Opinions on Child Development

Hi J., it's wonderful that you are concerned but until the mother is ready to accept the fact that her daughter may have a developmental delay there really isn't anything you can do. Does the child attend day care? Teachers can gently point out these concerns. When was the last time she had a well-child visit with the pediatrician? That is another source of pointing out the child's developmental delays.

I'm a counselor and a parent educator and I know first hand that it can be a challenge for parents to be open to the possibility of their child being delayed. The good news is that once the parent recognizes it, there is so much help available.

Continue to be supportive of your friend and hopefully she will soon be ready to take some action for the sake of her daughter.

I agree with the other two. As heartwrenching as it is to watch, and as long as the child is not being abused or neglected, it's going to be up to the mom or dad to do something about it. One thing is for sure, once this child is in school, this will be handled professionally by the teachers and counselors.

I can tell you from the mom's standpoint how difficult it is to accept that something is "wrong" with your child. My sister (who is a social worker) told me she thought one of my daughters was depressed. My own counselor said he thought that might be the case and drugs would help. Well, I had a hard time believing such a young child could be depressed, and if she was, and we got help, would that open a whole can of worms for my family? At the time, I was dealing with a tyrannical husband whom I feared. He never harmed the children, but I was really trying to keep up the illusion that I had a normal marriage and happy family. Deep down I was afraid that "they" would take away my children. So I could not bring myself to address this issue. (I did pay more attention to her, and later got separated, and things worked out. She got better without drugs or other professional treatment.) So, what I'm saying is, this mom, for whatever reason, my have other issues that are preventing her from accepting this. It just may be too much for her so she put her head in the sand.

All you can do is stand by your friend and be supportive. And when the day of reckoning comes, the light bulb goes off, and she realizes this is real and she has to deal with it, be the shoulder for her to cry on.

I also wondered if the child was in care somewhere. If not, your concerns are at least voiced and she has them to think about at her speed. If she is in care, mom may be hearing it from them too and be tired of it (and still not wanting to accept)? You just never know. I currently provide childcare have a child development degree and have MANY years experience; however, I also care for a 3 year old now - that I promise is well behind the description of your friends child. His parents don't want to accept it. I've even called first steps to make a referal, but without parental cooperation - they can't do anything either. Keep supporting her, if she isn't enrolled in Parents as Teachers, maybe suggest the both of you sign up so you can be involved in the activities together, etc... Engage in learning \ teaching moments - that's all you can do that I can see. Best wishes to both (all) of you!

You might want to have her checked out by a doctor. My boyfriend's grandson is autistic. He's almost 4 and doesn't say complete sentences. He's very smart though, he just doesn't talk much. He is also still in his potty training stages. I also live in MO (Hazelwood), and my boyfriend's daughter finally got a correct diagnosis after numerous doctor visits. He is now enrolled in a school for autistic children and is doing great! He's speaking more and starting to advance in his development. I'm not saying she is autistic, but some of the things you described sounds a lot like Tyler (the grandson), so it might be worth checking out. Good luck to you!

J.
You are a good friend. This child may have a few different things. This child needs to be tested right away. The early years are when we learn how to talk and she is behind.
All school districts in Mo have Parents as Teachers programs. This child needs this. The program is Free!!!! I know it is summer BUT call the local school, the administration is working, and find out information on PAT.
You can sign up for PAT for your own daughter and give the information to your friend.
Good luck and your a great friend to help this child.

try these 2 web sites, gives you timeline on where a child should be, = if u see something relating to her, print and give to the mom,
the child needs help now, not later..
-------------------------------

Child Development: Infant to Three Years
Read a timeline of Child Development at the Web site for the Children's Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota. This is information every parent should have.
xpedio02.childrensmn.org
--------------------------------
Child Developement
Relax. Take a deep breath. We have the answers you seek.
www.righthealth.com

It does not sound normal at all. Sadly the good programs end at three years. That is if the governor hasn't done away with all of them. There is parents as teachers as mentioned in other posts which ends at age two. There is also first steps, this is the one I think our wonderful governor got rid of, which provides in home speach therapy until three years. At three years the only programs left are through your school district and are very hard to get into if you haven't gone through the other programs. Without advocates for your child within the system it is very hard to navigate.

Hi J.!
Having three children who developed very differently at early ages, I would say that there is some truth about the mom not worrying about it. However, those "symptoms" also seem to be signs of an autism too. But.....the main thing is...it is absolutely impossible to talk to a parent about a problem his/her child has if they do not see the need themselves. To pursue the issue only brings strife to your friendship. I would encourage you to continue to love on the child and her parents, develop trust, and continue to engage the child in eye contact and conversation. Pointing out a "problem" only further deteriorates your ability to help this family in the future. Nobody likes to be around someone who might be able to say "I told you so."
Just keep on loving,
D. - mom of 17 and 14 year old boys and a 9 year old girl

This child definitely sounds delayed in several areas. The family can get free help and information from a program in each school district called "Parents as Teachers." Just call the local school district main office and ask for contact with the PAT staff. They will go to the home and work with the family and child to test and then help with areas below normal. They can also help the family get special services if they qualify. It's a great free resource. the mom should know that many parents take advantage of it.

I completely agree with you that the little girl's development is behind where it should be, however, as mom's friend you will probably never convince her there is something wrong with her daughter. My guess is she already knows and is just trying to deal with it herself. I know it's tough but you just have to be a supportive friend without trying to help. Her pediatrician will catch it soon, if he/she hasn't already. I would just let mom know that you are there to listen and support her. It may help if the two of you talk about your kids in general. Yours is close enough in age that you and she can have similar stories to share. Maybe if you leave her a way to bring up her own concerns, fears, etc. she may confide in you. Just be careful not to go overboard sharing all your little one's developmental accomplishments (I know it's tough, I do it all the time)Just be mom's friend and leave the diagnoses up to her pediatrician.

I saw somebody else recommend PAT look into it and tell you friend youjust heard of a new program and you think the two of you should do it together. It really is a great program and it is free. Your daughter would benefit too. It is not only for children with problems, my oldest is gifted and we were involved with it when he was little.
K.
www.workathomeunited.com/kirstenw

Maybe your friend is blind to how developed her daughter is. Maybe she is in denial because she believes that it is somehow her fault. My mom had her last child in her late 30's and did not think she was pregnant. She did not receive prenatal care until she was 6 mos along then he was born premature at 7 mos. He is developmentally and physically challenged. My mom always said nothing was wrong because she felt that his challenges were somehow her fault. It was not her fault but she still felt that way. Maybe you could try being more supportive to your friend to see if she feels this way. Does the child go to preschool. If she does the teachers there may be able to approach her about the development. The doctor is another avenue that may be able to get her in the right direction to have the child evaluated.