Patience

I understand this is old but Love and Logic has good suggestions and it is best to start when they are very young. 123 Magic is good too. You can find both books at the library.

Hello, I am a single mom and i have a 2 1/2 and a 9 year old both boys and my baby is out of contron infact he has a dr. appointment this month to get an evaluation done to see what is wrong or if there is any thing the dr,can do. or mayby some classes. so i know it is hard trust me i know. but hang in there....talk to the dr.

I was so relieved to read what you posted. I find myself losing patience with my 16 month old lately. She, too, has discovered tantrums and has one all the time. If things get too crazy for me, I put her in her crib and try to relax. I'm always in earshot and usually just leave her there for 5-10 minutes. It acts as a "cool-down" for both of us. She's cried out, I'm a little more calm...bonus for us both. Stay strong, everyone has told me that this will pass!

Hi E. -
I have a 3-year-old and a 2-year-old and a 10-month-old. I have gone through the tantrums with the 3yr old, I am going through them with the 2yr old and have them to look forward to with the 10 mo old! hahahaha..

I do not 'ignore' the tantrums per se. I think tantrums to a degree need to be addressed. I let it go on for a little while then if they don't calm down - I hold onto them and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable. I tell them in a calm, deep, soft voice that they need to calm themselves. I continue to talk to them that way and just say things like - I know you want this or that but we are not getting that right now, I'm sorry. Or something like that. I think one of the hardest things to do is to not get embarassed when your are out in public. It's important to not do that though. When you do - you react in ways that are probably not the most productive. I think - if I'm embarassed and get angry or something at my kiddos - they are going to remember that forever but the people around me will forget about it in 5 minutes. Good luck with that!

By the way - are you a stay-at-home mom or do you work? I'm just wondering because I was in a stay-at-home-mom playgroup for the past 2 years and it has been a lifesaver!

C. St. John (____@____.com)

Hi E.... I bet all moms who reply tell you we all feel we need extraordinary patience. I have a 5 yr old boy, and 2 yr old girl. She is going thru the screaming tantrums, saying no, ignoring me stage -- very frustrating. I remember my son at 2, 3, 4... all ages have different stages. In the moment it doesn't seem there will be an end. Hang in there, consistency is key! Whether you try time outs or rewarding good behavior, just keep it consistent. Our kids need to test our boundaries to understand their world. I tell my kids 'no fits' in a very stern voice/face - they know I am serious. I don't necessarily just ignore it. My son has thrown fits in the grocery store - I tell him that behavior is not ok, no fits, then deal with him in the car. If its a fit over candy, I can tell him he's not getting any then ignore the continued fit - I can understand that. So I think you figure out what to ignore and what not to. Also, they have feelings and emotions that they have a hard time expressing so at this age we see fits and tantrums. We used to tell my son to 'use his words' or say he had a fit about a toy... I might tell him I knew he was upset or mad - whatever word you think he'd understand but let him know screaming or having a tantrum is not ok. My daughter says no alot.. if she and her brother are fighting and just screaming no - I have turned it into a game because I know she's just using a word she knows, sometimes that helps diffuse the situation. I know I have run on, hope it helps. Know you are not alone. (also, if you can, have you looked into a local moms club - i love mine)
hugs
K.

Actually you shouldn't ignore all temper tantrums. A child has two kinds of tantrums - those they throw because they want their way and those that are a result of frustration because they can't figure something out (like if your child is trying to do a puzzle and can't do it and throws the piece and then throws a tantrum).

The first kind you need to ignore. The second kind you need to help your child work through it and try to show them how to do what they are trying to do.

For tantrums where he just wants his way you just have to ignore it or put him in time out. My daughter was throwing them all the time and I would either ignore them or ask her "do you need a time out?" and she would either stop the fit or I would put her in 2 minutes of time out and that would calm her down and she would be fine.

As long as he won't damage anything, put yourself in time out. Just go into the bathroom and take a couple minutes to have some deep breathing. It will get easier! I have two girls abour the same age difference as yours. Prayer also helps me.

I absolutely wouldn't ignore it! I would suggest picking up the Nanny 911 book they have great suggestions on how to handle things!

We didn't have a huge problem with this, but there were several memorable incidents involving my daughter on the floor kicking and screaming - usually in a public place. My husband and I tried to use humor to handle the situation. Once, my then 18-month old daughter decided to have a full-out tantrum as we were in the middle of a check out line. I mean, feet kicking, screaming, full-out sprawled in the middle of the store. My husband and I stood there looking at her for a minute and then started joking to each other about how the tantrum didn't seem to be working. She might should try screaming louder or kicking a little harder. Then, some bystanders got involved in giving a couple of suggestions as well. But none of this was the response she was looking for. After a couple of minutes, I walked over to her and asked if she was done and if she was ready to go get some lunch. She agreed and the whole thing was over in under 5 minutes. The people around us picked up on reactions and took what could have been an embarressing situation and instead made it positive. My daughter learned very quickly that tantrums didn't get her what she wanted and we avoided feeling frustrated by them (for the most part anyway <grin>.) Once, at home, my husband even got down on the floor to show her "how to do it right". Now there are times when the best thing to do is to remove the child from the situation rather than make other people suffer - restaurants, movies, etc. During those times, either taking the child outside until they're done or simply going home is the better part of valor. You will quickly recognize those times. In those situations, don't be afraid to ask for your order "to-go" or request your money back or for a raincheck at the movie theater. We have had to do both and usually receive nothing except gratitude and solicitude from the staff. Whatever you do, make sure that you never give in to temper tantrums. If children learn that this behaviour works, they will continue to employ it. Instead, try humor and diversion to get past this challenging age.

Good luck!
D.

My granddaughter is about the same age (she will be 2 in Sept). She starts throwing tempertantrums once in a while also, usually when she is tired. When she is with me and starts I just stop it before it gets bad, telling her "hey, What is that all about? We don't act that way" Of course I am grandma here so that might help. I use to tell my kids when they were starting "that is unacceptable behavior" and the two older ones didn't throw them, the youngest one had food allergies and after we got those taken care of, his tantrums were few and far between.

When my grandaughter is throwing a full blown tantrum here, I let her get through it until it winds down a bit then I let her know it is time for a nap (she really is good all the time unless she is tired). I also will wait until it is over and then play with her or get her distracted with something (again, I am grandma and we can get away with more then moms)

Good luck

Hi E.. First, look at the whole picture.

I have a four year old daughter and a one year old (as of 8-16) son.
I'm an older mother, 37 years of age. As with you, I was never in a situation to be around children. I did have a dog, though, and that taught me patience, as did age.
When it was just my daughter and I (before marriage and my son), I never lost patience with my daughter. Everything was beautiful and wonderful. My daughter was my world. Adding a second child truely turned that world upside down!! I went from being able to do everything with her, at any time to constantly and continuously telling her no, not now. No, don't do that. No, maybe later. No, I have to feed your brother. No, we can't play or we'll wake up your brother. A child doesn't understand. They only understand that Mommy used to play, give hugs, hold me, .... to, saying "no" a lot and "later". They feel as if they have done something wrong to lose our love.
Some days, when my mood is great, I have much patience. But those days when I'm tired or upset, I don't do as well as I'd like. I'm still working through it.
What helps me? Us? Talking with her. Laughing with her. Finding play time that is just hers and mine. (It may only be five minutes). Listening to her. Sometimes, just letting her know that I understand that she is upset (ex. "I know you're really upset / sad that we can't go to the park. It makes me sad also." Much of the time, letting her know that I know how she feels, improves the situation. Same with explaining exactly why I'm saying 'no'. Consistency. Warn him first of the consequences of his actions. (Have an idea, upon waking up in the morning, what the consequences of actions will be.) If you do such and such, this will happen. Be sure to tell the truth and to follow through. They say that it will get harder before it gets better. He will push you until you break. If you don't break at the normal point of time, he will push even further. Don't let him win. Kids are very smart and do know how to push buttons!! Temper tantrum? Make sure he's safe, then leave the room. It can't work if he doesn't have an audience. Let him know that you will listen to him when he's not screaming/yelling. (He will scream about your leaving the room). (I've been known to give buttslaps when my daughter screams hysterically. I'd rather not, but it does happen. If my husband is home, I give him the baby, carry / drag my daughter to her room, close the door and sit in front of the door so she can't open it and leave. I just sit there and meditate, of sorts, breathing and relaxing, right in front of her. I may talk to her, or say nothing at all, until she calms down. She may hit, kick, throw things... and she gets warnings. It depends.
I'm sorry this is so long. Every situation is different. ... My daughter did not have a meltdown until she was over two years of age. The first one, she and I had a battle of wills that lasted hours! I couldn't let her win, and she didn't. (Of course, I didn't have the second baby to contend with either.) We didn't have another meltdown/battle for at least six months.
Where are you located? I'm in Cheyenne.
Smile, and smile often. (I'm not good at this.)

How to keep your patience? Forgive yourself first. Take a deep breath. Smile. ... I try numerous things. First, try, in the hectic moment, to look at your son and smile as you did when you held him in your arms as a infant. Remember the strong bond, the love. Remember how the little things, even when wrong, used to make you smile. Then, try to look at the situation through his eyes and ears, with the little knowledge he has of life and how it works. One plus one, isn't two, to a child. If you were him, what words would you use on yourself? Would those words infuriate you or calm you down?

First, try to see it from the child's eye. He was an only child who didn't have to share you. Now, he has to share your time with the baby, which, I know is very demanding. I, personally find it extremely difficult
Second, he is only two years of age.
Ah, gotta run. The baby is awake.

My son just turned 3 today, and I am still working on my patience. I find that my son is the worst when he is tired. I remember a few things to help me cope.
1. He's a toddler, that's what they do.
2. THE SERENITY PRAYER
3. What is he really trying to say? (ie. is he hungry, tired, wants attention, wants to be left alone, etc.)
4. Often I just walk away, and don't bring attention to the tantrums. If I'm not interested in watching, he's not interested in performing!
Hope this helps:)
A.

Here are some Parent educaters that may be able to help. http://www.birthyear.net/directorySub.asp?dirAltName=CPE.

Hope that helps.

Kachina
B.
Co-Founder/Co-Exec. Officer

Hi E.!
My name is J., and I believe I live very near you! I'm a mom, grandma, nanny and postpartum doula, with years and years of experience with hundreds of babies and little ones. I've been where you are with my first son, 30 years ago (he just turned 32). I've read through some of the responses, and there are some great ones! Of all the advice, I think the best is to have a sense of humor about it...saves everyone's sanity, including the little tantrum-er ;). I also suggest, if it's at all possible, to leave both babies in trusted care and take some much-needed "Mommy time" at least once a week.

If you need someone local to chat or have a hot cup with, please respond, would love that!

Hi E.,

When dealing with my two year old I try to understand where she is coming from. They know what they want & yet they do not always know how to express it clearly or does not understand why we tell them no. That has got to be very frustrating for them. Keeping that in mind I try only to deny her those things that I have a legitimate reason to say no to. Therefore, when I do say no & she throws a fit I understand it's in her best interest that I did say no & I'm also compassionate as opposed to annoyed when she throws her fits. The calmer I stay when she throws a tantrum, the quicker it is over. They sense when you are upset or frustrated & that increases their distress.

I hope that helps!!

~M.

E.-
Raising kiddos does take A LOT of patience. I have 3. They are 7,5,& 3. A wonderful friend of mine, who also had 3-told me about Zoloft. At first, I did not want to take an anti-depressent-I wasn't depressed-I thought. The doctor told me once you have kids-the hormones in your body are wacked up!!!!! He said the zoloft would take the "edge off" and boy does it work-I can totally tell when I don't take it. I am much more loving to my kids, I enjoy them, I don't just cry to cry. :) Things have gotten so much better!!! Talk to your doctor-I PROMISE-it will make all the difference in the world!!!
Keep in touch-let me know how you are doing.
Do you stay home?
S.

Iam 45 years old, my older son it is 24 my little girl it is just 2 on July. I quit mi job because she is 2 and I have to keep her busy all the time. I found that after watching una whole DVD with her I explained every detail and I let her play with the same toy like Dora and now she sits with her toy and watch the whole movie trying to talk to the toy. Mi advise for you it is to keep her busy that way you can be patient. This age (2) they want to try everything. I have to move everything that way she does not get an accident. My time off is when she sleeps. Good luck

I use the "time out" rule. Ever since my son was 1, he has received timeouts for negative, unwanted behavior. The rule is 1 minute for every year old he is. He is now 3, and a very well behaved kid. Not to say that he's perfect, but if he is asked to do something and says no, he must go sit on the stairs for 3min. He usually cries through half of it, then starts saying "mommy, I'm sorry" over and over again, but I ignore him til he's done his time. Afterwards, I tell him his timeout is over, and ask him what he got a timeout for. Most of the time, he is able to tell me, but at your kid's age, he may not yet. So then you can just tell him for what behavior he got his timeout, ask him if he's sorry (eventually he will learn this drill, and either say it on his own or say it when you ask him what he has to say for himself), then hug him and tell him you forgive him and love him.

This way of disciplining your children is similar to the Christian relationship with God. Our father in heaven is loving and forgiving toward us no matter what our behavior, but it is important that we ask for forgiveness and try to model appropriate behavior that God wants. When we extend forgiveness toward our children, we teach them how to handle situations they will come across in the future. Additionally, it provides us the opportunity to forgive our child and keep patience. Try it and I guarantee this way of showing disapproval for the behavior and not the child will not disappoint you. You will be able to keep your cool and not get so angry with your child. I was in the same boat as you, not knowing anything about kids, and it has been a real challenge for me. Also, be aware if you have never used timeouts, it may take your kid a while to get used to this new system. Good luck and write back if you have further questions. God Bless!

Walk away when possible. No audience, no scene.

I know this may sound weird, but, sometimes they do look real cute with that bottom lip poked out and wailing.

i always told me lil ones " i cant understand you when you (cry, yell, whichever he is doin at the time) then turn your attention away from him (not turning you back on him but no eye contact) and see if he quiets and comes to you. sometimes you need to repeat it a couple times til he starts to understand the routine. worked for mine good luck hun kat

I've heard that instead of asking them a question that requires a 'yes' or 'no' answer that you should offer two choices instead. That forces the little guy to choose and not have the option of saying 'no'. If your temper gets to you, give yourself a time out, secure the children and take some time to cool off, I also have experienced the anger that comes with the same problem with my three year old, so I hear you for sure. Good luck and I hope my advice helps.

M.

Oh E., do I ever know how you feel! My son is 2.5 and just learned the phrase, "NO! Don't say that!" It sounds cute, but as I'm sure you can imagine, he's making me totally nuts with it. I have read lots of books about parenting because like you, I had no experience with kids before having one of my own! I don't know if what I have to say will make a difference, but it helps me stay sane.
-Don't beat yourself up for feeling like you're running out of patience with him because that sure won't help.
-Try not to fight with him, just remind yourself that he's only 2 and not logical.
-Distract, distract, distract! When he gets crazy, distract him with anything you can think of.
-Try to step back from the situation and be objective, in other words, don't take it personally when he's crazy.
-When he's screaming, whisper in his ear very softly instead of screaming back so he has to stop screaming to hear what mommy is saying.

Something else I do, but only as a last resort when my boy is beyond human, is that I get up and walk out of the room. I don't go far, just to the next room, or sometimes just out into the hall. This really works for my son, he will snap out of it pretty fast. He becomes a crying person instead of a crazy person, so I have to comfort him a bit, but it makes him pay attention to me again so I am in control. I don't believe in being in control of everything he does, but you know how it is, when they're crazy you have to sort of clamp down a bit. But all kids are different of course, so something like that may be totally wrong for your little guy.

Please remember, you're not in this alone!!! Write back if you want! Good luck with both your kids!

-A.
____@____.com

I have a a two year old right now! She's very stong willed, my toughest of my three. I believe in the blessing of H2O. When she's screaming or ready to tantrum, I scoop her up and sit her on the kitchen counter and wash her face. As I am washing her face, I talk to her. Tell her to not be naughty. Be beautiful. Settle down. Be good, etc, etc, etc...then I tell her to wash her hands. I ask her if she feels better and I tell her you CAN'T have a popcicle, cookie, (whatever). I ask her..."okay?"...she usually says okay. Then, we dry off and share a drink of water. I then ask her if she would like to color...sing...etc,etc... it works for me...everytime...and it also works for bumps and ouchies...
**I take her out of her zone, put her in a neutral spot and refresh her**simple
water is healing...for the both of you,
-K.

(the newest response I have heard her belt out in the car is..."well, fine then..." without a scream....we all laughed)

Hi E.!

I am not yet a mommy but I have years of experience dealing with children. I grew up in a large family with lots of nephews and nieces. I have seen it all!

I watch SuperNanny on TV and have learned GREAT tips from her.

Here's a site that she developed and I've ear marked the link that is specific to your question. Feel free to visit the site in the future for any future issues you may face. http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/F/family/parent...

Good luck!

Hello,
My son is two and same deal. I rented the 3 part video series entitled Bright Start Responsive Parenting and I am so glad I did. The tapes are very boring to watch but the information is wonderful. I've found the temper tantrums are less by using the advice on the tapes. The hard part is when I'm mad or at the end of the rope to remember to use the tactics. They are available through the State Library in South Dakota so I hope the library there has them.

Patience is a must, but you need to pick a parenting style and stick to it. "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" has been good for me. My daughter is very strong willed, and I have has to pick my battles and pick my bribes. There are some days we do not leave the house. And there are others where she actually gets to eat sugar. It does take time, but the "two's" do pass and if you do your job it will pay off in the end!
S.

Hi there,
What works for me is I give lots of positive praise for good behavior. My 2 year old wants to please. Instead of saying no I would say thats not yours this is your toy, book, food, ect. I hardly ever use the word no and neither do my girls.1 and 2 1\2. It takes pratice and at first you might think you sound funny but it works for me. Catch your son being good and he will forget about having lots of tantrums. Good luck
G.

Wow it must be hard to have two little one so close together and you must be tired -- I have three but very far apaprt in age --however dont ignore tantrums and back talk at any age -- children exspeacilly young ones dont have a lot of words and trantrums are often signs of frustration from not being able to communicate plus remember up until they were this mobile all of thier needs were met by a cry so this is a natural response for them -- of course this doesnt mean it is okay or right --unforunatley the only advice I can give you is what is done in quality learning programs and what I try to do (I dont always sometimes it is too hard) try to find out the issue then redirect or meet half way but dont give in

dear E.,

i have three of my own, two girls five and three and a little boy who will be the terrible two next week. all of my children are highly curious and determined little things. of everyone i know my house is always more child-proofed than anyone elses and my kids constantly come up with new ways to get into things they have no business getting into. having said that, do i have a solution? not a firm one, but i like you run out of patience and have a hard time ignoring them. in my experience what i have found is this, first prevent any transgressions on their part as much as you can. that means putting things away and locking stuff away if necessary. secondly, i find that no matter how you choose to "punish" them, consistency is key. i actually do put mine in time-out and it may not deter him the first time, but by the second or third he connects his actions with the consequence and goes about his business. thirdly, remember that no matter how horrible it seems at the time, it won't last forever. he won't be standing at the altar on his wedding day throwing a fit. i have found that the fits and attitudes ebb and flow. you'll have a good period followed by a bad and so on and so on. as for the tantrums themselves, my pedi suggested using reverse psychology and encouraging them to throw a great fit when they are throwing one. it's hard to do, but it can work. also, you might try rewarding him when he is not throwing tantrums. you might try explaining it's ok to get angry but teaching him another way of dealing with it. you can reward him when he uses a positive coping mechanism instead of a tantrum. what you should NEVER do no matter how insane he makes you is give in and reward that behavior. if you are consistent it will eventually stop. he won't keep doing it if it ceases to have a benefit for him (getting his way, making you crazy, etc.) well that's all i have for you. i hope it helps and remember that you are never alone and your child and his behavior are most likely not unusual or unique either. good luck!

It's pretty hard to ignore that behavior all day. He needs to know that the temper tantrum is not ideal behavior, so when he throws one, put him in a room (where he can't hurt himself or anything else) and give him a time-out. After a minute or two ask him if he's ready to behave. It may take quite a few of these to stop the tantrums, but his first desire is to be with you and the family. By fully ignoring the tantrums (removing the audience completely by putting him in the room) you are taking away his reward for doing them. Eventually they will stop, even if it's just because he grows out of them! Two year-olds get easily frustrated because they can't do everything. Make sure he has lots of challenging activities, because many two year-olds are smarter than they seem and need to be challenged. Also, let him do as much as possible by himself--that will feed his self-esteem and should reduce the tantrums, which are probably fueled at least in part by frustration. Try to give him alone time without the 5 month-old too...and most of all just know that it will all pass! You're doing fine; it isn't easy even for moms who have lots of kid experience!

One thing to do to keep your patience is to put yourself in time out. It sounds weird but you tell your child "mommy is in time out right now" or say mommy is getting angry and needs a time out to calm down. Then, sit is a "time out" area or whatever. Kids hate this and they usually will start behaving just so they can have you back!

It's my opinion that this behavior may be caused by the 2 year old wanting attention so that the 5 mo old doesn't get attention. I'd check on babycenter.com to read some brief articles on getting your toddler to accept the baby and the new schedule and way of life that having a sibling brings. Sorry I can't offer anything specific on the tantrums or no. My son skipped that I guess. If there is anyway to keep your 2 year old busy busy busy that could cut down on it or plan specific things they can do while you are feeding/changing/etc. Take Care!

Oh you poor thing. Listen, you don't have to let them walk all over you. Ignoring it only to have it escalate is not a working strategy. Time out can work..but you have to make it stick. So, having been through this both as a daycare provider and as a parent..I can tell you that ignoring it only works in theory most of the time. So, you have to find what matters. Does it matter if he gets a certain treat everyday? Does rewarding good reactions help? Anything that helps the situation..other than outright giving in every time he does this is a good thing. When he tells you no, simply do whatever it is without his permission then. If you say "son, come here" and he says no, go over pick him up and move him to where you were. Get at his level and make him look you in the eye (they have a hard time with that but this is half the battle...) Teach him new words too..that helps. No is a new word. He can say it, likes the sound of it and knows it means something. He hasn't quite figured out he is not supposed to use it that way! Find new ways...make him understand that his no is no less powerful than your no. Your no means "Don't touch the hot stove" Spell it out..and he won't have much to argue with. Don't give him much of an opportunity to use the word...even add the word yes to the ends of sentences..and nod a lot...these are things kids understand quickly if they hear/see. My guess is, the tantrums will continue, however ignoring them completely won't help. Sit him somewhere he can't hurt himself mostly, and where stimulants are minimal. (Quiet room, sitting on stool or something. Somewhere quiet. Simply tell him you have to stay here until you can calm down. When you are not screaming anymore, we'll talk. Walk away. Don't just ignore it and silently seethe. Go into another room and close the door. Wait a few minutes, walk back in and if he's still screaming simply get busy and go about doing whatever it is..if he needs to get his shoes on, lay him on the floor and get his shoes on him. Yes you will feel like a bully, but even if he flails and hits, simply deflect the hitting and tell him firmly, "No hitting". Continue doing whatever it is you need to do. If it's eating. Remove his plate and remove him to another room, his crib, or whatever. Tell him "when you are done screaming you can have your dinner." Don't tell him "your dinner will get cold and yucky." You want him to eat it after all. Kids are very literal. So, simply act. Don't talk about it. No is simply the new word and he will soon learn "No" means "no". There's even a Sesame Street song about it. No is for the rules. No and Don't that is. We don't want to teach him there is absolutely no reason to use the word..it is there for his very survival in some cases. He wants to feel safe expressing his opinions, but you need to limit his choices. No choices that involve things that "must be done" like getting dressed, or leaving on time for your appointment, or whatever. He has a right to say he is full, but unless he doesn't feel well, or you know he just had a snack, refusing supper is out of the question. Tell him this too, he needs to hear it. Asking for two bites of each item isn't a bad start..but only give him that much. Praise him for eating it all..give dessert because he complied. As a child, dessert is a reward in and of itself..it shouldn't be offered if he didn't eat supper. Dessert only happens after supper..no supper, no dessert. If he bulks at getting ready to leave, talk about things as you get him ready. Let him know that if he wears only his socks he will only be able to ride in the stroller and not walk. He won't be able to help you at all therefore, and you'd like him to be able to help you. Make having shoes on important to you in a different way. Not because you have to get somewhere, but because he will be left out of the fun in some way, or will not be able to fulfill his role as well. Make it about him, and not you and you can at least confound them into silence. Sometimes it works, sometimes you simply sit them on a chair and tell them "I'm Mom, and you will do as I tell you, so when you are ready to pick up your toys..come tell me and I will help make sure you get them all picked up." And then do help him if he decides to do it after all. Like I said, reward any turn towards the good, but reward it in kind. When he's done picking up the toys, even if he misses several, say "Thank you for helping me pick up those toys! Can you hand me those toys over there too, I can't reach them!). Again, make it seem as though he is doing you a favor and its easier for him to comply..what's he gonna say "NO, I won't?" If he chooses not to help, simply say "Well, I won't have time to help you with your story or your snack if I have to do this all myself, and won't be able to turn on that tv show or whatver. whatever". Yes, means you have to put some thought behind your responses to his tantrums but it also gives your brain something to do besides focus on the noise :) A good trick if you really need some silence..(and it's a dirty trick but does work on occasion, for the early 2s). Put on your I-pod or Discman headphones, even without music, but preferably turned up so you can block most voices. Look at him and bend really close and say "I can only hear you when you whisper. " Stay in the room and read a book to yourself or something..one of his stories. Completely ignore him..act as though totally engrossed. When you cannot hear him over your music, turn it down so you can. Again, make sure you let him know what you like if he uses good manners and listens well, tell him "I like when you do what mom says to do". Be specific though...they are still in the "now" stage and you have to gear what you tell them to what is going on around them at the time.

I used to put my daughter in her crib and then went outside to walk the sidewalk to cool down. It gave us each time to calm down. I made sure that I told her exactly why she was in her crib when I put her in there, so she wasn't confused.
My uncle swears by dumping a glass of cold water on a child when they are throwing a tantrum...I didn't hear about this in time to try it...Good Luck!

Being a mother of 4 with my youngest now 10, I can say that the "terrible twos" has always been my personal least favorite stage of mothering. (Not just the tantrums, "no's", but also the potty training! lol) Having said that, I think there are a couple of things to remember. One is that this stage is temporary. Sometimes if we know something will not be forever, it's a little easier to deal with. Secondly, it's very NORMAL and actually healthy. Your child showing some independence is a natural process and would be sitting on your lap until he is 44 if this process didn't occur. Reasoning is somewhat just a waste of time when you are talking to a 2 year old because he simply isn't capable of reason yet, but don't worry, it really will happen. A sense of humor is a good thing right now.

How much rest are you getting with 2 small children? I know MY patience is a little thin when I'm tired.

When my daughter starts to tantrum, I ask her what specifically is upsetting her. Many times I can't fix what is upsetting her... so I'll simply say "I'm very sorry that you are so upset, but you still cannot do XYZ" If she continues to go ballastic, we do a time out in the chair for 2 minutes (she's 2) Sometimes I have to put her back there 2 or 3 times.

When my patience is really at it's wits end... I tell her that mommy is taking a time out and I will just give myself a couple of minutes of solitude.

It's amazing... the whole "count to 10" thing really works :)

Good luck! Twos are tough!

I don’t think that temper tantrum should be ignored. OK, sometimes but not ALWAYS. Your child is learning that this is OK behavior. I believe that at this age they do, to an extent, understand what is acceptable in different environments, outside play to inside play, at church or at someone else’s house, for example. If your child is throwing temper tantrum at any time he/she feels like it he/she is not learning the proper behavior that you obviously want to teach. I am not at all saying the tantrums will stop but your child needs to learn that tantrums are not acceptable. The other advise, that I read someone else gave you, a time out for yourself!!! I took them MANY times (like you, first and very inexperienced) I needed the break just to be able to come back and not loose it myself.

I am a Certified Parenting Educator through Redirecting Children's Behavior. I am teaching a 2 hour seminar this Saturday titled "How to Turn a Terrible Two into a Terrific Two" What timing huh? We will cover the topics of Tantrums and how to deal with and avoid Power Struggles. If you are interested please e-mail me at ____@____.com

I went through that. My son's daycare even had a psych eval done on him because they were afraid he was going to hurt himself by banging his head on the floor. He grew out of it (he's 3). I have learned that a lot of the temper tantrums are because there's something they are trying to tell you but don't know how to communicate it. Sometimes, you have to just ignore it and let them "temper" it out. Sometimes a distraction works: Alex vented with art, when he was mad, we'd color. Sometimes it helps just to talk to them. You're not always going to understand what he says, but it helps him. Just remember that you're the mom, and if you give into him, it's only going to make him think he can get away with things.

I am a mother of 3 young girls. When our 2 older girls were 2& 3 we were at our wits end and looked into parenting classes. I found a program called Common Sense Parenting thru Boys and Girls Town. We had control of every situation after only a few classes and have taken the lessons we learned and made them work as they have gotten older. I was a little ashamed to take the class (I thought it was a reflection of bad parenting) but there were so many parents in there with the same concerns that it made it a great experience. Anytime we need a refresher we get out the book and skim thru it again. The cost was only $90.00 for both of us to attend and it lasted about 4-6 weeks 2 hours once a week. The knowledge we got was invaluable. Any other job in this world we take classes and get degrees to do the job....why not parenting? It's not like kids come with owners manuals!! Hope this helps!
E. :)

Read the Book: The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr Harvey Karp.

First of all, I am not an expert. However I have a 4yr. old and 2yr. old, and before that I was a nanny for 8 years.....

Pick your battles!!! You have to be consistant on the issues that matter to you. Also, a big one that I really believe in, is to only threaten that which you will follow thru with. Example: If you are in the grocery store and your son starts to have a screaming tantrum because he wants something and you say "if you keep screaming we will leave the store" - be prepared to leave the store - full cart of groceries and all! I have never had to do that one, but I do follow thru on all my threats - and my kids know I will.
There is a reason they call it "the TERRIBLE 2's"!! Sometimes you just have to reach down deep for the patience! And sometimes you just have to leave the room. He is just testing you and I believe wanting to see where the boundaries are.
Good luck! By the way it does get easier and a lot more fun! My 4 year old is awesome and so much fun!!! Hang in there!

~C.~
Meridian, ID

Hi E.! Take a deep breath! I have 3 children, all were masters of the monster tantrum. I also have been a foster parent for 4 years and have had some very trying youngsters, but what I have learned to keep your sanity is to learn how to take an effective time out.(not your 2yr old, but you!) My pediatrician taught me this. Find some where safe(I used a pack-n-play or a play pen. Remove all objects that can be used for artillery, and you go take a mini vacation. Go some where (like the bathroom)put on your favorite song, close your eyes and breath deep. You may have to learn how to tune out your childs screaming in fury, but for 5 minutes or less it won't hurt him. After that, go check on him. Let him know that you will not let him get hurt, you won't leave him, but you will not repond or cater to him when he is acting out. As soon as he stops throwing stuff, or screaming, give him positve re-enforcement. Use this concept all day. "I will not respond to little boys who aren't being nice to others".(never deprive him of neccessities like potty breaks or drinks. Eventually tantrums will be easier to defuse, but they will never completely go away.(they are still learning) If you want a great method of parenting look into "Love and Logic". We've used this with our own children and our foster children. It teaches children to take reponsibily for thier own attiude. They do have Love and Logic for toddlers. YOur local libray or health and human services might have copies of the lessons that they borrow. Good luck

Remember not to take his tantrums personally. He is just beginning to learn how to be mad and assertive. If you need to, leave the room or pick him up gently and put him in a safe place where you don't have to listen (earplugs may work well)...this has helped my sanity many days. The less you interact with him when he is tantrumming, the better...and when he calms down, praise him for calming himself down. It is okay to tell your child you need a break too...I've taken many of these so I don't go crazy! Does you son get frustrated easily because he can't communicate what he wants? We used sign language with my daughter when she was young so she could tell us clearly what she wanted and I think that helped too. Remember to take care of yourself--deep breathing worked wonders to calm myself down when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. Good luck!

My advice is not to ignore it, but address it. Most kids are just learning the ability to voice their opinion and they just want to communicate with you and children do have every right to get upset, just like we do. When my daughter (18 mos) starts a tantrum I get down to her height level and say "no". If that doesn't work and its getting loud, I either find a quiet place (because why should other people have to listen to my kid screaming, its just not fair), or just leave. Then I let her have her scream and when she's done we'll either go home or go back to whatever we were doing. Usually she starts reaching for me and crying "mama!!!" (guilt card) but I don't give in or smile or even make eye contact, I just tell her that when she's done then we'll go play, or whatever. She'll usually let me know she's finished by saying "all done". :) It is hard, but you have to be the adult in that situation. Keep being consistant and the tantrums will waiver (never stop, but be less and less). Hopefully it helps.