Hi Moms! This is a question with many facets...I'll try to explain it as briefly as possible. I have a 3 year old son and a 5 month old daughter. My husband and I decided that two was all we wanted and he had a vasectomy after my daughter was born. He ended up being in the 1% of men that the procedure was unsuccessful. Long story short, I am preganant with #3. I am only a few weeks along, and I am really going back and forth between "I can do this" and bouts of crying. I LOVE my kids and I know I will love three as well. But, I am really overwhelmed as it is. My son is in a really tough phase and I'm realizing that I don't have enough control over him. Add that to having a 5 month old who is teething and grumpy, and "all-day sickness" from the new pregnancy, I wonder if I can handle this. The most important thing to me is giving each child what they need. For some reason, three kids is very daunting to me. How do you moms of several kids organize yourselves and get it all done, while spending quality time with all of them? My house stays a wreck...I am out of shape and not caring for myself the way I should. I just sometimes feel like I'm not cut out for this line of work :) It's hard for me to stay organized and stick with a routine. I know this is alot of issues within one question, but I would love any advice you mom have! Thanks for reading this!
Just wanted to thank all of you for the sweet words of encouragement! I think alot of my panic is just because of the sheer surprise of another pregnancy...I just need to re-program my brain back into pregnant mode. I am very thankful for another child, especially since my entire 20's I was told I wouldn't be able to have kids without IVF. So I do know how painful that is. Now it's the other extreme. But I know it's a blessing and I'll adjust as needed. Thank you all for taking the time to lend your advice...it has helped me tremendously! Hugs to all!
Other than the first few weeks, three (for us) was only harder than 2 in that there was often someone crying who we could not comfort. So far, no one has broken. And they do start trying to comfort each other - which is the sweetest thing in the world.
Good luck!
Coming from someone who has never and never will be able to conceive... I think you should count your blessings... who cares if your house is a wreck and your wearing sweat pants cause your skinny jeans won't fit, concentrate more on the happiness that having a big family can bring!
1) get some Zofran from your doctor to help you deal with the nausea and be able to function.
2) realize that your 5 month old won't be 5 months old when the new baby arrives. And the 3 yr old won't be 3... he'll be closer to 4.
3) 2-3 year old boys can be a lot of work, but with the right guidance, they can be SOOOO much easier by age 4. Been there.
4) Your 5 month old should be past the teething stage and able to communicate much better by the time the baby arrives... so the grumpiness should drastically improve. Girls are better communicators. Boys are "do-ers"... so that is why he is so much of a handful and she is grumpy. He is learning how to "do" and she is frustrated b/c she can't yet communicate what she wants to.
You'll be fine. Just take one day at a time. It might not be the perfect plan you had mapped out for this stage of your older two's lives... but nothing ever works out exactly according to plan. We all make adjustments as we go along, and you will adjust with this too. It probably is pretty new and you need to give yourself some time to adjust mentally.
I would also suggest, that if you haven't already, check into and consider teaching your daughter baby sign language. It isn't hard to teach, and when she is able to communicate with you (they can communicate with sign language WAY earlier than they can physically formulate the words in their mouths) she will not be so frustrated and grumpy.
<<HUGS>>
Of course you are overwhelmed... Being a mom of two young children is a lot of work and here you were thinking that you were going to prevent another pregnancy, and now you are pregnant! You are dealing with morning sickness, in addition to a household, your children, your husband, etc. You have every right to feel how you feel.
With that being said, you WILL get through this. You will get through the morning sickness, the difficult phases of your children, etc. My suggestion to you is to find out what your resources are and take advantage of them. If you can afford to put your kids in preschool for a few hours or a couple of days, then I would suggest doing it. I think it's a great respite for a pregnant momma. If you can afford to have a nanny or someone to help in the late afternoon, i would hire them. Maybe a mother's helper? If you can determine what time of day you need the most help, I would hire someone to help you. OR, is there family around to help? Call on those around you to help.
You are going to feel emotional right now. Give yourself a break. You have time to adjust to the 3rd child's arrival.
Hope this helps....
#3 wont be here for a few months, so you have time to wrap your head around it. Since you are prego, you will feel tired and things will seem daunting at first. But the older they get the easier it gets and the more fun they are. I have 3 (ages 8, 6 & 2) and one of them has autism - so he is more like 3 or 4 kids in one! LOL! I am finding that it gets easier everyday. We don't have any normal routines, besides school, work, therapy, gym - that pretty much takes up the whole day. Don't worry, you can do it! Congratulations!
Maybe if paying the big bucks for help in the form of a babysitter or cleaning lady, you can get a younger neighbor girl like 11-12 to come just be a mother's helper for a couple of hours in the afternoon when the baby is napping and the 3 year old needs something to do. While they are busy, you could take a nap or just take a bath or otherwise disengage for a couple of hours to recharge before hubby comes home. Girls this age are itching to take care of little ones and exercise their babysitting skills and being a mother's helper is a great way to get experience and they usually work cheap! And you know what? Even if your hubby is tired when he gets home, his fatigue is nothing compared to the fatigue you are feeling being newly pregnant with a toddler and a 5 month old! When he walks in the door, hand him the kiddos and you either go out with some friends, or go into your room and shut the door until morning at least a couple days a week. He might be making the money, but you are making a human and that is much more important! If you have extended family in the area, grandparents, aunts and uncles, ask them to help out during the day for at least a few months until you are feeling better! When I was pregnant with my 5th child, I think I slept for the first 3 months! Good luck! You can do this, even if it seems daunting right now. It's busy but soooo rewarding in the end!
You can do it!!! Your sick, you are pregant and you have two little kids. Let the house be a wreck! Dont be organized and dont have a routine. Just try to eat what you are supposed to, get some sleep (I know.. ha ha ha) and enjoy the chaos. Some day you will look back on all the crazy stuff, dirty diapers, messy house, sweatpant outfits, lack of showers, and laugh. Just think... THis is all part of the fun!
My great aunt had 11 kids, and at one point she had 5 kids under the age of 4 (two sets of twins in there). When I was feeling overwhelmed about my two kids, she laughed while telling me about washing 64 diapers by hand and hanging them out to dry on the line, EVERY DAY!
One thing that I have noticed with my two kids (30 months and 11 months) is that the phases they go through are short. My son will be making me CRAZY with some sort of phase, and in a month or two, he is out of that phase and into the next one.
Get some help, if you can.
A LOT of what you are feeling is from the pregnancy. I was sick the entire time I was pregnant with my daughter and It just makes you crazy. Once you get feeling better and get a little sleep - things will get better.
As someone who had a 3yo, 2yo, 1yo and a newborn (our decision to have
them close) it is a matter of organization. You can do it. Our routine was
get up and dressed before coming downstairs. Kids play for about 20
minutes while I get breakfast. The 1yo would go down for a nap after about
2 1/2 hours. The 2 and 3 yo after lunch. Newborn was a day to day
thing. They also learned to play with each other while I got some things done. Bedtime was 6:30 so this way I had my evenings. Now that being
said, it wasn't all sunshine and lollipops. We had our days. If you have
a routine and stick to it, it works well. We always managed to get out
in the afternoon as long as it was not snowing. Quality time comes in
many ways. Helping in the kitchen, helping with laundry. Have them do
simple things to help. Kids love to help. Quality time does not mean
sittin and doing puzzles, books all day long. I always made sure I was
showered and dressed before we began our day. Good luck.
It is really easy to feel so overwhelmed with 3- especially since you are pregnant with #3 and have all the great pregnancy hormones raging through you right now- so go ahead a cry! I am currently prego with #6! and I have gotten the same overwhelmed feeling with each pregnancy.
Although this last one was a big surprise, I am so glad we will be having him. We though we were done with 4- our 5th is 1 tomorrow(#6 is due next month!) so I know how you feel with a baby and a little one running around. You will be surprised at how your 3 year old will help with the new one- even more than with the current baby. Don't worry about spending time with each one- it will happen. We somehow manage it with 5, and they all love playing with each other. having 3 really worried me at first also- but it really wasn't that different than 2, and we couldn't imagine our family without him! I know there is 10 years between our first and our fifth, but it really doesn't' seem like our littlest have ever not been with our family.
Get a baby sitter and go out on a date with your husband. Realize that while your kids are little, your house will most likely be a mess(and that's okay- you will miss the chocolate finger prints when they are gone!)
My FIL had gotten a vasectomy and my MIL ended up with another baby 14 years later! So, sometimes it's just meant to be- I think it's this little one's way of saying "wait for me, mommy!"
You can do it! Congratulations on your new little one! It is scary, but very exciting!
~C.
Hi Mama!!!
Don't stress!! I am so sorry you're crying...Here's a hug....As a Mom of three I think it is absolutely amazing to have them. I was not in the best of shape either and was tired all the time especially running around after tow older ones. Mine are all roughly 2 years apart. I also work fulltime outside the home. Believe me I hear ya!!! The best thing you can do is get help and prioritize what you need to do and get done what you can. You won't be able to do it all!!!! Also, can you have a cleaning lady sometimes? Babysitter occassionaly for the older ones so you can do the housework yourself if the cleaning lady not an option. Do you make time for you and DH? How about just yourself for a mani/pedi? If not, DO IT NOW so you can keep some sanity. Plan meals in advance and get some buy in from your hubby on some duties like you do dinner & dishes and he takes out garbage and bathes the older two. Congrats!!!!
Put yourself first! This is the only thing that will help and it WILL make you a better, more efficient mom. 3 y/o can go to preeschool for half-day or a few days a week, he needs socializing anyway. I also highly recomend hired help, even if you can afford someone for a couple of hours so you can sleep, recharge... whatever (just don't go cleaning the house). If you can afford more - get it. It is the only thing that helps me and also support of my mom and sister (but they are busy as well so they are not always available).
Good luck.
I am so excited for you! It's tough I know, but there is a way to make it work.
I am awful at schedules, but forget about keeping a perfect house. I would go through things oyu don't need (toys/clothes/dishes/knick knacks/clutter) and just get donate a few boxes full to goodwill... it will cut down on a messy house fast, it's amazing how well that works!
Then, just do a chore routine you and your husband can share together. My hubby and I take turns cooking every other night, whoever doesn't cook that night does the dishes. We do maybe 3 loads of laundry a week. I wash, sort... and we fold together when he gets home from work. I sweep, he vacuums and mops. We both do the bathrooms.
As for your 3 year old, he will get out of that stage by the time your baby is born and will be a little more helpful. The 5 month old will be less needy.
Your heart and ability to juggle time will grow for your 3rd child. It is simply getting to that point that is the struggle!
For now, go to the Dr, get some Zofran, it will really help your morning sickness. Put the kids in a stroller and go for a walk, start doing small maternity excersizes, not only is it good for baby and your body, but it will help you gain more energy as well.
If you can enroll your oldest in a mother's day out program 2 days a week, or have a friend watch him for a few hours a week so you can get things done and rest, it will help greatly as well as help him develop as well.
As for time for multiple children, we take turns giving them individual time during the day and night, then be sure to have lots of family time as well. I take one child grocery shopping with me, it's date time for that kid and errands for me, then we go for ice cream. We rotate which kids gets to go, and my husband runs errands with a kid too.
Also, it's important to have a weekly date night! We usually put the kids to bed and snuggle up, eat healthy snacks while watching a netflix tv series or a rented movie, or just reading the scriptures together and conversing on spiritual matters and things that are important to us and ways we can implement being a better family.
It's a balancing act, but it's worth it.
It gets easier, I have a 5yr old 3yr old and 8mo old and to be honest the last 16 months has been crazy, with being hospitalized from pregnancy and then afterwards to just keeping up with teething baby, school, activities...but now that our baby is growing up (so fast) things are settling down a bit we kinda got in our own groove. Three was unexpected for us and I was worried at first especially since my husband (only income) had just lost his job when we found out. You make it work. Take each day at a time, if you are having a rough day stay home. Take turns doing special things with the kids. You might be surprised how an outitng to the grocery store means the world to a 4 or 5 yr old if it is alone with mommy! And congrats!
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Any unplanned preganancy whether you have children already or not is stressful. Compounded by the fact that you have an active 3 year old and a young baby there is no wonder that you are feeling over whelmed. As for getting it all done... Forget it. You can keep a perfect house after the kids are grown or at the very least in school. But as for taking care of your shelf this is the most important thing you can do for your children. Have your husband help, just an hour or two each week take time to LEAVE YOUR HOUSE ALONE. go to the movies, book store, or just window shopping. Better yet go for a walk and get in some light physical activity. If you are anything like me then meal time give you a headache between cooking, cleaning, and dealing with the kids. I like to make double or triple the amount I need and portion the rest out into the fridge. If at all possible take a day or two a month and make a bunch of meals. I did this for three months before I had my little girl and we lived on this for the first 4 months. I was not into cooking. I hope this has helped. I wish you the best of luck.
I know how you feel. DH and I have 4 kids. Let me give you the story though. Their ages are 7, 6, 4, and 2. The 7 year old is mine with my ex husband, the 6 year old is his with his ex wife and the younger 2 are ours together. The 6 year old is only here tuesday afternoons and every other weekend. We had the 4 year old and decided we didn't want ne more, but, he refused to get a vasectomy and my dr wouldn't tie my tubes because i was only 26 years old. Soooo I got this wonderful IUD that ny Dr told me about that was soppose to last 10 years and be just as effective as a tubal. Yeah well when my son was 1 y/o I found out I was pregnant. I am not an organised person either and my house looks like a toy bomb went off, the laundry is piled up so high its rediculos! (considering burning all and making paper disposable clothes!) I sometimes also feel as if I am not cut out for this line of work. But it does get better. I promise. Play pens are wonderful things also. Get them use to playing in one now! My boys can climb in and out and I often find them playing quietly in the play pen cause they get in themselves. I tried storing it away but they wouldn't have it. As for time w each sometimes I lay down w one of them at night when they are still awake and talk to them, or play with toys w them, or have them help me. You just kinda do it i guess. And yes I still get frusterated and overwhelmed sometimes but I watch them play and grow and it is all worth it.
