Ok so in our current house there is a bedroom in the basement that has to be used as a bedroom and one on the main floor. My kids were sleeping on the seperate level of me and my husband and I had a monitor in their room so i could hear them if they needed something during the night. The rooms were right on top of each other but you couldn't hear voices if you yelled or talked loudly even so I felt the monitor was helpful because of that. Well we are in the process of moving and are working on cleaning the house etc so carpets are being cleaned and rooms are on seperate rooms again (we were using the office -with no closets as a bedroom so we were on the same level) but now monitor is packed and I don't have any idea of where it is in the boxes so I'm very nervous about my kids sleeping on the seperate level and my husband just thinks I'm being over protective and paranoid. Yes my kids are 6,7 years old - old enough to go to the bathroom by themselves, etc. I'm not worried about that kind of stuff but my son was just sick a couple of nights ago with a fever and I would like to be able to respond to him in a timely fashion rather than him having to walk up the stairs to get me. Or if they are scared - I don't want them laying down there crying thinking I'm not concerned about their well being just because I can't hear them.
So mommas (and a few dads out there) - am I being paranoid and over protective? Or do you see my concern?
And if I am being over protective and paranoid - what can I do to help this???
Thanks in advance!!
No, I have walked away from gorgeous houses because there was no way I was going to let the kids sleep that far away.
I grew up in a 3 bedroom house with one main bathroom. All the rooms were off 1 hallway. You could hear if the doors were open. Kids doors were always open and I suppose my parents shut their door every now and then....
Mom, it does not matter how we would feel.
You need to trust your mommy heart and brain. If you feel like your children are not safe, you need to either get or borrow a monitor, or have the kids sleep in your room or you sleep in their rooms. Otherwise, give it a couple of nights and see how it goes.
These transitions are hard for everyone.
But you do your best based on your experience and what you honestly think is best and then no regrets.
Raising our kids back in the 70s there were no monitors. Trust me you would hear them. Kids were upstairs even as infants, master on first floor. Never a problem. I would have to agree with husband. I had a monitor for my granddaughter who I babysit. Packed it away. Halfway thru her nap she would wake n complain so I would get her. Big mistake she was not ready to get up. Monitors let you hear every little noise. Now at 5 1/2 months when she is "up" I hear her. No longer hear the complaining she does in her sleep. Monitors to me are more annoying then helpful.
No explanation needed here: Fill their room with boxes, (so obviously they can't sleep THERE) then pull out sheets, pillows and blankets AND Throw them on the floor of your room and camp out for awhile. It's summer! You can do whatever you want. My heart has led my path often and if they need to get over our 's'mothering they can take themselves to therapy one day.
They are 6 and 7. It is time to let go of the apron strings a bit. They are fully capable to let you know if they need anything.
I think a monitor is a bit much but then I don't live in fear of the what if's.
We all want to protect our children but we cannot wrap them in bubble wrap and then unwrap them when they are 18 and set them free. The setting them free part starts early on with allowing them to make some decisions, be independent and learn responsibility so they are ready at 18 or whenever that breakaway age happens to be.
We have a large home with the master down and in the back. My daughter's room was the on level 2 and the most further away from Master... upstairs and far front. We never had any issues and it was rare for her to wake up in the night an need me for something. On the VERY few nights she did, she came to my room. She in fact had then entire upstairs to herself and if it had a kitchen we probably would not have seen her much, lol. She is one independent girl, now 19 and living in her own condo.
In our first house when she was an infant through 5yrs old, we were all on the same level upstairs and since we built this house, I would not have it any other way than I do now. The ONLY time I used a baby monitor was in her very infant age through about 6 months and then stopped.
I am with your hubby on this one.... have faith in your children and start letting go, baby steps.
At 6 and 7 years old they should be fine to come and get you if they are sick. Do your kids get scared often, because I don't remember my kids ever getting scared and crying for me at that age. Explain to them that if they need you for any reason they will need to come and get you, then they won't just lie there thinking you are not concerned.
Think of this as being a "camping out" period - you're not entirely moved out, and you're not entirely moved in.
Play a game (for your sake, if for no one else) of "Let's Do Things Differently!"...
"Kids, the machinery is packed away. If you need something at night, you know where I am - upstairs, where I've always been! If one of you feels sick, wake up the other one and have him/her take a message to me. Here's a flashlight if you need it. I don't think you will need anything, though. And, just to be fair about it, if I feel sick at night, I'll send a message to you. OK?"
They may laugh at that. This would be a good thing. The worst thing that is likely to happen is that they'll enjoy the flashlight and wake you up just for fun.
My (adult) kids use monitors for their children when they travel (our sleeping arrangements are different from the arrangements at their house), and also sometimes at their home. It's interesting, because their children are old enough now to have conversations with Mama and Daddy over the baby monitor. "Mommmmy, can I get up yet?"
All things considered, your children are healthy and not likely to be kidnapped from their beds. They know you love them and are there for them. They know how to get your attention when they want/need it, right? So make this period an adventure. When you do complete your move, you may find that you don't need the monitors except in the event of serious illness - and they might be happy to be without them.
I don't want to be critical of you. When I read your post, I'm reading about a mother who cares about her children. And that's wonderful.
This is a good time to make your children more independent and to teach them to ask for what they need. They are old enough to speak up, and that doesn't mean just yelling into a monitor so that you can come running. You said they can go to the bathroom by themselves in the middle of the night waking out of a dead sleep - so they are perfectly capable of finding a stairway and getting to you. A child with a fever can come get you - he's not going to get into so much trouble overnight with a horrible disease that keeps him from finding you. If a kid has a nightmare, he can wake up enough to come tell you he's scared or needs to be comforted. Or he can yell. If you've ever heard kids on a playground or having a tantrum, believe me, they can make themselves heard to the next floor of the house!
This is a good time to give up the monitors for good - although they are helpful to have around when the kids are awake and in their rooms with friends so you know what's going on ! But at night, you don't really need them. If kids are sleeping in different rooms, just put in a nightlight (either in the room or in the hall) so they can easily get oriented in the middle of the night.
A child shouldn't be taught to just lie there, crying, with a problem, hoping someone will come by and help them - at this age, they need to learn to express themselves. It's really an important skill you need to teach them so they can advocate for themselves in other locations - at school, at a sleepover, at camp, wherever. So use this an opportunity to move them from early childhood monitors to elementary school aged behaviors and responsibility. You'll actually be building stronger kids, and that's what you want.
I have a 7 year old and I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she's needed me in the middle of the night for the last 3 or so years. Give them a flashlight or something if they get scared and let them come to you. It's not forever.
My only real concern would be that you had a sick child. But, it sounds like he isn't sick NOW, but was a few days ago. Does he normally get sick, well and then sick again immediately? Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much. Are they sharing a room? So they'll be together, right? No worries then.
They are old enough and will be fine.
Just tell them before they go to bed that if they need something in the night they'll have to turn on the light and come upstairs. No need to make it a bigger deal than it has to be, as they won't likely need anything anyway. And if you do make it into a big deal, that may CAUSE them to not sleep well and need something that they wouldn't otherwise.
Do you have cell phones in the house? Maybe let yours or husbands stay in their room and you keep the other one with you. Then they could Call you. ;)
ETA: Haaa, I just realized that this is in the house you are moving OUT of. In that case, it would depend on how much longer you will be in this house. If it will be a while, I would get a used monitor and sleep on separate floors like you are now. If it is only for a little while, I would head to Walmart and pick up 2 of the $2 floats I mention in my original post, and have kiddos camp out on the floor of the living room or whatever is convenient on the same level. Just make sure you don't make it seem like it is because you are nervous about them sleeping away from you... Maybe you could even go so far as to "need" their room for storing packed boxes, or because their room "needs" to be cleaned out now or something... But heeeey! Adventure! They get brand-new air mattresses no get to camp in the living room! Maybe they would like to build a fort to sleep in? ;)
Personally, I don't thing motherhood has much to do with rationale; you can tell yourself they are perfectly safe all you want, but if you are feeling anxious all it will do is keep you up all night... Preparing for a big move is stressful enough, so why add to it? Do whatever you need to do for your peace of mind.
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You could get walked-talkies. Not too expensive, and a decent way to communicate between levels without shouting. I have seen some that can even be mounted on the walls and plugged in, so they are more like an intercom system. Just expect. Few days of overuse until the novelty wears off. ;)
As far as sick kiddo... We always slept on the couch when we were sick. (We slept three kids to a room, and my younger sister and I shared a bed for several years. Here was NO sleeping for anyone in he room if one kid was up sick, so sick kid got couch privileges. Lol.) If you have a couch, that would work in your situation. If not, use a blow-up air mattress (I use the kind you float on in the pool when I camp, and it's pretty comfy.) and let kiddo sleep somewhere close and convenient.
My kids sleep on a different level than us and it's fine...it's great even. I get more peace and quiet.The youngest is 4. If she wants us she does walk down the stairs and over to our bedroom. But usually she just sleeps all night. I think you are being over protective. What do you imagine could possibly happen? If they are sick or hurt they will yell and eventually you will hear it...or the other child will get you. They will be fine if they have to wait a few minutes. I teach my kids to not yell for me...if they want me they can come and get me. I would definitely get rid of the monitor.
At 6 and 7 they can help each other. If one is sick or needs mom the other can get you. And........this is temporary. You will get unpacked. I actually think you are doing your children a disservice when you are so protective. They are old enough to take pride in being just a little bit on their own and Mom trusting them.
You do want them to gradually become independent, don't you?
Whether or not you're being paranoid and over-protective, you still need to tend to your kids in the best way that you know how, in every moment. Don't apply the labels to your behavior. Just do what is best in the moment for their and your care.
