No More Children

iT IS MOST IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE. sO, YOU DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO YOU. i CAN THINK OF MANY REASONS FOR AN Only child. Get some books on only children and see what they have to say.

I am a mother of one child. I think that it is totally fine to only desire a single child. On the other hand, you have to be considerate of you life partner's desired number of children. If all fails just get a dog, that should satsify everyones wants and desires.

In my opinion, children need to have a sibling for emotional development. My neice is an only child who always wanted a little brother or sister. She couldn't get that because her mom couldn't have anymore children. It didn't help her psyche any.

I'm getting in on this a little late, but just wanted to reiterate that how many children someone has is definitely a very personal decision. No one should put their opinions on anyone else ... for having just one child or even having 10! If they can handle their children (whether a small or large number) emotionally, financially and in all other ways, then why would anyone's number of children be anyone else's business? People tend to be so judgmental and nosy ... drives me crazy! ;)

Also, just to let you know ... I was an only child (and so was my hubby). We both turned out very well-adjusted and had very "normal" (but different) upbringings. We also have very different personalities (so children's futures, personalities, etc. depend on so much more than whether or not they have siblings)! We knew we always wanted more than one (just because we were both only children) ... we have two (and are done).

I was always allowed to take a friend on some family vacations (since I didn't have a sibling). I thought that was a good thing my parents did, and I had probably more fun having a friend along than having to be with siblings all the time! Ha ha! I was very social, but also enjoyed my "quiet time" growing up. I think the most important thing to focus on for your family is making sure you and your hubby are on the same page and can talk openly about what you want and why. Good luck!

just my view, as an only child. i was incredibly lonely. we had a lot of very nice vacations, but i was alone on all of them. i had a lot of nice toys, but i played with them alone. i had my own bedroom my whole life, and my own bathroom too, but would have gladly shared, just to have someone to play with. that said, my parents were very uninvolved with me. they never played with me, or spent time with me. i have a good friend who is also an only child and it seems that it is common, for parents of only children, to expect them to be more grown up than they are. also we were both expected to entertain ourselves, and that is just not normal for a small child. my daughter is 5, and often spends time alone in her room, but she also has a little brother to play with when she is lonely, and i am usually on the floor playing too. i hope to have one more child one day, so that my children will never have the loneliness that i had.

I also plan to have only one child, and I know how you feel. We even said before we had him that we were only having one. Then I had a bad experience with pregnancy and it is not a good idea medically for me to get pregnant again. There have been those moments when I am so happy with my son that I think I wish we had another child, but then something quickly happens to remind me that one is the right number for us! I too feel guilty that he will not have a sibling, but we are making sure that he spends plenty of time with other kids. I think that it will be like the other mom who said that her close friends are like family to her. That's the goal that I have for him. I get the same comments all the time - "you have to have another one" but I just blow it off and say we are happy with our little family of 3. The good news is there are more only-children today than ever before, so we don't have to endure those comments as much as people did in the past!

My repsonse might be somewhat similar to reponses you have already received. But anyway...

I am an only child myself and often felt growing up that I should have had a sibling. Now that I have a child of my own, a beautiful daughter, I understand how challenging it can be to raise children. My parents both MDs, worked at odd hours, however they did their best to give me their time and raised me as a good child. Whatever and wherever I am today in life is only because of them. My husband feels that one child is enough, and I sometimes feel if we should have another child so that our daughter does not miss out on a sibling. But then when siblings grow sometimes they grow apart. My husband and his elder brother are not close to each other. Growing up my parents were very close to me since I was the only child. We are like friends. If we do not have another child I know my daughter will have her parents with her every step of the way to share things with.

I guess I'm late with this response, but I think it's just fine to have only one child. I personally wanted three, but I know many adult only children, and none of them seem to be distraught over the fact that they never had a sibling. Most of them feel like they had more of their parents' undivided attention because they were only children, so that is a definite up side. I'm a firm believer that a person, male or female, shouldn't have a child simply out of obligation to their partner. It should be something that both want intensely, and if you're not wanting more then your husband will just have to learn to live with what he's been blessed with already.

I can understand your concern about not wanting any other children with the way the world is today. And personally I waited five years to have another child but my oldest did not want to be an only child and I'm glad now I had another son. It teaches a child to share and responsibility by having another child in the home. The bottom line is you have to decide what is best for your entire family.

B.

Hi, I have one child and plan to have another. I dont even understand why you would feel guilty for wanting only one child. It is in the best interest of everyone for you to do what is right for you and your family. There are no rules or guidelines that say what is right - and everyone is different. Follow your heart.

Hi N.! Yes it's O.K. to have one child, and you shouldn't feel guilty, However if that's your husband desire and according to your wedding vows, well it's what you and your husband agree too. You may also mention adoption which may be an option. Hopefully This will help. It would be good for the child to have a brother or sister this day and time so he will have someone close to to relate to and not wish down the line he had a sister or brother and fill lonely. Hope this will help. Agapelovegrace

Children are a blessing from the good God. They can also be a challenge. You have all you future hopes and dreams in one little basket. When you are open to life God pours down blessings from above. Pray for the grace to allow God's will to be done. Go to church and get a good parenting book by Dr. Ezzo and Buchanan so you can enjoy you well disciplined children. You only get this opportunity to co-create now when you are young. I had 5 and I am sorry I did not have more as they bring much joy into our lives and love one another. They are good friends and love God. They have family, and nothing can substitute for this strong bond of love. God bless you P.

Not only is it ok, it is wonderful to have limits. Our earth is overpopulated. Keeping life simple and living it to the fullest is a much wiser decision. Stick to your gut.

J.

I was raised as an only child and as a result my friendships run very deep. With me friends aren't just friends, they become a part of my family. I'm still in touch will my friends from high school and also most of my college friends.

When I was growing up, my mother was very involved in my life and always made sure that I was involved in activities with other kids my age. Sure there were times when I was "so lonesome I could cry" but mostly I always had one or two friends around. I was pretty shy when I was little (before about age 12) but I grew out of that and am outgoing and involved in my community because I was raised to be that way.

My son is 3 and is currently an only child. Fortunately, there are groups like MOPS, Mom's Day Out, etc. where he can "socialize" with his peers. Also, we have several friends who have children who are slightly older than he is and they treat him like their little brother. He is very outgoing and friendly, and I don't think his spirit has suffered because he doesn't have any "blood siblings".

All this being said, my husband and I do hope to have more children, should God choose to bless us with them.

Of course it is ok to have only one child but you need to think through your decision for more than just yourself. We had two children so that they had each other to play with and love and be companions from their childhood into their adult years. Sometimes kids tend to get spoiled, or feel entitled, when they are the only child. Even if you do not spoil them, it is always about them. My grandmother was an only child and to this day, at 82, she says she would give anything to have a sibling. She feels all alone at her age and now her children are having to take care of her. She says she has always wished for a sibling and even in her 80's she still wishes she had one. Two kids are sometimes easier on you too. They keep each other company, the older watches and helps you with the youngest. When you go on vacation, car trips, camping, etc. they have each other to play with. At a certain age kids don't want to play with mommy and daddy as much. They want someone around their own age, mindframe, etc They help each other when in school, look out for each other, and play games such as house, building a fort, cars, babies, etc You also will enjoy having two. When one goes off to college, you still have another for a few more years! You will have two to experience life with....graduation, prom, weddings, etc You will have two that have grandchildren for you. What if your one child does not have kids? You may get to experience both genders. They will have two totally different personalities that you will enjoy knowing. There are too many people who cannot have children at all, if you are able, and would like one, I would definitely do it! I have two and would have three if we weren't too old and had more money! Hope this helps! W.

im not sure i understand why you are asking if its "ok" to just have one child. of course it is! sick with what you feel is best. i will say after my first pregnancy i was sure i was done... long story short i was on ivs for 8 months rushed to l&d to have my baby where i was unconscious for the whole thing. i was scared to death when i found out i was pregnant again but it worked out alot better this time around

It is up to the individual, but you don't say how old you are. If you are deciding this at a very young age, knowing that your husband might want another child, I'd say be very careful about getting anything permanent done to prevent conception in case you do change your mind.
If you're later in your life, and know for sure, you probably need to discuss it seriously with your husband, but it would make more sense to not have any more.
I know a woman I used to work with and she had a tubal ligation at age 30, when her little boy was 2 years old. Three years later, her son was killed in a tragic accident. When she tried at 36 to have the tubal reversed, it didn't work, and she became very depressed. Eventually she and her DH adopted a child, but she always regretted making the decision she did years earlier.
Just something to think about.

D. in NC

I just have one child. It has been great I think. I was sick for the first 5 months of pregancy. I decided then that was it for me. My hubby had 2 sons by his first wife. Then about 6 years ago the oldest was killed in a trailer fire,I had thought about trying to have one more but it wouldnt be the same so we didnt. I think its ok to have just one you can spoil them more.J.

I am a working mother of a 3 year old daughter and I do not plan on having anymore children either. She is a wonderful child and has been a blessing to us, but kids are a lot of work and a lot of money. We enjoy being able to do more for her this way. Don't feel guilty for a second, it's your choice. Society puts way too much pressure on people to get married and have 2 or 3 kids.

i believe its completely up to the parent. im one of 3 children in my family and i cant imagine growing up without them. even more especially now that im older. my son is 15mnths. for the first 15 weeks colic. he is a very strong willed child and very active. sometimes i think i want to be done but thats for my own selfish reasons. 2 of my best friends were only children and they wished they had someone to play with as a child. if there is always kids for them to play with other than at school i think being an only child is okay

There's nothing wrong with wanting only one child. Hubby and I have one wonderful 7 year old son and are quite happy with the arrangement. We are able to give our son more attention and time than if we had more than one. We had thought there would be more but due to my PCOS and other issues we have just one.

Please feel confident in your decision to have one. I am constantly hounded by others about not having a boy. We have 2 precious girls but only wanted 2 (and only wanted 2 if the first wasn't a boy!!). It is ok to only want 1. And, it is ok to know your limits. As a working mother, you must do what is best for you. I am also a working mom and couldn't imagine one more thing on my plate. Please listen to your gut and only have the number of children you feel comfortable with...That's why God gave us "motherly instincts!!" He didn't give them to the Dads!

I have three sisters and two brothers and always thought I'd have several children of my own - so that my children would grow up in the same great environment that I did.

Then I had my son. Pregnancy was uneventful but I strongly disliked being pregnant. Labor was 34 hours. It's not something I want to do again. Even after I had him I briefly wondered if I should have another so he wouldnt be alone. Then I decided that I was happy with one and really didnt want to bring another into this world.

My son is now seven and a half and my only. I am not going to have any more children. There is nothing at all wrong with only having one - children are a huge committment and its not fair to a child to be brought into the world if both parents do not want him or her.

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Having children is a very personal thing. What is right for one mom might not be for another. I think if one is all you feel like you can handle now , it is fine and it is really good that you realize this. You have lots of time if you change you mind.
Just pray about it and ask God to help both you and your husband to be of the same mind on the matter.I just talked with a friend whose daughter has decided she does not want any kids at all. I think that is ok too. It is something that no one but the two of you can decide. Best wishes

It is absolutely okay to have only one child. My cousin was an only child and my nephew is an only child. Of course, my cousin now says that she was so lonely and would NEVER do that to her children and has 2 with plans for more (her choice). I have 3 and couldn't imagine what my life would be like without each of them. My husband and I actually caught a lot of slack for having the third and comments were made like "you can't handle 3". I handled 2 very well and don't know why nosey people say things they shouldn't! But I would just respond and say which one should I send back?? My life is not at all calm having 3 and I love it that way! But that was my choice. I would have had more if I was not in my mid 30's after the 3rd. I have always wanted 4. Have fun with your one and enjoy that time... hmmm, I don't remember what it was like to have only one! LOL!!

I know what you mean. I have only one child and my husband mentions another child every so often. My child is 11 years old and I am an only child too. Sometimes other parents make me feel "less" than a "real" parent, because "you only have one to worry about." I feel that I am a really good parent to my one child. He has attended a really good private school and participated in many activities. We have the money and time to do that for him. I have the time to spend doing homework and projects with him. I do work part-time, but I attend all class parties, field trips, and events with him. I have been there for everything. I enjoy all the "first" stuff like first home run in baseball or first award for good grades. I know that he is growing up really fast and I won't have another child do it all over again.

It's okay to have one child or many. It's about the quality of the relationship and the abilities/capabilities of the parents. I have the abilities to parent one child pretty well and be very content to do so. Ignore your husband...he will deal with it. If he wasn't discontent about that...it would be something else. Humans like to complain about stuff.

Be comfortable with your decision. You can be the best mom to your son now and his best "girl" friend when he grows up.

Best wishes,
C.

I think it is completely up to you and what you can handle. I thought I would have tons of kids but now that I know how incredibly hard they are...and expensive... maybe I'll wait and space them apart several years! ;) You need to do what you can handle. Sometimes you hear about a parent that leaves a kid in the car just plain fogetting about them b/c they have so many things on their mind. I think how easy that would be to do, if I piled my plate too full.

On the other hand, ;) The other responses are good too about the sibling thing and having others to play with and not being alone. I also would like to point out the future... more kids can help you when you are older and need care. The better the chances that one will still live near you. More kids can help each other out when they have struggles in life (illness, accidents, whatever).

I personally still hope to have lots of children, but everyone is different. I would never judge you for your choice b/c you are the one to take care of them day and night. You do what you want and can handle. No one should make you feel guilty for that!

Blessings,
Amanda

Yes, it's ok to only have 1 child.

Of course it's ok to have only one child, but I believe that a 'couple' is more practical for a number of reasons (they learn to 'work and play well with others', mostly). Anyway, my husband's uncle wanted several kids and his wife wasn't 'into' rearing them very much. She was a school administrator (year-round), and he was a school teacher (off in the summer). He was mostly responsible for nurturing the (5) kids (especially after they reached school age). They're all fairly well-adjusted adults, and the parents are still together after 35+ years (probably 40) of marriage (both now retired). If your husband wants more kids and you're willing to 'bear' them, let the decision be his as to whether he wants to be take on the primary care-giver role -- or not -- and go from there! P.S. I'm the youngest of 4, my husband is the oldest of 3, and we also have 4 grown children. Our oldest daughter & her husband have 3 little ones. Children are an heritiage from the Lord, but everyone's preference is different as to how much of 'an heritage' we can deal with! LOL

I love my one child.... and never want to have another.... And I think that is fine!!!

Of course it's okay to have just one child. This is a personal decision in a family, and an only child can be raised as well or better than a sibling environment. All parties have to be taken into consideration, but if one is adamant about not wanting to have another child (especially the mother who has to go through a pregnancy, etc, but the father as well) it should take priority. Having a child should be a desire of both parents, it is not fair to intentionally bring a child into a home where it is not 100% wanted by both parents. As for the 'lonely' potential of being an only child, it will take extra effort on the parents' parts to provide socialization, friendships, activities, etc.

It is okay to only want 1 and it is okay to want more than 1... sounds like you and your husband need to talk through what this means to both of you.... It is a pretty significant area to not be in alignment on and wanting or not wanting more kids - either side of that is a valid wish... Good luck