As a child (5-6) I was sexually abused by a friends Father and then again later when I was 12-13 by my (then) Step Father. So needless to say I am very protective (maybe overprotective) of my own kids. Never want them to go through what I had gone through.
Recently our 4 year old daughter has been asking if she could sleep over at her friends home.
So my Husband and I have been talking since and really want to lay down a rule that our kids can have anyone sleep over but that they can not sleep over at anyone elses home.
Is this something that other parents do as well? Are we just being parnoid/overprotective?
Thanks in advance for your input/advise.
M.
I believe that you should get to know the other parents. Sleepovers are fun, and not all of them lead to bad experiences. You are expecting other parents to trust you, so why shouldn't you put trust in others? Just a thought.......
M.
No you are not being paranoid. Our parents were to trusting and that's not to blame, them. The best we could do is learn from their mistakes and our own. I do not allow my 8 year old daughter to sleep over. Most of our friends agree. We have mini sleep overs, were the kids come over in pjs, we let them play, watch tv, video games, snacks and they all go home by 10pm. Sometimes the parents stay, and we play games. It's a great way to have a win, win. And I think that is the best.
Good luck and always trust your instints!
S. A.
Hello..First sorry what has happened to you....I have 2 boys ages 6 and 8...They stay at grandmas all the time....but my 8 year old has stayed with a friend several times even went on a weekend camping trip with them...but Iam friends with the parents...Now my 6 year old...I dont let stay anywhere at this point...I also fear that something will happen to my children if Iam not there...but at some point you have to let them go and experience life...but I do think 4 is to young to be going to sleepovers at friends, but again that is you and your husbands choice...Maybe her friends can come and stay at your house?....Good luck
My best friend's mom did that....and I hated it. It eventually changed, after she got to know my parents better. My best friend's father and my father have gone golfing....
Anyways, I would tell your kids that they can't go to someone's house until you meet their parents. I would also tell them that if anything "weird" happens when they are around people, that they shouldn't be afraid to tell you.
Right now I have 7 of my daughters friends sleeping over, so many parents allow their kids to sleep over. You need to know the parents to make you feel better and more secure. Also, I agree with the other response that you got - how do you expect parents to trust you without a question when you don't trust anyone else? Don't deny your children a great fun time because of your fears (which I understand and feel for you) Take it little by little and slowly move up to a full night sleep over.
I don't blame you for feeling the way you feel nor do I think that you should feel bad about wanting to protect your daughter. Have you gone to counseling to talk to someone about this and have them help you with your fears?
I think 4 years is too young and she will probably end up back at home anyways. I would try to work on overcoming your fears so that you don't end up pushing her away on this issue in a few years when she thinks about things differently. I have a friend that is very over-protective of her daughter's and her oldest is very resentful of her Mom. I don't think it is a bad thing not to be your kid's friend, it's just that you don't want her rebeling because of this.
Hi M.,
This is just my opinion but I don't think you are being overprotective, especially with the children only being 4 yrs old. I have twins girls and they are 8 yrs old and they did not have their first sleep over until they were 6, and that was at a friends home who only lives 2 houses away. With the society we have now, I think it's a great idea to have it at your home. There's always time later for them to have sleep overs when you know the parents a little better.
C.
I think 4yrs old is a little too young for sleep overs (unless it's family).
I understand your apprehension and don't know how I would react in your situation. I would think that at some point, you're going to have to face your fear and let your kids sleep over somewhere else, but there's no reason that has to be now. Wait until they're older. Teach them about inappropriate touching and that they can tell you anything.
I do not feel that you are being over protective at all. I would do the same thing in your situation. However, that being said. some parents may also feel the same way and will not allow their children to stay at your house. Why don't you try this. You can allow your little girl to go to her friends (or friends to your house). They can play games, have treats, wear pjs, everything you would normally do at a sleep over. Set a time limit and when the time is near for bedtime, pick her up (or take the other girl home). That way they can experience the fun of a slumber party, but you will still feel secure. When the girls wake up in the am, you can reconnect and do a fun b-fast activity. Just a suggestion.
M.,
I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through as a child & completely understand the need to protect your children. What about allowing a sleep UNDER? My daughter (turns 4 next week) plays with a neighbor who is 5 and the two of them kept asking for a sleepover. Both of us moms thought our girls were too young, but allowed the girls to have sleep under - where you do everything you'd do at a sleep over except actually sleep. I packed up a little bag with my daughter's pj's, toothbrush, etc. and took her over. Then they had pizza, watchded a movie on a pull-out sofa bed, played together...then got into pj's, brushed their teeth - and that's when I picked her up to come sleep in her own bed. It was great!!! The girls now always ask for sleep unders instead of sleep overs - I'm sure we'll allow it when they are older, but for now it works great. Best wishes to you.
