Parents of Kids Sleepover Age

I agree w/everyone the dad totally over reacted. My daughter is 8 - they stay up late when she has sleepovers - (although around 2am i DID tell them to stop talking and go to sleep, lol) and once I did get stern with them after they went to bed after midnight, then up at 5am playing!!! LOUD! lol funny after the fact but you know. I don't think I'd let my daughter stay the night over there anymore if she is asked. I wouldn't want my daughter subjected to that mean daddy!

Wait for that one month grounding to be over and then invite that girl over all the time and make those stays the funnest, bestest, most awesome-est playdates and sleep-overs ever. Lavish them with attention, laughter, fun, movies & popcorn, trips to the library, creative activities (ye gads...maybe with wash-able paint), let them play spa and paint their nails until they are blue in the face, have knock-down drag-out no-holds-barred WII tourney's.

Best ammunition is to send this poor girl back home raving about what a great time she has at your house and what a cool friend your daughter is. Maybe it will get her parents to loosen up and stop being the crabby parents.

You know, in my experience as a nanny, sometimes families are a bit out of balance. Sometime, mom is fine and dad is a nut-job, or vice versa. I have witnessed a law professor throw a temper tantrum over his child's toy lipstick rolling under the refrigerator which made even myself as an adult very worried (his 3 year old daughter just laughed at him). The point of this is to agree with everyone and to show that very steady, responsible people can totally lose it with kids and make gorillas out of themselves. Sounds like this guy did a lot of chest-beating. Sheesh!

That said, I'd do what many moms suggested; respect the punishment the other girl's parent dished out, explain (as SH suggested) that it's "him, not her" and be a nice, stable adult for your daughter's friend. I'm not sure that broaching the subject with her mom will be progressive, unless she brings it up with sympathy for your daughter. Either she's embarrased or complicit, and likely voicing all of your feelings on this may create more of a rift at this point. No one likes to have it pointed out to them that their spouse is Not All That. Best of all, this other little girl will get a taste of a more reasonable version of SleepOver, without the trauma and lecture.

Okay... that family is just Toxic.
They are being mean.
Just explain to your daughter... it is not her... but the parents are not the kind of parents that are appropriate.... they are harming her... she is crying over it... they are singling her out... they are Bullies.

Kids are kids. Things happen. Your daughter seems like a normal kid.
Console her... tell her.. not all grown-ups... are nice or appropriate... but they are wrongly taking out their irritation at her. It is WRONG. Use this to teach your Daughter... about wrong behavior.... even in Grown-ups.
AND it is GOOD she told you all this.... encourage always, communication with her.

I have had sleep overs for my 8 year old daughter... they make noise, they are GIRLS. They like to stay up, at a sleep over. They do that. They may dirty things or spill things. So what. It was an accident.
They are kids.
I do not act like that to my daughter or her friends. Her friends are nice girls. They are not perfect little robots. This is childhood... things happen.

all the best,
Susan

Yes, the dad is being weird... did he honestly expect a 9 yr old girls sleepover for the girls to actually sleep?! Seriously, they spilled nail polish on the desk? It probably has stickers and pen marks all over it already. I'm sorry but the month grounding thing, not to mention him lecturing your daughter like that was out of line. I wouldn't allow her over there anymore at all, but after the grounding, I would allow the other little girl over. And like another mom said, we don't do sleep overs either.

Yes, I think the dad's behavior is a little strange. I have watched my friends' kids when they had doctors appointments and such and no kid is perfect. But, when the parents pick up and ask how things were I usually say fine. I had one little boy destroy my son's room and I made him clean it up. When mom picked up, I just sugar-coated it a little and said "Sam" made a mess, but we cleaned it up together. In other words, you have to be willing to tolerate things when other kids are over.

IMHO, I don't do sleep overs! Growing up, my mom never allowed us to sleep over (kids could sleep at our house), and I never understood why until I was a parent. We were able to play or attend a birthday party until 9 or 10pm, but mom would pick us up when it was time to sleep. How well do you really know people...what if dad is a creep?...what if the parents drink heavily?...what if you kid is sleeping on the floor and the house has flees?...what if some creepy "uncle" stops by?...there are just too many possibilities--No sleep overs for my kids!

Yes, I think the father is over the top in allowing his daughter to see other friends, but not your daughter. I could understand if he was not allowing his daughter to have any friends over. However, it his right to decide what the punishment is. Just like it's your right to decide the punishment for your daughter. Maybe it would help if your daugthter wrote a letter of appology for the nail polish.

I know a month apart will be difficult for your daughter, but maybe she can use this time to build her friendships/relationship with other friends. Comfort her the best you can, and hopefully in a month things will be better and you can have the sleepovers at your house.

If it were me I would encourage my daughter to have a sleepover tomorrow night with a couple girls that she is friends with or would like to get to know better. It is a perfect time to do it because she cannot play with her 'best' friend and her presence will not pre-empt closer friendships from forming with the other girls. Then hopefully your daughter will make some new best friends that she can hang out with. Because I would not want her to be friends with this little girl anymore with a dad like that. Way too unstable. And now its a one way street anyway since your child doesn't want to go over there anymore.

And what the heck did they expect little girls to do at a sleepover? Of course they are going to stay up late and be silly.

Huh.
What were they doing with nailpolish remover completely unsupervised? I don't even let my 9 yr old daughter (who is VERY responsible and careful with things) use it on her own. Let alone with friends. And yeah, they're 9... they aren't going to drop off to sleep like little angels at 7:30 pm. However, if they were up until, well... ALL NIGHT... then the parents= epic fail. Sorry, but it's the parents' job to create an environment where the kids go to sleep at some point. My kids have had sleepovers... they are not up much past midnight. Yeah.. sometimes I've had to go back in there and sound stern and say, "hey. It has been a lot of fun, but now it's time to go to sleep. You'll be grumpy tomorrow and not have fun in the morning. I don't want grump buckets in the morning.." Usually, within 30 minutes of the "stern" factor being introduced, they go to sleep. And the kids still love me and respect me. I'm still fun. But I'm not the kid's friend! I'm the PARENT of their friend. :)
Sounds like the Dad had some other issues going on... did he get consulted about the sleepover in advance? I know that I am less "generous" when my hubby springs things like that on me without giving me any advance warning or discussion in the matter... not as over the top as that guy... but, did he agree to it, or was it foisted on him? Sounds like he was spoiling for an excuse to be mad.

I do agree, though, that even the sweetest kids can have friends that somehow gets their "get in trouble" gene working overtime. Even if they are BOTH sweet kids. I'd have the little girl over for lots of play dates and yes, sleepovers, once she is allowed. Keep them fun. And give them reasonable rules/expectations... and see what happens.
It's not your daughter's fault. Just be sure she knows that, yeah, they might have made some messes, and she should apologize for that, if she hasn't already, but that the dad's reaction was not appropriate. He totally mishandled it, and it should be made clear to your daughter. She doesn't need to go around feeling guilty.

I totally agree with Ellis. Plus, I wouldn't ever let my daughter spend the night at that house again. Sounds like they're pretty uptight and unreasonable. (I also imagine that their little girl told the father it was all your daughter's fault in order to keep herself out of trouble. She's kind of young to really understand how this affects her friend, but I'd keep a good eye on her as well.) I wouldn't trust them with my daughter again. Do what Ellis advised. Invite the little girl over to your house and let the kids be friends on your terms.

I certainly would ask the mother what she thinks of how the evening went and ask why they are coming down so hard on your daughter. I had this happen to my daughter when she was a teenager and the sad thing was, her friend blamed everything on her, just like in your situation. My daughter eventually would have nothing to do with her because she was trouble and treated all her friends like that.

Most definitely over-the-top. Jeez!! And ridiculous, frankly. I'm with you, L..

Let me say - I think banning the girls from playing together is excessive. The friend's father sounds a little over the top also a little in denial that his daughter "misbehaved". It sounds like he is blaming everything on your daughter. It was also extremely rude for the girl to be allowed to invite "anyone" over but not your daughter. No wonder your daughter is upset.

Have you tried talking to the Mom since you both have a relationship? Explain that your daughter is upset about what happened when she stayed the night but even more upset that she is now being left out of activities. Also explain to your daughter that not every parent reacts the same way and that she will have to learn to respect Mr. X's decisions regarding his daughter.

Was this their first sleep over? Maybe Mr. X just didn't realize how loud little girls can get and and how late they can stay up. Whatever his reason he sounds horrible.

For your daughter, maybe there is another girl that she can invite over to spend the night? Might be time to branch out and expand her friendships.

Remember, this too shall pass.

Dad's sometimes tend to be more "stern" and, because they have that extra "bass" in their voice, it sometimes comes off meaner than it should. That being said.... I get the impression that the dad is really over-reacting here. Has he never hosted a slumber party at his house before now?? I'm actually serious because he doesn't really seem to understand the basics...that sleepovers don't always mean "sleep" at a specific time and that, if children are left unsupervised...even the really good kids...chaos will errupt.

My son is 5 and he's hosted and attended sleepovers for about a year now (of course, with families we know REALLY well). I've had up to 6 five year old boys running through the house at one point. And even at five, and regardless of the fact that I have them lay down and start relaxing at 9ish, they were so busy talking and telling jokes and playing little pranks on one another that it was 11:30 before the last one finally conked out. I spent a lot of the time the kids were here refereeing small spats and supervising them like a hawk to make sure that their boistorous play didn't lead to broken things (or arms or legs LOL). The thing is...when you have any number of kids (even a small group of two) in such an exciting environment, they literally go bannanas with delight and things will happen that likely wouldn't normally happen. If I hadn't been watching all six of those boys and they accidently broke or destroyed something unintentionally....the only person to blame would be ME! And all of us moms involved go into the situation understanding that its likely gonna be a late night and they will be a little on the cranky side the next day.

This is all a part of the sleep over thing and he just doesn't seem to GET that. You've offered to pay for the refinishing and he's refused....as far as that goes there is little more you can do. Have you tried talking with the mom?? She may not even be aware of the whole situation and maybe SHE can get him to just chill out and relax...There is also the slightest of possibilities that once he's had a chance to calm down, he'll lift the "ban" on your little girl.

Personally, I think nail polish in the hands of 9 yr olds is just asking for trouble.
If he lets his daughter have nail polish, he needs to be mad at himself for not realizing he's basically letting her play with paint thinner and it WILL ruin the finish on furniture.
Sometimes, it seems like 2 kids who are good apart from each other create a sort of negative feedback loop when they are together.
Instead of bringing out the best in each other, they bring out the worst. You can't blame the father for declaring a break for awhile. It should give him a chance to see if his daughter continues behaviors that bother him and he won't be able to blame your child if it does. This could be a learning opportunity for both girls. It's not too soon to learn about choices and consequences. What would you consider to be over the line behavior and how would you punish it? It's good to talk about these things before anything happens.