Parenting My Mother?

You go girl!!!!!

Your sister is not your responsibility. She is your mothers!

Too bad for your moms plans. There is no reason why a 14 year old should be living on their own. Please understand I know she is your mom, but she needs to grow up and start thinking of her children instead of being so selfish and thinking of herself. She only has the 9 year old, why can't the 14 year old move in too. So what if she moves away from her friends. It sounds to me like it wouild be the best thing for her.

I think that that is aweful that your mom would put that responsibility on you.

You are not a fuddy dud. There need to be more moms like you who are concerned for their children and believe in rules and discipline. I could go on and on. Just stand your ground. And tell your mom to move her sister home with her where she belongs!

Good luck!

J.

I think so many kids now-a-days are given too much freedom and it sure isn't getting them very far. Your boundaries and limits are not out-of-touch and are what a 14-year-old needs. My daughter is 11 and theres no way at 14 she will be out until 10!! Your mom is right about one thing - kids are different these days and seem to be more grown up - but that's because their parents are giving them the freedom to do whatever they want to without limitations. Sounds like your mom did this so she could have her own freedom.

Of course kids are going to want more freedom than you give them. Didn't we all want to stay out later than we were supposed to at one time or another? If your mom wants you to be "mom," than you do what you need to do and what you think is right - boundaries and all:)

If you are a fuddy duddy then so am I. My curfew for my 16 year old is 9 on school nights. Most of the time, she is just studying with a friend.

Even though the oldest is 17, IMHO, that is still too young to be left alone all the time. Once in awhile is one things, but 24/7 is another. I wish you and your sibings all the best!

L.,

Sounds to me like your Mom is the one who wants to be a teenager again. What about talking to her husband, is he any more mature than your Mom. Was this an agreement when they got married...leave the children behind or I won't marry you, or do you think it is all your Mom's idea.

I feel so bad for your siblings...Can you imagine how they feel knowing your Mom doesn't want them around?! It really isn't your responsibility to raise them, but how do you feel about that possibility? If you want to do it fine, but if you don't think your family can deal with it and be happy, look around for help. You should not do it out of guilt, you should really consider all the consequences before you make a decision....sounds like you have a lot on your plate already. I'm not sure any of them being with your Mom is a good solution either...doesn't sound like she has any rules or consequences. I believe all she cares about is herself and her husband...too bad...and then she puts you down and tells you to get with the times. She needs to wake-up and see whose children we are talking about, and who is not doing their job. Stick to your way of thinking, you are on the right track.

Good luck, and my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

C.

L.,
I'm sorry for what you're going through! You're not off base or a fuddy duddy! I've gone through something similar with my own mom doing a complete change of personality and life since my dad died 3 years ago. Her grandkids (I have 2 my brother has 1) used to be her life & she went off the deep end partying and living it up being single for the 1st time in her adult life. She's been in a relationship for just over a year now.
It's been extremely difficult, but after all this time I've come to realize no matter how much I want her to change and be a friend or even a mom to me or a nana to my kids it's not going to happen. I've had to practice some tough love - she's not left alone with my kids anymore (and that's permanent since I cannot trust her judgement) and once we leave her home I really don't think it will improve (we moved in to "help" her & me -- she thought it would be good for her so she'd quit partying so much & that didn't happen).
Anyway, sorry I'm rambling on - you need to talk to the county and your mother and see if you can get custody of your sister for her sake. Make sure she understands there will be rules & they may be different from what she had before, but they're for her own good. All kids need rules and discipline - not to be able to run wild! If you're not able or willing to take her on, I'd put your foot down with mom and make her take her child in - although if you have to do that it seems like a lost cause to me.
Feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to who's gone through a similar change with a mom.

My opinion? Sure. Give her her freedom. You'll be an aunt in no time.

Children and teens do NOT need that "freedom". They need guidance, structure and support. Growing up I thought my parents were the worst people around. Home by 9pm on weeknights, 10:30 on weekends (when I was 16 and older, younger than that I wasn't allowed out with friends unless it was at their house with parents present). I had to pay gas and insurance on the car they let me drive. Had to have a job and maintain good grades. No foul language. No dating before 16. Call if I would be late for curfew.

I can't tell you how many times I was grounded, and thank God for it. I was a good kid, I just wanted some space from my parents. God only knows what trouble I'd have gotten into coming from a stable family life, so I can't even fathom what the hell your mom is thinking letting a 14 year old run around like that.

It sounds like your mom wants the freedom from being a parent so she can focus on her new husband. I think you should strongly consider counseling for your mother and siblings.

I agree with the other responders and would just like to add- your house, your rules. There is a reason why most parents eventually say "As long as you're living under my roof..." All the other issues aside, if you decide to allow your sister to live with you so she does not have to changes schools, friends etc. for her mom's new life, then I feel the rules are up to you. She (and your mom) can abide by them or she can go live mom and the new hubby. Good luck!

You are in no way a fuddy duddy. Your mother is acting like a teenager. You and your mother have pretty much switched roles. In my opinion, you should be proud of yourself for standing up and speaking. Your mother should continue to be a mother to her teenage daughter... or she will lose her.
I am am single 39 year old single mother of a 9yr old boy and 7 year old daughter. Good luck

I think that you are absolutely in the right and that your mother more or less is side stepping her own responsibilities as a mother for this man. Keep to your guns and prayers out to you and all the children.Never change your views when they are for the good of the children.Keep up the strength.
N.

sounds like you are a lot more mature with a better set of values than your mother!! You've got your head on straight and your mom doesn't. It is too bad your 14 year old sister doesn't have a better example from her mother, but, it's important that you are there for your child first and foremost. Your child is your responsibility. Unfortunately, your sister is paying a high price for your mother's immaturity and selfishness. I'm really proud of you and your choices.....

WOW! Talk about issues. L. you either need to make mom step up and be a parent or take her to court and become your sister's guardian. This child needs rules to follow and not to be shuffled around between her friends.

You know all of the things that she can be facing, teen age pregnancy, drugs and ect.....

Mom needs to make her move. Now would be better she can make friends in the local school then she will have friends to hang out over the coming summer. Good luck!

I agree with what the other moms have said. I work in a homeless shelter and see this kind of neglect every day. ITs so sad that people have kids and all of a sudden they dont want to parent anymore. Something really must be done. 14 is way to young to have no guidance. You are not out of the loop. I think that your mom needs to get with the times not you. She just thinks that they can be gone so that way they are leaving her alone to be with her new man. This is such a sad situation. I hope that you are able to help in some way, child protection maybe needs to get involved.

Dear L.,
Your mom is not only neglectful, but selfish. I know you must love your little sister and want to do whatever you can for her, but you have to remember to take care of yourself and your kids first. Something that your mom traded in for her new boyfriend/husband. Do not let your mom off the hook and assume her responsibility. Your little sis should not have the choice to remain in the school she attending, your mom should have relocated your little sis when she herself relocated. If it makes little sis unhappy to change schools, oh well. Little sis has been abandoned by your mom and, you need to keep complaining to DCFS until they make your mom accountable. Your mom is mad at you??? You have ruined HER plans??? I think that you should print off some of the advice that you have gotten and show it to her. Again, she is being extreamly selfish. I would never suggest to anyone to turn there back on family, but in this case it seems to be exactly what your mom has done to her kids and I would demand that mom relocate your little sis into the new home. Keep following up with DCFS until mom gets the message that what she is doing is not acceptable. You have your own kids to worry about and, probabaly enough on your plate as it is. Dont feel guilty for being firm about insisting that your mom continue to be responsible for little sis. By holding mom accountable, your doing a valuable service for little sis. Hang in there.
C. M.

Sounds like your mom is being a lazy parent and now, she wants you to take over, yet...with her rules. Sorry,...but your house, your rules. Or,...go home to mom. Be firm and if it doesn't work out, get out of the agreement right away.