someone else. If you can, "get sick" then buy a board game and have fun with your family. When I can get my family around the living room coffee table to play pictionary or heads up or apples to apples we always come away giggling and having made good memories.

Good luck mama.

I would call the friend and tell her that you are not comfortable with the games in front of the kids, wanted to spend NY's as a family, understand it is her home and party, and then decline.

Someone recently shared with me that the kids were playing quarters with their fruit punch, they thought it was cute...NOT CUTE!

Anyway, I think it is a good call and maybe your friend will rethink her decision if you call her on it.

I never did that in front of my kids. My kids grew up with the adults in the family drinking, yes. That's far different than playing drinking games.

To be honest, I would not go - no way I'd be playing beer pong in front of ANY of the kids.

What you can do is have a babysitter watch the kids in a different part of the house while the adults are together. I have done that. This is the ONLY thing I would do other than not go.

When I was a child, my dad was a member of a motorcycle club. My parents were divorced and my brother and I lived with our mother. My dad would often bring several other members when he came to visit, which was not often. My brother and I witnessed not only heavy drinking but drug use as well. I still am not sure why my mother tolerated it, maybe she thought there wasn't much she could do. I clearly remember some random guy being completely wasted and dancing on our dining room table. He tripped over the edge and took a dive head first to the floor and somehow managed to cut himself bad enough that his face was covered in blood. I decided at that moment that there was nothing in this world worth doing that could possible cause me to act like that in public. I was 8. Neither my brother nor myself are either excessive drinkers or drug users, and I firmly believe it's because we witnessed first hand why excessive drinking and drug use is bad.

As far as your particular situation, I too think 40 is to old for drinking games, but you can't tell other people what to do. If you're not comfortable going, don't go. If you want to go but not participate, don't let anyone try to make you feel bad for that choice. And if you go and others behave badly because they drank to much, point out to your kids how ridiculous they are and "show" them why drinking to much is not OK.

"Do as I say, not as I do" doesn't work. If you are playing beer pong in front of them and making it seem like so much fun, then they will at some point play as well. May be after their 21st birthday or it may not. Would you smoke a joint in front of them? Same difference in my book. A social drink is one thing, but a beer chugging game is quite another. Of course, you've been doing this for years already, so.......

I understand how you feel, I wouldn't like it either. How close are you with the host who bought beer pong? Can you have a little in-person chat with her at some point soon and be totally honest about why it makes you uncomfortable? I would think if your gathering is a tradition, and she values your family's company more than having this certain type of game being played, she will be understanding and offer to select an alternative. Everyone can still enjoy adult beverages without the show of having the degree of drinking tied to a "game." She's human, and perhaps just had a silly idea she didn't really think through. Is she typically that immature around alcohol? I would at least go with the assumption that maybe she just wanted to try "something" different, and isn't going to be bothered by finding an alternative game. After you share your feelings, if she's upset or defensive or tells you that you're welcome to not play while the others are playing, then yes, I'd politely make other plans.

This reminds me of when my cousin taught our younger sisters how to play "water poker" when they were about 10 or 11. I don't even remember which particular drinking game it was, I think I knew it as "Kings Cup" but I have heard other names for it. Some drinking game with cards. They loved it. they played it all the time, with cups of water. Neither of them are big drinkers today. In fact, I can count on my hands the number of times I've seen my sister drink. They are both moms now.

That said, I totally respect that you feel the way you do. I come from a family with a lot of drinkers, and a lot of alcoholic over-imbibing behavior at family functions. Growing up I never saw any parent-age adults play a drinking game, but I did see a lot of spirited games of trivial pursuit and dominoes. And I saw a lot of really drunk people. No one ever played a game to get drunk. But a lot of people drank... to get drunk.

I think the issue is not really the drinking games... it is the attitude toward drinking. If their attitude doesn't agree with yours and you don't want your kids exposed to it... that's up to you. If they truly are "drinking to get drunk" and you don't want your kids around that, then don't... games or not. The games themselves will not scandalize your children.

Sorry, it is a tough situation to be in. I know firsthand how much a of responsibility it feels to model responsible drinking amid a sea of irresponsible drinking.

My husband and I don't drink at all. I think we are the only ones in our circle of friends who don't, including our church friends. My kids are 15 and 12 and had a bad experience several years ago when my mom got drunk when they were staying with her. They also have been to weddings of church friends who got drunk and they didn't like it and frankly I didn't either. Recently our other friends got married from church and my kids decided on their own they didn't want to go to the reception since it was going to be an open bar. They really don't want to see their youth leaders at church blasted and I don't blame them. I hate when adults think it's ok to drink in front of kids. But then they are the same adults who take their kids out drinking on their 21st birthdays so they think that's just part of life and growing up and it's what you do. I said this to a church friend and she was genuinely shocked that she didn't even CONSIDER that non-drinking for her kids was an option when they turned 21. So this of course is just my opinion and my family but if I were you, I would attend the party but drive separate from your husband. When the drinking games come out and/or things start getting to be too much, then you and the kids go home. Our first priority as moms is to protect our kids. JMO. Good luck.

Have you talked with your husband about your feelings? That's a good place to start.

you can't really control what they do in front of their own kids. But I would suggest that you suck it up and pay a babysitter for your own kids and leave them at home. That way you can play if you want but not do it in front of your own kids. The other option is to just bow out of this right now and do something different with your husband and kids.