My husband said I was anal when I protested my 2-year-old son watching a Sly Stallone movie with him. Do you let your toddlers watch adult movies like Sly Stallone's movies? Am I being anal?
I haven't talked with my husband about this yet.
It was the movie where they are on a mountain. The older guy from 3rd Rock from the Sun is in it. I have seen the movie before. I know that a man falls to his death in the movie, there are several explosions, and other people are killed.
Thank you all for your support. Reading your comments helps me feel better. Sometimes I wish someone would come and hold my hand while I talk with my husband about all the things I need to talk to him about. He has yelled at me - sometimes he scares me. He never used to be like that. He was sweet to me. After we had our son he changed. I miss how he used to be.
No, you're not anal. That's insane!! We wonder why kids are so aggressive. Good luck with the hubby!
there is waaaay too much violence in the lives of children these days. My seven year old doesn't watch that kind of stuff (nor would she care to). I think it is important to activly resist desensitizing people to violence. We do not watch it and I certainly don't think that a 2 year old is ready for that.
You're not being anal, you're being responsible.
A 2 year old brain is not fully developed yet. There is a lot of violence in that movie.
Children this age... even though it is not immediately evident, DO get affect by it psychologically.
AND, they also get DE-sensitized to the violence in only a few sessions.
SO, with that in mind... no, you are not being anal about it. Your Husband does not know, about the repercussions of a CHILD, watching these types of shows.
It is dangerous.
My Daughter's Preschool Teachers said.... they could ALWAYS tell, which boys/children were regularly watching "adult" movies and violent movies and teenager shows. BECAUSE, the behavior in these children were different and they were so "jaded" already. My Daughter's 1st grade Teacher said the same thing. It DAMAGES the psyche of a child...
Your Husband probably thinks its "COOL" & "manly" watching a macho movie like that with his "son." WOOHOO! What he does not know... is that, this is not healthy bonding. Exposing a child, knowingly to so much violence at such a young age, is reckless. Because it CAN be consciously prevented.
Educate your Husband about it, and about the raising of boys. Raising a boy and "bonding" with a boy/his son... does NOT mean doing chest-butts and watching fights and violent movies like that at such a young age. THAT is not "educating" a child... it is the opposite.
Bonding with a "son" or child.. means loving them enough to know that you have to curb YOUR OWN impulses and NOT put them onto your child... you are creating a LEGACY upon your child... not putting danger into them.
Tell your Husband. Don't critique you about it, you are not wrong.
When my son for example was about 2 he, once saw his Daddy watching a good ol' macho violent bloody fighting movie. It stopped my son in his tracks... before we could even turn off the tv... my son had seen enough in even 5 seconds... and then he said he was "scared" and he had different "fears" that night. It shook him up... then again he, for the first time... thought "guns" were a fun game. It took us a long time to get it out of his mind. He's 3 now... and for him and my daughter we monitor any movies/shows they watch or that we have on. Always. Aside from normal developmental phases and interests and a boy being a boy... we guard what we input into their brain bank and emotions... and we ALWAYS talk to our kids about things. Guiding them the best we can.
A "boy" is not a caveman who just learns to grunt. For a boy, it is important that they CAN have feelings and express themselves and NOT to be "silenced" by the images of macho men fighting and killing people in movies and only saying 1 syllable words and swearing. THAT hurts their development.
I hope... your Husband will not encourage or promote only that kind of "image" of what a man is, in your son's life. It will hinder him. Not help him to succeed, nor to be well rounded.
A child's mind and heart and emotions... are so innocent. When a child is no longer a child... because of what they have been exposed to... it is obvious. Even in a child who is only 2 years old. I have seen it myself. It is truly sad.
All the best,
Susan
I'm just wondering what goodness a child, much less a 2 yr old, can glean from watching that type of movie. I don't even let my 9 yr old watch adult themed movies. My kids watch mostly G. My 13 yr old gets to watch PG. Media is VERY powerful. Be careful. The Bible says to" guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life." If we throw the world on children at 2, how will they act (and think) when they are 10? Most kids nowadays even watch R rated movies. And their behavior reflects it.
Your husband is trying to deflect blame from himself ( For being so self absorbed and selfish because he doesn't want to turn it off) and put it onto you. You are the one acting like a parent here, being an exceptional and caring mother who is trying to keep your child's innocence. And isn't that our job. Do not let him mis-label you.
Maybe you need to find something that is acceptable for your child to watch that your husband would like to watch too. My husband is a tv watcher and enjoys sitting with his kids in his lap and watch with them. We found some great videos my son and husband like to watch together. They are called Real Wheels. Try finding them at your library.
Young kids are not able to process the things they see. So the violence, body language, sex, action, etc., in adult movies/shows, is incomprehensible to them. There is no context or knowledge for what they're seeing, and many times it manifests itself in nasty behavior while they "test out" what they've seen. Sometimes it makes them scared. (For example, watching a building explose onscreen because a mean guy planted explosives could result in them being worried that their own house could explode--they have no context for mean guys or explosives so that explanation is lost on them.)
it's not a difference of opinion, it's a medical FACT. a two year old can't even begin to understand what's going on in those movies. not only do they get scared by all the loud noises, there is also the FACT that they have no way to distinguish reality from fantasy. FACT. for a mother to let a two year old watch these kinds of movies is for her to basically throw her child to the wolves as far as emotional development goes. please stand up for your son. a lot of people (apparently mothers AND fathers) wouldn't. if you let him watch them in the next couple years, you should make absolutely sure he understands this is not real and #1, it won't hurt him, and #2, he is not to think it's okay to act like this. you're not only talking about lots of violence, you're talking about an ADULT movie where people use ADULT language inappropriate for a two year old.
No. Definitely not anal. I think being anal would be not allowing ANY TV :-) You know though, he'd probably not be interested anyway. Mine couldn't sit still to watch anything until they were like 5. You should limit TV altogether anyway. There are some nice shows that 2 year olds can learn things from too. I don't want to categorize ALL men that way - but I know mine doesn't understand the psychological stuff regarding children. (he says it's BS but that I probably know better anyway and I get to control those aspects). I remember reading somewhere - in a parenting book - about a teacher talking w/ a young girl. The young girl (don't remember the age) was upset because she couldn't get "bad pictures" out of her head. Evidently her parent had allowed her to watch a movie that was too mature for her. Because of that - the innocence of childhood has forever been destroyed. She'll never forget those images - images a child shouldn't have to see if she has a choice. Let them be children - they don't need to know or see mature things until they're good and ready. Childhood is so fleeting....
My two cents. Take care.
i would stick with your answer. if your husband wants to do something to bond with his son, try to figure out other things than adult movies. :( its really hard when things like this happen. this requires a discussion about your values and his values.
I do not think you are being anal. I'm not sure what movie it was but even if it were a movie that were rated PG, children at that age are too young to understand the concepts they see in movies. My husband and I allow our daughter to watch age appropriate cartoons and then he watches the history channel shows - often about planes or war (but these shows often do not show anything bloody or gory) and occasionally we'll watch a discovery show about animals. I do not watch any of my crime shows when she is awake. I have watched American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance or comedies when she is in the room but she hardly ever even watches it when my husband and I are watching it. Instead, she's more content to play, which we'd prefer!
NO! You are not being anal - your husband has no concept of what the mind of a 2 year old can retain. We turned off a Discovery Channel show on Predators and Prey the other day when an alligator was about to eat an impala - for no other reason than we didn't want our 3 year-old to be scared of all animals.
We barely let him watch Spiderman cartoons from the early 1990s and most of the shows he and I watch are off-limits either because of language or content. He's smart and picks-up on everything. He also is in the "Why" stage, and I don't want to have to rationalize everything.
However, my husband and my son do watch a lot of car shows, races, even PBR Bull Riding on Versus (which I have to admit is actually very interesting), he watches Dirty Jobs, etc. But, the violence of a Stallone movie will teach him to be more physically demonstrative in my opinion.
Absolutely not. There is very little I will let my 2 year old watch - educational programming, select Disney movies. You aren't being anal. But hubbies are sometimes a little slow in this department. I had to explain to my hubby when our oldest was a toddler that she couldn't be in the room when he watched Law and Order. He just assumed everything would go over her head. He is getting better about being selective now, but it took years.
Good luck,
S.
It really depends on the movie. Which Stallone movie was it? At 2 yrs., your son probably isn't going to really watch much of the movie anyways, but is more likely going to enjoy spending time cuddling with his dad on the couch.....or tormenting him during the movie! lol I guess I would suggest having a talk with your DH about what you think is appropriate and what he thinks is appropriate, and try to compromise.
My DH is very strict about movie ratings and TV shows in our house - DD can't watch anything other than PG and G movies, as she's not 13 yet, and then she can watch PG-13 also. The twins are to watch PBS only according to him. When he's not around, we watch whatever I feel is appropriate, though the boys don't really watch TV right now anyways - they just stop playing and dance if there's music on.
Good luck to you!
I typically believe, like you, that children should not be watching adult movies. Really, the world is full of information that I would like to postpone my children being exposed to so that they may stay innocent and enjoy the experience of being achild. There is plently of time for watching more adult type movies, and soon your child will be exposed to more. Childhood really does go by so fast, why the rush?? I'm sure if you're husband and son watched an episode of Winnie the Pooh or Thomas the Train, they would both enjoy the movie and could even talk about age appropriate skills, like making friends, sharing, and obeying.
Find a time to talk alone with your husband about this issue. Explain your side of the decision and offer time for him to explain his. Try to discuss this calmly and with respect. Maybe there are things that your husband just hasn't thought of, and maybe you will be able to offer other suggestions for movies that they could watch together or encourage them to do another activity together.
No you're not being anal. I have two boys - age 2 and 3. They only watch a couple programs on PBS and that's it. My husband let them watch Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer at Christmas and my youngest ran from the room and the oldest kept covering his eyes and had nightmares for a couple nights. This is what I was told when I got home from the store by my 3 year old - I was not happy about it at all!! I don't think little kids shouldn't be exposed to violence - they can't process it or understand what they're seeing. Stick to your guns - we have to protect our little ones as long as we can, right.
I don't even let my kids watch a lot of the KID movies out there... they are so little - they have there whole childhood to watch TV. My boys (3 and 4) watch TV about 4 days a week, and it is usually something on PBS Kids.
I think you are fine - talk to your husband... he probably just doesn't get it. I don't even like it when my boys watch sports with their Dad because of all the adult commercials.
Jessica
I guess it depends on how your kids reacts to it.
My son is not use to watch TV and is only allowed some videos from time to time. But, Last week we watched Nemo with him (the Disney anime) and he got nightmares for 2 days as sharks were pursuing him!
My nephews watch whatever is on TV and couldn't care less.
I've pretty much let my little guy watch whatever we happen to be watching, with the exception of scary movies that will likely give him nightmares. I don't think you're being anal, I think its just a difference of opinion. Men parent differently than moms do and most kids will figure this out. My son looks forward to "daddy time" when he gets to chill with dad and watch UFC fighting and they wrestle and play fight. He also knows that mom could truly care less about this but has no interest in watching it with them.
