Our Daughters Future

Tell him just the way you just told us, be direct and don't let him guilt you for wanting to help you daughter succeed.

I think you tell him just like you did us. In most cases, once you walk out that door and show them what you are going to do, they realize they are not going to stop you. Pick up the second job and send her to school.

How about saying it just like you wrote in the last sentence of this post?

Just say it straight out.

Just like you told us. I assume her dad is also responsible for $6000/yr. Even so, $12,000/year is a bargain. This is really none of your husband's business. It is a commitment you had before you married him. Congratulations on her admission :)

ETA: Wasn't this addressed in the divorce settlement? When my BIL got divorced (their DD was 6 at the time) it was specified that each of them contribute 50% to college her college tuition. Both parents are Ivy League grads so that was likely assumed at the time. Both parents have long since re-married and the new spouses NEVER had any say in this. Any more than they would in child support.

So proud of your daughter !!!!
Tell your hubby to sod off - you and your daughter can handle this. Have her talk to the college about additional assistance - work study, job placements nearby, etc. Do look for other scholarship opportunities - sometimes your local Rotary club has opportunities. Talk to her high school counselor for other ideas. Heck, google scholarship opportunities for your city.

Have you consider that your hubby is a little jealous that your daughter has done so well? Petty, I know, but possible. Seems he is trying to diminish your daughter's achievements.

Do tell him straight up that he has hurt your feelings. But do move forward with your daughter's plans for college - use his downer attitude as a motivator to succeed.

Good luck and congratulations to your daughter.

i'm always a little confused by 'how do i tell him?' questions.
i suppose i'm more forthright than is strictly necessary sometimes, but for something this important, how do you NOT?
put aside your hurt feelings. this is your child. if your husband is so blind he can't even begin to see your viewpoint, i gently suggest that you may have made a rash decision by marrying him.
'sweetheart, i understand that your parenting and college philosophy are different from mine, and that you followed through on that with your kids. i think that's admirable and i have no issues with your choices. however, my daughter's father and i made a different call long before you were in the picture, and while that DOES impact you in the present, it doesn't change the fact that we have made a commitment to our daughter and i have every intention of following it through.
i'm sorry that you feel that we cannot afford it. i'm perfectly willing to make sacrifices and take a second job. this doesn't need to impact your income at all if you choose to go that route. i realize that you should not have to do anything for my kid that you didn't do for yours.
but i do. my daughter is going to go to X school and i'm afraid that's non-negotiable. however, how that impacts our relationship is very important to me. let's find a way to meet in the middle.'
seriously. stop with the hurt feelings. they just complicate things and turn a financial discussion into an emotional one.
do you think your husband's stance stems from concern about money, or a desire to be 'fair' to his own kids? if you can nail that down, you can approach the issue from a more practical standpoint.
khairete
S.

Your daughter won a scholarship, which is fantastic. But the $6,000 remaining cost isn't "your share." It's the share your daughter will need to take out student loans to cover, and will work to pay off once she's out of college and working in her field.

Congratulations! This is so exciting! Your husband is just freaking out. Typical.
Each child has different needs when it comes to higher education. Your daughters goal was to go to this college. She worked hard to earn this, she will work hard to get there.

She does not need his help, as a matter of fact, she will qualify for more without his help. Your daughter will need to consider her move, transportation, and the items she will need while in college.

If she has time this summer, I agree she should work and save all of her money this summer.

Our daughter was awarded academic scholarships to 9 prestigious colleges. She also qualified for grants (she is granted this so she would not pay anything back) she also applies for every scholarship that she was qualified for. When she fills out the FAFSA make sure she marks that she wants her name to be sent to all of the different grants and scholarships. Make sure you get your taxes completed as soon as possible in January. This way you can fill out and mail in the FAFSA early.

Also have her apply to all scholarships available to her through her guidance counselor at her school. There are new postings every week.

If there is a college coach at her high school, you both need to go and meet this person. Tell them the situation and they will keep you all informed on opportunities. Your daughter will be able to find a lot of information on line.

Our daughter also applied to the scholarships being awarded through our credit union, the news paper, our life insurance company. Any that she felt she would be able to participate in. Many ask for an essay.

Mom keep a file with her information. They get really busy taking all of there honors classes, participating in senior activites... She needs to also enjoy this year. You helping her stay organized will really help take some of the stress away.
Even at her prestigious college there will be opportunites to work on campus, have her look into this. Call their financial services and find out what other assistance she should look into.

In the end, there are loans that are available, but the Grants are incredible.

Updated

Congratulations! This is so exciting! Your husband is just freaking out. Typical.
Each child has different needs when it comes to higher education. Your daughters goal was to go to this college. She worked hard to earn this, she will work hard to get there.

She does not need his help, as a matter of fact, she will qualify for more without his help. Your daughter will need to consider her move, transportation, and the items she will need while in college.

If she has time this summer, I agree she should work and save all of her money this summer.

Our daughter was awarded academic scholarships to 9 prestigious colleges. She also qualified for grants (she is granted this so she would not pay anything back) she also applies for every scholarship that she was qualified for. When she fills out the FAFSA make sure she marks that she wants her name to be sent to all of the different grants and scholarships. Make sure you get your taxes completed as soon as possible in January. This way you can fill out and mail in the FAFSA early.

Also have her apply to all scholarships available to her through her guidance counselor at her school. There are new postings every week.

If there is a college coach at her high school, you both need to go and meet this person. Tell them the situation and they will keep you all informed on opportunities. Your daughter will be able to find a lot of information on line.

Our daughter also applied to the scholarships being awarded through our credit union, the news paper, our life insurance company. Any that she felt she would be able to participate in. Many ask for an essay.

Mom keep a file with her information. They get really busy taking all of there honors classes, participating in senior activites... She needs to also enjoy this year. You helping her stay organized will really help take some of the stress away.
Even at her prestigious college there will be opportunites to work on campus, have her look into this. Call their financial services and find out what other assistance she should look into.

In the end, there are loans that are available, but the Grants are incredible.

"Husband, you are hurting my feelings by what you keep telling me, and like it or not, I am going to make this happen for our daughter. If I want to take a second job that's my business. Stop being a grumpy killjoy."

However, it's possible for your daughter to contribute to her college, as well. She can work during the summers, there are on-campus work-study programs, etc. Six thousand is a lot cheaper than some people pay.

I know others disagree with me, but my kids are paying for their own college. As soon as they graduate, they will make more money than I have ever made in my life, or will ever make, so I don't feel at all guilty at letting them shoulder the financial burden of their own college expenses.

No second job for me -- I raised them, and stayed poor so I could be at home with them, now I get to have some fun before I die. My money ain't all going to those highly capable, energetic young people. It still eludes me why haggard old people with minimal time left on the planet are supposed to run themselves ragged to feather the beds of these young men and women who are in the physical and intellectual prime of their lives.

ETA - You just married him last year? First of all, I would not have married someone the year before my kids were going into college, I would have waited 4 years so that my daughter's FAFSA didn't show me as making a lot of money. Secondly, you should have included this detail in your initial question, because I think it would have changed a lot of people's responses. Your husband just married you, he makes three times more than you, and he rightfully doesn't want to see a big chunk of that money go to your adult daughter. Sorry, but in this case you are in the wrong.

You will always regret it if you do not step up and help her. Do not let your husband dictate how and how much you will help your daughter. Do what you have to do to make it happen. There are ways to do it: I worked extra hours and took out parent loans.

Note: my husband did not support spending the amount of money I spent on helping DD in college. (BTW, I spent a whole lot more than $6,000 a year.) So what, I knew it was the right thing to do and have never regretted it for a second. I worked extra hours, in fact I still am to repay student loans.

You have the right to make your own decision and he does not have to like it. Ironically, DH, who did not want to spend the money, how is so braggy about how far she has gone in school.

Make your own decision and be firm.

Wait, what? I want to make sure I get this straight. So your daughter can go to the school of her choice, for the degree of her choice, for $24k for a bachelor's degree? Total cost?

And so, if she went the loan route, she would graduate with less than $25k debt, less than the price of a new car, for her 1st choice, entire, higher education?

Whoever is paying for it, this is a spectacular opportunity.

You have other choices too, you can just cosign her loans so she'll get a very low interest rate. All the while helping her with expenses a little here and there when she needs it and providing her a happy place to live while she's not away at school. I mean I spend that much a year just getting my 2 (soon to be 3) college students in and out of dorms, transportation, supplies, clothing, etc. You can just pay for half. There has got to be some compromise here.

I'm almost kinda on his side. There are a zillion ways you'll be helping her financially for the next four years without actually paying her tuition. I mean, believe me, if there were a way I could completely pay for all three of my kids to finish undergrad degrees of their choice with the major of their choice and still have a roof over our heads, I absolutely would.

But a 22 yo graduating with a 4 year degree with ONLY 24K debt, is amazing.

Help her with the paperwork, help her with her needs along the way, but yeah, if it will seriously hurt your family's current financial arrangement to take on 24k debt right now, understand it will NOT (that same 24k)seriously impact HER life in the big picture. Geez.

:)

Wow! Where do you get college tuition for $6000? Bargain!

We started saving before our daughter was born for her college. She's in her 2nd year and believe me... $6000 is cheap!

That's a fraction of what we pay for our daughter's college.

You got a deal!!

I was paying more for that a year to have my oldest in daycare 20 hours a week 15 years ago. Also, I think community college would cost more than that so I really think your daughter should take full advantage of the scholarships she has earned.

Your daughter is obviously a great student to get into a prestigious college with a significant scholarship. I would do everything I can to make this happen.

How did you plan to help your daughter pay for college before you got remarried and what discussions did you have with your husband about this?

Let me get this straight. Your daughter has the opportunity of a lifetime to attend a prestigious college at a sliver of the cost and the man you married a few months ago is against it?

Are you really talking about $1500 per year? Is he really saying she should pass up the scholarship? Between the THREE of you there is no possible way to pull it off? Really?

I am usually conservative when it comes to college choices. I find it ridiculous that people go into deep debt hoping they will be able to use their degree to pay it all back while starting their real lives. This is different, she worked hard and is being recognized in a big way. Do not turn this down, where there's a will there's a way.

Your husband doesn't sound very supportive and even a little jealous. What step Dad who truly loves his SD wouldn't help find a way to make this work for her? If his kids paid their ENTIRE college costs then surely you can help her come up with a plan to pay such a small portion of her own.

Maybe you just need to tell him flat out. And then ignore him. SO THE HECK WHAT if he didn't pay for his other kids? They didn't work hard enough to get a scholarship. That's not your daughter's fault.

You do what you need to do to help your daughter. Make sure she understands that she has to foot the rest of the bill over that $6000 by summer and seasonal work.

Your husband is not the boss of you. He cannot tell you that you cannot do this. Do not let him even try...

If you can swing, great. Don't ask for husband's help or approval, just do it. Then you can tell your husband, "Honey, stop hurting my feelings. I'm doing this."

However, in the wise words of Suze Orman: "Don't put yourself in debt for your kids to go to college. You need money for your future too. Perfectly great careers start out in community college. The college name on paper only matters for a few job interviews (in certain fields) and then work experience is the more important deciding factor."

She doesn't have to go to an expensive school. But if you can make it happen, do it! Your husband can't stop you.

It seems that you are telling him with the hope that he will be supportive. Since this isn't going to happen, you just do what you have to do without involving him. Don't let him get you down. Enjoy this with your daughter and be a proud mama.

You tell him what you said here: That your daughter got a really great scholarship, that the tuition for your household (you) is only $6K, that you never asked HIM to pay for it, and that he is hurting your feelings.

What is really behind this? Is he just worried about how it affects his budget? Is he against the school? I paid for my own tuition, too, because I was raised by a single mom with no money, but that doesn't mean my sks can't benefit from their father's generosity as long as it doesn't ruin our budget. My SD is also working PT and has loans. There are many ways to support her if you wanted to, and I do think she should have stake in her tuition (even if it is mostly keeping good grades).

ETA: How it affects you depends on the school and FAFSA. You should contact the financial aid office for more information.

Also, did he not realize you had a college-age or soon to be college-age daughter? Did her tuition or educational goals never come up before the wedding?

The majority of the answers to this question are the reason the divorce rate is so high... my goodness ladies, really? you'd be hanging this man from the highest tree if he went off on his own and spent $24k without some sort of agreement with his wife.

That said, this is a twofold issue...

1st - Is your daughter's share $6k per year or $6k total for the 4 years? And that's just tuition?? What about room, board, books, fees, etc.? None of us know anything about your income, whether your retirement is fully or partially funded(or at all funded), how much debt you have, etc. Is there are reason other than "she wants to" that she needs to go to this particular school? The reason I ask is that, other than VERY few career fields, and with the exception of your Ivy League universities, it matters VERY little what college you graduate from. Now, if this is an $80k per year school and she's been granted $74k per year to study something that she just can't get anywhere else and can EASILY be gainfully employed upon graduation, you guys needs to give it serious consideration to come up with a way for her to fund her education, with or without your help. If this school is $10k per year, she's majoring in something every university in the country offers, and she's been given a $4k per year scholarship, that's a little more "eh" provoking. FAR too many folks have 6 figures in student loans for some random degree from a private college and stock shelves at their local home depot. that is NOT a good return on investment, regardless of who is paying for it. if she got a decent scholarship to a private school, odds are she could get a free ride at a public university.

2. I'm sorry, but you are MARRIED. his money is your money, your money is his money - but your collective money is not your daughter's money, nor is it his kids' money. you don't just get to run off and throw MANY thousands because you "want to", I mean, I guess you can, but I predict you'll be single again real soon(and if he's truly a selfish a-hole, maybe that's what needs to happen, again, I don't know). you two need to come to some sort of agreement. for the record, my husband and I have three kids together. all three are highly intelligent, straight A students, that already at ages 5, 8, and 11 are planning to attend college. I predict they'll all get scholarships, if not, we may help them, we may not. we live very comfortably, but our priority is our retirement. we paid off dh's student loans the first couple of years we were married, I had a free ride and graduated with no debt. the help we offer, the type of help, and the amount of help will likely depend on each child's specific circumstance. I'm not going to hand them $100k to go to Boston College for some liberal degree to work at starbucks. Yes, I know more than one person in that exact boat...

I have to say, when I was a 17 year old young lady heading off to college I'd have been HORRIFIED at the idea of my mom working two jobs to pay for it...

How would you feel if your husband wrote out a check without your consent for $20k for his daughter's wedding? Education, wedding, it's really not the point, but a married couple need to have a meeting of the minds for major expenses, it's just a respect issue. I strongly suspect none of the ladies would like this scenario if the tables were turned.

I hope your new husband has some redeeming qualities you didn't mention here.

Please think long and hard about this before your daughter goes. A college education is expected in the current job market but there's no reason to go into debt for an education. Private colleges give you some money but there are a lot of other expenses and fees that will drive up the cost so your share will not be $6,000.00. Trust me on this because I've sent 4 children through college.

Does it matter if she attends that particular college because of her field of study? Does it seem right to spend $30000 for the first 2 years of basic classes before she can take classes in her major? Once she gets out will her major be something that can support her so that she can buy a car, pay rent and basic expenses, and pay off her student loans? Will she take her studies seriously and possible add additional classes to graduate early so that it'll cut out a semester or two of tuition? Most importantly, is this something worth driving a wedge between you and your current husband?

Really sit down and think long and hard. The scholarship is the hook to get you in. Once she's there the scholarship could be taken away at any time so you'd be responsible for the full amount of tuition, books, fees, room and board. Is this something you are actually afford? While its flattering to be offered something by a prestigious school, education boils down to dollars. Don't fall into something that will end up putting you in debt for an education she could have gotten at a fraction of the cost at a state school.

This is not his daughter, she's yours. She doesn't have to live by his kids' standards. She was in your family before your husband was, and this seems so incredibly petty on his part. This is a great honor for your daughter and if she's worked that hard, she's not exactly getting spoiled by this opportunity.

If you have to get a second job, fine. Then you won't be around as much and he doesn't get to complain. It's nice that you refer to her as "our daughter" (and as a stepmother I appreciate the feelings of warmth and family that we can have for our spouses' children). But he does not get to decide how this child is raised. His values were that his was going to make his kids pay full freight. That wasn't your agreement with him before your marriage, so I really feel he needs to back off on this.

Meantime you can work out a plan for her for student loans, part-time jobs, setting aside a certain amount of her summer earnings, etc. Maybe she can get a part time job for the rest of high school since her acceptance is already set and, while she needs to keep her grades up, she doesn't need to panic about it.

When a kid goes off to college far away, you also have to budget for the transportation costs of getting home on vacations. So factor that in. Some colleges offer bus transportation to major areas (although it's more hours than regular car travel sometimes), and there may be students offering rides in exchange for gas money. But 8 hours is a long way away so air travel may make more sense. Hopefully her father will pitch in for this as well, depending on where he lives. You can also sit down with your ex and work out a plan together. (That may be enough to get your husband on board!)

This is not an insurmountable amount of money for paying back after graduation either, especially if some of it is offset by other scholarships and her summer jobs from now through the next 4 years. I say, go for it!

Meantime, tell him you are hurt by his rejection of you and his boiling down your daughter's future to dollars and cents, and let him know that you will do this without him if necessary. Set up a separate bank account that does not have his name on it, and that will be for her college expenses. You can put her name on it (which usually makes it fee-free for students) and then she can utilize that while at school for her various expenses including books, laundry, fun money and travel home.

On the surface it sounds like a good deal.
I'd be cautiously optimistic.
I'd need to know more though before I could say if it was an ultimately good idea or not.

That she's earned a scholarship is great - she sounds like a serious student.
Does she know what she wants to major in?
Some degrees are not worth the paper they are printed on.
Not enough kids/parents think about the return on investment - and they SHOULD.
When they are little we tell them they can be what ever they want to be - but if she wants to spend heaps of money on becoming a Phd in underwater basket weaving - I'm sorry but I just could not get behind that idea and support it.

Does the school have a reputation for being a party school?
8 hours away (that's a LONG ways away) - is this school out of your state of residence (will she be paying a higher tuition than if she were going to college in her state of residence)?

Hubby's only experience with this is his own kids but he shouldn't be comparing his kids to your child - they are different.

If she's working and you're working you might be able to do this without student loans but if she has to borrow a little bit it's still doable - you just want to keep an eye on how much that will be.

Tell Hubby you didn't chime in on his college plans for his kids (which apparently was none) so unless you specifically ask for his opinion on this topic, with respect - he can keep his lip zipped.

I am one of 5 kids and my dad was in the Navy growing up - we all have student loans - those of us that went to college. Of course my parents WANTED to help us, but it wasn't in the budget for them to do that.

I see no problem with her getting her own loans. You can help pay when you can, but she can pay for the remaining $6k per year. Honestly, I'd love if my student debt was only $24k!!!

I also am curious as to what your plan was BEFORE you got married, since that is new...how were you going to do it then? If it's with your money, then still pay it. Don't expect your new husband to foot the college bill for your daughter though when he didn't do it for his own children.

Are you on a written budget? From your posts it sounds like you are in the dark on your finances. How long have you been married? Haven't you been having these conversations for a long time?

I'm amending my answer since I saw you recently married. This isn't "Our" daughter...she is your daughter. How he raised his kids doesn't matter since he is coming into this late. You must honor your agreement with your ex husband. If you have co-mingled finances with your new husband - I would un-comingle them until after your done helping your daugther through college. Tell her she must graduate in 4 year.

You say it just like you wrote it "I'm going to do whatever I need to to make this happen for her. You have really hurt my feelings." Simple. Now, how to get him to agree with you, is the hard part. I think your question really was how do you get him to agree with you. And my answer to that is you probably won't. His kids did just fine; he doesn't see any reason why your daughter can't tow the same line as his kids.

What difference does it make if he says "my kids" or "our boys." The point is still the same - they worked for their education; there is no reason she can't, whether she's a "mine" "his" or "ours."

She needs to go file for financial aid based on her own income then. When she files they'll count her biological fathers plus your joint income together to find what she can qualify for.

One thing you can do is try and turn in your own, not married yet, income tax refund from last year. It will show only your own income. It's sort of a fine line between what's right and fraud so do be careful with this. Don't hide your marriage but also don't submit all sorts of information they don't ask for.

If she's already got all the financial aid she can get, her scholarship is the maximum financial aid she can receive, then her biological father and you must come up with a means to help her.

IF you are married to this man your joint income will be counted. When you're married your income is never considered separate from your husbands.

I suggest you call the financial aid office at the college and talk to them. Find out if your daughter can apply for any additional funding.

I truly think that going to school is a students full time job. In college she'll get assignments that require hours of work in the library, work groups, reading essays, etc...she can't work full time and do her best work. Every student is there to go to school and learn. They have the rest of their lives to work full time in a good paying job once they get their degree. So I think getting the maximum financial aid would be the way to go and not making her go to work and take away from her grades.

Also, there is always the possibility of you getting a student loan type thing where you just borrow the money through the school to pay the rest.

I don't suggest you do that without considering the consequences.

You'll owe the money 100%. She won't owe it, it won't go on her credit report if she doesn't make the payments, if she drops out the payments will start, if she graduates and can't get a job to make the payments then you'll have to make the payments, if she graduates and gets a job then she should make what payments she can.

Student loans are a high power business. You borrow the money specifically for her education. It goes to the Bursar's office. The money pays the rest of her school. As long as she's in school you can get more loans each year to pay her remaining tuition and living expenses.

When she is no longer a student the loans come due. The payments can range from a few years to half her lifetime. I have friends who have 4 kids and still make a monthly student loan payment.

I'd ask about them.

I would also ask about HER making them on her own, but I imagine she might need a co-signer and that would be you or biological dad.

The computer just ate my long answer. It was long because I was furious with your new husband, who seems to see your child as sucking up money that should not be hers.

Just because HIS kids had to pay their own way (and probably are saddled with debt now because of his "moral stand" that they do so) does not mean you have to make your child do the same. I believe parents should pay at least something if they can toward college. In your case your child is clearly bright and this college values her -- more than your husband does.

If she really needs to be at this school, in this program, and the school is respected in her field of study, she will be far better off to go there because she will have better job prospects right out of college than if she goes to Little Local College and tries to enter that same field. The college thinks she has promise and honored her with a scholarship that reduces your part of tuition to six grand. That is truly next to nothing for any college, public or private -- your husband has zero idea that if your child went to even a smaller, state school, you would pay more than that.

Do what YOU want to do for her. I would first be sure she looks into "work-study" programs where she works for the college itself and is paid and puts that toward tuition, books, etc. You mention a job in the college office so maybe that's work-study. Next go to financial aid and say that the six grand is tough, so what else can they offer -- other small scholarships? Grants? Payment for helping with research later in college?

Be sure to look around ASAP for small, locally offered scholarships from civil groups like the Rotary Clubs, Kiwanis Clubs, Junior League and other men's and women's business groups. They often have small but helpful scholarships based on things like essays or other competiitons -- your daughter needs to check those out immediately if she's a senior in HS. A little help of $1,000 here or $500 there would defray that first year's expenses pretty nicely.

Go to your bank if you can't afford a private financial adviser. Bankers are there to help customers -- I'm not talkiing about tellers, I'm talking about bankers who can sit down with you and help you plan finances. Ask for an appointment with a personal financial planner at your bank, be sure it's free to you as a customer, and get help figuring out ways to save in your daily life to find more money each month for tuition.

As for the issue of the college's student aid office denying your child assistance because of your new husband's income, again, ASK. Find out if there is a way for your child to be considered for help on your own income alone. If not, still, be aware that if this scholarship covers all but $6,000 of tuition at a private school, it's a pretty large scholarship indeed and a feather in her cap that she was chosen to receive it. I know, don't go into debt that hurts you, but do consider how to make this happen.

It's most worrying that your new husband is so inflexible and that he seems not to care that your child has been honored with a scholarship like this. It's also a red flag, to me, that you don't know how to tell him you will make this work for your child. Are you afraid of what he'll do, or that he will spend years bringing this up over and over, and being angry whenever you say no to something he wants to do because your share of payment for that activity is tied up in tuition? If he is a person who is going to throw this in your face all the time once you commit to helping your own child in a way that milliions of parents already help their kids -- wow, that sounds like a case for a lot of serious marital counseling about boundaries and respect for each other as parents.

This is your daughter. If you are able to help then go for it! What a wonderful opportunity for her. If you aren't able to help, have her apply for every grant, scholarship there is. Make sure she works over the summer. She needs to help contribute to her cost.

Our son goes to school in Kentucky. We live in Texas. We just bought a plane ticket for him to come home. $340. He will drive home as well which is a 13 hour drive. Please be sure to add transportation in your budget. He is in the military so we pay instate tuition for his education.

As for your husband, I would explain that you had a different agreement with your daughter than he had with his sons. You are asking him to respect that not contribute to it. I would not ask for his help at all. Now, I don't know what kind of guy he is but be ready for him to get pissed. You aren't "listening" to him.

As for hurt feelings? Nope, get over that. Stand up and be heard. Explain to your husband like you did here. But I wouldn't be hurt I would be resolved.

You and your daughter need to sit down and have a very serious discussion about finances.

It doesn't sound like your husband is against her going to college. He just isn't on board with paying for it. Lots of parents don't pay for kid's colleges. Why does the fact he has a different opinion hurt your feelings? Sorry if this sounds blunt but you still seem to be in single mom mindset. The way your question reads does not sound like someone who considers herself married. If you want to stay married then I would invest the time into the relationship instead of getting a second job to pay for your daughter's college. She can foot the remainder of the bill herself right?

There are financial aid options - she needs to talk to the school. A loan of such a small amount will be very managable. Don't take a second job - work together to figure this out.

And not to be mean, but if you don't have children with the man you married last year, I'd re-examine the relationship. If he has been with you for 5-6 years, then he should not be doing the "my kid". It's a marriage - and that's a partnership. If he's not really your partner.... that's a problem.

If you met/married this man when your daughter was a baby and his kids were very young, I would understand the 'keeping it equal' thing. However, you married him last year, so he has not been her 'father figure'. How old are his kids--did they go to college 10 years ago--long before your daughter and her scholarship?!??

I don't really think he gets a say in all of this. This is between you and your daughter. I'm sorry he's putting you down saying "you can't afford it". If there is a will, there's a way! I would definitely not hold your daughter back!!