Nightweaning a 24 Mo Old Son Who Has Coslept with Us All This Time

We are actually going through this right now with my son who is also 24m. Its great to hear that we aren't alone. The past two nights we have had my husband sleep with my son and although he woke up earlier than usual, he did sleep through the night. I think by my not being there, it made it easier. We will see how it goes from here! Good Luck!

I nursed my daughter until around a month after she turned 2 and we cosleep too, I stopped the nursing during the day 1st as well a few months before we stopped it all, and then I did night, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, there were a couple of nights where she cried (ussually she is stubborn but it was for short periods all throughout the night) and then after a few days she was done, although I have to say the last nursing I stopped was at naps, since I needed to work and she would refuse to nap if I didn't nurse her, so maybe it helped that the nap time was the last to go, since that is an easier one to break, she was able to look forward to nursing that one time a day, and the nap time nursing was a lot easier to stop than the night time, since I could distract her or have her nap in the car, to avoid it, J. remember that whatever crying there is , he's old enough to handle now, and the crying is to test you to see if you will give in, so if you want to stop you have to stick with it, don't give in after a day, because you will have to do it all over again, also I know some moms that had the dad do the night time routine to make the transition easier, my daughter wouldn't have this

goodluck
congrats for lasting this long

Jen

I didn't bf, but I read a post by another Mom who did on here, so check the archives b/c it was related to your issue. I am pretty sure she just didn't allow her child the breast when she had decided she was done. I believe she gave a cup of water, which of course isn't what the child wanted, so eventually he stopped waking. He doesn't "need" to nurse overnight, so don't feel like you are with holding food from him. My suggestion is to incorporate giving him his sippy cup of soymilk at bedtime with his story or whatever else your routine is. Then just bedtime. As with any child making a bedtime transition you just have to know that he will fuss, and you just have to be persistent and patient but don't give in. If you want to continue co-sleeping, just lay him in bed and turn out the lights and rub his back and sing a song as long as it takes, have Daddy help too. It might be easier if Daddy gets him to sleep because the option to nurse isn't available to him. As with all transitions it will get easier each night. Good luck to you.

I don't have any advice but just wan't to let you know i am in the same position.My son is27 mo and we FINALLY cut it down to night only but he also comes into our bed halfway through the night and nurses off and on all night.I am ready tostop this but also dread it hopefully somebody has a good idea.Good luck!

From: Joy B Date: Tue. May. 19, 2009
I had the same problem. I seriously never thought my son would stop nursing but he was fully weaned by 13 months. I cut out the middle nursing first. Then I cut out the night nursing. I had previously seen a post on this on mamsource and used it's advice on this. When my son woke up to night nurse I said - you are a big boy now and you don't need to eat now. please go back to bed. He screamed at me but I did not give in. I did however hold him to make him feel secure. He used to night nurse a lot so this was hard but within 2-3 nights of doing this he was nightweaned. then i cut out the bedtime feed and finally I weaned him from the last nurse which was the morning feeding. It went really well since he was used to taking bottles of breastmilk/whole milk. The only real problem I had was with my body. I had read many books on how to wean but they really don't tell you about how to wean you. Make sure you continue to pump while weaning. when you drop the 1st feeding, pump for 5 mins during that feed the first day and decrease by 1 min each day until that pumping session is fully finished then move on to dropping the next feed the same way (this is what the lactation consultant advised when i experienced engorgement). If you still feel engorged you can put cabbage leaves on your breasts just remove them when they wilt. good luck and feel free to contact me with any questions.

Good for you for going this long!!

I too, firmly believe in an "opt out" clause for the breastfeeding relationship; if one person wants out, time to wean. :)

My best advice is this:
a) Wear a shirt that doesn't give "access", eg, a bodysuit under your pjs. This will also make it impossible for YOU to just give up and lift your shirt while in an exhausted daze.

b) If there is walking to be done, have Daddy do it...there is a reason why men don't lactate..you did this for so long Dad should be happy to participate at this juncture.

c) Before all of this, start giving your boy (if he doesn't have one already) a comfort object or "lovey", this will really help with the transition. Get him sleeping with it and hold it between you when you nurse: he will begin to associate THAT with comfort and security

d) I also like telling him gently, "Mommy milk is all gone", but I wouldn't do the "big boy" thing. Now (and this is VERY important) when you decide you are truly done and you declare that the milk is "all gone" do NOT nurse him after he cries (even if he objects for an hour, actually especially if that happens). If you do, he will be confused, and learn that if he objects long enough, he will get to nurse.IF you do the other things I and others suggest gently this shouldn't happen but if it does, make sure you mean what you say....oh, and make the last nursing session really special, and drink in it all in (so to speak)as it will be a beautiful memory for you later on.

e) Show him where the sippy cup is next to the bed if he gets thirsty. I vote against another's advice to give a bottle...why give something that you would have to wean from AGAIN?

Remember, LOTS of cuddles and reassurance...good luck!

p.s I nursed my son until after age two, so what I say above is directly from experience. :)

Hi L.,

I breasfed my daughter until about a month and half ago and she will be 27 months in a week. She also co-sleeps by choice with us. She loved nursing and she also had allergies (outgrown now thank goodness) which is also why I continued to breastfeed her. We did the same as you cutting out the daytime first although it was very easy for me as I work full-time during the week so I just cut the feed right when I got home. I then cut any middle of the night feeding by comforting her and offering her water which I keep on my nightstand in case she is thirsty in the middle of the night. We then cut out morning feeding and I did that by being out of bed before she woke up and/or redirecting her to something else. Lastly, 2 months ago I started cutting the feeding before bed initially by reducing the number of minutes she fed and eventually cutting it off altogether (1 1/2/ months ago). Although she asked for breastfeeding for a couple of days and was a bit tearful the first day I cut the breastfeeding off completely I redirected her to other parts of our bedtime routine including reading and snuggling and she did great. After about 3 days she stopped asking and she is perfectly happy. She did not cry after the first day and even that day it was only a little sniffling. I honestly thought it would be a lot worse but it was relatively easy and our bond and closeness has not changed at all which was also a concern for me as I am away from her all day. I hope this is helpful and good luck!

Sorry, I don't have any advice. Just wanted to congratulate you on nursing for so long. You're a trooper!

Hi L.,

We co-slept with our two youngest boys, and I nursed each of them until over 2. I loved it! The night weaning part, though, was NOT fun! First, I had talks with each of them during the daytime for a while, telling them that the milk was almost all gone now...that since he was a big boy now, he could drink milk from a big boy cup, and he didn't need Mama's milk any more, because that's only for babies. That logic helped lay the foundation. When it was time to cut out night weaning, I told them that the milk was now all gone, and that if they woke up in the night, we would cuddle, he could have some water, etc., but that the milk was all gone. Then when he would wake up, I would remind him of the talk... But in reality, when your sleeping boy wakes up and is used to nursing, reminding him that it is no longer an option can be tough. The first son, when I reminded him, started wailing and wailing and cried himself back to sleep. The next night, he decided on his own that that was too hard, and he climbed into bed with his older brother and refused to co-sleep with us again!!! If he woke up in the night then, my husband or I would hold him for a while, but as soon as he remembered the situation, he would sadly climb back in bed with his brother and refuse to let us comfort him. It was so sad! During the day he was perfectly fine, though, and the nighttime sadness quickly went away.

Our youngest son was a different story. He was a little negotiator and would try everything to keep nursing at night for quite a long time after I weaned him. He was also sad about it, but he didn't "punish" us by going to sleep elsewhere. One thing that helped with him was to have him sleep next to Daddy instead of me, which helped a little. After he got used to the new arrangement, which took a good week or 2, at least, he was fine. Definitely the hardest part of weaning for us! And I had nursed 2 others without co-sleeping before, and night weaning was MUCH easier. But having done it both ways, I would not have traded the co-sleeping for the world! It was absolutely worth it for us, despite the more difficult time night weaning!

Best wishes. It will soon be over!

C.

My son sleeps with us from around midnight on. We have our bedtime ritual, bath books etc, then he falls asleep then to his crib, then he wakes up and into our bed. Before I weaned him at 13 1/2 months, I nursed him to sleep. Well, night weaning and nap weaning were difficult to stop. (The reason I chose to wean him was that he began waking a few times a night to comfort nurse and I was tired and one night it really hurt, no milk at the moment, I guess). So mu husband and I would both do bathtime then read books and I would say good night and leave the room and my husband would give our son a bottle then he would put him to bed. For a handful of days when our son would wake up in the middle of the night to nurse he would cry for me if I was in the room. SO I would leave the room and in less than a minute he would fall back to sleep. So Leave the room, let your spouse or partner soothe baby back to sleep. Our son was fine during the day, no adverse effects. He weaned from night nursing (which I did after mornign and daytime nirsing) in less than one week. Let partner do more of bedtime ritual, baby will transfer some soothing needs to your partner.

All you need to do here is what's best for your son and focus on the big picture to stop yourself from caving or focusing on your own need to cuddle. He is WAY old enough to make it through the night without eating if he is getting enough nutrition during the day. And he is old enough to feel secure on his own for sleeping at night. So don't worry about starving him or being mean by not sleeping with him anymore. It will be a hard adjustment for him since he's been given this routine, but he will bounce back, just be firm.

It will be traumatic for him to be in bed with you but not nurse, so you should consider moving him to his own crib or room. You say he succeeded in refusing to sleep on his own before, and yes, at 2, it will be much harder, but you can do it. It will take crying for about 3 days to a week but if you stand firm, it will pass. Just remember, you want him to feel secure and happy sleeping on his own and not needing to eat at night.

Sorry I just reread this, sounds like you still want to sleep with him but not nurse. Just be firm. Whatever you choose is what he has to do, you're the mom! Good luck!

I didn't breastfeed my son nearly that long, but I wish I had gone longer. I think it's wonderful you have done this for him for so long, and I think it's perfectly ok to say it's time to be done.

As for weaning, my son took bottles of formula at night with no problem. Oh, and we also co-sleep and love it. We had been supplementing for a while, so it was no big switch for him. It went easily for us. I know that information doesn't necessarily help you, but just thinking about my own experience, I was thinking that maybe you could try giving him soy milk in a bottle to transition him at night? I know it isn't recommended to give bottles after age one, but I did. I'm sure you may have thought of that already because it's kind of a no-brainer, but maybe you are hesitant about allowing him to have a bottle when he is otherwise weaned. I would just limit bottles to bedtime, and my son was fine with that.

Sorry I didn't have more to offer, but I just wanted to share that one thought, and say congratulations for sticking with it this long. Best of luck to you.