Newborn Will Not Fall Asleep by Herself

ha my 5 year old won't fall asleep on her own=) Talk to M. in 5 years for sympathy. I say hold her, shes only 3 weeks

My first was a great sleeper, the second would only nap well on me or another person. Otherwise the naps were very short and she struggled to fall asleep at all. I found my sanity by wearing her in a carrier- the Ergo Baby Carrier is the one, trust me! I unloaded the dishwasher in it, played with my three-year-old while wearing the baby.... All babies are different, now my little bad sleeper is a great sleeper! but she needed to be on me for the first several months. Its hard to have a high needs baby like that, and you won't get much done, but it will pass. Maybe Ergo her until she is nearly asleep, then put her in her own crib and let her fuss for 10 min or so. If she won't sleep try to let her nap on you for a few more weeks and try again. Ergo Ergo Ergo!!!!!

My pack n play had a bassinet attachment, it is a plush material and kind of looked like a little hammock, and it had 2 different vibration settings. That is the only thing my baby would sleep in until he was about 2 months, then he got too big for it. Its a graco, I think. You could also try using the carseat, even drive around for a few minutes, puts most babies to sleep, put the carseat next to you on the floor, lay on the couch and take a nap.

Your infant is normal.
This is what they do.
They are not even fully developed yet.
They need to "bond" with their Mommy.
This also impacts their overall development.

NO do not cry it out.
She is only 3 weeks for goodness sake.

Use a large receiving blanket or get some flannel fabric and place this on the crib sheet tucking it in at the sides. Flannel is warmer than a regular sheet. For most of us when we slip into nice cool sheets at night it feels good but babies can not control their body heat as well as we can so to them it feels COLD shock cold. Remember she was surrounded by 98.6 degrees for 10 months and now she's out having to experience the cold world. She will sleep better if she is warm.

A 3 week old shouldn't be left to cry it out, in my opinion.
When you transfer her from your arms to a bassinet or crib, make sure she surface you're putting her on is warm first. Try transferring her AND the blanket she's in at the same time. Use the "arm drop" test. Does it fall like lead when lifted & released? Then she's really asleep.
Is she swaddled?
Be a ninja. LOL
Eventually, start putting her down very drowsy, but awake.
Oh--Welcome to Mamapedia!!!

I'm sorry - she is THREE WEEKS OLD!!!

I think your expectations are set a tad too high. She is three weeks old. For the last several months, she's been a nice, warm, TIGHT location. Now she's out in the big bad world.

Swaddle her tight. Most newborns LOVE to be swaddled.

A newborn should not be left to cry it out. That's for an older baby - more like 9 months or older.

My daughter slept the night through at 6.5 weeks.
My son slept the night through at 6 weeks.
My baby didn't sleep the night through until he was a year old.
EVERY child is different.

I would go with the flow right now. TRY and set a schedule for her. MOST kids LOVE routines, boundaries (although they LOVE to challenge them) and guidelines. As an infant? SCHEDULE. You can read previous posts on here about how some moms set a schedule from the get-go and how it worked for them.

Set your expectations to a NEWBORN. NOT an older baby.

Until three weeks ago, your baby was held 24 hours a day and got a mini-meal every time your heart beat. She's adjusting to so much right now! She needs you there for her. Sharing sleep may not be what you had planned, but she didn't get the memo.

I had good luck with "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. There's a book, but I was able to check the DVD out from the library and that was great when I wasn't getting much sleep.

Please don't let a 3 week old cry it out. A 3 week has no idea what this is trying to teach her. Make sure the swaddle is tight, then once she is asleep in your arms, transfer her swaddle and all. I've even heard of people warming a blanket in the dryer and setting it in the crib immediately before putting the baby in the crib so that it is warm when you set the baby down.

If that doesn't work, then just go with the flow for now, and start to ease her into it in another few months. I don't think that the 'putting the baby down drowsy but awake' worked for me until at least 3 months old with my first, and about 10 months old with my 2nd.

When my son was about 3 weeks I found myself in a similar boat. What I did was put the bouncer chair right in front of the couch so I could easily put him in there after he'd fallen asleep on me. I decided I was going to do it until he adjusted. The first day he woke up easily when I moved him into the bouncer and I'd pick him up again. But as he got more and more tired from his naps being interrupted, his desire to sleep won out over being on my chest. I also shortened the time he could sleep on me before moving to the bouncer. Within a few days he would fall asleep in the bouncer. I did the same gradual approach when getting him to nap in his bed during the day.

You can't spoil a baby, but you can exhaust yourself in the process and that's when you stop truly enjoying your baby.

It makes me sad to read about mom's who don't just hold their babies when they are so tiny... :( My kids are now 7, 5 and 3 and what I wouldn't give to sit for a day holding a tiny newborn... best.thing.ever.

Hold her.. She's too little to CIO. Use your carrier.

When she's a few months old, then try again. Babies change a ton between 6 and 10 weeks. I'd say after that, work with getting her to sleep on her own.

If having her in your bed with you and your husband is not workable for you, then don't have her in there. Don't let others tell you that you SHOULD. If it works for you fine, but if it won't, that's fine too. Neither of our babies EVER slept in our bed routinely. They had their own room/crib from the day they came home from the hospital. It worked for us and they are well-adjusted loving family members today (at ages 10 and 13 years). :)

As far as crying it out... she's way too young.

At 3 weeks, most babies fall asleep at the end of their feeding, whether that is nursing or a bottle. Once they do, you can still burp them, and put them down in their crib for sleep.
Also, as you have discovered, there is a "window" when it is easier to move a sleeping baby. If you try too soon, they will wake up. Likewise, if you wait too long, they will wake up. What seemed to work for us was somewhere around 10-15 minutes after they dozed off.
Babies go through sleep cycles just like adults do. Which is why early after falling asleep it is easier to wake them, and near the end of the nap it is easier to wake them, and also at places in the middle, lol. But their sleep cycles are shorter.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-basics-birth-to-3-...
http://researchmommy.wordpress.com/2009/12/08/90-minute-s...

3 weeks is too little for cry it out. We held our son a lot early on and our pediatrician said it was fine. We weren't allowed to worry until five months according to our pediatrician. Even then the doctor said each baby is different and we'd have to learn our son to find our balance. Like others suggested make sure the bassinet/crib is warm when you put her down. I have heard of different options for warming the bed for her - heating pad which you remove before putting your baby down, hot water bottles (again remove before baby), sitting on blankets, etc. Personally I would put a blanket over my chest, then my swaddled son to my chest and finally a blanket over him. My husband would help me tuck the top blanket in the crib/bassinet. I did get pretty good at one handed baby balancing and blanket tucking, though. I would lay our son down on the warm blanket. Swaddling helps too if your daughter likes that. I also suggest finding your daughter's window of opportunity for being put down. 15 minutes after falling asleep is probably about right for putting her down. Trial and error will tell you if that's too soon or too late for her, though. Good luck and congratulations on your new baby.

One of the best books I found was "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. She spends some time talking about babies and their sleep patters and why some things work and what you can substitute and lots of strategies.

Babies don't sleep through the night, and babies like to be held ALL THE TIME. This is completely normal, and you are not doing anything wrong.

At this age and for the first 6 months, you do what works. Try not to worry too much about forming habits. Babies simply do not do this. If you let her sleep with you right now, this is not going to be something you're still dealing with when she's 9 years old.

I struggled a great deal with my oldest when he was a newborn. I really wanted him to sleep in his crib, and it just wasn't working. A very good friend said to me, "Who cares where he sleeps as long as he sleeps?" That was an eye opener for me.

Keep trying lots of things and do what works. I did use the swing and the bouncy seat and sometimes they worked and sometimes they didn't. I would put our son in the middle of the bed and lie down next to him and nurse him to sleep and then slowly roll away. I also brought him to bed with me the first time he woke up, put him next to me, latched him on and went right back to sleep. The next time I woke up I always did a quick check to make sure he was safe and went back to sleep. It was great! I got so much more sleep once I started doing this!

Please don't worry about setting bad habits. Babies change so much that what works one week may not work the next. She's not going to remember, she's just going to know whether or not you loved her. Do whatever works (co-sleeping, having her lie on your chest, whatever). Holding her doesn't teach her to expect you to hold her all the time. She'll grow out of that when she's ready. Rather, it teaches her that she is safe and that she is loved and let's her know that it's ok to fall asleep. Mommy is here, and all is well.

ummm yes - what everyone else said. no way can she sleep on her own at three weeks. my 13 month old son still has to be held. not to mention my three year old daughter who still likes me to lay down with her to go to sleep.

If you are needing a break some swaddle blankets have a hole in the back so that you can buckle baby into a bouncy seat or swing. I have found that bouncy seats seem to be very comforting. You can tightly roll recieving blankets and tuck them on either side of your little one while in the seat to make her feel even more secure.

Good Luck.

M.

Hi C.! I didn't read any of your responses, so hopefully you got some good advice. Probably the same advice I needed 10 years ago. I held my first daughter 24/7 for what felt like FOREVER. Your baby sounds JUST like her. She literally did not sleep anywhere but on my chest or next to me in the guest room (with me holding a pacifier in her mouth and getting no sleep myself) for 8 months!!! I am not kidding. I felt like I was in a nightmare. I'm not saying this to freak you out. I guess I just wish someone had told me that it wouldn't last forever when I was going through it. I honestly began wondering what I did, bringing this kid into the world!! It was rough. But by 12 months she was sleeping 12 hours/night in her crib and taking 2 solid naps of 2 hours each. Life was good. Hmmmm, no wonder I got pregnant again when she was 18 months old! So, hang in there. Someday she'll be 10, like mine, and you won't see much of her (with school, activities, blah, blah, blah) Enjoy her. And I KNOW, right now, that sometimes that is hard to do when you're exhausted.

You already know not to let her cry. But also know that you did not create this situation by "holding her too much". She is too little to have learned any habits. She is just who she is and my son was the same way. I felt very confused as well. I found the best thing to do was let him sleep in the carseat! Obviously, I brought the carseat into the house and would put it right next to our bed since I was not comfortable with him in the bed with us either. I would nurse him and he always fell alseep. We would hold him until I knew he was asleep and then put him into the carseat. You can use a swing too if that works.

She is way too young to cry it out (IMO). She is used to hearing your heartbeat and feeling your movements so she will need time to adjust to not being a part of mommy (inside the womb).

Newborns do not know how to go to sleep on their own at a certain time or to self sooth. I would keep putting her into the bassinet in your room it will take time and she will start adjusting to being in there. This is all part of being a parent to a newborn, hang in there it won't always be this way.

What the others said re: age appropriate for CIO. You shouldn't use CIO until they are 4 to 6 months old.

My first slept on top of me most of the time for the first few months, just at night, though. My second would start off in the co-sleeper and end up on/next to me in bed for the rest of the night. I had no intention of co-sleeping before they came into the world, it just happened. And we all slept better for it.

I don't think you should let her cry it out either, I think you guys have just been holding her too much. This happened to me with my 1st baby, i held her all the time (i didn't know any better) and there you have me rocking her to sleep at 3 yrs old.
So with DD2 i told my husband we HAVE to do something different,so from the moment she was born i PROHIBITED people to excessively hold her, we held her to change her, to feed her and to cuddle with her every now and then and that's it. During the day,after i fed her i would put her in her bouncer, then moved her to her playpen, then to her swing, then to ect ect ect......anywhere but in someone's arms, and guess what? She was THE most independent baby ever! (i did this with my 3 youngest and same result!) she was able to fall asleep on her own from day one,. I never once had to rock her, as much as I wanted to I knew it was for her own good.
So since your baby is allready used to sleeping in arms, i would lay her in her crib when she starts crying mover her to her swing, when she starts crying move her to her bouncer, and so on....I think by day 2-3 you can break the habit IF you're consistant, but that means you have to get your visitors on the same pagew too or they will sabotage all your hard work.
easier said than done i know, when dd2 was only 5 days old 12 family member came to stay with us for a week!! but i stood my ground and kept on with my plan. Good luck to you!

Agree with the others, way to young ;-) Think of her first 3 months as the "4th trimester", she's just starting to adjust to the world. Also agreed in finding the magic window to put her down, as well as possibly putting a warm blanket down first, with your scent if possible. I believe most cry-it-out proponents say to wait until baby is at least 6 months old. It can be trial and error for awhile, but you will figure it out, it just takes time.

My 1st didn't sleep through until 7 months old, and we could never put her down drowsy but awake, she would just wake up immediately & scream. So we had to put her down completely asleep for the first several months, for naps & bed. After that, she was an awesome sleeper. My son though is 10 months & still hasn't slept through 1 night. I can put him down awake or drowsy but awake, he'll fall asleep on his own but gets up once or twice still. Anyway, my point is, all babies are different, and yours is still extremely young. Heck, my butt got sore sitting around holding/rocking my 1st all the time. But it does go fast, so enjoy it while it lasts (while they're young enough to be that needy) ;-) Hang in there, it will get better eventually.

At this age, this is totally normal. Newborns are comforted by the smell and sounds of their parents chests. As challenging as it can be, enjoy it :) I have a 17 yr old, 4 yr old and 20 mo old and would welcome a little of that sweet snuggling lol

at the same time, yes you should try to "teach" your baby to sleep alone. It won't happen over nite, and it can be hard. Be patient. She's been in your belly a lot longer then she's been in the real world :)

When she starts getting drowsy, or if you know the times she may start to get drowsy, put her in her bed din the lights, maybe put a shirt in w/ her you have worn and see if she'll fall asleep. You can come back, pick her up and soothe her if she fusses. Then put her back her back down, and try walking away. Some babies are just better sleepers then others. Believe me...my last little man was a HORRIBLE sleeper lol

Just keep working on it, and no especially this young c/o is not a good option. Babies this little ONLY cry because a need is not being met. Even if that need is as simple as being held and comforted! Hang in there :)

I agree..no CIO at this age. Just keep working on the swaddle....you'll find that what works one week will not work the next until she's a little older. When you are laying her down-make sure you lower her legs before her head so she doesn't have the sensation of falling.

get the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Weissbluth. This book helped me so much in understanding sleep habits. The bassinet didn't work well for us-it was too small, flat, and seemed uncomfortable. I love the Rock N Play from fisher price. It is slightly inclined so it helps with reflux. I would really question if your baby does have reflux since he wakes as soon as he is lying flat. Also, if you haven't already, try the binky. Infants like to suck to self soothe, and this may help you a lot.

Way too early to worry about it. She's just barely getting used to "life on the outside." It calms and relaxes her to smell you and hear you and feel you. Wouldn't you have trouble falling asleep on an alien planet where you didn't understand anything? Use your carrier. If you can set her down asleep, do that occasionally. Otherwise, just let things slide. Try to do the drowsy but awake thing occasionally and see if she can do it. If she can, that will make things simpler when you really can't hold her while she sleeps.

Don't put her on your chest. Lay her down and pat her until she falls asleep. Swaddle her tight first. With your hand on her (do you have a bassinet?), this will help her transition from your arms to laying down. It's okay to do this, I promise. And it will help her learn to trust laying down.

Dawn