Non Custodial Parent Places Child in Daycare During His Vacation Time with Child

I would consult an attorney, but I think having childcare on his vacation time is up to him. If Spring Break doesn't work well for him with work, is there an alternative time that could be arranged?

To the other responders that seemed upset that he wasn't taking time off: He's military. He doesn't just get to take time off whenever he wants! When my husband was in the military he had to submit tons of paperwork to get time off, and even if he submitted it all, got all the needed signatures, he still wasn't guaranteed time off. (That's even if he had the ETO.) It all depends on who else is taking ETO and how his superiors feel or if they need him. So he might have to leave her at daycare in order to work. (And I know that some of you might say "Well, why can't the step-mom watch her?" You don't know what has gone on that Angie and her ex don't want the step-mom to watch her, or maybe the step-mom needs to work as well.)

I would just help pay it. If you don't have the money to pay it then talk to him and ask if you can pay half now and half later. Either way, this is something that he could argue he only has to pay half of, because the decree says that when you have her, he only has to pay half. I would be inclined to say that a judge would probably agree with him.

If you're not sure, or you'd rather not pay it, then ask an attorney.

Really it comes down to whether it was calculated in the original plan and it doesn't sound like it was. He can take you to court for clarification and if the court considers it reasonable he will be awarded it. You will be out attorney fees and time, is it worth it to fight because I can't imagine it is a huge amount.

Just because it is her vacation doesn't mean it is his. I would imagine he uses his vacation time to come to the states and see her so he has to work while she is there.

I guess I am saying his request seems reasonable to me.

Is it ordered on your decree? I agree with Diane.... we went to daycare when visiting my father for the summer, but this was because he was a working single parent during that time and couldn't get time off.

In all money questions after a divorce, it is cheaper both financially and emotionally to just work it out between you. You probably aren't required to pay unless it specifically says so in your decree. But, it may not be worth fighting over. Half of the cost of two weeks of daycare is a lot less than the airfare he pays, and other expenses, to just get to see his daughter. And is about the same as one hour of a lawyer's time...

And, working people need to work. We have limited vacation time. Daycare is a necessity. Lots of kids are in daycare during their school's spring break.

I would say that if he isn't paying half here then I would never pay his half there. BUT if he will get antagonized and perhaps try to keep her then I would say just pay it. It would be cheaper than hiring attorneys and other legal help to get her back home.

If he's a good guy then you might just talk to him. If he's not paying I still would tell him to take it out of what he owes you. If he pays for her child care then I would say it's a nice gesture to do it for him.

I assume his wife works and his other 2 children will be in the same child care setting because if she stays at home there is no way I'd let him put her in child care and the other kids stay at home.
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I do figure that since he's military he doesn't get to choose when he takes vacation right? I would also imagine he'd want to save that off time to come state side too.

I feel bad for both of them since he can't just take off like a non-military person can.

Contact your attorney on this one. You are in the states and he is in Japan. The laws maybe different and we cannot tell you what will happen.

The other S.

Nope I wouldn't pay for daycare in Japan. It's not in your court order that you have to do so. If your daughter's father was taking her to a water park, going to the movies, traveling around the country for 2 weeks you wouldn't be expected to chip in for 50% of that cost. So just because he chooses to put his daughter in daycare instead of spending time with her doesn't mean you need to foot part of the bill. Personally I think it's crappy that her time with him is limited and he can't make spending time with her a priority.

I don't think you should have to pay...especially if you're paying for her CA daycare during the time she will be in Japan. We are military. Your ex can probably put her at the child development center on post. The cost is reasonable and is a sliding scale based on rank.

It is a really grey area and would come down to how strong your attorney is and how the judge feels about this. With that said, getting the legal answer doesn't sound worth it.

This is how I see it and again it would depend on the judge. He has to pay 50% of the child's daycare. If the decree is specific to the reason for daycare, time of day, time of year, or country, then I would say it must be within those guidelines. If the decree does not specify, the daycare in Japan is part of the child's daycare and he should only pay 50%.

As difficult as a divorce decree is, you have to pay attention to every detail. I don't know how a person could possibly plan a decree around a child's entire future. You almost need a decree to be written and critiqued by a team of divorced mom's who can share their experience and expertise in this area. No offense to the attorney's out there.

Is he on vacation or she? That's a big difference. Just because she's on vacation doesn't meant he is.

Personally I would pay half or if it's cheaper off to pay two full works when she returns here to regular daycare...to "even" out the cost. It's not worth an argument, more money is calling an attorney...sometimes its easier to find a new solution.

He pays 1/2 when you have her; why shouldn't you pay 1/2 when he has her? Of course she has her own daycare here but he can't be expected to use that since he's in Japan.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander, IMHO.

I'm in California as well. Our orders said that each parent was responsible for 50% of child care costs, dental bills not covered by insurance, etc.

I understand you thinking that "vacation" should be just that.....all the time spent with your daughter. However, that's not always realistic.
I have always been the custodial parent of my son and my ex-husband tried making a big deal out of me having our son in day care during my "vacation" periods. I was a single, full-time working mother and just because my son had "vacation", it didn't mean I could take the time off from work during my turn at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter weeks. I certainly couldn't just take time off of work during the summer because my son was home from school.

As far as what your actual orders say, you'd have to refer to your attorney.
I mean no offense or disrespect, but fair is fair.
I would hope that he wouldn't have her go all the way to Japan just to put her in day care because he doesn't WANT the time with her. If the other kids go to day care, why wouldn't she go too?

I don't know all the circumstances, but I do know, from personal experience, that vacation for the child doesn't always mean vacation for the parent.

My ex-husband NEVER took our son to day care. EVER. He thought that made him look like the better and more committed parent. Funny....he couldn't afford child support, but he could afford to take every "vacation" time off. It backfired on him.

I don't know what the cost of day care is in Japan. If it's extremely exhorbitant, I might argue that point, but otherwise, I don't know that it's a request that is out of line.

Just my opinion.

I am not an attorney, so I cannot offer legal advice, but I would think not. I would ask your lawyer, if you really don't want to pay it. I am torn part of me says no, its vacation time. Another part says just cause it is her vacation time doesn't meant that it is his. If he has to work during that time he has no choice but to put her in childcare.

How much is it? If it will truly cause financial hardship, tell him so, maybe you can work something out.

Good Luck!

Don't you need to ask your attorney this? I don't think we can tell you the answer for sure. (I'd hate for us to be wrong.)

If I had to guess, the answer would be no.

Dawn

If it's not in the order then it is not required. If he can't take time off or afford to take her for those two weeks then he should look at shortening it or arranging for a different time. Personally, I would not be paying it but I would return half of the support that you won't have the child (though courts will even tell you it's not required). They take out a standard 20% a month for child support while you foot raising and supporting the child 90-100% of the month.....

I have a typical order with someone that resides the 400mi+ so I know what the finances are like in that situation. The expenses are not split fairly or evenly since they get the child for one weekend a month or even less. The amount of his childcare that he wants you to afford wouldn't even cover the costs if he were to take his child on a more regular basis. That's why I wouldn't be paying it-- the childcare expenses he's enduring are as if he was taking the child on a regular basis and he should have the money for it or at least save for it. It's his personal time with his child and on his dime!

If he's paying half the daycare when you have her, seems only fair for you to pay half when he has her.
But I don't know all the details of the arrangement.
None of us can tell you if you are "required." Depends on your agreement.

While you probably aren't legally required to pay half ... it would be a good gesture if you would. If you can't afford to do so talk to him and see if there is some other compromise you can come up with.

As Jennifer H said ... he's military and he's OCONUS (which changes a LOT of the rules), leave (aka vacation time to the civilians) isn't just a matter of telling the boss you're taking time off, and even when all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed it can be withdrawn (aka cancelled) at ANY TIME for any reason his CO or XO deem necessary. If you were married to him while he was in the military, you should already know all this.