Not Sleeping Through the Night at 11 Months Plus.

I am in the camp of not believing in the cry it out method. Everyone makes the decision they feel is best for them, so don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. I have found a lot of help from the No Cry Sleep Solution (http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...) book, and there is also a Yahoo group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoCrySleep2/) that you can join and ask questions similar to the one you posted. The people on the group also do not believe in the cry it out method, so some of their suggestions may be more in line with what you are looking for. I am currently working through sleep issues with my own 8 month old daughter, so I can't give you specific advice, but the yahoo group is wonderful.

The only other thing I would say is that the No Cry Sleep Solution book advocates making small changes over a period of time to gradually get your child to sleep through the night. While it takes longer than CIO, there are many people who have had success with this method.

If money is an issue, you can try and see if your local library has the book or can borrow it from another library in the area.

You'll get lots of opinions on this, but here is mine.

I was similar to you - nursing, and didn't feel right letting my little one cry it out. What helped get us over the last hump of sleeping was having a really big snack (a meal for him, really) right before bed - at 11 months, for my son, that usually meant as much oatmeal cereal as I could get him to eat. You could choose any filling food your son likes, but I did try to stay away from baby food fruits and veggies, because they don't actually have very many calories.

The fact that your son can put himself to back to sleep later in the night seems to tell me that when he wakes up, he is really hungry, not just doing it for attention. Maybe the snack will help.

I also liked the advice someone else gave on cutting back the nursing time gradually at this feeding.

Good luck!

(For anyone extrapolating this advice - this is NOT advice I'd give for a 3 or 4 month old, I don't believe in giving newborns cereal to try to get them to sleep through the night! This is specifically for babies closing in on the 1-year old mark!)

Hi M. -

I felt similarly - couldn't do the letting him cry thing, and I think for good reason! We do need to occasionally listen to our instincts and do the things which seem to come naturally to us - never mind what's 'normal' for other people!

That does sometimes mean that things might take a little longer or be a bit harder in the short-run, but I think with better results in the end. That's just my personal opinion though, and each to their own - I just wanted to say that I happen to agree that letting them cry it out doesn't necessarily match everyone's style - and that's ok!

So, what did I do? Well, i went back to work when my son was a similar age to yours, and so I needed to stop nursing too - but, I stopped nursing at night and then he slept - not the other way around. Just because you don't nurse him, doesn't necessarily mean you have to leave him on his own to cry it out. What I did was cuddle my son and say I'm sorry, but there's no more nursey-nursey (our name for it) at night time. He used to cry, and so I would say, I'm sorry honey, I know, I know, this isn't what your used to, but there's no more nursey at night - we need to wait until morning and just kept sympathising with him, in terms of the sudden change. I just kept holding him and saying that. Of course, he slept next to us in a crib open to his own bed, so I used to be able to cuddle him and then we'd both drop back off to sleep as he got used to it - which is perhaps going to be a bit more difficult with your son in the other room in his own bed.

I have heard of other families having the Dad go in and hold them, say soothing things etc until they get used to it. I've also heard of the Dad going in and offering water, which they refuse and often throw across the room! I think personally, its just nicer to not leave them to go through the difficult transition away from something which is so comforting and lovely on their own - it doesn't really matter how you do it apart from being calm, consistent and loving! All stuff that I'm sure will come naturally, as long as you think it through a bit first and discuss with like-minded people!

Best of luck!
A. x

My son is 26 months and still wakes up sometimes at night. I think you have to decide whether you want him to sleep through the night just because of weaning, because everyone acts like he's supposed to, or because you really just can't handle waking up anymore. If you just really need to sleep, obviously I'm no help since I just told you my son still doesn't always sleep all night. But if it's to wean, I weaned my son when he was 12 months and thought the same way as you, but then realized he needed to wean first, and that made him sleep a lot better. I have never let him cry alone. What worked for us was having my husband go to him instead of me. It was really only a couple nights of him being upset and then he was used to the new routine. And after I stoppped night nursing him, he weaned without me even feeling like I was trying. Now obviously I can go to him because he has no recollection of having nursed. I suppose it would have worked the same if I had gone to him (instead of my husband) and stuck it out without nursing him at night, but this would have been more difficult for both my son and me, I think. For me, night time got so much easier once I stopped thinking my son was "supposed" to sleep through the night, and just accepted that he's not that great a sleeper. I also just accepted that if I wasn't going to let him cry (which I could never do), then I was going to have to wake up with him sometimes. This realization helped me a lot. Good luck with your situation!

Unfortunately, the only thing that has worked for me is letting them cry. You could try going to him and covering him with his blankets and rubbing his back to settle him and then leaving him. I would go in, settle them without taking them out and leaving while they are awake. Don't go back again for 10 minutes, repeat settling and leave while awake. Wait 15 minutes, then 20 minutes if necessary. It only took 3 nights with my first, 2 with my second. I don't think it happened with my 3rd because I learned my lesson... With my daughter, she would get MORE upset if I checked on her so I had to not go back in. It still only took about 3 nights. They were younger when we did this, about 6 months, so it might take longer, but once they are sleeping through the night it was sooooo worth it. You could schedule a weekend away for yourself and have Daddy do it. That might make it easier for everyone. If you aren't there he can't nurse and it isn't even an option. Otherwise, take a deep breath and plan on starting on Friday night so it's the weekend with the worst of it. Hugs Momma, it's ok to teach them to self soothe. We and they need it.

I had the same issue with my daughter at that age. I slowly realized that she didn't actually need to eat. I started going in when she cried and comforting her, even picking her up, but NOT nursing. (My friend did this with all three of her kids starting at 6 mos, and just had her husband go so nursing wasn't an option). My daughter wasn't thrilled, but was sleepy and not really starving, so she settled down and went back to sleep pretty quickly. After a few nights, she didn't wake up anymore, or just mumbled for a minute and that was it. I couldn't believe how easy it was after all the agonizing I'd done. If this hadn't worked, I would have done the Ferber method. I'd used Ferber's method with my older one, and actually worked with Ferber himself, who was wonderful and compassionate, and the slowly-move-out-of-the-room approach worked well then. Good luck, and good for you to help your child learn to sleep well on her own. That will be so important for her when she's older, and needs a full night of sleep for school!

M.,
I agree with Sharon. I remember it took my son about 3 (hellish) nights. All told, probably harder on me than on him. I would go in, NOT talk, but rub his back, comfort, do NOT pick him up. Gradually lengthen the time between the soothing by about 5 minutes. Actually, I think that your son (because he doesn't cry sometimes and IS putting himself back to sleep) will have a pretty easy time of this. How many hours does he sleep between putting himself back to sleep and morning? If it's fairly long....nurse, put him down & hopefully his belly will be full enough to get him to morning and maybe then a morning nap about 2-3 hrs after waking? Good luck. I promise O. morning you will wake up STUNNED that you have had a full night's sleep! Personally I would get the sleep through the night thing ironed out then wean. ?

Check out the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' I'm sorry, I don't know who actually came up with it, but I think it comes up if you Google it. Everyone I've talked to who has used it, swears by it.

One note tho, since I am dealing with the same thing with my 1 year old son, I've noticed that he does it most often when he is teethingor going thru a growth spurt. They do tend to go thru another growth spurt around 12 months, maybe your son is hitting it early.

I really hate CIO, and rarely use it with my son. I am hoping to be able to get the info on the No Cry Sleep Solution soon. I just don't have the money for it right now.

I had 2 books that helped a lot with my daughter. She didn't sleep through the night until she was 10 1/2 months old. But if I hadn't gone through the "Sleep Lady" technique with her, she likely wouldn't have slept through the night by her own volition until much later.

"Good Night Sleep Tight" by the Sleep Lady - http://www.sleeplady.com/ worked wonders for our daughter. It's a version of the cry-it-out method whereby you start off sitting in a chair right next to your child's crib and over the course of a couple weeks, you slowly move your chair away from the crib and out the door. It teaches your child that you're right there if you need to be, but that they can put themselves to sleep.

"The No Cry Sleep Solution" had some neat ideas in it, particularly for breast-feeding moms. It's mostly directed at co-sleeping / breast-feeding moms. but it has some ideas for other situations as well.

I really liked the Sleep Lady's technique. It was as non-traumatic as a cry-it-out method could be. It was controlled. And I (or my husband) was right there the whole time. So it was reassuring to both of us (though difficult) to know that even though she was crying, she was safe and sound.

Good luck!

I agree, you must let him cry a little. It is very hard and if you need a guideline for doing this, the book by Dr Ferber is excellent. It is called "Solving your child's sleep problems." People think that the Ferber technique is harsh, but it sounds very much like the ones mentioned above. You go back in the room at longer and longer intervals until your little one learns that you are there, but he has to get himself to sleep. Ferber also has the technique of sitting in the room, then the doorway, then the hall, etc. There are actual tables with times on them so that you can use a stop watch and follow as closely as you can. This is especially hepful if you have trouble staying away. Follow the times that work for most people and it works like a CHARM. Most people are shocked at how quickly this situation is resolved. Best of luck to you! This book saved me twice (two different children with two different sleep issues) and most likely saved my marriage!!! :)

Hi M.,

I have also heard many people/doctors suggest letting them "cry it out". Although this will eventually get you the result you are looking for , I think it is a terrible way to make your child feel!

I am a fan of attachment parenting and the views of Dr. Sears. The plus side of attachment parenting is a confident, secure child. The down side is it is more time consuming, and sleeping through the night only really happens if your child sleeps in the bed with you.

Many people are against it, but I for one LOVE it!! When nursing, it is very convenient because your child is right next to you. AND, without even teaching her how, our daughter is able to fall back to sleep on her own - if she wakes up, she just turns to look at mom, then dad, knows all is right with the world, and falls right back to sleep.

Attachment parenting is not for everyone, but I think it is worth reading a little bit about to see what parts of it may work for you.

Good luck,
L.

The crying will pass-dont' feel bad-think of the good you're doing by letting him feel secure on his own. But the real secret is to feed him more during the day, all day long, not just right before bed. It will take a few days for his body to register it. If he is full to capacity, he won't wake up. This is always true! I learned form my step sister with 12 kids after my daughter woke up twice a night for a year...I fed her MORE ( I thought I was feeding her enough) for 3 days, and suddenly she didn't wake up at night anymore, and my other two started sleeping thru at 3 months-including my huge baby boy. I feed him constantly during the day. All healthy food, he's not overweight, but I stuff him. I'm always handing him healthy snacks and making sure he eats all his meals. He sleeps like a stone. Long naps. Long nights. Good luck!

sorry but let him cry it out and he wil get the picture and go back to sleep it is tough but it works.
good luck
it will be harder on you than him.

Hey M.:
I work for a company called 4moms and we have a product called the Goodnight Sleep Trainer. It works with the Ferber method - cry it out. Your friends seems to think that this method works and what our product does is take the guess work out. It's easy to use- press down to sleep at night and push crying if her baby wakes up. It will set a timer that progressively gets longer so her son learns to soothe himself to sleep and you don't have to worry about how long you've waited.
We worked with a leading Pittsburgh area pedetrician, so the product is 100% safe. Check it out at www.4momsonline.com or target.com.
It is recommended for use once your child is done nursing at night.
Thanks!
S.

My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was about 11 1/2 months old. She was breastfed and until then I did go in and nurse her (once/night for the final few months). Around 10 1/2-11 months I found that she would sleep through the night once in a while, but not consistently, but I was nursing her on the nights she woke up. I think if I had let her do her thing she would have eventually started sleeping through the night all the time on her own (she does things very much on her own time and is very slow to adjust). When she started sleeping through the night some of the time I realized she wasn't actually hungry when I was going in to nurse her. Realizing she wasn't actually hungry helped me to be OK with not rushing right in to her when she woke up. I am not a fan of cry-it-out- I think it is cruel, but I needed to get a full night's sleep (as did she), so one night when she woke up I didn't go in. She never really cried- just whimpered/talked to herself for a while and eventually went back to sleep. (I should note here that my daughter is not a good sleeper and it routinely takes her 1-2 hours to fall asleep on her own, so she was awake for a long time, but not screaming). After that first night I never went back. If she wakes up now I don't go in unless she is really screaming or sounds truly distressed (I don't go in if she's just whiney). She is weaned at this point, but if I need to go in during the night I still pick her up and rock her and comfort her until she has settled down or gone back to sleep. For my daughter it is actually worse if I go in and don't pick her up (as the Ferber method suggests)- she will escalate to hysteria, so you have to see what works best for your son. If you are not comfortable with not going to him, perhaps have someone else go in at night so nursing isn't an option. Or, once he is weaned nursing will no longer be an option, so even if you go in it will only be to reassure him. Good luck- I completely understand how difficult it is to literally not remember when you got your last full night's sleep (especially if you know other people with babies who slept through the night when they were brought home from the hospital!). Hang in there- he will sleep through the night at some point! Some babies are just a little slower to make the changes than others.

We went through a similar period recently (my daughter is 7 months old & primarily breastfed still). During months 2 - 3.5, she only woke up 1 or 2 times a night & I fed her. No problem. Months 3.5 - 5.5, she started waking up 3 - 4 times a night. We were all exhausted all over again like during month 1!

For us (every baby is different of course), what has worked was realizing that as she got bigger & older, she needed to eat more! And if/when she wasn't eating more during the day, she wanted/needed to eat more at night. So I started all of teh following to "night-wean" her and end the night-time wakings (she has been sleeping from 8 pm - 7 am for 3 weeks now.....fingers crossed :-)
- being more conscious of how much she is eating during the day (she started getting distracted by everything during month 5 - now and without me realizing it, I think she really was eating less since she spent more time popping off the breast to look at other things than she spent ON the breast eating)
- making sure to feed her more frequently during the late afternoon/evening hours
- giving her a bottle of formula as her last feeding before bed (so hard to know how much she was getting with 100% breastfeeding...with one bottle a day of formula, I KNOW that feeding for sure how much she is getting)
- she was taking a 5 oz bottle to go to bed (when she was getting up 3 - 4 times a night). I realized she was finishing it very quickly and I wasn't offering her more! NOW, she takes a 9 oz bottle to go to bed! And I know it isn't too much because I make a 10 oz bottle and she never finishes that last 1 oz. She knows that she is full with 9 oz.
- during the transition process, while we were figuring this all out & figuring how many oz to give her for that last feeding, and she was still waking during the night, we started sending my husband in to feed her with a bottle of either breastmilk or formula in the middle of the night instead of me breastfeeding her. We wanted to feed her but also start making it as 'uninteresting' as possibble and figured that dad with bottle was less interesting/desirable than mom with breast :-)

It took a week or so of getting all of this together but she started waking just 3 times, then just 2 times, then just once....then one night she slept 8 pm - 7 am and has been for 2.5 weeks now. Daylight savings threw her off a bit but she's back to 8 pm - 7 am again now for the past few nights.

Hope some of these ideas could help for you!

- Jessica

If he uses a sippy cup during the day, you could try putting one filled with water in the crib/bed with him. He could just be thirsty. not neccessarily hungry. At about 8 months or so with both of my boys I did this and with in a day or two for each they would just get a quick drink and go back to sleep without waking me up.

The easiest way to both wean your son and teach him to sleep through the night, is to start giving him less and less time nursing in the night. I promise that he won't really notice that much of a difference. When I started cutting my daughter back I began with doing 1 full side, then only a few minutes on the other, a few days later I only gave her one side in the night, a few more nights and she was down to just a few minutes on that one side. Once she realized that there was not going to be food in the night, she began to spontaneously sleep through the night. She did wake up a few times after we "officially" cut off night time food. I do believe in cry it out and it worked for her (an my son before that). If you can't abide the crying, you can check on your son, rub his back, etc. but don't go back to feeding him and try not to pick him up unless he's sick. I feel like this approach allowed my kids to stop night time nursing in a gentle way and then they learned to sleep because that was the only logical choice if there's nothing to eat :) Good luck!!

Hi M.,
I went threw it too and my daughter ended up in my bed and is now 6 still sleeping in my bed.. Its good to let them cry but depending how long and u have to listen for him bc mine would cry then hold her breath (very scarey). Are u using a btl for night feedings? the great thing about them is u know how much he is eating and he will sleep longer. The nursing lets him know ur not going anywhere and the btl gives him an independent sleep routine. i hope it helped a little, also ask ur pediatrician whats ok for ur son as for how long to let him cry. i wish they had this site 6 years ago lol