One Child/one Parent

Updated on March 24, 2010
J.A. asks from Indianapolis, IN
19 answers

My husband is gone ALOT at work and I am simply left worrying that I'm not exposing my son to other children enough. It is so mentally exhausting constantly thinking about how quiet it is with just one child and me. I cannot possibly fully dedicate every waking minute to engaging in conversation and I wonder if that is ok how I feel? We are new to the city about 3 months and have gone out and ventured off but still have yet to meet friends with children by the way. Does anybody ever worry the same thing? Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!

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So What Happened?

thanks for your quick responses. I take him to the park when its nice outside, take him to church and drop him off to the nursery, I read him all 14 books before bed or whenever he brings them to me, and helps me in the kitchen. I guess the suggestions were all encouraging because I was already doing those. Must be having just one of those days.

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R.P.

answers from Salt Lake City on

You can join a mommies club. Just google and I'm sure you'll find plenty in your area. They are great because you make friends with children the same age as your own.
And no, I don't talk to my child 24/7. But you should read to him and engage him when possible. You could explain to him what you're doing. It doesn't need to be on his level. Exposing him to language whether by talking or reading will help him later.

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S.K.

answers from Dallas on

First things First....You need Friends, which of course ones with kids would be best as you can have a mommy play date and the kids can play. I was in the same situation New City/State and had two stepchildren, and at first I cried alot and felt guilty and of course your husband will most likely say"what are you so stressed about? you get to spend time at home with our child." Am I close?The gym was a good place to have me time, meet mommies (go in the morning) and the nursery was good for my son, if he is little. Do you know what school district your child is in or what Private school they will be attending? Most have preschool associations, I went last week to a meeting where we discussed summer camps/activities while having a glass of wine and a fashion show! I think most areas have drop off activity places like (Adventure kids Playcare) where they have everything from indoor play areas, make believe areas, putting greens,healthy meals, and highly skilled staff.He will get to play with other children and be stimulated and well cared for and you get time. I wish you luck, yes it is normal to feel that way, and enjoy your son and new adventures in a new city.

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S.M.

answers from Columbus on

I know exactly what you mean! I felt like my son and I were getting bored to death with each other. I go to MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) and I could not live without it! You can bring your kids with you from newborns up through kindergarten and they have childcare so the moms can spend time together. Check www.mops.org to find a group near you. It helped me find women who I have a lot in common with, and it's helped my son be more comfortable around other kids. He was 7 months old when I started going, and extremely shy. Now he is 2 years old and he has made a few friends.

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P.R.

answers from Cincinnati on

I just wanted to say that my son has spent most of his life with just adults. Sometimes the grandmas are around, sometimes both parents, but since we have no friends or family close, my son is usually alone with me, and with his father when I take a break. I cannot be engaging with him every moment we are together. I felt a lot like you, thinking that he needed to be around more kids. He's now 3.5 and he is doing fine interacting with kids his own age. When he was younger, he preferred adults. Mostly because he was very social early on and never wanted to parallel play. He has always wanted to interact, but kids his own age preferred not to.

I think it's normal to feel like you do. I don't think stay-at-home moms would have started playgroups if they didn't want the interaction. I joke that playgroup is more for me than for him, but in a way it's true. We go through phases. For a while it seemed like all I did was read books to him. Then we went through a puzzle-building phase. Then he was really into his laptop. Now he really likes his dvd's. Half the time he isn't even watching them. He just likes to stack them like blocks, or lay them out side-by-side like some sort of puzzle. Now he is really into a pretend phase where he pretends to be one of the characters he has seen on his dvds or in his books. He thinks he's a car and is always revving his engine. Crack us up. He helps me with the laundry and the dishes. I give him little things to do along side me. One day a week our "activity" for the day is picking up all of his toys he has left around. That's play to him.

When I need quiet time I tell him so. When we get up in the morning he is only allowed to deal with things that I deem low key so that I can start my day quietly. When I want him to settle down for bed, we dim the light to wind down and he again is only allowed to do quiet things.

Not sure if any of that helps. But, I'm sure you will find your own rhythm. You can't be on all the time, and it's okay to set boundaries so you can maintain your sanity.

P:)

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D.K.

answers from Indianapolis on

What about finding a MOPS program in one of your local churches? These mothers morning out programs are an excellent way for you to meet other moms and for your child to interact. I used to teach 4 year olds in this program at our church.

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K.V.

answers from Columbus on

Depending on how old you child is you could look for either a Mom's day out program which would expose your son to other kids, give you a few hours to yourself and help you meet other mother with kids your sons age. Or some churchs and parks have inexpensive preschool programs. Another option might be a local formalized play time at a local park.

Don't worry about it being quiet, quiet time is good for both you and your child. He will develop his imagination if left to play on his own for short periods of time.

Anyways its not good for you to be so reclusive and being with other children kids learn how to share, negotiate and make friends on there own.

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C.R.

answers from Seattle on

I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way - not much help, I know. But, my hubby works full time and is in nursing school at night - any other time he's holed up in the bedroom studying. I feel like my daughter never gets to see other kids and it's just plain not fair to her. But you know what, she's very loving and sharing with other kids on the occasions she's with them and she isn't overly shy - a little, but not overly so. She's talking and running around and happy. So, I think we're doing okay! I get the same way you do, though... I understand.

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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

Don't worry...It's not your job to "fully dedicate every waking minute to engaging in conversation"!! It's your job to teach him to entertain himself. Start by playing with him some then let him continue on his own while you do other things. You don't say how old he is which can really change your options.
~Read a book to him then leave him with a few books and read on your own.
~Build a tower with blocks then let him continue to play with them while you clean or cook.
~Have him help you do chores.

All the library branches have story times that are free to attend. Find out when your near-by branch(es) has theirs.
The Children's Museum and the Zoo are great.
The canal is fun once it warms up.
Indians games will start soon and lawn tickets for afternoon games are cheap.
There are tons of city and neighborhood parks, some have pools or splash parks once it warms up.
There's a play area in Castleton Square Mall in the food court.
Join indymoms.com and meet all kinds of women with kids of all ages. They set up play groups and get-togethers.

If you're nursing, go to a La Leche League meeting.

If you have some extra money, take a class with him like Gymboree, Itsy Bitsy Yoga, swim classes...there are hundreds of choices out there!

A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I've been feeling the exact same way lately & I think it's completely normal. My husband is a truck driver so he's gone a lot as well leaving just me & our daughter. Especially now that it's getting warmer outside & I take her out to play... Who does she play with? Who does she talk to? I can only do so much as you said. What's nice though is it will force them to use their imaginations. And think about it, does your son really seem to mind not having constant conversation? So what I'm doing is taking Emily to the park & letting her try to socialize there. Even if they aren't life-long friends, it's better than nothing. Good luck.

M..

answers from Orlando on

You need to find parks in your area and take your son there alot.
See if you have a YMCA near you, it is alot of fun.
Start going to church, they always have lots of families.
Take walks around your neighborhood and see if you guys can see any familys with kids.

You can take your son outside and play baseball or basketball.

Try to get out more.

I wish you the best with this.
God Bless.

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J.T.

answers from Toledo on

join the Y, get involed in sports , boy scouts

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T.K.

answers from Cincinnati on

So how old is your son? Where do you guys live? I actually babysit and am always up to have new friends! If you are interested here is my email ____@____.com.

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M.B.

answers from Dayton on

It sounds like your mind is already at ease, but just one more chime in. You are fine - children don't need much more than mom when they are little. Let him learn to play by himself and be creative on his own. He'll benefit much more in life from learning these lessons than by playing with other kids a lot. Going to the park, library, and maybe later playgroups or preschool will be plenty. If I was you, I'd worry more about getting adult conversation for yourself - an unhappy mom is worse than any thing in a little ones life. Good luck - being alone with one is very difficult. Sounds like you were having a rough day, but I hope they keep getting easier!

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M.B.

answers from Columbus on

Hi J.,
There are lots of ways to be involved with other children that would benefit both you and your son! Have you considered babysitting another child your son's age part-time? Often parents need care a few days a week and it would give your son a playmate and you some extra income....check Craigslist.org under childcare for some ideas. Also look to your local library, they often have free age appropriate children's programs for infants on up and it would provide some outside interaction. You can also look to your local recreation departments for "mommy and me" programs such as art,music, or sports themed classes.
I have found that in order to be involved with other Moms you have to find where other moms "hang out" with their kids and often friendships form from there! I am sure your son loves all of the individual attention, but everyone enjoys a change of scenery sometimes!
Good Luck!
M.

Updated

Hi J.,
There are lots of ways to be involved with other children that would benefit both you and your son! Have you considered babysitting another child your son's age part-time? Often parents need care a few days a week and it would give your son a playmate and you some extra income....check Craigslist.org under childcare for some ideas. Also look to your local library, they often have free age appropriate children's programs for infants on up and it would provide some outside interaction. You can also look to your local recreation departments for "mommy and me" programs such as art,music, or sports themed classes.
I have found that in order to be involved with other Moms you have to find where other moms "hang out" with their kids and often friendships form from there! I am sure your son loves all of the individual attention, but everyone enjoys a change of scenery sometimes!
Good Luck!
M.

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K.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Join a moms group. I don't know where in Indy you live, but check into Mothers & More - there are some chapters around the Indy area. http://www.mothersandmore.org/localchap/chapters.shtml This organization will provide a place for you to find friends and also for your son to find friends through playgroups and mom/kid outings in addition to activities for moms only! If there is not a Mothers & More in your area, search for other moms groups like MOPS, Moms Club or local groups - check with the library or your city building/parks and rec. or do an online search for moms groups in your area.

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R.H.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hi!

I'm part of www.cincinnatimommies.com

we have an online forum and calendar of events. There is always something going on for you and your little one to get out and do. You're doing the right things, but you do need social interaction for yourself and your luttle one.

I know what it's like to be new in the city and feel that lonliness.

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R.S.

answers from Terre Haute on

Of course it is normal
check out the local library - many offer story time for young children and is a great way to meet other children his age without costing anything.
You did not mention the age of your child. Is he old enough for preschool a few days a week?
Do you have a local family Y to enroll in swimming or other lessons where you and he could meet other families?
Good luck and best wishes.

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S.S.

answers from Toledo on

Just an FYI, but the large book chains like Barnes N Nobles, etc. usually have story hours a couple of days a week. That's what I did when we first moved and my oldest was not in school yet. It was great talking and meeting other moms.

M.Q.

answers from Indianapolis on

J.,
If my friends saw your post, they might think it is me disguising myself as someone else. My husband travels a lot as well. Now I'm a mother of two, which makes it even more of a challenge to get out of the house. We recently moved to a new area, and it was a rough winter. Now that it is warming up outside, more families are out, and it's been easier to meet other moms, and children.

I used to feel the same way that you do about your son. I worried that my son would not be able to relate well to other children, and that he would be overly shy and quiet because I was the only one there for him to talk to, and just like you, I didn't feel like constantly engaging him in conversation. The opposite of my fears has happened. He has learned how to use his imagination, and play well on his own. Also, he is so good at making new friends because he is eager to meet other children when we are out and about. He often gets strange looks from other kids because he would rather share a toy than steal one away. We all have "off" days sometimes, but it's important to try not to be too hard on yourself. I would have to agree with all of the other posts-take care of Mommy, too. An unhappy mommy yields an unhappy kiddo.

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