Not Sure If I Should Charge ?

R.,
Please re-read what you wrote! You KNOW what you need to do. First things first, dad is NOT crossing your doorstep again. Not for ANY reason! He's kicked out of his parents house and isn't allowed with mom yet you are allowing him in your house for hours at a time. That is so dangerous in so many ways. Next, friend or not, tell the mom that her child is welcome only if dad stays away. Period. Lastly, she pays. Tell her you value her friendship but you need the income and if she can't pay, she'll need to find other daycare. A true friend would never want to take advantage of another. Is your husband available to be there when you tell the dad that he's not allowed to come into the house? You have not described a very trustworthy man and you need to protect yourself and your child from him. Please update us soon!

Hi R.
I am sure it will not be easy for you but you need to tell the dad he his no longer welcome to stay and play with his child. You also need to talk to mom and tell her you understand she is haveing a diffucult time right now but you count on the money you earn to pay bills so you really need to be paid. if you think it would go easier and you can afford it maybe you could charge half your fee. You really need to stand up to this dad and tell him he needs to take his son elsewhere to spend time with him. There is no reason for his child to act like that in your house. Good luck and stay strong :)T.

I agree 100% with Tiffany. There is no reason you should have to deal with this. Also, this is your job and you are entitled to your pay. Stay strong. Good Luck!

C.

as a licensed child care provider, i find this situation appalling.

first of all, it is difficult when you are put in the position of working for friends. it gets messy because no one wants to offend anyone else, for fear it will harm your friendship. however, after reading this situation, i feel you must make a choice. you can either be friends with them or be their babysitter. it doesnt sound like being both works for this family.

i would like to encourage you to become a licensed child care provider. you can contact your county's health and human services department for more information. mostly this will help because you can have a contract that is legally binding which will be clear that when the child is in your home, they are paying for the time, whether dad is there or not. if they are in your home, they are on the clock.

the reasons the child acts this way is obvious; parents let him get away with it. right? and nothing gets said when the most obvious rudeness is happeneing (swearing and rude talk to you)...it is like they expect you to watch their kid and dad too. it is rude, inconsiderate, and i feel you are being used. are you sure that they are worth the effort? friends wouldnt do things like this to friends.

i DO NOT think it is hormones, i completely feel you are being treated unfairly. YOUR HOME is NOT THEIR HOME, and once you have your baby, things will only be worse if they are coming over every day and getting in your hair. you should stop this now before it hurts the health of you and your unborn baby!

if nothing else, lock the door and stop answering their calls. they have no right to put you through this, and you dont really have any legal rights to make them pay you. if you become a licensed (or even a legal non licensed) day care provider, the parents can apply for county aid, and the county would pay you for the child's care! it isnt much (my county pays 2.43 for ages 1 and up 2.69 for 6 weeks to one year) but it would certainly help. and it might help you define the line of when and how the parents hang around in your home.

i cant believe they would think that they can come in your home and treat you this way. im just appalled and angry that this is happening to you.

so, like i said, you have every right to charge them, but there really is no legal contract binding them to pay you. i do not think that the dad is being fair to you most of all, its not moms fault, she is working, but either dad takes the kid on his own, or dont come to your house. lock the door and dont answer it! LOL.

again, you are NOT being hormonal, this is rude, disrespectful, and they are using you. its not fair and you have every right to say so. does their friendship mean a lot to you? it doesnt sound like your friendship means anything to them.

i hope, as a 3rd unrelated party, this helps you. i feel so aweful that anyone has to deal with a situation like this. it is so terrible. i dont know that i would watch the kid even if dad isnt there. he probably would act worse because he knows dad allows it to happen.

Tell the mom that she will have to find other day care arrangements for her son until his dad finds a place to live (so he can take his son there to visit with him) or gets a job so he is not spending his days with you. He has no place else to go if his own parents kicked him out. He is just using visiting his son as an excuse to hang out at your house where you are feeding him and housing him. You tell mom that having dad around disrupts your schedule with the other kids, and that her son does not behave when dad is here and you are not going to put up with either of them anymore. With her attitude, she is the one taking advantage of your friendship and if you keep letting her do it, she will. Tell her that you are not gonna provide the place for her son to spend time with his dad. That is her responsibility. As for the pay, you probably might as well kiss that goodbye, especially if you give her the boot, but DO NOT take him back until she pays up what she owes you. If she doesn't like it, show her the door.

R.,

There is no reason you shouldn't be getting paid. Whether the father is there or not, you are still caring for their child and providing food. Why is the father there anyway?? I would ask that if he can be around to watch the child, that he watch the child somewhere else - where ever he is staying. I would feel weird having him hang around my house all day.

So I would either ask the mother to pay you since you are watching the child, possibly at a reduced rate (if you want to be nice) ~~ OR ~~ Have them find someone else to watch their child and they will see how much you have been doing for them.

Good Luck and stick to your guns!!!!

Yikes, get rid of all of them before their dysfunction and troubles become yours permanently! From what you've told us, it sounds like its already happening. These people are infringing on your kindness and are taking advantage of your services. This is unfair to you, and it's time to get things straight with them both before it goes any further.

First of all, where is the dad living now? Does he have a job? Short of him being laid off and living on the street, I'd get frank with him and say he ought to be at work or at home looking for another job and house, or perhaps if he now has more time on his hands, suggest he spend it with his son at home, or somewhere both he and the mother can agree on.

Especially since they're claiming to have no money to pay for services. If they have time to hang around then maybe they should cut down daycare hours, or just move on all together. Doesn't this man get visitation rights? If not, I certainly wouldn't get in the middle of this by facilitating visitations at your house during professional business hours. What are the mother's expectations? Does she know her ex is doing this?

You have a job to do. You take it seriously, and take your licensing seriously. You more than likely had a contractual agreement as to what you will and will not provide for this family, and your expectations of them as well as their child. Tell that to this man, and explain you can not safely and effectively take care of the children while "entertaining" him, because that's what this is boiling down to. I'd confront him, and find out why he's really hanging around. Ask your husband what he thinks about it. I'd suspect if put this way, he'd be less than happy about it..not to mention who wants tension or problems with the wife? Dead-beat dad is certainly putting you and your entire family in a tough situation on many levels.

Which gets into my next concern. Red flags popped up in my mind when you said this guy is just "hanging around" all day. I don't know about you, but I'd start feeling a little creepy with a man going through a divorce just hanging around my house all day. How much do you know about him and what led to this couple's separation? I'd be pretty cautious being alone with him, even if you knew him since age 10. I really think this is potentially unsafe for both you and the kids. Heck, something must be really wrong if his own parents kicked him out of their house! NOt to mention children don't act out in such a violent way in a vaccume. The fact that his boy is being violent, and destructive should be a warning sign in itself that something not cool is going on at home.

Last but not least, your health and financial well-being are at stake. If you lose a child behind this( you say you might have lost your mucus plug..get to a doctor right away!! I understand this is not good this early in pregnancy), incur debt, or unwanted entanglement in these people's personal lives, is it really worth keeping them on as clients. You can always get new families to work for. You can't easily restore your life if you get sucked into this family's apparent web of dysfunction.

If you're at a loss how to approach this, take the easy way out. You and your husband both sit down with the couple as friends and say that your health has taken a turn for the worse and that its more than you can handle with this pregnancy. You could even get a doctor's notice if need be. It's the truth and I'd say if you value your health, do it now. Apologize for the inconvenience and tell them they need to find a new daycare by next week. I wouldn't put it off any longer than that. Give them a hard date and stick to it. I'd get rid of them sooner if possible. Consider your girlfriend hasn't paid up, and dudesky is hanging around everyday with all of this time on his hands, they'd hardly have an excuse to counter your arguments.

And oh, yeah....don't hesitate to make them pay right then and there. If they refuse, hire an attorney or debt collection service on their case if you have to resources to do so. They may no longer be friends after this, but do you really want to stay close under these circumstances?

um I think that is it absoulutely crazy that you do not charge with all the chaos that this has caused. I understand what you are saying that this is your friends child, but you also need to keep one thing in mind..you are not their keeper. If this was me, I would tell her that you need to talk to her about all of this and come to some kind of an agreement, especially if the child is this disryptive and they enable the behavior.
There is funding out there for child care assistance while a parent is working for low income families as I know several people that are doing so. The local department of Human Services should be able to assist with the process.
You, as a mother, and a provider deserve to be reimbursed for care of a child that is not your own.
Just my opinion.
Good luck.
~~ANG~~

You should absolutely get paid! AND you should stand your ground and tell the dad he cannot come during "business hours". You shouldn't have to babysit him too.
If he wants to spend time with his son, he should make arrangements with the mom to be on child care duty OUTSIDE of your home.

WOW!!! I can't believe what you have put up with! If this was my daycare, they would be out. Parents are not allowed to stay. They drop off their kid and leave. I understand that these are your friends, but they are taking advantage of you. You should charge for the week and charge for the items broken. I understand how difficult it can be to confront friends about money and their children, but seriously this is over the top. I know you may be counting on the money, but is it really worth all this trouble? I know you want to help, but at what cost, your baby? It's not fair to you, your 10 month old, or your baby to have such disruption in your home. And such disrespect. Good Luck with your situation and your pregnancy!

R. -

Oh my goodness!!! (((((((((Hugs to you))))))))

Point blank you need to NOT watch that child anymore. Those parents are using you. It is not your worry that the dad has no place else to go. That is his concern, not yours. AND he is completely undermining you during the day. I know what it's like to have people in your house, and you can't get things done. You feel like you can't just relax and go about your business and that you need to entertain them. I see where the little boy gets his attitude from. You need to get them out of your daily life ASAP. I would say charge them, but you may need to cut your losses and move on. Odds are you won't get the money.

If you tell them you aren't going to watch their son anymore, they are no doubt going to be mad at you and not call you anymore and perhaps not want to be friends. Honey, that would be a blessing. Do you really want people in your life who are so disrespectful? Your main concern should be the well being of you and your family. Nurture yourself while you are pregnant. Surround yourself with positivity (even after you have the baby do this). The dad is a jerk and the mom doesn't care, and the little boy is a brat. Do you really feel you should put up with this? They have no regard for you in the least. Your baby is hearing and see all these horrible things and being physically harmed by the little boy. Protect your family and get them out of your life.

Every season I prune my life. I remove things that cause me stress and don't work any longer. It is spring: You need to do some pruning and create a more harmonious environment.

Good Luck to you

Ann,

Oh YEAH. This girl may be a good friend, but she is receiving free daycare. If you have 4 kids already and another on the way, I'm sure you could probably use the extra income. Check out area child cares and find out the going rate. I'm sure it will be a hard subject to talk about, but your kids are your main focus. Don't mean to sound mean, but your friend needs to pay up!!!

S.

Short but sweet...and may sound cruel. YES you should charge. And honestly after reading what you've written get rid of the responsibility and uneeded stress. I would not put up with another minute of not only such a misbehaving child, but two parents who blatantly disregard his behavior. It sounds hellish to put it politely. I lost my son Taylor at the very end of my pregnancy last March, due to an undetected Plancental Abruption, I was 35 weeks PG, Dr believes it may have been caused by elevated blood pressure, which can be associated with stress. Please take care of yourself. If you aren't wanting to let the parents find alternative care, then you should at least explain to them the stresses of the situation and threaten it, to at least gain some control over the situation. Let us know how this turns out. Honey, your hormones are not getting the best of you, that was a terrible way to excuse a stressful manner, especially for a friend you're seeking advice from. I am not pregnant, nor am I hormonal (okay I have a 9 week old, so I may be a bit hormonal, lol) and I would'nt put up with everything you have. Take care of yourself.

OMG!!! I missed this when you asked, and am glad you got it worked out, but OMG!!!

"she told me she didn't think she should have to pay since the dad was there all week and on thursday i was on the phone all afternoon." !!!!!! I would have said she needed to pay double since the dad was there! Unbelievable!

R., I don't know you or your situation, and I realize that you are "friends" with these people, but honestly - I would never treat someone who is a friend the way that these people have treated you. Absolutely you should charge them! And I think it would be perfectly within your rights to let them know that yes you are their friend, but this is your business and you wouldn't go to his place of work (if he has one) and bother him all day! I understand you may be doing the childcare to help your friend out but if you didn't do it, she would be paying someone else. It sounds like you should charge double for having to watch two kids!