Off Limits, or One of Her Own?

The old cell phone sounds ok but cords are a choking hazard. Accommodate where you can but teach her boundaries now, you'll be glad you did.

If you do not say No now and mean it, you are in for a bumpy ride. power cords and cell phones are NOT toys, therefore she cannot play with them - even if they are old, not working or whatever!

:o) My hubby has lost his keys so many times to the kids because he thinks it's cute. I do not allow them to touch my keys unitl they have their own driver's permit and even then I get them their own set. NO ONE touches my keys, phone, wallet, or tv remote in my bedroom.

The kids did have a dead key ring with real keys, not cell phones though.

As someone who has worked with children for a very long time, I'm in agreement with your husband.

Once very children get 'one of their own', they don't seem to understandt that those same objects which belong to other people are 'off limits'. Young children your daughter's age have NO differentiation between "this one which doesn't work is for you; but the one that does work is mine". When our son was a baby, he didn't have anything similar to ours, because I needed him to know those are 'grown up things'. We adults differentiate with our children that certain beverages and items in our home are 'for the grown-ups' and for good reason-- all through life, there will be items for them, and for us.

If it were me, I'd purchase a Toy cellphone for your daughter if you like. Please know that cords *are* a strangulation hazard and as such, should not be offered as a toy. You would never forgive yourself if you baby were to accidentally strangle herself, and it does happen. Board books, which won't fall apart, are appropriate for her at this age. You don't want to set a precedent that books are for ripping. Once again, if she identifies these items as 'available', you might find your more precious books ripped torn, because this is part of baby and toddler development-- tearing paper.

And old cellphones, by the way, are loaded with chemicals and all other sorts of stuff. If she puts it in her mouth-- yuck.

Better to give her age-appropriate real toys.

PLEASE listen to your husband. She must learn that there are limits. Eventually, she'll break something important and or hurt herself and then you'll understand this. Besides, there WILL come times when her obedience to you means life or death to her, like staying with you in public and not running into the street. This phase is just the beginning of her learning that you have her best interest at heart and that she can TRUST you to know what's best.

The main issue is that you have a normal, lively eleven-month-old who wants to play with everything around her. One of the standard toddler rules is, "If I see it, it's mine" - so it won't matter what you give her to play with; she'll STILL want to touch and try everything.

When it comes to books, I'd give her sturdy board books of her own to keep on a shelf of her own, and say that Mama and Daddy's books are off limits. This is because she doesn't have the fine-motion co-ordination it takes to use paper-page books without tearing them; you need to wait a while before she can do that. And that doesn't even deal with the fact that tearing paper is SO much fun! If you want to let her have a paper-tearing party, give her some scratch paper - not any sort of book.

All cords need to be non-toys, because she needs to know right now that EVERY cord must be left alone! She doesn't have the judgment to know that this one or that one is not plugged into anything and is safe, and remember that "if she sees it, it's hers." Even older children (as opposed to toddlers) don't have the discrimination to decide about cords. She has better things to play with. Cords should be out of the running.

With phones... you could get her a toy one; there are plenty on the market, and they light up and make so much noise they'll drive you crazy! My youngest granddaughter loves her play cell phone, and anything that looks remotely like a cell phone she tries to talk into. Let her have a kid-safe phone so she can play like Mama and Daddy, and then you can say, "No, this is Daddy's phone - where is yours? Let's find it."

In other words, what you declare off limits needs truly to be off limits. But give her things of her own that she can enjoy. Imitating the grownups is an important part of growing.

I think your husband is right. Just like a kid will play with a new toy over an old they will play with a new cell phone over the one you want. You are teaching her that those items are toys and not what they really are. She will not know the difference between yours or ones she will find at friends and families homes either. It is not worth the level of discipline you will have to have just to placate her at home.

Parents mag makes a black flip phone my son still plays with it.

I agree with your husband but instead of it being a fight all day keep things she should not have out of her reach.

Sorry, I have to agree with your hubby. Children need to learn limits. I just saw on a show a professional who did childproofing for homes, She said you shouldn't even let children play with your pots, because if they see one on the stove they won't know the difference and may pull it down on them. I see your hubby's point.

Excellent question. I used to see things his way, but it was way easier to do things your way. Then we went to other's houses and she tried to play with their offlimits items and it was a problem. So we taught her offlimits.
Cords and plugs were always offlimits due to danger. We cut all the miniblind cords off so she couldn't hang/choke herself. We removed all glass and nonbabyproof items that we could.

Just wanted to echo what Sherry alluded to...
Kids need limits. If you don't establish that there ARE limits, then she will have none and will not understand why she can't do whatever she wants later on. I agree with all the other posters about why those are inappropriate toys for her (they are NOT toys after all)... but in addition to that you need to think longer term. Why is it so difficult for you to tell her "no" ? Is it because it is EASIER to give in? Is it because you don't see any harm in it?
It always seems easier and simpler to say "yes" to our little ones...but it can just make more important things much harder later on. Teach her to respect "no" now. Yes, use it judiciously, and try to redirect rather than using the word "no" all the time....but set limits. That is what is important.

I wouldn't let her play with any cords - just because of the strangulation factor not just the electricution (sp?) aspect. An old cell phone might work for awhile but she'll eventually want yours! LOL Same with books. If you keep giving her her books she might start looking at them but will probably just want yours in the end. however if those old books of yours you don't care if she rips then those are the ones I'd leave at her level and make sure the others are up! That's just the way it always seems to go! My daughter has 4 pretend cell phones but always wants mine. But the barbie one that flips open and rings will usually do the trick in the end. I would just keep giving her the similar toys & books and remind those are hers.

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One thought on chords - I saw a news blurb during the holidays a few years ago telling us that many electrical chords actually have very high levels of lead in them, and we should always wash our hands after handling them - especially christmas lights - but any electrical chord could be hazardous.

J.

You are both right...

If it is an off limit thing that she CANNOT get hurt by.. like a cellphone with no batteries (even if they are dead)... you could give her one to play with... but some things like cords, should NEVER be played with, because she will someday chomp down a live one if she things that "some cords are ok"

Really though... it is best if you can give her "toy" versions of things to play with. Kids things are generally safer because they are BUILT to be used by kids.At this age stick with "board books" and whatnot. Skip the electronics completely unless they are specifacally FOR kids.

To a baby this age "a cord is a cord is a cord"- there will come a time when you look away and you don't want her to think that cord peeking out from behind the TV would be fun to play with! (or your cell phone would be great in the toilet- or that novel you just set down is free to rip away!) It will still be a while before your daughter really understands the concept of "toy" VS "real"-- when she does really understand "pretending"- THEN it will make more sense to give her "copies" of what you use... like toy pots and pans, etc.

Good Luck!
-M.

Baby wants to do what mommy and daddy does. I would tell her no if it is going to compromise her safety - a cord choking her neck, or her eating the corners of your good novel. Kids need limits, I understand, but a kid also need to explore their environments. Use your best judgement to determine what she can touch and when to teach her not to touch everything in sight.

I wouldn't let her have my books -- I'd be afraid she couldn't distinguish between why she could play with one but get in trouble when she played with all others (books look very similar to each other; she's probably too young to recognize the difference between "her" novel and yours). Cords could be a strangulation hazard, and if she gets used to playing with old ones, would likely go for the real ones... and pull down stuff onto her head, and/or break expensive electronics. But I'd be okay with her playing with an old cell phone, esp. since she can't accidentally call 9-1-1 -- my kids played with my old one for the longest time, and since it looked so different from our then-current cell phones, we weren't worried about them mistaking theirs for ours. Of course, they still wanted ours, but were mostly content to play with the dead one.

I think you are both right - or both wrong.

I agree with the issue of never letting her play with things that she should never touch - like cords or batteris (like if a battery or even a SIM card popped out of a cell phone) - electrical hazard, burn hazard, choking hazard, etc. Teach her it is never okay to play with such things and discipline her if she does.

Otherwise, I think giving her "fake" things is fine because it lets her pretend. It won't encourage her to play with your "real" things - nor will it deter her. The only thing to deter her is consistent and regular discipline. "You may not touch daddy's cell phone" or " You may only touch mommy's book if you ask first."

Your husband's on the mark with this one. She won't differentiate which items are the off limits ones vs the ones that are not. It's best not to confuse her.

my daughters have about a dozen old cell phones they love them! we always gave the kiddos things we didnt use anymore kept them happy!

we always gave our son, who is 4 now, one of his own. he always knew he couldn't play with ours and only his

Everything you are giving her arent really safe for her. Cell phone- choking hazard. Cords- strangulation hazard. Books- she can rip them up and eat them! I would stick to things appropriate for her age, and keep telling her "no no" to the adult things, and redirect her to her OWN baby things.

I wish this did work. Somehow they know they are not 'real' and they won't play with the ones you let her. I don't know how they know this...but they do. At least that was true for my 4 kids and the cell phone.

But, I do agree with the others that these things are not safe to play with anyway so should be off limits.

When my daughter wanted our stuff, I searched for similar stuff of her own that was actually a toy. There are a ton of play phone out there for little ones to play with. i think Target has one that is a parent choice. My daughter is now 3 and does not think it is okay to play with the "real" thing. She knows what the remote does, she understands that you don't play with our cells, though she will sometimes pick it up to speak to someone though never dials. We did give her an old cell that was no good. She played with it until it totally fell apart. It was never charged since the charger cord broke.

You can give her a disabled cell phone, but kids usually want the real thing, with the lights and sounds.

I think your husband's thinking is a little off when it comes to the cell phone, it will teach her her what toys she can play with (hers) and not play with (mommy's)... but that's just me.

As for cords, I would not give those to her at all... I agree with your husband on that to a degree as cords are a whole different matter and hard to differentiate between what is okay and what isn't, not to mention they can be unsafe in a variety of ways.

All you can do is put things away she can reach and redirect her to a safe zone/toy when she gets a hold of something.

I agree with your husband. She won't understand the difference at this age, and these items can still be dangerous... especially cords. I say go buy her a toy cell phone that is her very own. We have actually let our kids play our old ones too, but I don't think it sends a consistent message.

I think I am someplace between you and your husband. If you had more kids all this would be unimportant. All chords are off limits. She isn't old enough to determine which ones are same and which are not. My books are off limits, they have their own. I always give my old phones to the kids to play with. I know one thing for sure. You both need to come together on what you want or soon parenting will be much much harder.

I think you need to listen to your husband at least about this particular thing. It is never ok to play with cords whether they are plugged in or not whether they are hooked up to anything. this one might not be the next one she grabs and bites down on could shock her or pull a lamp over. safety is never something to play with. as far as books go. give her board books and get her a couple of books with the shiny cloth pages. she doesn't need "real" books to play with. books are not toys. teach her respect for real books when she is old enough. read to her from big colorful books. don't give her yours. unless you start the president now that she gets what she wants. then figure out why your car is missing at 3am and the cops are calling you to come pick her up some night

giving her fake or toy objects to play with is not going to keep her out of things. any more than a room full of toys of any other kind will. she's still going to get into things. you will still have to teach her "no". and by 11 months she should know that word. but, on the other hand, at 11 months, it is normal and to be expected that you will have to repeat yourself constantly. redirection is redirection. it won't matter if you say "No", and redirect her to a different thing that "looks kinda like" what she was playing with, or something entertaining that's completely different. make sense? i've never really been one to give my kid old cell phones, old game systems, old whatever, so they can "feel like" they have the real things. mostly because i think kids are smarter than that (my son never bought it). bottom line, no means no, and kids (especially these days) have PLENTY of toys to play with. also, i don't agree with the cords thing at all.... those never need played with. and it would be impossible to expect a baby to know which ones are "okay" and which ones aren't. she's 11 months old...calling 911 is probably the last thing i'd be concerned about. things go in mouths at 11 months. why give her all these things when you know she's going to be chewing on them?

I'd have to say I agree with hubby on the cords and things of that nature. Trying to teach a baby that it's ok to play with this cord but not that one...well that's impossible. It will just confuse the baby. Now the cell phone, I'd agree with you on because it's not something that could hurt her if she grabs the wrong one.