Older Parents of Young Children

Dear L.;
I am not 50, but I am 44 and have just adopted a 2 year old. My children are 25 and 22. I don't know if I will have any grandchildren or not, but my husband and I have been fostering for 9 years and decided to adopt this 2 year old that we have had for 1 and a half years. I was the child of older parents also. My dad was 44 when I was born and my mom was 37. My parents didn't do much with me as far as physical things, but they didn't with my three older brothers either. I am the baby. I did however spend time with them going to musical events, and picnics and things like that. I have a wonderful childhood and greatly appreciate all of the time that they did spend with me. I don't think that anything was missing just because my parents were older. I hope that this helps you. My husband and I may be adopting 2 other small children, so as long as you can do it, I say go for it. D. G

Go for it! I am 50 years old and have a 5 year old biological daughter. I may not be able to run as fast as the younger mothers, but I don't think my daughter really cares. All that she cares about is that she has parents who love and support her. There are so many children out there who need a loving, stable environment. They don't care how old you are.

When it comes to raising kids, I'd always vote for love over longevity. My mom was 42 when I was born and passed away when I was 28. As I told her when she was sick -- I'd rather have had a fantastic mom for 28 years than a mediocre one for 50-60. Worry about having the energy and love for another child, maybe, but don't worry about your age.

I think the world needs more people like you.
You maynot be around for the whole term of this child's adult life but let me tell you I know so many parent who are alive and aren't real "parents".

I thin adopting is a great way, maybe bring in a foster child who looks like may be up for adoption or just sign up for adoption.

I know my MIL would be a good mom today but didn't do the right thing for she stayed with a raging alcoholic who beat her and her kids for years.... and I know there a lot of factors involved but she is in such a better place in her life today, she'd be a wonderful mom - I can say she's a fabulous grandmother but she does get very very tired chasing my little ones around - I do too ;) but she gets worn out big time. Especially the sleepless nights so just get 'mentally prepared'.

If you and your husband can handle all the challenges of having a child - especially an adopted one - then by all means do it. You never know what kind of help you can be giving a child by letting them in your home and heart.

Case in point: My sister had a classmate who had some severe language problems (due to fetal alcohol syndrome and being exposed to drugs prenatally). He would scream at the top of his lungs every morning and especially worse on Mondays. (His brother did the same thing.) When his mother gave him (and his brother) up, they went to an older couple (in their 70's). Working with the teachers, they figured out that before they were adopted, the only meals they were getting were at school, so they only had breakfast and lunch during the week and absolutely nothing on the weekends. Once the older couple had them, their behavior completely changed so that they could participate at school more, they were happier.

I think that if you feel you can raise a child, emotionally and physically, go for it! The world needs adults who are emotionally stable, have goals, respect, etc., and the only way to get adults like that is to raise them from children.

My parents raised me to respect all people, help if I can, be considerate of others' feelings/belongings, NOT lie, cheat or steal and so on. I am appalled by how (many) children are being raised these days and often wonder why people do not see the correlation between their (lack of) parenting and their childrens bratty, selfish, manipulative and disrespectful behavior. Not only would you be helping a child in need of a family but you could (possibly) be helping out all of mankind!

I do not know about adopting or fostering - but I had my last 2 children when I was 41 and 43. My husband was 52 and 54. If you feel you have the energy and your health is in order - it is very enjoyable to parent later in life when you are past the stresses of day to day living.

My sister in law is in her late 40's. They have in the last few years adopted not 1, not 2, but 5 children! These children were foster children and they came from 2 different families. I couldn't love them any more than I do. If you want to do this and feel you are capable of doing this, by all means GO FOR IT! You know you have support here! Shannon G.

think carefully if you have the financial, emotional, & physical resources to care for another child, whether newborn or older child. If you feel you do, then by all means go for it! there are so many kids in this world that need a home & love.

L., I have known folks express same. Before you get too gung-ho take in some foster babies to help them but to also help you have a better idea if you are physically and emotionally up to it.

Some have followed through with their "need" and have found obstacles of many dimensions that they just couldn't forsee. As much as they love their kids the "burden" of age is felt by everybody. The other thing to think about is what kind of relationship would your older kids have or not with the younger. WOuld they be equally as accepting?

God bless you for having so much love in your heart. I hope you are able to find the perfect solution for your wanting and needing to share it!!

All I can tell you is the following:
I am 56. I am raising a 10 year old by myself. When he gets out of high school I will be 64. If he goes to college I may not see him graduate. This is not an ideal situation.

If you want to adopt a child please consider an older one. Both of my parents passed on when they were 67 years old. I know my grandparents all died in late 70's to late 80's but not my parents. Older children need you and your love and support even more than a young child does. It would be as satisfying if not more so to give a home to an older child who thinks no one wants them!!!

Remember you do not have the energy you had at 30 or 40 and what it means to be running them to sports events, music events, etc. Some days I want to come home, kick back, and rest---not gonna happen!!! It is homework, 4-H, baseball, football, etc. And some of the homework is almost beyond me. I need a tutor to help the child!!!!

Have you considered being a foster-parent? There is a great need for them and you basically have to go through all of the same steps to adopt. There are a lot of children out there who need the type of love and support you are willing to provide.

Just some suggestions for you.

I will pray you find the answer and can give some lucky child a loving home and fill your needs at the same time.

P. R

I say if God has placed adoption on your heart, follow! As an adoptive M. I can tell you what a blessing it is! We have watched our daughter grow into such a beautiful and kind young lady. We are B. to be her parents!! My husband was adopted by his grandparents at a young age. When my husband and I were married at 19 years old his grandparents were 75 years young. I say young because I believe raising a child late in life helped keep them that way! It might have been hard for them to understand that it was cool to buy a $100 pair of shoes and they might have needed an afternoon nap, but my husband was so B. to be raised by them! The good far outweighed the bad! My husband got to witness over a 50 year marriage and was taught old fashioned values and wonderful morals! He always had them around because they were retired. His grandma always had homemade dinner and his grandpa always had a project for them to do. My daughter and I are so B. because of the God fearing man they have raised. My husband is one of the good ones and I know they made all the difference!! They taught so many wonderful life lessons because they had been through so many more. No matter what the age there is so much children can learn. Some of the most important require only LOVE! God Bless Your family and decision!!!

Have you considered being a foster parent? My in-laws were foster parents into their 70s and it certainly kept them young!

My mother in law is in her fifties and adopted a new born (4 years ago now). I don't think it's for everyone but she couldn't be happier about it. I can offer an opinion from an outsider I guess...it makes her own children a little uncomfortable especially now that we are all in our early 30's and having children (her grandchildren) of our own. She always seems worn out and going so much she can't keep her head on straight. We worry about her health and wish she had more time to spend with her own grandkids. Her 3 sons aren't close to the little girl and probably never will be b/c of age differences and again having their own children. But in an effort not to be selfish ourselves, we wish her the best and if she's happy, great. She's helping one more childless parent out tremendously. While this little girl may be out a parent at an early age she is getting such a great start on life and is surrounded by people who she can trust and that love her.

I'm sure you have a lot to offer. Have you thought about "adopting" a family? I mean finding a needy family in your area preferably through a church or some other organization & helping them. Babysit or offer to take Mom & child to appt.? There are actually many ways to get involved with children who need love. Have you thought about just babysitting? I'm 50 with 5 grown kids & one 16 yr old. I love babysitting to fill my time & heart. I am even lucky enough to babysit my grandkids. If you do decide to adopt, make sure you're a good "fit" with the child. They bring lots of "baggage" with them. I am raising my niece who was 8 when I got her. It's been different than raising my own.

I am truly sorry if this sounds harsh but you have been blessed with two children already. I don't think its fair to a child to be brought into the world by parents who may I'd may not be able to physically attend to them throughout their youth. If you were to have a child at 51 you would be 69 years old when they graduate from high school. That simply seems selfish to me to have ( or adopt) a very young child to satisfy a need for a grandchild when there are countless childless couples who have never had a chance to raise a child of their own waiting for years to adopt.

I agree that foster care might be the way to go BUT either way you are doing a child a great service. My parents were very young as am i, and my mother may well be a great grandmother when she gets much over 50. But i can easily see her still out and about with the kids, maybe not toting around a baby but i can envision her with a toddler on a daily basis and she has friends whom are older who have adopted in thier late 40's, not that that is older, lol. So i say as go for it, the screening proces alone is an ordeal and if they find you fit to adopt congrats and god bless for what you are doing.

The first thing you need do is ask your self if you and your husband can put up with all the sleepless nights and if you are stable there should be no reason why you can't adopt a little one or two but don't think you can get a baby with oput the wait it takes for one these days is about 3 to 5 years. If you wish to get one from the ages of 5 to 16 its it can happen as fast as a year. The ages between 1 and 5 are like 2 to 4 years and the prosses depends on where you live could take up to two years. I have done tons of reserch on this so it all depends on the age, race, and sex of the child you wish to raise. I am 43 years young and still want 10 kids of my own and God has yet to bless me with one. Thats thet reason for the reserch. So do some checking oin your state and as long as you have the love and means to be able to " have " at least one more I say GO FOR IT. You only klife once and can love so big

You can still adopt!!! Have you thought about adopting internationally? You can adopt from China until you are 55 years old. Look into Living Hope Adoption Agency. They specialize in Chinese adoption. If you look on thier website, i guarantee you will want one of those sweet little girls! Go to livinghopeadoption.org
i know a family who adopted two little girls after all of their own left home. Their daughters and their grand kids are the same age! Especially if you aren't going to have grandchildren of your own, you should take up this great opportunity! There are plenty of kids who need a loving family. If you have any inclination at all to adopt, you should go for it! You'll never regret it!!!

kristen vess=)

I am 51 and have no children of my own, but have wanted them. My fiance died when I was 24 and I never married. Not willing to settle! HOwever......I've taught for years...pre-school, tumbling, cheerleading, church, etc. to stay around them.

My roommate has a 5 year old and I have ABSOLUTELY no reservations at all about being able to handle an infant or toddler at my age. I DO keep myself in excellent shape and that certainly helps keeping up and rolling down hills, doing tripods and headstands, crawling, climbing, etc. with her. If you DO.....make SURE you work at being able to keep up physically. You DON'T want to miss out!!!

L.,
You mentioned that you are unlikely to have any grandchildren. Have you considered all that goes into raising a child of your own. You've done it before, so think back to what it was like. Although I am not a grandmother, I do know that being a mother and a grandmother are very different. Please don't consider adopting a child just so you can have the "grandma" feeling. Think about it like this...

Do you have the same energy level that you had when your kids were born? Will you be able to endure sleepless nights with a newborn? Can you handle the stress of potty training? Do you have the finances for formula, diapers, school clothes and activities etc? 10 years from now will you have the energy to deal with the attitude of a pre-teen, and then a teenager?