No Birthday Gift Thoughts

How about instead of saying "No gifts" or "Gifts are optional" set a guideline for what type of gifts...books, educational games etc. We went to a birthday party where there was a book exchange...every kid brought a book and then each kid choose a book to take home even the birthday kid. It was great because each child got to take home a 'present' and also got to see who got there book.

It's their birthday, let them have presents. You can give them a rule of giving something they do not use to charity to keep a new present. Opening presents is exciting for them. Another suggestion would be to have them request books as presents. Books don't take up as much room.

You can put down "no gifts please" or "in lieu of gifts we are collecting toys for X charity".

I'm in agreement with you on the gifts. I'd prefer lots fewer gifts. I'm actually happy when people show up without one.

I am one of the mothers that do not agree with not giving gifts for birthday to the kids. I think about it this way, there are really only two times a year that a kid is waiting to have their presents, Christmas and the Birthday.... As you grow older, time takes them both away, why do it before?

For me there are other ways to teach your kids values, one of them can be actually collecting the old toys, cleaning them, making them presentable and take them to a place where they get to see other kids, that are not as lucky as your kids, get them.

As for guest that can not afford gifts. That is totally fine too, I remember as a kid, I would put attention in my presents but never pointed out if someone did not give me one.

Have really talked (without trying to direct the answer) to your girls and asked how they really, really FEEL about it? Maybe they actually do not care and maybe they are just agreeing with you to please you.

But as always, every family has their own way, and that is the way that works for them and that is the right way.

Good luck!

I think "gifts are optional" is a wonderful way to teach your child that the gift is not important, but the friend that is invited. It is also a wonderful way to make financially strapped moms like me feel like they can come with such a small gift and it would be welcomed. But, from the other perspective, I would not show up to a little girl's party without some sort of gift. In my world, that would be rude - adults are somewhat different. They just want to party! So, having the optional option is perfect! Just have your daughter give something away to charity for every new gift she receives and likes. Any gift she doesn't really play with can also be given to charity in a few weeks. What's the difference? Someone donating to charity or you donating to charity? Let her friends and family have the option and know that it's not that important to ya'll. But, let them enjoy this time with her, especially family! She won't be this small much longer. I have given many toys away that are brand new. My kids actually like the idea now. There are hospitals, children's shelters, charities that will sell them for their expenses, etc. Let your child have a part in choosing. Limit the number of toys she can keep. But, if she wants to keep all the new ones, let her. She will just have to choose some of her older ones to give away!

Now this is just my opinion, but their birthday only comes once a year so why not let them get spoiled that one day? Let them have their presents-they are just kids and you still have the whole rest of the year to give them your values. it almost seems like the real issue is how inconvenient getting all the toys are to you. You are tired of cleaning and putting away toys, but try to remeber that your kids birthday isn't about you or what is better for you it's about your friends and family celebrating their birth and wanting to give them some toys. Let them enjoy that.

I am also in the minority. My children do not get trinkets or toys when we are out running errands (they do ask and beg but I stand firm). There are only two times a year they look forward to receiving something they don't have to buy themselves and with limited income (allowance) this is important to them. As they get older, I feel more comfortable telling mom's gift cards are great (if they ask). My children then can use that money to buy something I think is too much for what it is like name-brand clothing or for taking care of there pets (which they are responsible for finacially). Most mom's send gift receipts now and you could always return for gift card. We have even re-gifted items that she already had.

Anyway, why not focus more on being appreciative (thank you notes) and you can always donate the gifts to charity if you think that is best.

How do you feel about not bringing a gift to a party you are invited to? Frankly, I would bring one even if I was told not to. I would feel bad that the parents went to the trouble of entertaining my child and I would want to do something in return... a birthday gift.

Good luck!

My co-worker asked people to bring a book that will be donated to an organization for kids.

His son is happy with gifts that he gets from family. His son enjoys the day with all his friends.

Ask your daughters to think of a charity that they would like to help. Possibly a local animal shelter, children's hospital, women's/children's shelter, etc...

Call the location that they choose and ask what kind of items they are in need of. (Possibly pet food, bedding for the animal shelter; childrens books & puzzles for the hospital; games, books,puzzles or new socks, new/gently used coats,or toiletry items for the women's/children's shelter.

On the birthday invatation, after you fill in the time, date, place, etc... I would add something like this:

Jenny's birthday wish is to help our animal friends at the local animal shelter. She has asked that in leiu of gifts that you please bring something to help the animals. The shelter is currently in need of the following items: ...

Thank you for your support.

Hope that helps.

I would suggest that your daughters choose their favorite charity prior to the party. Then on the invitations simply write "the best gift you can give my daughter is your friendship (or love if it's family), as you have already provided this in immeasurable ways, my daughter has asked that donations be made to _____ charity in lieu of gifts. If your daughter chooses a charity that can accept both cash donations as well as other goods, she can simply donate the presents that may be purchased by those parents unwilling to comply as well as any cash donations she receives. If the charity can only accept the cash donations, your daughter can either try to sell the items on ebay and then donate the cash she receives or she can simply choose a second charity to donate the items to. Then send thank you notes that let everyone know what their collective contribution amounted to and what a difference it will make.

Good Luck!
K.

My sweet, kind hearted granddaughter is turning 8 in a few weeks and she stated she did not want any gifts for her birthday but instead she wanted the invitees to bring a donation to the Animal Defense League. Included with the invitations was her request and a list of items that are needed desperately by the Animal Defense League. I thought this was a wonderful idea and we have already had to find a place in the house to store the items we have gotten so far from family friends who are not attending the party. This is a wonderful way to give back and I am very proud of my granddaughter for thinking of this on her own. You can chose any organization you want to contribute too but all children love animals. This way every one will bring something because most parents do not want to have their child not bring something to a party.

This is what we stated at the top of the list of items needed. I have been blessed with many things so this year rather than getting me a gift, I ask each of you to please bring a donation for the Animal Defense League of Texas. You will find a list of items they need below. I know these pets PAWS-itively thank you for your PURR-fect donations.

Grandparents, aunts and uncles love to give gifts to the kids in the family. I have three grandkids and they have had their share of parties. They still have the swing set I bought when the first grandson was born. But, I must say that after having seen many of the birthday and Christmas toys and gifts end up at the family spring garage sale; I now ask “what do you want for the children that I can pay for?” They are older now, so I just ask if I can help with things like the Cello lessons, bowling league, drum set, cheerleading, art lessons and summer camp. I take the granddaughters shopping for school clothes. It works out much better this way. The Aunts have knitted hats and sweaters for the children and they love them. Home made gifts are fun. Never turn away help from family. Especially if it comes from the heart.

I think it is a great idea! Birthdays are not for displays of consumerism. They are to celebrate a loved one.

I love the idea about the animal shelter and/or your daughters choosing a charity. Making them part of the process would make it more special. You can ask that guests bring a book or toy to be donated to a children's shelter or to Safe Place. I recently went to a 1 year old's birthday. The mom requested no gifts. I still brought a small gift for the birthday girl and her sister and I made a donation in the birthday girl's honor to Any Baby Can.

Hi R.,

I hear, ya, on the gift thing. I've tried numerous times to rein in the gift giving. I've asked for no gifts, I've asked for donations to charity. There are always some people who ignore it and others who respect it.

Your girls are old enough that you might not have other family members, aunts, uncles, grandparents, coming to the party. But you could always tell them to bring the gifts separately. That way the friends who honor your wishes don't feel awkward about not having something.

But I applaud your efforts. Like you, I will continue trying. I think it's important to have a party that celebrates the life of the child, not the gifts.

I am a mother of four grown children and nine grandchildren. I would like to suggest that you make and print a list of items that you feel your child (children) could use through out the year. For example color books, activity books, markers,reading materials etc and place it in each invitation. This way the parents of the invited children have a better idea of what to get your child instead of buying them what they think they want. You would be surprised to find that most parents will honor that list. This will also help you during school breaks to keep your children busy with a good book or simply coloring. I have found that this works great for me due to the fact that we have pretty much always helped our kids with their childrens birthday parties. I am not good with suggestions, but I hope this will help you a bit.

What we did, when our now 19 yr. old daughter was younger, was to have a birthday party every other year with a bunch of friends. I tried many times the "no gifts" idea, but it didn't work, so this was what worked for us. On the "off" years she was allowed to invite one or two close friends to do something with her that they would enjoy: going to an amusement park, going to 1 of those girl tea party places, etc. For her birthday from us we usually gave her a book she'd been wanting and the date with her buds. Eventually, she decided she preferred the smaller "party" and that's what we did for the last 10 years. Hope this helps you.

People have the urge to give, particularly to kids. Next time try saying on the invitation to bring a gift which will be given to homeless or shelter kids (you can research which charity) then let your daughter donate them. She'll feel so good about giving.
Say something like "Gifts will be donated to children at " " by (daughter's name).
Good for you.

hi R. - why not have a "party" that doesn't mention it's a birthday party. make the invites "general" and indicate it's just a get together for fun & food with your daughter. there are great themes for a party that would entertain: have a movie theme and serve popcorn & drinks and rent a movie kids her age would enjoy - or something like that. you can figure something out and make it a "gathering" not a "present party." good luck - i'm sure the will have fun no matter what you decide.

I understand your concern about over-indulgence, but I have a question for you -- why are you throwing a birthday party in the first place if you are so against gifts for your daughters? That's part of the "birthday party" thing, in my humble opinion.

One suggestion is to put language on the invitation that limits the $$ amount spent on a gift, something like "we're making this a fun, challenging party and request you please limit the cost of your gift to $4.00 or less. Be creative!"

I am with you on the family part! My in-laws were always struggling with what to give the kids and I finally just asked them to provide something for them that I couldn't---dance lessons, voice lessons, summer camp, church or school event that we couldn't afford. Those "extras" that I just couldn't include in my monthly budget. Of course they never did --- they would rather give something the child could hold. Very frustrating. But I still think its a good idea!

one birthday party i went to (for twins!) had this request on the invitations- please bring a gift for an animal in a shelter that has no home. then they took all of the goodies to the shelter after the party. there are many of these kinds of organizations for animals, not sure which one they worked with. anyway, the other kids loved bringing pet toys, bags of puppy chow, etc. great idea. also, there are KIDS in shelters with no homes who need clothes, toiletries, and fun stuff too. at the animal shelter party, some parents grumbled that the mom was depriving her kids of "normal childhood experiences"..... whatever, you can't please everyone. stick to your guns, and if you like, give this suggestion a try.....

I will be honest. I don't want the gifts either but I c ould never show up empty handed!! The last party we went to (this week) was for a 4 yo and I gave him office supplies. I said be creative or give them to mom!! Weird but practical!LOL Anyway,I am thinkning of askingmy kids to find a rescue group or organization that people can donate to instead of gifts and write that on the invite: in leiu of gifts please donate to such and such, we are already very gifted (Ok use better wording there). My two cents.

you could always ask for educational things. At there age clothes, cd's, dvd's, and such shouldnt take up much space also jewerly is always a good idea. you should remember to be a gracious host and not make people uncomfortable about giving your children gifts. letting them have a special day with gifts is great and 15 gifts shouldnt take that long. we had a ton of guests for our son's 1 birthday and we quickly wrote down what was brought so we could send thank you notes. I agree that it gets out of hand. Try using this time to get rid of a few things to make room for the new and donate them to a womens shelter and have them volonteer to help out.

What a great thought! It's good to teach your children these values early. Congratulations. I suggest you say something like "Please bring a gently used gift for charitable donation". Then your guests can clean out their closets of toys that have only been played with 3-4 times! I may do this at our boy's next birthday!

Kudos to you... in my view of the world, this is exactly the kind of individual action/commitment it takes to turn things around for the better, especially in times like these. I do understand you are dealing with a deeply rooted cultural issue, but I am sure with patience, love and perseverance, things can slowly start shifting.
Please let us know what you end up doing and how do people respond.

We are having our children collect items at their parties. This year, my son collected canned food items and we are going to take them down to the food bank. We had a few people get him something else, but most seemed happy to bring canned goods. Even if people feel the need to spend money, $10 for food items or a books for children or tolietry items can go a lot further.

I have tried this one too, and got the same response. A few of my friends tried some different things. One had a book exchange. Every one brought one book and then the kids all swapped at the party so every one got to go home with a book. Another friend said that instead of presents that they were going to be donating to the animal shelter. Every one brought Dog food and chew toys instead of presents. That seemed to work out well for them. Good Luck!
K.

Hi R.,
Thank you for being so sensible about gifts- you are really giving your girls a heads up on life in this regard.. You have the right idea and I was going to suggest that you donate the gifts to a charity- but since you already had that in mind- let's take it one step farther- If there is a way to let the moms know in advance the guests might get something out of this----- choose a place near yorr home- like a homeless shelter or a place for battered women etc- collectively take all the guest and the gifts there- then afterwards- take a trip to get hamburgers or icecream etc (not too spend too much money) instead of a party with cake and icecream etc......let the guest share in your giving attitude and maybe it will catch on.
I was a SAHM for years until circumstances changed and I had to get into corporate America- You are very fortunate and you should never feel as if youare not contributing- Your "salary" is in your rewards in knowing you are giving your girls the best life has to offer..............a dad that can support them and a mom that can always be home with them.
Thank you and blessings

If you ask for donations to a specific organizatioin in leu of gifts, I think people will be more likely to respect your wishes. I am in total agreement about the gift thing. We have asked for books only in the past, which are generally less expensive and reading is never a waste of time. Good luck and I agree with you!

This is what works for me and my family. I am a single mother of 2 and am often unabel to afford to bring nice gifts to birthday parties. I always end up telling parents that I can't. I also want to teach my children that the party is NOT about the gifts. So, what we have always done is plan for the party to last a certain ammount of time. Gifts are not opened until all the guests have gone home and as each gift is opened, we stop and write a thank you note to the giver. Of course, my two year old can't write one, so I write it for him, but the standard is started just the same. That way, givers are thanked and those who abided by my wishes don't have to suffer through watching the kids open the gifts.

Hi R., I do understand your desire to develop good values for your girls. With the economy the way it is now, people may start looking at your perspective more positively. Perhaps you could suggest presents such as going to a park, or picnic with the birthday girl, or donating time, or money to a special charity in your child's name. Even better, have the other girls join you and your child in sevice projects of your daughter's choice as a birthday gift to her. Insist on home made gifts, or bring the party to an old folks home and have the girls share cake and songs with the residents there. There are so many ways birthdays can be celebrated without the inclusion of expensive, useless presents. J. K. :)

My son just turned 5, and he gets gifts from family members all the time. This year when my family asked what he wanted. I told them money. Even when his friends parents called, I told them that he didn't need any more toys. Clothes and money for college were what we were asking for this year. Fortunately, most people did what I asked. Mostly they gave him a card with money in it and a toy matchbox car. He also loves cars. My son LOVED it! He wasn't the least disappointed about the number of presents he received. I took him to Toys R Us and let him pick out a big toy with a little less than half of his money, and we put the rest in his savings. I couldn't believe how much money he got and he's only 5 years old. I think the total came to about $260! He spent a little less than $100 at Toys R Us on a toy that he's still playing with. Good Luck!

For my son's 6th birthday coming up I said instead of gifts please bring donation items for the HSPCA. I gave a list and said that Cole was excited about helping the cats and dogs. I don't know if it will work or not, but it is worth a shot. He also knows that he is getting gifts from family so he won't feel deprieved of the extra "stuff". He knows that he has way too much "stuff". I really think you have to give an option to not bringing a gift and that would be to donate to a specific cause. Good luck.

At first, I thought this was a great idea and then I read a few of the posts. One mother brought up a great point, most kids only have 2 times a year to really look foward to getting gifts, birthdays and Christmas and as we get older, this goes to the wayside. We tend to celebrate birthdays less. Donating all the gifts reminds me of that movie "Mommie Dearest"--not that that is a bad thing, just what popped into my head. It looks like your girls are old enough to be asking for "designer" clothes or saving for a car/college. I think you could easily address this on the birthday invite, like one of the other moms suggest "we are now taking donations for college". I think if you could come up with a cute way of saying it not only would the invites get a good laugh but would probably follow your wishes.

Good for you!!! you are teaching your child at an early age to share. As for the wording on the invitation, it is in the last sentence of your request. Put it on the invitation that all gifts will be donated to a charity (you might even find one to mention)and encourage everyone to bring something they would like to donate, either to a little girl or a little boy. In this way you would also be encouraging others to do the same but allowing the child to shop for something she/he would like to give to someone else who doesn't have a lot of toys. you don't even have to limit it to toys. There are places that readily accept clothes for children, and new ones are especially welcome. You could also stress this to your family at Christmas time.At our family Christmas get-together, which is always 2-3 weeks before Christmas, we bring toys to donate to Toys for Tots. It sure saves a lot of headaches trying to think of somethiing to get for someone(who really doesn't need anything anyway.)

I feel the same way. I have taught my son that gifts are not important and when he does happen to get one he needs to really appreciate them. I also feel there are too many over indulged children out there who feel they are entitled every holiday to get expensive items. Thank God I have taught my son the important things in life Family and friends spending time together.

Sounds wonderful and so thoughtful in light of these times we live in. Perhaps you can have your daughter select a charity that she would like to help that might help other children, and word the invite.

"Your daughter's name" would like for you to bring a gift that keeps giving. She'd like to make donation of non-perishable food items to the food bank. Or whatever else might be neat. I just know the food banks are forever in need of supplies/items.

Wording for the invite.

In honor of ______'s birthday, we are collecting items for -charity of your choice-. Instead of bringing gifts, please bring a suitable donation.

The "theme" for the party could be based on the charity you choose and maybe you could come up with some games that might relate to the charity as well.

You're still going to have some people that bring gifts for your daughter instead of a donation though. We've been raised in a society where the mighty dollar is king and that to flaunt your wealth is a good thing.

Here is my suggestion.

You did as much as you could with what you wrote on your child's invitation. It's not that they are trying to disrespect your wishes, it's that many parents (especially older parents) were raised that it is rude not to bring a gift to a child's birthday party. If you think about these same people were also raised to bring a host gift to a dinner party.

So...what I would do, is thank them for their generosity and leave the conversation at that.

Afterwards tell your child to pick out a couple (or however many you are comfortable with) gifts that she really wants to play with. Then help her re-wrap the others and take them to a local shelter to give to the kids there.

Next time you have a party, put that gifts are optional, but that if they want to bring them anyways, please know that your is learning to see the world around her and will be donating all her wrapped gifts from the party to a local shelter.

The idea of having her do this, instead of salvation army or other same type place pick them up is for her to see the good that comes from sharing her good fortune with other's who are less fortunate.

If you do not like this Idea, next time, you could tell them please do not bring a separate gift as you are having the children make something your daughter will treasure always. Then, depending on the kids ages, you can do any of the following:

Have them write put a handprint on a t-shirt then
sign in the palm...
Bring a scrap book and a disposable polaroid camera.
take pictures during the party and have the kids
each sing a page...

Well those are some starts...You can run with them or take a better idea from someone else...

Good Luck!!! ;-)

It's so hard to get around this one...people really want to bring gifts even if you tell them it's not necessary. I'd start bringing consumable gifts to parties -- like craft kits -- that kids can use up and throw away. Then maybe the other families will get the idea that they are fun too and follow suit! We, too, have the problem of way too many toys.

Maybe when my daughter is older, we'll try the humane society donation idea. That's pretty good! As a preschooler, she doesn't quite understand all that yet, but I will definitely keep it in mind!

We have awesome fun birthday parties for my kids. We have all non family presents donated! It is such a blessing for those kids who dont even get a present much less have a party and my kids have learned a lot about giving through doing this. A great place to donate the presents to is
thebithdaywagon.org They are in Austin TX.
We have people bring presents for any age boy or girl and lots of times we have had families bring two or three presents because they know they will be donated. They even come to your house so it is not a hassle for you.
Good Luck!

T.

We did the same for our daughters birthday. I just put: We would like to strongly encourage our guests to bring something to donate to such and such charity. We feel that our daughter recieves plenty toys and clothes year round from her loved ones, more than any one kid needs. Please consider giving to those in need, we think this is a true gift to our daughter in more than one way.
*You could even let your daughter decide what charity she would like to donate to and include that this year your daughter has selected whatever charity because, and include why it is special and meaningful to your daughter*
We our trying to teach our daughter the same thing. Hope this helps! If people still show up with gifts you can always take your daughter to donate the gifts at a later time to the childrens charity of her choice. =)

Instead of bringing something to donate to a charity, how about focusing on a specific cause that relates to the age of your child. You can ask the attendees to bring something toward the cause or have available the item(s) to create a donation for the cause.
for instance, a friend of ours has adopted a specific family who would not have a very nice Christmas except for the fact that our friend and his entire family gather to prepare a fiest of food and presents for the family. They pile it in a pickup and take it to their home.
A few months ago over 80 people congregated to help renovate a tiny home in east Austin. We felt wonderful when we were done and the house was painted, a donated rug was installed, all sorts of things were upgraded.
If you look around your area, it is highly possible that you can find a way to incorporate "giving" with socializing.
I wish you well,
Lorraine

Hi R.,

I understand your point of view. I also keep a vigilant watch over the amount of toys my son has. As I tell my husband and other well-intentioned relatives, I'm not opening a toy store here!

Maybe you can include a line in the invitation about your donating any gifts to a local charity. Something like, "The fun and honor of your presence is plenty! Presents will be donated to benefit the children at *****."

a grand idea is to collect for your local charity. This could be everything from cloths, food and toys. Part of the party can be wrapping them for family in sheltors. So each girl brings her gift unwrapped and together they wrap them and decorate the package. You can even as a craft have them decorate plain white paper to wrap the gifts.

Maybe you could suggest gift cards to the movie theatre. I know I find the movies a very expensive outing. The gift card can help you treat her to a special night out when she had earned a treat and it doesn't create clutter...or a gift card to Chuck E Cheese.

Asking for a donatable gift won't necessarily mean that your daughter won't get something too . . . but eventually they should get the hint. . .

a Possible way to word it would be to make it "her idea".

"Birthday Girls Name has asked that instead of a gift for her, you bring an unwrapped gift to be donated to the children and XYZ charity organization." - (we did this one year and out of 10 kids only 1 brought 2 gifts . . . so it might work)

Or something else might be to make the gift part of the party a gift exchange saying something like: "Birthday Girl would like to share her birthday, including any present, with her guests. On this note, we will be playing a gift exchange game instead of having presents for the birthday girl, bring something (you can theme this part if you want) wrapped and be ready to play"

Good luck!

well, I good option I will suggest you is, to don't hurt parents feelings maybe ask for gift cards so you can buy what your kids need or ask them to donate money for X charity place so that way they feel that they are giving a present and they are. Just present it directly in the invitation.
Hope that help.

Without reading the other responses, I can empathize! I have five children, so, say they each get 10 gifts for birthdays and 20 gifts for Christmas that's 150 presents in less then 5 months! Multiply that by the multi piece gifts (which are the majority!)

This year I put on the invitations something like "no indoor toys or games, please. Gift cards, movies, music, computer games, ect are preferable." When I talk to people I explain that my children don't play with most that they are given and that consumables or other things they can enjoy as a family is really best. I encourage people to 'give green' by giving clothes, movies ect that they no longer use.

Have guests been hurt? Only family members! Everyone else understands. And yes, I do know people who do not allow their children to attend birthday parties because of the gifts. They don't like the competition or the stress of purchasing a gift that costs the same as the party did (if the party is a nice one, with entertainment.)

Good for you! It is so nice to hear that there are moms out there who know that kids don't need tons of gifts. My parents taught me this and I want to teach my son. We are about to have his 1st b-day and we asked the person who was making them to put "In lieu of gifts, please donate to" then I gave information on a local children's charity. Of course she didn't include it and it was too late to change it when I noticed. But, in the future we will do that again. Other options are to ask to bring a gift that will be taken to a certain charity or to bring canned goods. Not all mom will get it unfortunately. My Aunt never understood why my mom gave her daughter something charitable one year and lets just say that this girl needed to be taught about someone other than herself. Stick with it and it will stick with your kid and hopefully other moms and kids. Good luck and know that you are doing a wonderful thing!
Happy Birthday to your little one! It is a great day for you too!

R., I wonder if you have been in my head lately? I have twin 5 year olds whose birthday is 17 days after Christmas. I considered putting on the birthday party invitations wording like "Should you wish to bring a gift, please know that our house is bursting at the seams from Santa's visit. We will be sharing our good fortune with those less fortunate in the very near future." When I mentioned it to several moms, they were almost shocked that I would even consider that......oh how I wish they could see that the toys are overrunning most of our 3000 SQFT house!

I have packed several bags of toys with lots of playtime and love left in them and explained to our kids that there are lots of kids that have much less than we do. The kids seem to understand that when we bring the bags to Goodwill that soon the toys will be taken home by kids who will love them as much as we did.

I wish you the best of luck.....and would be happy to be a part of your team to get this movement started!

You got a lot of good suggestions, I would just like to add some info. You can not go to donate to an organization that houses disadvantaged children. They are usually closed to the public, which if you were the child would be obvious. Animal shelters are another story. You will need to make an appointment but they will probably let you come in to see the recipients.
Another is the sheer numbers of invitees. I think the correct number is X kids for X years. The 8 yr old has 8 guests. Smaller numbers make communication with the moms easier and fewer people allow for more socialization without a mob scene.
Also, I think asking for money, CDs etc is really really tacky. A gift is a gift, it can be time, consumables (crayons, art paper), or things but it cannot be requested unless suggestions are asked for. That is good manners and it is time now to teach your child that before she is the one who sends a gift list with the wedding invitation.

Simply have all of her guests donate to the charity of your daughter's choice as her b-day gift. Works perfectly, they can still give on her behalf and everyone's happy. Good luck.

We were the only people who brought a gift to a party earlier this year for my son's friend's 7th b-day. They asked for money for his video game fund. We are not big fans of video games, so didn't want to contribute like that. My son loves to shop for his friends before we go to parties so I let him. His buddy seemed happy to have the gift my son chose! He pretty much just handed over the cash to his mom and it seemed much less fun for him. I like the idea of gathering items for a specific charity, but find asking for cash or gift cards on an invitation rude (unless someone specifically calls and asks, then it's probably helpful for them). I am an excellent shopper and find toys for $5-10 that usually sell for $20, so can give great gifts at my budget! I wouldn't feel as good about actually giving a friend $5, you know? Just my thoughts on that. I'm planning on my son's 8 year celebration to just be a few friends and they go do something fun instead of a big party. He's a good boy but just has too much stuff! I'm sure in a few years he'll want to get rid of everything and I'll be clinging to the legos..ha ha!

People in the US have been conditioned thru the generations to bring things to parties.

My son went to one a few years ago, where the mom had a clever way of wording the invitation. I paraphrase:

Walker is very fond of x (Charity name) and y (another one) and follows the work they do in (our city, our country, etc...). In lieu of gifts for Walker, please bring a donation for either organization. We have attached a needs list. Or a check works, if you prefer. Walker is excited to see all the great ways others can be helped on his birthday!

Giving to a charity is a grand idea. Word it like this...

"As (name) has more clothes and toys than she knows what to do with, please bring a gift that can be donated to (charity of choice)."

The charity can be a womens' shelter, food pantry, Salvation Army, YMCA children's program, a hospital's childrens department, or animal shelter, to name a few. Is there an interest your daughter really has. Does she love art? You could ask for donations to be given to a local art program.

What about talking to your daughter about donating any gifts to a children's hospital or a homeless shelter. You could teach her a valuable lesson about love for others. You could let the other parents know of this plan and give them the option of giving gifts. That way someone who might be insulted or offended would have options.
I just read the other responses and know that others have the some idea. Good luck

Hello ,My name is C..

I have a 9 yr old. And for the past 4 years i always put a little note in her invites jokingly saying we are now accepting college contibrutions.And this has worked out great for us she normally rakes in about $250 -$ 300 she happily takes down to the bank and makes her own deposits into her own account, plus art supplies .I try to make a point of giving the idea of her intrests.But then again we also get stuck with clothing which does not fit.But thats okay I put the idea ih her head of giving to the less fortunate then we take it down and donate those items in her name.And that makes her feel really good, That she has done something great for someone else.

good luck!
C. Morales

R.,
Really late but I just had to chime in. We grew up in George West and my mother used to always say no gifts on our birthday invites. There were five of us so I think they were overwhelmed with stuff. We are trying to raise our children as non-materialistic as possible but I cannot bring myself to do that. Honestly, I still feel bitter that we never got birthday presents. It is a petty thing but very important to children, especially the middle children. We have begun going through all of our toys and picking a large amount to donate each year around Thanksgiving. This teaches the boys the value of charity and also puts less of an emphasis on possessions. Plus it keeps the toys from piling up. Hope everything is well in Live Oak County.

Cudos to you!! That's great that you're trying to teach them this. Have you thought about asking her if she'd like to do something special instead? Like having a backyard party, pool party, ice skating or going to a movie, concert, amusement park or shopping? That way, she can spend time w/her friends or get something either she likes that's not really clutter (movie/concert/park) or something she can use (shopping for schools stuff, clothes, etc.). I do understand where you're coming from. I looked around my home at all of my "collectibles" & wondered "what was I THINKing!" Anyhoo, just a thought. Good luck!