Okay Mom's I Definitely Need Your Help and Advice on This Situation That I Have

Why are you even in this mess? Do yourself and your kids a favor and end this. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. And don't get into a relationship again until you have the good judgment to choose someone who is a better person. Your husband has clearly failed already as a father if his kids act like they do...are you going to raise your kids with someone like that? And he has no respect for you either, with the carrying on with his ex wife, and by staying in touch with ex-girlfriends before you got married. You should probably work with a counselor to figure out how you missed so many red flags so that you don't get into a mess of a relationship again in the future with someone else.

What on earth is in this for you?

Put together an exit strategy and end this. Tell your kids you're sorry, but this didn't work out and you're sorry to have put them through another transition but you need to put them first and get out of this crazy, dysfunctional relationship.

Normally I suggest marriage counseling but this sounds like it was a mess from day 1 and you went ahead with marrying this guy anyway. You shouldn't have to be checking his phone, looking at his texts, etc. Believe me, been there, done that. Not worth it.

Sounds like Hubby needs to figure out who he's married to.
If he can't decide between you or his ex - then decide for him and leave.
Life is too short to live with this nonsense drama.
It's not good for the kids to be seeing how the adults can't manage to straighten out their lives.
So straighten it out and show them how it's done.

Read this over. Changing my answer now that I made sense of it. This just sounds like a mess.

I can't imagine why you would want to be involved in this. What's the appeal? You don't mention one positive thing.

I wouldn't want my own children involved.

I don't think it's the resentment you need to be concerned about. It's the environment. Your husband doesn't seem to be able to control his side of things - the ex wife, his children etc.

If he can't, nor does he care how this impacts you or your children - there's your answer. Why would you want to be involved with him?

I'm with JB on this one.

You have two sons who are growing into young men. Your first allegiance and responsibility is to them. Are they learning how a gentleman, a husband, a father, a human being treats other human beings, whether or not that human being is a wife or a work colleague or a neighbor?

If they are immersed in all the chaos of exes and secretly checking phones and if they're observing their mother being disrespected, then you have some serious decisions to make.

The boundaries are yours to set. Focus on what's right in front of you, and that is your boys. Raise them to be respectful, and polite, and caring, and loving men. It might require some sacrifice on your part.

Your resentment will go away when you make better choices for yourself and your kids. As long as you wait for your husband to "rescue" you from this drama you will continue to experience this resentment.

Stop checking phones, stop feeding into the drama of it all by getting yourself out of the middle of it. Rise to higher ground by leaving him and them behind. Better to have peace by yourself with your kids than stay with a man who clearly lacks the backbone to get his former house in order and check both his ex-wife and children.

I realize there are two sides to the story and we are only hearing yours. You have not addressed how you might be culpable in the animosity between you all which you might not be willing to admit or address. Even if you did or didn't the end result is the same. Get yourself to peace, whatever that looks like for you and your children, with or without your husband.

welcome to mamapedia, A.

PLEASE use paragraphs, commas and sentences!!! It's SO VERY HARD TO READ YOUR POST!!!!

The fact that your husband doesn't stand up to his ex-wife and defend YOU is VERY TELLING. WHY are you with him?

WHY are you with a "man" who is EXTREMELY secretive with his phone?

This doesn't sound like a marriage that's going to last. He's NOT supporting you and he's hiding stuff from you.

I'd tell him he has two choices - go back to his EX - WIFE or support YOUR CURRENT wife. If he can't support his CURRENT WIFE? He's gone.

I'd love to know how you two met - was he married to her when you met and started dating? There is so much more to this story.

too much crazy here for me.

your husband is a sneaky wimp (assuming your account of what he's doing is accurate) and i myself would never ever partner with someone who could lie and deceive so easily.

but you sound like a high drama handful yourself. i guess your husband is drawn to the type.

the real losers in this sordid scenario are your two boys, who are learning all the wrong ways to be strong positive men who find and relate to strong positive women.

find yourself a good counselor and figure out why you let yourself be drawn into soap operas like this. stop obsessively checking your husband's phone. stop dealing with your step kids. let their father deal. be polite and pleasant to them, and vacate the vicinity as often and as swiftly as you can.

you can't be part of the Drama Dance if you refuse to participate.

but i'm thinking you kind of groove on it.
khairete
S.