Overseas Travel - Difficult Adjustment with 10 Hour Time Change and New Culture

The most important thing is give her what she needs. She will let you know exactly what that is. Every single thing in her world has been taken away and turned upside down except her parents, and she is understandably freaked out big time. If she wants to be held 24/7, do it without making a big deal out of it and without encouraging her to do anything on her own. Let her eat when and what she wants. Try to plan fun quiet activities for her like playing outside or watching a familiar movie. It will probably only take her a few more days if you don't press her to do anything uncomfortable. Be sure to have on hand snacks and foods she knows. Now is not the time to worry about creating bad habits, or encouraging healthy food choices. You can rebreak bad habits when her life settles down. You may even have to let her sleep with you for a few weeks. Expect the return trip home to be much of the same thing for a few days while she remembers home. It may also help to ask Grandma to tone her excitement down a bit and not to force herself on her granddaughter while she feels her out.

Take care of the fever first. Use Tylenol and that will help the fever. If the fever persists see a doctor. It is a good chance her ears got plugged up on the decent of the plane.

Then find the food she is used to. That will help a lot. Have her dad feed her while she sits on your lap.

It will take time but your daughter will get accustomed to your mother. I experienced the same problem with my granddaughter. If your mother can wait til your daughter feels better and perhaps have a really special toy that your daughter would love to share or have. Perhaps that would be a way to woe your daughter to play with your mother.

Oh dear! We just vacationed to Chicago from Seattle with our 2 year old (only 3 hour time difference) and experienced the worst case of what we thought was the beginning of terrible twos! I'm so glad I'm not the only one!! I have no help for you but I am eager to see what people have to say! The only thing I can add was we were there for 4 1/2 days and nothing seemed to work to make him happy but towards the end of the trip he started to show his sweet face towards the end. Poor little things they have such a time adjusting to new things, new people and places!

Oh and I also want to add that my son had gotten sick before we left and due to the stress of the new situation, didn't get 100% until we got back home. He was soooooo happy to go home to "Reece's house" and sleep in "Reecie's bed" and play with "Reecies dog and Reecies toys!" They love familiarity!

Hi,

We travel to Romania every year to visit my husband's family. We first went when my daughter was 15 months and it was hard for her to adjust. It took her about a week to get adjusted to the time and the people that she hasn't seen much before. She had a tough time with the food as well because things do taste different (e.g. the cheese is more goat/sheep tasting)

I'm sure you daughter will do fine given some time but it did take time. It's a whole new world for them. It probably doesn't help that she isn't feeling well but hopefully once she starts to feel better and get her body adjusted to the time zone and sleep better she will do better.

Good luck.

D.

We had a similar experience when traveling to Taipei when my son was around 2 years old. He became absolutely hysterical when he was not in actual contact with me. My husband had to sit in the bathroom holding our son while I took a bath so he could see me! (The son, not the husband)
The explanation I have come to believe is that to a very small child, his entire world and everything in it changed in an instant after boarding the plane. I think he was afraid I would also disapear. I feel that is why he could not let go of me.
We were there two weeks, and it did not improve. We had him sleep in bed with us, and tons of snuggle time, and almost constant physical contact but alas, no improvment.
Since you will there a while, perhaps try to approximate your normal routine as much as possible. And lots of snuggles, comfort, and patience. They are too young to verbalize this sort of fear.

Good luck.

Hi M.:

we took our daughter to Germany (9 hours time difference) to visit my family. We were lucky that she was just going through an "adventurous" phase and loved to meet all those new people. However, I had to tell some of my relatives to back off and wait until she comes to them instead of just storming on to her. If they just sat down and ignored her for a few minutes, our daughter would get interested and walk up to them. So just tell everyone to back off and give her time to adjust. As of the time difference: we had an overnight flight, which helped all of us tremendously to adjust to the new time zone. Lily didn't sleep well during the whole time, but she had the "luck" of havign two molars coming in during that time.

I suggest you risk some disappointment form your relatives by not allowing them to get to close to your child until she decides to do so. I hope she's adjusting soon to the environment!

Cheers S.

Unfortunately you'll just have to give it some time. We took our son to Ireland at Christmas (he was almost 2 at the time) and it is an 8-hour time change. He, too, was overwhelmed by the changes and the time change, especially. It took him about 8 days to adjust to the new time change, which meant getting up with him every night in the middle of the night for a few hours, unfortunately. We were exhausted, but that's life with a little one! Luckily you're going to be there a lot longer. We were gone just 13 days and by the time he'd adjusted, we turned around and came home and then it took another 8 days on this side of the pond to adjust back to our time! In any case, I wouldn't go thinking you're doomed after just three days. Little ones need time, so give it another week and see how it goes. Unfortunately that's all that worked for us. As for the eating, yes, his eating was completely turned around for that time as well. Imagine, though, that their schedule is turned upside down - we were having dinner when we would have been having breakfast at home and vice versa, so it took some time again. I wouldn't worry about the eating either - she will eat when she's hungry. Try Tylenol or Motrin for the low-grade fever and I'm sure all will be fine... Good luck and have a good trip!

Hello M.,

well, you made it through the flight... the adjustment will just take some time.
I just got back from Europe a few weeks ago and here is what we did: if she wants to be held, just do it - I cosleep with my daughter too, when are on vacation (she sleeps in her own room at home) - she will just not sleep alone in an unfamiliar environment - and I can understand.
To get used to the new timezone I try to keep her awake just a little longer than when I see her getting tired, but I do not force it. If she wakes up in the early morning (2, 3 AM) we cuddle or even play a bit until she is ready to go back to bed and I will wake her up and not let her nap too long during the day. It took us about a week to adjust last time (she is 18 mo old now).

Ask everyone to take a step back and leave her be, she will soon be ready to explore her home away from home and let you know, when she is. Some kids need more time than others, just be patient.

Also, it is not too uncommon for kids (or adults) to catch a respiratory infection on the plane. Get her checked by a doctor if it doesn't clear up soon - ask your family members where to go.

Have a great time!

Don't worry, hang in there. This kind of trip is a big adjustment for adults, and even moreso for youngsters. As people said, take care of the basics - reduce the fever,hold her,offer her favorite foods, etc. We took our 14 month old to the UK and he had similar symptoms for the first 2-3 days, horrible diarrhea, vomiting, fever, etc. We even took him to a DR who said he probably picked up a bug on the flight, and prescribed medication. Then on about the 4th day, 3 teeth came through all at once. We had not even thought about the most common ailment with a baby - new teeth! Maybe it will be the same for you too.
Pat yourself on the back for even taking this kind of trip with your baby - well done. Trust me, it will get easier from here on out.

She is experiencing a lot of changes and it's unreasonable of you to think she should just go with the flow. You are going to be holding her a lot for the next couple of weeks. Grandma is a stranger. The house is strange, the noises, etc. Give her time. The low grade fever, she could have picked up a bug on the plane. If she ends up needing healthcare, you may or may not have access to the antibiotics that she would normally have at home, so hydrate and keep her comfortable. That could be another reason for her irritability. To persist is to achieve. Give her time. The jet lag alone brings makes many adults
cranky for about 2-3 days. You're also contending with your Mom, who probably thinks she knows better than you, as you're just her daughter and this is her grandbaby and who knows more about kids, you or your Mother? You'll have to set some ground rules so your daughter feels secure with you and your husband. Take it slow and easy. By the time you're ready to leave, she will have adjusted and then you'll be faced with some of the same challenges once you get back home. This is the same with any toddler when you take a trip, it could have been across the street or across the state, it's not the same, not their norm.

Enjoy the time with your Mom. It's great that you're getting to spend this large of a chunk of time with your Mom and your new baby. But, don't set yourself up for disappointment, your daughter won't remember Grandma if she doesn't interact with her frequently, seeing her picture, hearing her voice. There will always be a period of adjustment when she sees her.

Enjoy and breathe!!!

--- Oh, how tough- with your Mom wanting to grab her and hug her and the baby wanting NOT to be grabbed and hugged
( I'm making that up--reading between the lines- but 'spect that may be going on --) I promise- babies ( and all people, really) tell us the '''' truth; the whole truth and nothing but the truth''' with their body language. She is telling you ''' I am uncomfortable, uneasy, tired, and I need you to hold me - do so'''. If you allow her this temporary ''going way backward''' - she will be fine- perfectly fine- she will NOT be permanently scarred or harmed in any way. But think about it --- except for you and Daddy - everything she knows and is familiar with has VANISHED -- her world -her home- her furniture - her day care setting - it's all GONE --- she doesn't understand that it's ''' only''' too far away to see from where she is - and she'll be home in 6 weeks - she thinks it's gone - . As tiny as she is- I'd make a calendar ( you'll think I have lost my mind- but I've been focused on children for 45 years- as a parent-foster parent- - preschool teacher- student - grandma - you name it - ) and each day cross one day out - with a picture of her home at the start ( a photo if you have one- or draw one - with ''her '' toys- cat- whatever she loves) --- and then use a similar or identical drawing at the end - let her hear you and your husband talk about ''when we go back home to see '''katie next door'' ( whoever is special to her) -- both tactics will likely help- but it won't be a quick fix - it will take a few days- .

Blessings,
Old Mom
aka- J.

I can't speak to her physical health beyond just get her to eat the best she can and as healthy as she can but I do want to address your 'mental health' question. Do you think this experience is harming her emotionally? While she's upset this experience, even at a young age, will be something she will grow stronger from. As she learns how nothing bad is happening to her she'll relax more and be less fearful. If you spend all of your time coddling her and helping her to avoid being upset she'll never learn how to adapt to new situations and people. Your attitude about it all is key right now. If you worry she'll pick up on it and will continue to be fussy because if you are worried she will think she should be as well. If you feel sad for her she'll learn to manipulate you with her crankiness.

If you just relax and stop wondering if the experience is harmful to her it won't be...but if you continue to feel apprehensive about it then she will mirror your apprehension...

Hi, there--

I remember our first flight with our little one and she ended up with a low grade fever, sleeplessness, crankiness, clinginess, etc. It was bewildering. Then I found out she was having her first ear infection which I am sure the flight didn't help. ugh. I am wondering if you might have your daughter's ears checked to rule out things like ear infections.

Also, it is hard for little ones to adjust sometimes to big changes. I would just plan to really be there for her. If you can co-sleep, then maybe that will give her the security she needs and maybe she can venture from her place of safety knowing that you are close by.

best of luck to you!

Hi M.,
I did a TransAtlantic trip with my twins when they were 11 months old. It was interesting to see their different reactions. My son was not himself for a good week and a half while my daughter seemed to jump right into the new routine and was barely fazed.
My son was out of sorts both emotionally and physically for at least a week and a half. He ran a low grade fever for about four days and just seemed miserable. He was very clingy and just plain not happy. I did what I could to comfort him, keep his fever down and calm him but the bottom line was he needed time to adjust. He came out of his funk gradually and was himself again toward the end of our second week.
I don't know if the fever came from just being upset or if he picked up a bug on the plane (always very possible).
My advise would be just to lay low for a while and keep things as calm and "normal' as possible and he'll come out of it. and of course if he gets worse physically he should be seen.
I think ya'll will be fine. Have a better trip. :-)

Hi we experienced the same thing. We traveled to Italy to see my husbands family with our 1 year old. We were there for 5 weeks. It took 4 days to adjust the clock so that he didn't wake up at 3 am to play.....and about 2 weeks until he didn't seem tired anymore during the day. He also experienced major stranger and separation anxiety. And the same thing with the family, they were very excited to see him wasn't helping at first. What I did was....first we slept with him...and then if he wanted picked up and held I did...I am still nursing, so did that often and basically anything he needed I was there for him. Soon, the family realized to back off and like I said after 2 weeks he really opened up to everyone and we were able to leave him with them for short periods. Also, he would not eat a thing around the table with everyone, it was too much for him.....so during the first two weeks, we went in a separate room to eat. It was very challenging, but hang in there, those first couple weeks will be hard.....but after that the time she will spend with the family will be so worth it!!!

I think your daughter's reaction to so many changes is normal. She is now in a different environment (different country with it's different climate, appearances, food) a different house in a different bed, with different people. In a different time zone is a really big one.

I never feel really well for a couple of days once I get to Europe and I know what's going on. I chose to be there. Still I want to sleep on my home time, not this new time, and I want to be awake all night their time. It takes discipline and some "tricks" to get past jet lag.

My stomach also reacts to the different food and different water. Unless you took her food and water with you the food and water are different even tho it appears the same.

In addition to time difficulties in making the time change she is now in a home with a different routine. She's hearing voices that she doesn't know and hearing them in a language with it's different sounds and cadences than she's used to.

I agree. Hold her as much as she wants to be held. A front pack or sling may be helpful while you're there. Do
not insist that she interact with anyone else. Keep her schedule and diet as nearly the same as possible.

I'm not sure what you mean when you said she has a change in eating habits. Are the changes caused by the time difference, her not feeling well (could she have an upset stomach?) or because the food is different? I would try giving her soft comfort food and lots of liquids.

It sounds like you'll be there long enough for her to most likely be able to adjust. To make that adjustment she needs comfort from you and a schedule and diet as close to what she's used to as possible. She also needs for you to be confident that she will be alright. She will pick up on your anxiety and be more anxious herself.

I wonder if grandmother could be pushing to hold her granddaughter and be actively involved with her. If so try to get your mother to understand that she needs the security she can gain by being with you all of the time for a few days. It would be hard for me to not want and even insist on holding my granddaughter. I might even believe that my granddaughter will get over this faster if she gets to know me sooner. I don't think that's the case. She needs to feel secure before she will be able to leave your arms.

Your daughter will adjust if everyone can be patient, give her space, and let her do this in her own time. Neither her health, physical or mental, is in danger.

It doesn't hurt anyone, even a baby, to not eat much for a few days, as long as they get fluids. When she's ready, she'll eat. You've not said anything in your post to indicate the possibility of a problem with mental health. Now if you abandoned her, like not paying attention to her, and leaving her with your mother even thos she screams, she could suffer depression. The fact that you are asking these questions makes me think it's highly unlikely that you would do that. You are anxious about her well-being. You're going to take good care of her. Try to relax and just go with the flow. Provide for your daughter's needs just as you did at home. She's Ok. She just needs time to adjust without pressure and with much loving.

It's possible that her Daddy seems different to her. Perhaps he's anxious or tired or ???? With so many changes she's going to be more sensitive than usual.

M.
Not sure how helpful this is but we took my daughter to China when she was 13 months old and stayed for 8 weeks. Though she didn't have the clinging problem her sleep schedule was terribly messed up for quite a while. I was told by other parents of small children that a big time change like that takes at least two weeks for a baby to adjust. I have no helpful tips other than to say - hang in there, she WILL adapt it just may take more time than you'd like. Good Luck!