Nightmares

We do a monster sweep before bed. I take the broom and sweep it underneath my son's bed. (Which is also good for getting all the toys and clothes out from under there too, hehe!) Then I take one stuffed animal and put it under the bed to keep any other monsters away. He likes picking out his own "Monster-under-the-bed". It eats any bad dreams that might float by, but lets the good ones thru. Good luck!

J.

My son Logan who is 4 1/2 has night terrors which is different than nightmares but has been waking up screaming and doesn't respond when I talk to him during them. Are you sure they are nightmares and not night terrors?

I was telling another lady about this that might work when I read yours. My daughter is 5 and she started having bad dreams last year. We put a small new testement bible under her pillow at night before bed. She calls it her dream book. Ever since we have done that she hasn't had any bad dreams, unless we left the book at grandma's house. If nothing else seems to work, thought you might be able to try this. If you do hope it works as well as it has for me.

An article I read today in a Pampers newsletter. It might help.

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Worries and Willies: Coping With the Monster Under the Bed

by Suzanne Dixon, M.D., M.P.H.,
and Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D.

It’s healthy for toddlers to be afraid of strangers, dogs, noisy environments, and separation from parents or care providers. Common fears of 3-year-olds also include masks, old people, darkness, parents going out at night, and animals. Every child, beginning in infancy, has fearful responses to some things; that is part of normal development and keeps kids a little wary (a good thing) in threatening situations.

Think about what scared you when you were young (and what still does). Many of your fears started during your early childhood, and you certainly didn’t take them lightly at the time. Lots of today’s scary movies are based on nothing more complex than the fear of strangers or the dark, and look how well they continue to do because we still carry some of those childhood fears.

Imagining the Worst

Helping a Child Cope With Fears

When to Worry About My Child’s Worries?

Imagining the Worst

At 34 months—nearly 3—your child is capable of imagining frightening events that might happen, and he can put dark interpretations on things that have happened in the past or are happening now. This means that sometimes an object that is prompting his fear isn’t actually present, though your child’s imagination is allowing him to bring it with him. Here are some common bugaboos:
The Monster Under the Bed
Imaginary fears, particularly at night, can cause all-too-real anxiety in toddlers and preschoolers and should never be taken lightly. While a parent should acknowledge her child’s fearful feelings about an imaginary creature, she shouldn’t appear to buy into the idea that monsters really exist. At the same time, trying to argue your child out of his fears by attempting to convince him that they are imaginary—that the monster under the bed isn’t really there—won’t work either. Imaginary or not, these beliefs cause real fears, which in turn cause anxiety. What your child needs is reassurance, support, and the feeling of safety that you can provide. Snuggle with him, reassure him, tell him it’s a pretend monster. It’s helpful to remember that the other side of fear is fantasy: Both should be respected as an indication of mental growth.

A Shot in the Arm
A child this age also may become anxious about visiting the health care provider because she remembers being surprised and stung by the prick of an inoculation. While acknowledging that a shot may hurt for a few seconds, you can reassure your child that you will be there the whole time. Your steady confidence and presence during all procedures will help her manage her fear. In addition, tell your child that the doctor might also be looking in ears (which may tickle), talking to Mommy, and asking her questions, too. In other words, don’t dwell entirely on the most uncomfortable parts of the visit. Don’t lie, either: Shots do sting, but the sting doesn’t last long. Mistrust of a parent who has fooled him adds to a child’s general level of anxiety and worry. Always be truthful. And remember that children clearly know when their parents are uncomfortable or anxious, even if no one’s talking about it, and it’s natural for them to feel anxious when you do. Try to relax during a health care visit by scheduling routine ones for a time and place where you and your child are comfortable.

Helping a Child Cope With Fears

A parent’s role is essential. Here, a number of ways to help your child:
• Never minimize your child’s fears. If you say there’s nothing to be frightened of, your child will think he is not being listened to. Instead of halting the fear, it teaches him that he will be rejected if he shares his feelings of being frightened.

• Limit your child’s exposure to frightening images. Young children get very little out of television reports of war or disasters. When you watch such programs, try to do it by yourself.

• Provide some context for what your child is seeing and hearing. If she hears the wail of fire engine sirens and sees the trucks race by, she knows there’s a fire. You can help her control her worry by explaining that the firefighters are trained to protect us by putting out fires; that the fire is not in her home; and that the sirens blast to alert other drivers to move to the side of the road so the firefighters can get to the fire quickly.

• Keep in mind that kids don’t interpret things the same ways adults do. While you might love clowns, appreciating their exaggerated gestures and makeup and their bright costumes, your toddler may find those very same things frightening. A good way to prepare your child for a new event is to show him pictures beforehand.

• A child’s fears may sometimes be prompted by adults’ behavior. This is especially true when a child hears his parents arguing or sees violence between them. She may be afraid she’ll be hurt in the conflict; adding to her worry is the fear of abandonment or the fear that she may be the cause of the trouble. These feelings are so strong that a child may not be able to express them; instead, she appears to be frightened of something else, a displaced fear. Focusing on this new fear won’t help. If you think that arguments or violence or special stressors or changes are sparking your child’s anxiety, reassure her over and over that she won’t be abandoned. Try to get things back to a routine as soon as possible.

• Use books and stories to help overcome fears. There are many books that focus on events that frighten children. Read them to your child, taking time to talk about the characters’ feelings.

When to Worry About My Child’s Worries?

These general guidelines will help.
• All children go through phases in which they are worried about different things. Be concerned about a child who seems to be stuck on a particular worry for weeks to months and has it intrude on his life frequently—a child who talks about scary dogs every day for a month or two, for example.

• Children who develop elaborate rituals to deal with their fears, such as a search for monsters in the bedroom that is repeated every night in exactly the same manner for weeks, are a concern.

• Children whose activities are chronically compromised because of their fears need another look. Such a child will never leave Mom’s side to play with other children, for example.

• Children whose thoughts are dominated by the object of their fear need some help. Such children are afraid not only of airplanes or dogs, for example, but of pictures, stories, and even words associated with these things.

If your child’s worries seem to resemble any of the situations described above, talk to your health care provider to get some assistance.

Adapted from Encounters with Children; Pediatric Behavior and Development by Suzanne D. Dixon, M.D., and Martin T. Stein, M.D. (Mosby, 2000), and from Toddlers and Preschoolers by Lawrence Kutner, Ph.D. (Avon, 1994).

We had the same problem for a long time wiht my youngest son and we had boogie man spray. I made up a really neat spray bottle with colored water and glitter. I told him that we can always make more if he ran out. We "blessed" it with a special boogie man prayer. (make up your own to suit your needs) and when he heard or "saw" the boogie man he would spray it and it would go away. Also a flashlight with a colored lense is a good idea.This way he can see that there is nothing to be afraid of. The boogie man sweep was always number one at our house. Dad and Son each had a baseball bat and would scour the whole bedroom and sometimes the house checking for the boogie man every night. This did go on for a while but eventually it worked or he outgrew it. We also explained that dreams were like movies and that none of it was real. just like the actors dressed up in the movie. Night time prayers were a very big part of our night time routine. Good luck i am sure you will find something to work.

If he doens't have a special animal or blanket or something of that nature to sleep with, try that. Or something tha tyou can do is have him help you make a dream catcher, and while you are making it, explain to him what it does (catch all the bad dreams and let the good ones through). It worked on my five year old daughter!

My son went through a similar time. He would wake up screaming and crying and it took sometimes 30 min to an hour to calm him down. He was never really able to tell me the dreams and didn't really remember. This may be too simple to help, but we bought a bright nightlight for his room. I thought, if he was having a bad dream and woke up, he would quickly see that he was safe in his room. The nightmares soon ended. It might be worth a try to light his room at night. Good luck.

My son used to get those all the time & everything I tried failed. This may sound silly, but I got one of those dream catchers & told my son about them & what they were for. He has it on his headboard. With that, & the help of getting him his own dog ( a small 8lb yorkie mix)to sleep with him at night, he doesn't have bad dreams anymore.

I love the boogie man sweep idea mentioned by Jen S. If those ideas don't help I would look for something that is in his room or casts a shadow after the lights are out that might be frightening him.

My best friend's son had nightmares about a monster chasing him for a week until she figured out that it was his beloved t-rex poster causing the problem. He loved dinosaurs and would fall asleep looking at it at the foot of his bed each night. For about a year they went through phases where he would beg to have the poster back. Then he would have nightmares again and she would have to take all the dinosaur posters down in his room.

Here are a few other solutions I have heard of recently. My neice, who is six, sleeps with a giant stuffed lion to scare away monsters. Her younger brother sleeps with a stuffed dog for the same reason. Another mother I know gave her daughter a flashlight to shine on the monsters to scare them away. My daughter likes to fall asleep with her carebear blanket and we leave the hall light on until we go to bed. Once she is sleeping we can turn all the upstairs lights off. We also leave the intercome in her room active, so she knows if she is scared we can hear her in our bedroom on the main floor.

Good Luck!

My son is almost 5 & he started having nightmares this past year. We found two contributing factors. Mostly were movies. The solution there was to put on a short "baby" movie that was light weight & happy, familiar & calming just before getting ready for bed. The other was listening to his grandparents talk while he played near by. It seems there concern for their daughter to find a job & my husband to have a better work environment caused him a great deal of anxiety. When he started talking about it, he would ask what kind of job did he need. I tried telling him school was his job, but it didn't help. Finally one night I told him his job was to picture the Earth surrounded in love & peace & it was his job to see the Earth this way throughout his life. He went to sleep smiling & didn't have any bad dreams, for the first time in weeks. Now sometimes at night he will pray to God to not dream about something. Depending on what it is, I try to help him find a way to put it out of his mind. If it's a part of a movie we talk about how we would have written the movie to make it better. If it is a concern that can not be rewritten, then I try to talk him into a guided visualization of a happy place as he falls asleep. We tend to visit the beach alot, listening to the waves crash on the shore & the wind blow through the palm trees. He likes it when I talk about the warmth of the sun on his skin. It seems the thought of sunlight & water banishes nightmares. We have had to really pay attention to his reactions to little things. The parts of the movies which upset him are not the things we would expect & the adult worries are things he doesn't respond to at the time, but thinks about for sometime before it shows up. Now when we have discusions around him we purposly use large words & switch the words around which we are using. like money, finances, expenses, ect. so he gets confused & stops paying attention. We have far less bad dream nights now.

If you have a dog, try letting it sleep with him. Our 6 year old is currently going through this and we put our puppy's kennel in her room and let him sleep in there and (knock on wood) have not had any problems since. I think the flashlight idea sounds good too! Good luck. I know it can be frustrating! :) S.