"No" Is No Laughing Matter!

"no" followed by a flick to the nose, if the "no" is ignored or laughed at. Then ignore/time-out for the shortest amount of time. He is just enjoying the rise he gets out of you. He does need to know that when you say no you mean it. Not a psychopath, he's just a normal playful imp :)

Timeouts in my sons old playpen works wonders(no toys or books or anything)...my doctor said ok to start timeouts at 1 yr for 1-2 minutes. He may laugh the first few times but will get it and then you'll say no and he'll know whats coming if he doesn't listen.

K., I have a 1 year old girl and my husband and I are having the same problem! It get worse everyday. Is this the terrible twos that everyone talks about. I need advice also.
S.

I am not sure at 13 months that he is able to totally understand the concept of no. I would try to redirect him when he is doing something you don't like. I have a feeling he may be teething and that is why he is bighting you...so this should pass in a few weeks. As for the throwing food on the floor, this is something that he will grow out of when he is not so interested in understanding/watching things fall. I definitely would give yourself a break when you feel that you are about to yell at him because I don't think it is helping the situation. You could put him in the pack and play and give yourself a 5-10 minute breather so you can get back into control. Hang in there!

hi K.
My son also loved to bite ME! I opted for frases rather than the word "NO" -- he listened better that way. I'd say: "not like that" "it hurts Mommy" "the baby gave Mommy Booboo" & so on, you can come up with more, that's just examples. Then you can also tell him, no more: "Barney" or "Juice" or "I'm not picking you up" --- he'll start to listen/learn better when you use cause & effect talk. Trust me, babies are very smart. they learn from you!! Try not to yell, if your voice is firm they'll listen better.
Good Luck!

My son use to do the same thing. Whenever I say "what did mama say" he always answers "no". He thinks it's funny too. I've tried not using that word and just telling him what I would like him to do instead and it works.
I pick the food off the floor and place it on a napkin on the table (where he can reach) and say "this is where yucky food and don't want to eat goes". Now he places most of his food he doesn't want on the napkin instead of the floor! Of course sometimes he still throws it but overall it's improved a lot.

Good luck.

Hi, I hope i can help you although I am in the middle of learning how to discipline my 14 month old daughter. I've read several books and watched some videos about different methods and I seem to have hit upon several that work very well so far.
I love Dr Harvey Karp..he wrote Happiest Baby on the Block and Happiest Toddler on the Block. I also have his videos i found on ebay. His methods have worked the best for me.
Some things I can tell you for sure is that your son will throw food on the floor, my daughter, Emily does it all the time. Mostly when she's "done" but if i engage her and act a little silly, like doing an airplane with her food she'll usually eat some more. But if not then i assume she is done and clean her up and put her down. That won't work at a restaurant..what i do if she really starts acting up is get my food to go and leave.
She's too young to try to make her behave 100% of the time.
As for "NO", they say to save that word for when she's in a dangerous situation, if you use it all the time it becomes nothing to them. I admit this is hard for me, i say no a lot but i try to stop myself and say things like "that is not what we do" or whatever other thing i come up with. Mostly I redirect her. She used to pull my hair all the time and it would really hurt. After reading several articles about it i could see she didn't know that it hurt me and wasn't doing to hurt me she was just testing limits and seeing what certain things did. I finally had to get tough with her and when she pulled my hair i gently took her hand and said that it hurt and i didn't want her to do that anymore. If that didn't work (and it never did in the beggining) i would tell her it hurt and i would put her down off my lap or from carrying her facing away from me. She hated it and would cry right away and sometimes throw herself back on the floor (had to catch her head so she didn't hit it), i'd let her be upset for a few seconds to a minute (never more than that) and then pick her up and tell her hair is not for pulling and immidiatly redirect to something else. They can't take a lecture (which i tend to do if i don't catch myself) so i redirect her to the window to see the birds or whatever.
She rarely pulls my hair anymore and always stops if i tell her we don't pull hair.
Anyway..i know i wrote a ton here but i hope i helped you a little.
The biggest message i want to give you is that everything i've read from drs and child psychologists says that many studies have been done over the years...kids this age do not do things to piss us off, they are just learning and seeing how the world works.
I too am expecting again..actually i'm due in 4 weeks..they'll be 16 mos apart...i'm scared and excited.. :) good luck to you..you can do it! You'll be great!

I agree that you should stop using the word "no". It's not working for you.
If he throws his food- don't say anything. Assume he's done. Take it away, clean him up and put him down from the table. A simple, "okay, now you're done." should do the job. If he's throwing his food, he needs to learn that it means he's all done.
Try putting him back up to eat again in about 10 mins. If he does it again- repeat the process. He'll get the message sooner or later.
Words don't always work with little ones. Actions always speak louder than words. He can learn from what you show him, but language can still be an issue at this age.
If he bites your shoulder, just say "Ow, that hurts me!" set him right now on the floor and walk away from him. He'll learn that when he hurts people they don't want his company. Do this consistently and it won't take long.
Just be kind but firm and give him hugs and praise when he does the right thing.
He'll catch on quickly!
-S.

Yes, you are overreacting. I think you need to take a deep breath. He cannot understand No. He laughs because you are getting all worked up. "What a funny reaction I am getting," is what he is thinking. "Let's try that again and see what happens." He WILL NOT become a psychopath if you don't nip it in the bud immediately. I think we make life much much harder for ourselves when we think that way.

I didn't use "No" except for the big, danger stuff. I said "not for babies" then redirected, redirected, redirected. The food throwing is a normal (truly aggravating) phase. I found with this, and hitting and other things like that the best approach was to very calmly say "we don't do x" and just go on with what we were doing. No giant reaction made DD figure out it really wasn't that interesting, so why keep doing it. Hitting and biting were handled this way and they went away very quickly. I'd calmly speak about it and put her down (not punitively). She could come right back up if she wanted but if the behavior was repeated, I did the same. It worked really well with DD. She got the message eventually. At that age they are experimenting. They really do not know that if they throw the food it goes splat, so they do it over and over to prove that yes, it does in fact go splat. Same with hitting, biting or whatever. They are exploring their enviromnent.

Might help you to get ahold of something that disusses nomal age-appropriate behavior. If you know that food throwing is normal, then it is easier to see it that way rather than some attack on your authority that needs to be squelched immediately to avoid a horrible future. Perhaps you would be interested in the Dr. Sears Discipline Book. His books are generally very helpful to me. Reasonable based on research and his experience as a pedi and dad of 8!

I have found that yelling really does not work at all. Sure sometimes we cannot take it and can't help ourselves, but resorting to that just makes it very scary for them and, especially at that age, they are not learning how they should act, just that you are scary.

Time out seems like a really bizarre thing to do to a 12 month old. They just cannot possibly get it. I don't use timeout with DD at all and she is 2.5. She has figured out what "No" means, we don't spend our days with giant power struggles constantly and she really is very pleasant to be around generally (of course she has her moments, she's no perfect child).

Give yourself a break, you have all those hormones and the challenge of a toddler pushing your buttons and being home with him all day is quite challenging. He will be fine. He really will not turn into a monster; he sounds totally normal!!

It sounds to me as if you have to come up with another way to discipline, that he doesn't find funny. Biting is a pretty easy one, I think; he can't bite you if he's not near you, so you say "Ouch, that hurts" and walk away. If you make it impossible to do the offensive behavior, you get the point across.

Throwing food on the floor, well... that one is harder. I think all kids go through it. For your son, might it mean he is all done? If he does it for fun, you can just say "hey, if you're throwing food on the floor that means you're all done," take the food away, wash his hands, meal is over. He can always eat again later.

But I think that one of our most important jobs as parents is to de-escalate as the child escalates, and to maintain a calm, consistent environment. It will only get harder as he approaches 2 and really tests your limits. Being very calm and stating a rule or consequence often works better than giving a child any kind of show, which could very well be entertaining, and seems to be for Jake!

Children do grow out of annoying habits, but more often we teach them to help themselves by giving them skills to control their own behavior. We cannot count on annoying behaviors to be eliminated by nature. We can show kids that their actions have consequences, and that when we enforce rules we are not "mean," but providing them with a safe, healthy environment. If you think about your two examples, biting is not safe, food on the floor is not healthy. Easy reasons for the rules.

I tell my children, now 3 and 5 so old enough to understand, that rules are for their own safety and I need to be able to trust that anything I say will be listened to because it could be a matter of life and death. Obviously your son can't hear that right now, but it could be your attitude in developing rules and your reactions to them. Kids are more likely to respect rules if they can see that they are designed to keep them safe and healthy than if they seem arbitrary at all. Why not throw food on the floor, it's fun! Oh... it makes all my food disappear and then I get hungry. That's not fun. See?

One last thing-- if your kids are going to be close in age and he will be pushing two when your next baby is born, you will be glad to have lain down patterns of rule-consequence being calmly and consistently stated, and not to have knock down drag out fights with your child. It should never come down to your will against his, because he is a child and you are not equals.

I hope this helps. Please email me if you need more specifics. Good luck!

K.~
I can understand why you are so frustrated and I hope my response eases your frustration. One thing to consider is that your son is experimenting with your reactions right now. When we say no, our entire demeanor changes. Our voice is different, and our face is different, we can look funny to a baby. He may be focusing on this part of the discipline and having a little fun exploring your reactions. Believe it or not, his response is similar to other children’s. As far as changing the behavior and dealing with the real issues I would change up your response. For example, when he throws food on the floor, pick up the food and say, "our food stays on the tray". If he continues to throw the food say, "If you continue to throw your food on the floor you are showing me that you are done eating". If he throws the food on the floor again, I would remove him from his high chair and say, "you are all done eating", despite the protests. You may see an increase in the behavior initially, but eventually the behavior will stop. The key to managing behavior is to remain calm (easier said than done), verbalize the desired behavior (we are a no biting family, mouths stay closed) and remain consistent with the approach you use. Good luck.

My son does the same thing and he is 18 months. He will look me right in my eye and drop the remote control in the trash...and laugh. I could drive myself crazy saying no to everything, so I use my sister's method (which I used to laugh at and call her a sap for...before I had my child)of redirection. I redirect him to another activity, and before he realizes that he is no longer trying to climb on the coffee table, he is immersed in a game of stack the rings.

Good luck.

My son did this exact same thing. I think most kids do. I started time outs at 12 months and he got the hang of it. I also used the word danger, sharp, poison, owie, booboo, hurts, etc. So that he wasn't always hearing the word no. If he didn't listen the first time I would ask him if he wants a time out and say if you do it again you will get a time out. If he does it again, put him in a time out for a minute even if you have to hold him there. He has to know you mean business. I used to just sit with my son and say this is time out. Or take away the toy, etc. My son did bite me once and I showed him it hurt. I didn't bite him hard I just said biting hurts mommy. When he did it again, I just showed him gently that biting hurts, I bit him a little just to show him that it does hurt. He didn't do it again. Same with pulling hair. Sometimes they just don't know it really hurts. Some moms may balk at that. I only did it once. It wasn't a punishment it was just meant to show him. Just stay consistent and keep up with your discipline and affection and reward positive behavior. Say yehhhhh, when he does something good and when he listens to you. Rewarding positive bahavior works wonders because they really really want your attention. Also, don't fight with him about everything. Because the "no's" will become endless. Pick your battles but be consistent. My son is 23 months and since he was 18 months or younger I would say, do you want a time out? And he would immediately stop doing what he was doing. Of course there was the occasional tantrum but you just have to ignore it. good luck!!

I haven't read the other responses, but in my opinion, screaming is a natural response - given to us as a method of teaching children when they are bad - and CAN be used in instances when the child is not understanding the severity of the situation. Not to scream bad words at them - like "you're an idiot" but to loudly and emphatically say "NO, DON'T DO THAT" teaches the child a very clear message of what is right and wrong - especially at a young age when they have only a very limited vocabulary. As humans, we all learn a lot from the tone of what is being said, as well as the actual words. We understand sarcasm, fear, compliments, anger - all from the tone. So do not feel bad that you screamed - you need to do that more, if he does not understand that "No" means he cannot do it. You wouldn't hesitate to scream at him if he ran in front of a car, would you? Same thing - don't feel guilty. (Quite frankly, my friends and I have discussed that it's the parents we see who do not use a strong tone with their children when they are not behaving who appear to be the "bad" parents. The wimpy parents have the kids who don't behave).
I am also not suggesting you scream all the time. Far from it - those who do that also get blocked out. (Besides teaching another bad lesson that screaming is the way to accomplish things) Obviously you try to stay calm and talk first. But if that lesson is not getting through, you need to use one of your tools - which is your tone of voice - to send a message. Good luck.

Hi K....You're not alone! I have a son who is actually one day apart from yours and he mimicks me when I tell him no. He shakes his head no and smiles. He's such a trouble maker. Hopefully they'll grow out of this stage soon : ) Good Luck!

Dear K.,
Remember that this will not continue forever. I would suggest one or two things:#1 Relax when he throws food on the floor look at the food; look at him, pick him up bring him to the food bend him over to pick it up walk him to the trash throw it away, walk him to the sink get the wet paper towel take him over to wipe it up and then put him back in his chair. Try to not react to him but to react to the 'problem' of food on the floor (or whatever)
2)In regards to the biting, I too could not tolerate it and I did utilize a wooden spoon or a slap on the hand for it. My son used to pull on my swimsuit when we were in the pool such that it began to reshape the suit and I just hated him doing it... So I told him every time he did it he would get dunked.. which I did right away. HE eventually stopped, but then began because he liked being dunked; at that point we just taught him how to say dunk.. or something like that.

I hope this information helps, get lots of rest and that will help with the hormonal swings as well.
Clare
Helping families find supplemental income.
www.WorkAtHomeUnited.com/Arizona

Hi K.,

First of all congrats to you on being pregnant! Secondly, I refused to say, "no" to my baby for the longest time. Reason: I heard from other moms that once they picked that word up, everything was, "no, no, no". I didn't want that cuz then the word would lose meaning. I used phrased, "don't do that", it's harder for them to learn to say it! I use the word now, and my daughter, 20 mos old, understands it and stops(sometimes :) ) the behavior. She recently slapped my face, so I said, "ow, you hurt Mami", and started to pretent to sob and walk away. She felt bad for her action and came to me and patted my face lovingly while giving me a hug. You can try that, although your little one is too young to follow you and comfort you, at least he will know he made you sad. As far as the food being thrown, have your little one pick up after himself. You and him can crouch down on the floor, put your hand over his and pick up the food, believe, me he will learn he has to do this if you continually talk to him about it. Tell him, "we are picking up the food you threw on the ground". This should work after a few times. Kids understand a lot, you'd be suprised. I don't recommend yelling at all unless they are stepping into a dangerous situation, of course. You yell, they are going to learn to yell when they have an angry emotion, not good. They mimick all we do, remember that. Timeouts do not work for a child that young, they don't understand the concept.

Good luck to you!

P.S.
Daisey and Paula gave great advice.

first of all, throwing food on the floor at 13 months is completely developmentally appropriate. Dont put much food in front of him on his high chair, just a bite or two at a time. If he throws it on the floor, he is likely full or just not interested at the moment. As far as the biting. Be clear to him that "we do not bite" "be gentle to mommy". "that hurts" and then put him down from you. If the word no doesnt seem to have an impact, do not tell him no. tell him what you want him to do as I have stated above.
Babies will learn to mind. Also, is he teething? Give him something he can safely bite on instead of you. It is all about redirection and reading your babies cues. Good Luck.

K.,

Take a breath, he is only 13 months old. He will get it, but you can not scream at him. It will not work, His reaction could be that you are scaring him so he laughs. You need a brake it sounds like. Please take your time and tell him nicely in a stern vioce that your hurting mommy, time outs for a minute at a time. He will catch on when you wont pick him up or turn you back on him for a minute. He is just so little you need to be more gentle with how you decide to discipline him. If he throws food on the floor, only give him one piece at at time. Then ask him to pick it up nicely in a stern voice. Wait until he does, then he can have another piece. If he does not, time out with out you picking him up or looking at him. This takes time.....so be patient.
Next....You need a brake, time to yourself. Get a babysitter and go out to lunch or dinner with the girls. But please take your time with your little one. If you think you cant control your self, please get help from your husband or your mom, maybe a counselor.

Good luck D.

Oy, do I feel your pain!! My 15mo son is big into throwing his food on the floor. But I wouldn't worry too much about his not understanding you just yet - he's not quite old enough to be manipulative!

I think it helps me to remember that babies tend to think of grownups like toys: they like to push our buttons and get lots of sounds and movements and flashing lights out of us, and the more we give that to them the more they'll push our buttons. What helped me break Thomas of throwing food on the floor was to stay calm, first of all, and then to give him acceptable alternatives. When he reached over to throw the food on the floor, I'd say: "No, Thomas, don't throw the food on the floor. You can either give it to Mommy or put it back on your tray." The first few times I'd guide his hand for him, and say "thank you" to him when he did one of the acceptable alternatives. Eventually, he got it himself. If he still refused to cooperate, I would take his tray away from him for a few minutes. This technique seemed to work somewhat, although we still have issues.

With regard to getting him to understand "no," I don't think 13mo. is too young to institute a time-out system. I give Thomas three chances: if he hits me once, I say
"no," and show him how to touch me nicely. The second time, I repeat. The third time, I say no and put him in his pack-n-play in his room by himself for a minute (I subscribe to the one-minute-per-year-of-age rule). This has worked pretty well for me so far.

Eventually, though, I've found that if I respond calmly to him and don't give him a dramatic negative reinforcement, he'll get bored with whatever activity he's doing after a few weeks and stop. I save the really harsh "nos" for when he's hurting me or someone else (hitting, biting, etc.).

Also, I'd recommend picking your battles! Biting sounds like something to correct sooner rather than later, but throwing food on the floor may be something you can ignore for a little while. Obviously, though, this is completely up to your level of comfort.

Good luck. Toddlerhood is rough!!!

Simply saying "no" means nothing to him. If hes doing something you'd rather him not do, remove him from the situation and go do something else. For example, if my son (who is 14 months old) has something he shouldn't have, I take it from him and say "thank you" very enthusiastically, keeping the situation positive. I then replace the item with something he can have. If he goes somewhere or does something he shouldn't, I take his hand and lead him away, and we do something else. Replace the unacceptable behavior with an equally interesting acceptable activity. This works every time.

I work for Early Intervention and call tell you, this is VERY normal. He's not a psychopath. He's just experimenting with his world. Kids don't even have a capacity to understand "no" until 9-12 months old, so this is still a new thing. Try changing the environment - he's still a bit young for "discipline" per say, but not to understand boundaries. If he throws his food, instead of saying "no!" say, "If you throw food, you are all done." If he does it again, take all the food away. He'll catch on fast.

Same with biting, as someone else suggested. Say, "That hurts! I don't like that." and walk away. He'll learn that it's not okay in time. He's really young...it'll be okay!

my 14 month girl does the same thing - laughing when i say a stern "no." i believe this is mostly because she's getting a different, strong reaction out of me and enjoys it. she certainly doesn't understand the concept quite yet, which is probably the same for your son. redirection works best or, if you feel your son is ready, time outs. my girl can't stand still long enough for a time out yet, so i just hold her, remain calm and talk to her about why we're in time out until the minute is up. the other thing i try to be consistent with - for every 1 negative reaction she gets out of me, i try to compensate with 3 positive interactions. this philosophy has helped me to remained focused on giving her positive reinforcement.

My daughter laughed at me with no as well,I just changed how I was saying things like instead of "No" when she threw her food- I said don't throw your food. Now she is 19 months and I can say no and she takes me seriously. Although I try not to use it too much also, using it when she is going for plugs or about to knock something over. Good luck!

I know many people will think I'm nuts for suggesting this..but it worked for us and still does 2 years later!

Time out corner.

1. no. we do 'x' instead. (Give the negative, then your expectation.) Demonstrate x if you can.

2. No. Firm. we do 'x' instead.

3. Time out. Remove and put child in very boring spot with nothing to do. BORING BORING BORING! (Ie NOT their room!)
Since your child is so young, you can sit him there with you a foot away. Do not speak to the child.

4. Explain why they were in time out... "Now, let's go back to the table and eat our food".

(No, they won't understand it at first, but don't underestimate how quickly they will!)

4b. when old enough, have them explain their infraction.

5. get the apology

6. HUGS AND KISSES!

You give a minute per year of age.

Good luck.

(This will show your little one that you will be taken seriously or there will be consequences. Right now he is trying more to get that rise out of you than trying to be naughty. Removing from the fun is the last thing he wants so when you do so, you are not rewarding the behavior :) )

My 14-month old son is the EXACT same way. Unfortunately from what I have read this is totally normal behavior because they do not understand "no" as a word for discipline yet. Rather continue to explain, not yell, why this is bad. Honestly the baby center has great advice on this subject and I would go there for further advice. Good luck...it shall pass:)

Hi K.,
I wouldn't take the things that he does personally. When he does bite you, I would say no, and put him down and then don't pick him up for a short period, like 5 or 10 minutes. Also, when he throws his food, he may be bored, or maybe he has been sitting in the high chair for a while. Maybe someone else has laughed when he has thrown food. I would give him one thing at a time, and if he throws it, he either isn't hungry or he wants to play that game. I would try to keep meal times short, and times in the high chair short too. This is a hard stage, but it will pass. I am sure it is very trying for you...
Other things I thought of are playing music, (kids music on a tape or CD player) when he is eating. Or, also having him sit near a window where he can look outside. You could also try to read a couple of board books to him when he is eating and this will distract him from throwing the food. Once he gets used to you reading to him, he may not think about it as much. Warmer weather will be here soon, and getting out and getting some fresh air will help. If it is a decent day at all, I would try and spend short periods of time outside too. This will help him be hungry and really eat his food when he comes back inside. I hope these ideas help.....

Give him a break he is only 13 months plus you are also pregnant. I would try to stay away from the word "no" redirection usually works better at this age. But I would try to nip the biting your shoulder now when he does it tell him "that hurts mommy" and put him down right away.