Offended by Friend's Comment

I dont agree. It's all about personality and the environment in which you were raised. You can have a selfish child no matter how many kids you have.

That reminds me of the myth that homeschoolers don't know how to socialize.

It all comes down to parenting and personalities, just like it does in families with more than one child.

JMO.

It's a myth. Here's an article by ABC news that explains it.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3488411&page=1

p.s. as an interesting tidbit, more US families are having 1 child instead of 2.

Well my only will be 16 in a few days and if one of my friends said that to me, I would not have been as polite as you were.

My daughter is not spoiled but she is very well cared for and I notice there is a lot of jealousy from others (teens as well as parents), because she has a good relationship with us, we have open communication and we are a very stable family. We work as a team..... No, I am not her best friend, I am her mom.

There are teens at my house all weekend, every weekend and one of the reasons that happens is that they want away from their own families and all the drama that goes on at their home. I personally don't have an issue with them at my house.....the food bill does go up but that is ok because I know while they are here, they are not out trying alcohol, drugs, sex etc.

You are not lucky your daughter is "kind and giving"..... she is that way because you have been a very good mother and you have taught her how to be how she is.

Can only children be spoiled brats??......goodness yes..... just like some children with siblings are complete brats.

It is a matter of how the children are raised. There are a lot of immature parents out there and they teach their children through their own behavior.

I have asked a lot of questions and have gotten some fabulous answers which have genuinely helped me so I thought I would give it a shot at answering a question. First, I am an only child. My son is an only child, but he does have to step-sisters who are with us 50% of the time. He was the only child in my home until he was 13 years old. My son excels at school, is graduating from high school this year and has received a scholarship and working internship. He is also in a band that plays rock music. He is the quitest, shyest most respectable 17 year old you will ever meet. Sometimes I worry that he is not rebellious or outspoken enough. I have had people tell me " you are an only child? really? wow, you are so generous and giving, you must be an exception". On one hand, I find that a compliment, on the other it has hurt my feelings. It is like anything, people stereotype, and unless you are walking in the shoes, you do not understand. It happens with race, gender, age, religion you name it. People stereotype- just realize that they are speaking out of lack of personal knowledge and most likely have no malice in their statement. Some people are jealous of only children because they think they get a lot of time with parents, money and are spoiled.- but as in any case where people stereotype that is of course not always true! Hope this helps.

*IF* an only child is selfish, extremely competitive, very sore loser, etc., it isn't because they are an only child. It is because their parents didn't take the time to teach them good character and instead allowed this behavior to go unchecked. But, you can get this with a person no matter how many siblings they have. It is probably easier to have this happen with an only because the parents might be short sighted in their child's faults. The child is their world, and they have nothing to compare the behavior to on an ongoing basis.

I think there is a "stigma" with only children that is completely wrong. Any child can be selfish, competitive or greedy. It all depends on how you raise them AND the personality they are born with. I have an only child who is very sweet and thoughtful, but I also know only children that can be the opposite. I think it's more the child's personality and how the parents deal with them. I think your friend is very close minded and I don't blame you for feeling defensive. You should be proud that your daughter is so kind and giving (although I do feel a little lucky, too).

I have 4 kids, my 2nd child is more selfish and a bigger sore loser to the point we banned him from playing games with us for a month because he was in such a tizzy. I also have a very close friend who has a son. He is the sweetest boy ever. He does everything he is supposed to and more often than not more. He is very sports oriented, but has such an even temper - never once threw a fit and was on a baseball team that never won a game the entire season.

Children are who they are and all you can do is make sure that they are raised with empathy, consideration and respect to help minimize some of the 'quirks'.

pfffft.
your friend is a twit.
i know many many only children who are pleasant, courteous and sweet.
PARENTING is the issue here, not how many one has spawned.
roll your eyes and move on.
khairete
S.

What a bunch of rubbish, I hate it when people just know a person just because they're only children. This touches a nerve with me, my oldest was an only for 7 years and she is one of the happiest children I know. But of course EVERY single time she would throw a tantrum or fuss like any other child on this earth it was because she was an only child. This comments coming from my own family, but of course every time she was sweet, respectful, mature, funny and smart was because of her personality. How about because she was really well cared for and had two dedicated parents that respect her and love her for who she is??? Like we are doing now with our second child.
It is the parent's responsability to teach the child about manners, sharing and empathy, not just to their only child but to each one of their children.
Your friend's comment comes from such an ignorant place that I wouldn't even dignify her nonsense with an answer.
Good luck!

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I would agree that it is the parenting style that makes the children what/who they are and how they respond in situations. That being said, I think that the trend is that parents who indulge their children so much and don't discipline often only have one child, thus the stereotype of "only" children. I don't think that you should be offended by what your friend said. After all, she did say that your daughter was the exception to the rule, and that is ultimately a compliment to your daughter, and to you as a parent. I would just let it go!

WOW, that was extremely rude and ignorant on her part. I think all kids express those characteristics sometimes... and on the opposite end of the spectrum, only children can be polite as can be. I don't understand her way of thinking at all. My girlfriend has a 4 year old daughter and is under a lot of pressure from her family and her husbands family to have another, based on the supposed 'social stigma' of her daughter being an only child... but you know what? SHE DOESN'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! She had the worst time with PPD after her daughter was born and can't even begin to imagine going through it again. She is happy with her daughter being an only child... her family kept pushing it and pushing it... so she got a puppy and said 'THERE!'... now, they leave her alone :)

NO, I don't agree. Your children behave, how you allow them to behave, The girl threw fits, because her parents didn't do anything about it. I have met families with many children, who are all terrors. I've also met only children, who are wonderful! Yes, parenting IS the issue.

I wouldn't put too much stock in this woman's comments. She obviously doesn't know what she is talking about. She probably doesn't even know that studies prove only children to test higher academically, adjust as adults to situations better and are generally better socially. Now only children do tend to have more attention, thus giving them different insights on the world, such as some of them are over-spoiled, etc. The bottom line is, with so much extra attention from their parents, these children are at a great advantage and never should be chastised but commended on how lucky they are.

Your friend is speaking from one experience and certainly doesn't know what she is talking about, just gossiping. I would drop it and if it comes up again, be prepared with some positive facts about only children.

Good luck

P.S. By the way, who is to say that the way only children behave isn't what should be the norm anyways and a strong competitive nature and elevated emotions does not automatically identify an only child. It is probably more parenting or genetics. Good grief!

I think I heard this being discussed on The View a few months back. I believe it all comes down to parenting.

Most people think that they can tell if someone is an only child, or the youngest child, or oldest. She was a bit more forthright in her opinion and definitely generalized.

I have definitely noticed that "some" only children don't get as much time learning to share, or competing for attention, etc. as those with siblings. That being said, there are many parents that are able to instill these abilities in only children. I think that the generalized opinions aren't so much about only children but about the parents as they help to mold the kids. Plus, some of the families with only one child tend to socialize with adults more, and the children have to be more independent and entertain themselves.

My son was playing with an only kid the other day (ds is 2.5, other kid is 7). This boy was so sweet to my son, but his parents are really involved, and he spends a lot of time with his cousin. Another friend had her second when her first was 4, that girl was pushy, bossy, and couldn't handle rejection. Was it the only child thing, was it that girl's personality, or how the parents raised her?

I would have been offended by that comment too, and probably would have made a comment about her stereotyping only children. She probably didn't realize that she offended you.

My son is an only child (he is 3yrs old) and we don't plan on having any more. It's partly choice, and partly the fact that we had to go through IVF just to have him. I find your friend's comment ignorant, rude, and completely offensive. I have MANY friends with multiple children who are COMPLETE brats, even more so because of the competitiveness. This woman needs a reality check big time. I would have blasted her if I were you. It's women like this who keep this 'myth' going. Sounds to me like she is a 'different breed' who needs some education. I wonder how kind and giving her daughter is?? With a mom who leads an example like that??? She is probably jealous and WISHES she had any brains in her head to raise a fine daughter like you have. I bet any amount her daughter is a complete, spoiled brat! Apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. PERIOD. When she said 'you're lucky' your DD turned out so kind and giving you should have said 'It's not luck, it's the way she was raised' - with class and dignity - something you don't have!!!

Why is she so against only chidlren? She does know that everyone has their own personality right?

Some people are just misinformed, and of those people, some wish to remain misinformed because to become informed might require some effort that extends beyond their ego. Just my opinion, but I wouldn't be offended so much as share why I disagree, maybe even make comments about the fact that much social research does not back up this myth, and maybe share information about why some parenting styles might influence children to express insecurities through selfishness and greed. It's sad, really.

Not worth wasting your energy to be offended though...she's the one carrying the negativity it sounds so let it belong to her:)

that is the most ridiculous stereotype ever. I have 3 friends who have just one child, and they all turned out just fine! Very well-mannered, easy going, all-around great kids. I've heard people say this too and I flat out say that it's ridiculous to assume every child that doesn't have siblings is selfish and greedy. Some people just don't know when to keep their ridiculous opinions to themselves. And if the children do turn out to be selfish brats, it's the parents to blame, not the kid.

I think your friend's prejudice, like any prejudice, is small-minded and petty. I imagine that is what you are reacting to, seeing a side in your friend you may not have seen before. Let it go or call her on it. Right now it sounds like you are stewing over it, which is bound to hurt the friendship in the long run.

Wow- she should have just apologized and moved on to another topic.

There is no truth in what she's saying. Children are who they are b/c of how they are raised. I have known "only children" who are sociable, polite, kind and giving... and some that are bratty and self-centered. Then again, I've known kids with siblings who run the same range!

I wouldn't be offended by it- she stuck her foot in her mouth and probably didn't mean to offend you b/c your daughter isn't an "only child". We all say things without thinking, so cut her some slack.

Her comment was based on ignorance. Don't pay any attention to it.

i think only children can be loving.. it has to do with how the parents treat them.. do they give them everything.. and more.... Do they dote on them.. Do they give them so much..and then brag about it... I think an only child can be fine... I don't like stereotypes.... I adopted.. and friends used to say.. oh now you'll get pregnant.. that always happens.. well it didn't and i hated people saying that... it doesn't always happen... People will say what they think... that's life..

I have 3 kids and it's real easy to judge the only child but it doesn't make it right. They aren't all stereotypes and your friend shouldn't blame her competativeness and sore loser biz on her not having siblings. That's just the child's personality. Sounds like your buddy was back peddling, anyway, when you reminded her about your own kids.

I realize that I am a little late here, but I had to weigh in. I am totally offended by the comment. I am an only child, and my son is an only child. NEITHER of us are selfish, or competitive or greedy. My son is the most loving, generous child you could ever meet. Children are what you make of them, most of the time. Don't stereotype. It never works out! I think you are absolutely right in feeling the way you do about your "friend" and maybe you should reconsider HER! Happy Holidays!