J.M.
I have 2 sons. My second was born when my oldest (Zach) was 2 1/2 years old. He started acting out almost immediately. He tried hitting the baby one day and I almost lost it! I guess it's a mother's instinct to protect the ones that can't protect themselves. In the last year he has gone from talking real words to backtracking and talking like his little brother. "DaDa or MaMa instead of Mommy/Mom or Daddy/Dad". He's wanted to wear diapers. He's wanted to have a bottle back. All of these things were not given into. We have consistently told him that he is the "big boy" and he has to act like a big boy so he can teach Nick to be a big boy. He likes the role of being teacher. Zach has taken to showing the "right" way to play with toys, read books to him, get toys for him that he can't reach. It has gotten much better but we still run into problems. You just have to take one problem at a time and work on it. There is absolutely no hitting allowed in our house, for any reason whatsoever. I would just remove her from the situation if she hits, maybe put her in her room and just shut the door until she calms down. When Zach refused to eat, we would just let her play and she had to learn the hard way that when it's time to eat, he better eat or go hungry. It only took him a couple of nights to realize he didn't like that rule at all! And going without dinner for a couple of nights isn't going to starve them or do detrimental emotional damage. But it will teach them that you mean what you say. As far as the screaming goes, if you are at home, take her to her room. When my son has fits like that, he goes to his room and can scream all he wants but cannot come out until he's quiet. A few times he didn't stay in there so I put him back in (yes he was quite upset with me about that) and I held the doorknob so he couldn't get out until he calmed down. Anyway, hope this gives you some ideas on how to help your situation. You could also read the book "How to Make the Terrible Two's Terrific" by John Rosemond. The book works very well with three year olds too. Best of luck, Jen