Pacifier and Talking

I think we both know it's time to face the inevitable. It's time to get rid of the pacifier. You're getting too frustrated about it & there is no reason for a 2 year old to have a pacifier in her mouth all the time. I will tell you my youngest had it at night for 2 years. It was laziness on my part & he was my "baby". In reality you need to move on & enjoy the next stage of her life.

Hi J.,
Good luck, I also had the same problem with my now 4 year old daughter. I started taking it when trying to understand her when she was about two. Then she didn't want it anymore until bedtime. Then once I didn't give it to her and it stopped all together. I understand that you aren't trying to wein her, but if you are having a hard time with the talking(understanding) her then maybe she would feel kinda like a big girl without it?
Also, I feel for you with the roomate thing, it has to be hard to raise a baby and three grown up kids?

you can try to wean her off of it by only letting her have it at certain times, but for most people I know that doesn't work.
Usually the only thing that works is to take it away and do not replace it. She will eventually get over it. I've seen a lot of parents on here say that they just had to take it away.

Mine learned to talk just fine and she was a paci-user.

Once they get around three to four years of age, the paci can actually start to affect their teeth! You might try to encourage the idea that paci's are only for nap/bedtime and not for the rest of the day - again, I only say this because it will begin to affect the teeth after a point, not because I think she shouldn't have a paci.

Just know that, whenever you decide to try to stop the habit, it can be a hard thing to break, depending on the child. When my daughter was three, I ended up taking her to the dentist and having them tell her that the paci's were not good for her teeth. They also discussed the "Paci Fairy" with her. We then had the "Paci Fairy" come to our house within the next several days. It worked wonders.

I started having the same problem and it is annoying.
My son only uses his for naps and bedtime and he understands this. His daycare class (18-24 month olds) only allows them to use them during nap time so that makes it easier for me at home.

It sounds harsh, cruel, mean, and horrible but---If she is talking to you around the pacifer and you can't understand her then ask her one time to take it out of her mouth and tell you what she wants to say. If she doesn't then just ignore her, act like she isn't talking to you, don't respond. After a day or two she will get the message, remove the pacifer and talk to you. Please ask your husband and other family members to respond to her the same way.
She is bright enough to know she has your attention and she is smart enough to know she is frustrating you, don't let her.
P. R

Sounds like my daughter! I get a lot of guff from other people that she shouldn't have the paci anymore but let's be real... she's not going to be toting around the pacifier when she's 14. I get the same things because she sleeps in bed with us and isn't completely potty trained yet. Sometimes you want to scream as if it's not hard enough being a mother I have all you do-gooder's in my face telling me what I'm doing wrong! I really don't have much advice. I take the paci out and then do what she asks. She's getting better and will say oops and take the thing out on her own but it seems to take forever to "train" them to do it that way. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. It's like learning a second, strange language that no one else would possibly understand!
J.

When my kids got to that age, we came up with the rule that they could only have paci if they were laying down. That could be in bed, on the floor, on the sofa, etc. Anywhere in the house, but they had to be resting to have it. That way when they were up and moving and talking, they didn't have it with them. Hope that helps!

I am not a big pacifier person. I gave my daughter one occasionally when she was very young, but never let her get accustomed to it as I didn't want to have to break her from it later. That said, I have a question for you... have you ever just told her ONCE that you can't understand her with the pacifier in her mouth and ignored her requests until she takes it out herself? We did that with my nephew who whined when he wanted something - told him, "I can't here you when you whine" and only when he said it in a normal voice did we respond.

Another thought, if you have multiple pacifiers, try cutting the tip off one a little at a time and only allow her to have that one during the day. Chances are she will not like it and eventually give it up. Best of luck!

My first instinct is to say NO, don't let your 2 year old have a paci AT ALL! But, I have a 15 month old bottle addict (only at bedtime) so what right do I have? :) Tell her that when she wants to speak to you, she has to take the paci out. End of story. If she speaks with a paci in, remind her that you can't understand her and she needs to take the paci out. If she doesn't take the paci out, then don't respond to her. It's not cruel and it won't take long for her to take that paci out. It'll be better for her teeth if she doesn't have it in all the time. I don't mean to sound harsh...sorry if it comes off that way. Paci's in toddlers is one of my pet peeves.

There is no "reasonably needs it" for a 2 year old and a pacifier. A pacifier is needed to sooth a suck reflex which goes away between 6 months and 1 year. That said, my 19-month-old uses one to sleep. But, NO child needs one during the day. Tell her she can have it in bed only (and maybe the car seat if it helps not having a screaming child while you drive, we don't want any accidents!) Naps and night time. For a few days she will want to be in bed and you can let her just sit in there with her pacifier, but if she wants out to play, make her leave the pacifier. She will realize that 1) she doesn't need it and 2) she's missing out on other things by sitting around in bed to use it.

My children used pacifiers too. I got rid of them when my children were about one year old. I figured it would be harder the older they got and I wanted to make it easier on them and me. My nephew uses a pacifier also. He is two years old but he only uses it at night. (in bed) I believe the only time for a speaking child to use a pacifier is when they sleep. Unless you feel a child should be seen and not heard, limit the pacifier to bed or nap time. I worked in daycare for years and I once had a parent that didn't know her child could talk. She had the "plug" in his mouth all the time. When he was at daycare we would take it out (the other 1-2 year olds would try to take it) and he never asked for it until nap time. (we did give it for nap time) Mom thought he needed it but he didn't. One day she came early to pick up her son and she heard him talking to the teachers. She was shocked and said she had never heard more than a word or two from him. We told her if she "unplugged" him she might hear all the wonderful things he had to say.

Trust me when I tell you children do not need pacifiers at age two. Mom and dad just think they do. Tell her she is a big girl and doesn't need it when she is awake but she can have it at nap time and bed time. Just pop it out of her mouth and put it in her bedroom up high. When she naps or goes to bed at night get it down for her. When she wakes up have her hand it to you to put away for later.

I don't mean to be harsh or rude it's just that "plugged" children are a huge pet peeve of mine. Please take it out and really hear your child.

This was what happened to my son. One day we found out his pacifier had a small torn piece on the side, and we thought he should stop using it anyway. My husband cut the whole soft part off his pacifier and lay it on his table. When he walked by and realized it, he told us that his paci broke. So we made a big comment and pretended that we didn't know what happened. I thought he was going to cry that night, but he didn't. He just used his blanket to sleep. Hope this help.
R.

Get rid of the paci! We just got rid of ours yesterday....COLD TURKEY...and our 18 month old doesn't even care. Good Luck!

Sorry if this is a repeat.....How about trying to take it away during the day, and only use it at night?

I do the same thing with my two year old, "take your paci out, mama can't understand you!"

We've been trying the paci only during sleep time. Some days are better than others! Good luck

I must admit I am glad I never had the "binky" problem. BUT my cousin did with her daughter, and I was watcher her during the day as well. Anyhow, Now that she is 2, I would let her keep it for sleep times. Let her have it for comfort when she needs to unwind, but only let her use it laying on the couch or in bed, places she would sleep. That way when she is up playing "big girls, can speak to mommy without the paci in the way". ;) good luck!

It is about time to pitch the pacifier. With her teeth coming in the pacifier can cause her teeth to start bucking out if she continues on it too much longer. The best thing to do is to start weaning her from it. It is going to be frustrating for you until she is broken from the pacifier because she is going to always want it in her mouth and she won't talk without it. I would tell her she is not going to get what she wants until she takes out the pacifier herself and tells you what she wants. Tell her she is getting to be a big girl now and she doesn't need the pacifier all the time. Try to keep it away from her during the day and just give it to her at night. It is a hard habit to break but she needs healthy teeth and the longer the pacifier is there the more issues she may have down the road.

D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

I have a four year old who loves, loves her binky. I try to only let her have it at night and for naps. Sometimes she wants to hang on to in the mornings. If she tries to talk with it in her mouth I simply tell her I can not hear her when she talks with it in her mouth. I'll even talk like her so she can see how hard it is to understand her. I don't know if that'll work with a two year old. But I can tell you my daughter wants to be heard and will immediately pop it out of her mouth and tell me wants on her mind! Hope that helps. Peace.

Only let her have the pacifer when she is sleeping or needs consoling from a fit.

I J.,
I look at the "big picture" when dealing with things like this. The issue is not really your daughter having her paci as it is her beginning her dependence on "cruches" that may very well carry over into later years with other things. I know at first hearing this it seems far fetched, however, I have a friend who has custody of his 6 yr old son and 2 yr old daughter. His daughter has a blankie that she affectionately calls her "kitty" and because she is a 2 yr old girl, it's cute. His son, on the other hand, carries around one of his mom's silky, flowered robes, calling it a kitty too. He says he does this to feel closer to his mom (who lives in the same city, just not with them). Personally, I don't think it is ok for a 6 yr old boy to carry a girly robe and call it a kitty, but he's not my child and his dad doesn't think anything is wrong with it. My point is that what is ok for a 2 yr old girl is not ok for a 6 yr old boy. He gets teased because other boys his age don't run around dragging their mom's flowered robes. I suggested to my friend that he cut a piece of the robe and let him carry a "hanky" which is more acceptable. I say all of this to say that as moms our job is to raise our kids so that they will be able to function in the society in which they live. There are standards, unspoken rules and every kind of pressure imaginable in society. This applies even to two year olds. It may be ok for some parents to allow their child to bathe with them, sleep with them, suck a paci until they are in kindergarten...but if any of this behavior affects their growth and development we have to improvise (hence carrying a "hanky" instead of a "kitty"--he still gets to have something of his mom's with him but we have alleviated the teasing and emotional/self esteem damage that comes with it). For your daughter, her paci seems to be getting in the way of her communicating clearly. If it is being confirmed that it is ok for someone to ask her the same thing 57 times at two years old, it won't be different when she's 5 and in kindergarten, or 15 or whatever age. It is far easier to break the cycle now, set standards that are both acceptable in the home and in the society she will live and grow in than to re-teach at every stage of her development. I have seen children who kept their paci until well after three, and then replaced it with their thumb which costs the parents thousands of dollars down the line in braces. Anyway, my point is that whether you choose to allow your daughter to keep the paci or not is your decision. You could institute boundaries such as those suggested by another mom to only have it while laying down. It's just important that you do something that will balance her development so that she understands that mommy will ask you 57 times to repeat yourself but mommy may be the only one with that much patience. I'm not really talking "far" in the future when she's five and in school--even now, when you and your husband want to go out for dinner and you have problems finding family and friends who will have the kind of patience that you do with your child. Please don't think I am being judgemental here. I just faced the same issue (of the big picture) with my grandaughter. I think it's cute to snap pictures of her with my digital camera with her hair in a soap ponytail while I bathe her in the kitchen sink. Someone else told me it was pornograpy! But that is the society we live in!

All of our kids were rid of the paci by this age, but my neice had one until she was almost in Kindergarten. It was hard on my husband and myself because personally we don't think kids that old should have one, and my sister and brother in law would always complain about her having it, but never take it away. We each (my husband and I) told her one time that if she wanted to talk to us she needed to empty her mouth. After that we would simply ignore her if she had it in. It only took a short while for her to remove it before talking to one of us, funny thing is...she never removed it to talk to anyone else, because they weren't consistent. WHATEVER you decide to do, consistency is the key! Good Luck

Lose that paci!!!She'll never learn to fully talk without it!!
Why does she have it anyway?? Is she inconsolable???Doesn't sound like it. Just be the parent slowly get rid of it.
Good Luck
R.

I have a daughter who just turned two and absolutely loved her bink. It didn't really bother me that she still had it, but it really bothered my husband. He was always telling her she was too big for it, etc. One day, she was at a sitter's house and lost it. It was time to go and we could not find the bink anywhere. She kept telling us that the dog got it, because she was near the dog when she last remembered having it. The sitter later found the bink, but we chose not to give it back to her and to instead use this as an excuse to get rid of it. She's been bink-free for almost two weeks now, and it's not nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be. She asks for it about once a day, but I just say, remember, the dog got your bink. This seems to work for her, because she remembers losing it. It's not a battle, because it's not mom and dad who took it away. Anyway, that's what's working for us! Good luck!

Hi J.!

My 3 year old still uses a pacifier (we call it ia binky!), but ONLY when she sleeps. If we catch her with it during the day, she has to surrender them immediately or face a time out. We went to this process when she was 2, right before we had our second daughter. We have tried to ween her completely, but then she doesn't sleep. Our pediatirician is cool with it (for now) since we still have them in the house for our 1 year old.

I would highly recommend getting them out of her mouth as much as possible during the day. As her teeth come in, it can alter their course and development. Make a game out of it (we used to tell Emily to "Pop It!!!" and then toss it up where she couldn't reach it) or a chart like some people use for potty training. Put a rewards system in place for the amount of time she can go without it. Maybe start small like 15 minutes and work your way up to hour blocks. After a while, you won't need it until naps and night-nights! We used something similar with potty training and M&Ms and it worked great! :o)

I'm not thrilled that my 3 year old still uses it to sleep, so if any other Mom's out there have suggestions, I'm listening!!! Good Luck, J.!